We are blessed with a world full of interesting places to go, but lately I’ve been eyeing the sky because there is something terribly frightening and totally irresistible about the notion of space travel. Scoffers say that like South Dakota, outer space is impossibly empty and it has no taxes. Two great qualities! And space is a lot closer than Sioux Falls – only 62 miles away!

Unfortunately, now that the Space Shuttle program’s orbiters are being dressed for museum duty, there is no American-made vehicle that’s suitable for off-planet expeditions. This is a problem if, like me, you prefer a domestic model for all your extraterrestrial trips. Call me fussy – I just don’t care for the fit and finish of those Soyuz capsules. True, I’ve never been in one, but I’ve never been in an Apollo capsule either and yet I have taken thousands of imaginary NASA voyages. Soyuz? Zero. Besides, I’ve made some assumptions about the places where Russian craftsmanship and too much vodka might intersect – probably in the construction of the airtight bulkhead and where the electrical systems meet explosive gasses. Unfair, I know, but on such small prejudices is brand loyalty built.

Still, I am forced to accept the reality of the situation – I am a baby boomer and my pioneer time has expired. My government is not going to send me into space unless it’s with a limited air supply as part of a larger plan to reduce the cost of Medicare. Meanwhile, our decision makers have been flip-flopping on the goal of the next mission. Is it the Moon? Is it Mars? Or should we compromise and aim for an empty spot halfway between the two? It would be hard to get excited about reaching an empty, airless state of suspension with no gravity to pull you in any direction. Job seekers know you can achieve that kind of limbo today, without leaving home.

But there’s good news too! There is new energy behind the commercial space industry, and there are fabulously wealthy wanna-be astronauts who are looking for ways to have a unique experience. These Moon-eyed potential customers will lead us into the next era of space travel! They’ve already accomplished a great deal on planet Earth, and in the process have accumulated sufficient resources to pack a 10-story tall rocket booster full of $1,000 bills. Now it’s a simple matter of lighting a small fire to generate the needed lift. And several private companies are racing to strike that match.

The firm Space Adventures has already sent 7 well financed people on journeys to the International Space Station at a price of 20 to 35 million a head. Sensing a limit to the appeal of near-Earth travel, the company is also selling trips around the moon and back inside a three-seat capsule. It’s basically the same route taken by Apollo 13, but without the unplanned explosions and near-death experience. The ticket cost? 150 million. One spot has already been taken and one seat is needed for a pilot to fly the thing (go figure). That still leaves one space open for travel into open space. Late seat assignment note: you might not get the window.

For potential cosmic voyagers with a thinner wallet, Space Adventures offers some bargain astronaut/cosmonaut-like experiences, including solely terrestrial trips to watch a launch in central Asia. The real attraction here is an opportunity to pay almost $16 thousand dollars to spend a few hours in a Soyuz flight simulator, which according to the Space Adventures website, “has been in use since the 1960’s.” Enticing! And if that price is too steep, I can arrange a domestic excursion where, for half that amount you’ll get to spend the whole day sitting in a Chevy Corvair which has also been in use since the 1960’s. Extra bonus – when the session is done you can take it home!

Elon Musk’s commercial venture, SpaceX, isn’t flying passenger missions right now, but the company is trumpeting last Spring’s receipt of a contract from NASA to figure out a quick way to get the 7 passengers in its Dragon capsule safely back to the ground in the event of a sudden launch emergency. That’s an exciting scenario, but only if you have the pleasure of watching other people deal with it!

And then there’s Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic. The company is already building a spaceport (Spaceport America!) in New Mexico, and claims to have a list of at least 400 people who have signed up to take a sub orbital flight in a vehicle called SpaceShipTwo (you know a vehicle is tight inside when there’s no room for spaces in its name). The plan is for the craft to be released at 50 thousand feet from a large, two-fuselage carrier plane called Virgin MotherShip Eve. A rocket then propels the 8 passenger SpaceShipTwo high enough to see inky galactic black above and a thin line of Earthy blue below, with five minutes of recreational weightless time before you have to strap in for your glide back to the ground. In this sense, Virgin Galactic is expanding on the proven success of the Disney World scenario – high entry price/long wait/short ride. Sorry for the delay – there will be no flights until at least 2013. But a 20 thousand dollar down payment is due immediately against your final cost of 200 thousand. It does guarantee you a spot in our airtight teacup, though. So go have a hot dog and watch the fireworks – a Cast Member will call you when it’s time to strap in.

Realistically, these space travel options could only appeal to adventurous people who combine extravagant wealth with exceedingly deep reserves of patience and a suppressed fear of death. It would also help to have a good imagination. How many people do you know who combine all these qualities? If anyone comes to mind, salute them with a glass of Tang and a package of space food sticks, because they represent the next frontier in human flight!

You’re weightless! Now what?

For people who use mass transit, there is a moment you dread – when you realize the bus you meant to catch is pulling away from the stop and you are still three blocks down the road with an bag of groceries clenched in one arm and a cranky four year old hanging from the other.

Unemployed people have a similar kind of sinking-in-the-gut sensation – when you find out they’re hiring for your dream job the day after the position closes. That’s how I felt when I discovered Virgin Galactic was looking for three pilot/astronauts.

Too bad, because I could easily see myself doing this!

True, I don’t feel comfortable with heights and I tend to get slightly dizzy from sudden movements, but there is nothing in the job description that says you have to look down at the ground from outer space or turn your head quickly. In fact, doing either of those things would probably interfere with your efficient operation of the next-generation Virgin Galactic space plane, the SpaceShipTwo! A great pilot/astronaut would keep his eyes on the controls, no? And my eyesight is pretty good, especially around the middle part of the day. I don’t do so well after dark, but that wouldn’t be an issue. In space, the sun is always shining!

Oh well.

It’s undeniable that technically I was lacking in some of the specific qualifications, like graduating from an accredited test pilot school and logging at least 3,000 hours flying highly complex, super-fast jets. Oh, and the job announcement says “prior spaceflight experience is an advantage”. Fair enough. When filling out the application, I’d be forced to admit that I’ve never been in space before. But at least it’s not required!

And I’m sure once the Virgin Galactic people got to know me, they would be mightily impressed with my extensive knowledge of what it takes to be a public radio folk music disc jockey. Some very useful qualifications never make it into standard job descriptions because the people doing the hiring just don’t stop to think about the value of some unusual types of experience!

Good luck to the candidates who got their applications in on time, and a sharp salute to the three who will be chosen to be pilot/astronauts for Virgin Galactic. Just remember this when you put on your fancy helmet and your crinkly silver jumpsuit with your name stenciled above the left pocket – it shoulda been me!

What’s the best job you ALMOST got?