Tag Archives: Words

Uncategorized

Loose Lips Sink Ships

70 Comments

Today’s post comes from Trail Baboon’s Living and Loving correspondent and a man who is a bottomless well of wellness – B. Marty Barry.

Greetings to all my friends struggling against the relentless currents of life. I’m here to grace you with my wisdom about your misguided choices. And it just so happens my topic today is very current – what happened to personal responsibility and accountability?

That’s the exact same question famous talker Rush Limbaugh asked in the middle of his apology to Sandra Fluke this weekend, although I hesitate to call anything an apology when it asks such a question and also includes a mini-lecture.

Oh, how I wish Rush would become a client of mine! Our counseling appointments would be sublime. He would talk and talk and talk, and he’s incredibly rich, so scheduling another few hours on the couch would be no problem for him. I would listen and nod and murmur and take notes. He would never ask for a response of any kind from me, so I could be as blunt and straightforward as I want in my personal session notes.

If he ever did ask for an opinion, I would have some at the ready.

For instance, on his apology:

Apologies should be brief. One should not try to explain one’s self in an apology –just take responsibility and express remorse. That’s it. Job done. The only question I can think of that might be part of a decent apology is “what was I thinking?”

And what about that personal responsibility thing? I know Rush was thinking about sexual behavior, but there’s a lot of responsibility involved in choosing words too. And he DID admit to making some poor choices there.

Unfortunately our society has come to a place where some people are rewarded for saying the first dumb word that comes to mind just because it feels humorous and clever and good. And sometimes that’s all it is – a wacky, impulsive, irresponsible choice.

But on certain occasions something happens and a dumb word takes root and begins to grow. And as it grows, it turns into a living thing that must be fed, even if it wants to eat your job. You can’t turn your back on that – you have to reckon with it.

And yet some of these same thrill seekers think they can undo their language mistakes by using word contraceptives like “I chose the wrong words” and “I did not mean a personal attack” and so forth, basically covering their earlier statements with a thin, transparent sheath of something that sounds like regret.

The success rate for this technique is, at best, mixed. And word contraceptives should always be used BEFORE speaking, not afterwards.

The consequences can be severe, so be cautious when you feel the urge to start playing with words! Be discreet and take personal responsibility for what you say, especially when it comes to words about sex, because things can go south pretty rapidly.

And I probably shouldn’t have said it that way.

Time’s up! I think we got a lot done today. And please remember that although I’ve never met you, I do care about you very, very, very much.

What makes for an effective apology?

The Baboon Congress

G.O.A.T.LING(go)

109 Comments

Today’s guest post comes from Barbara in Robbinsdale.

It’s time, Babooners, for the next round of additions to our Glossary of Accepted Terms, or G.O.A.T.. Every so often the bin gets full, and it has been a particularly rich half year since we last did this. At some point they will be added to the already existing Glossary “up top”. This time I left in the dates, because it really is fun to find out what in the heck was going on that produced the entries.

About a horse apiece – Close to equal, as in: “with regard to red vs white quinoa, I’d say it was about a horse apiece. Both are good and I couldn’t taste that one was better than the other.” February 12, 2012

Alpha Baboon – DC, or Dale Connelly, as in “I am thankful for Trail Baboons and the friends here as well as our Alpha Baboon, DC.” November 23, 2011

Baviaansverwisseling [from the Dutch words “baviaans” (baboon), and “persoonsverwisseling” (mistaken identity)] – attributing something (i.e. a blog post) to the wrong Babooner. September 20, 2011

Cheek turnee – the recipient of the compassionate act of turning the other cheek, as in: “many of us can recall being the cheek turner but very few cheek turnees.” January 9, 2012

Emotional hangover – a state of mind “that only mashed potatoes can address,” sometimes following a day in which a community has lost one of its favorite members, i.e. Tom Keith. November 2, 2011

Etiquette – …”a lubricant that allows people of all sorts to interact without friction.” October 3, 2011

Feisties – Baboon mothers who are extraordinarily resilient, strong, or tenacious. “Great mothers, Tim, Caroline and Sue; a trio of Feisties.” February 16, 2012

Flaming extrovert – an extremely gregarious Baboon, as in “Being a flaming extrovert, however, pretty much guarantees a good time and with 21 nightclubs on this monster ship…” January 26, 2012

Forgetful-compulsive – a new personality disorder, coined by the Alpha Baboon, in which the patient has both memory and control issues, exemplified by the following: “I forgot that last week I had scheduled Steve’s post to publish today, and then yesterday I compulsively wrote a new one of my own.” February 28, 2012

Gemutliche – Warm friendliness; amicability – snug, cozy, comfortable… Descriptions of a special cat. November 11, 2011

Inert – a particularly inactive level of activity in a person, i.e., “I took Latin in high school…I rather enjoyed it even though the teacher was somewhat inert.” September 20, 2011

Line camarerie – what happens when like minded people stand in line together for an extended time. “I love line camraderie when it breaks out.” November 12, 2011

Mondegreen – mis-heard lyrics to a song, as in: “They had slain the Earl of Moray/And Lady Mondegreen” instead of …”And Laid Him on the Green.” Sept. 16, 2011

Oxford comma – the final comma preceding “and” in a list, lovingly used by a number of Baboons. January 26, 2012

Pancake of glory – one way of leaving the planet (esp. involving a falling piece of an Upper Air Research Satellite), as in: “Let it land here. I am ready to go out in a pancake of glory.” September 22, 2011

Poemizing – creating poetry, or a reasonable facsimile thereof, on the Baboon Trail; as in: “Nice poemizing, DC and Tim.” February 2, 2012

Rock Bend Folk Festival – a FREE music festival in St. Peter the weekend after Labor Day, to which the Baboon Krista in Waterville devotes a good portion of her August (and maybe July). February 21, 2012

Rush Baboonbaugh – a spokesperson that would defend the rights of Baboons, probably in an outspoken manner. February 13, 2012

Snarky snort – a snort with a devilish little “heh-heh” to it. January 7, 2012

Tortured Acronym Rule – putting up to three extraneous letters in an acronym to come up with a better word, i.e., “SWIFT is short for Statewide Integrated Financial Tools… although “Statewide” may be one word, it’s almost two words, and we like the acronym SWIFT better than SIFT, so we’re going to invoke the Tortured Acronym Rule.” December 13, 2011

trailing preposition, trailing apology : What’s a trailing preposition? “thats a preposition you do while you are here on the trail i presuppose but heck thats ok you can do anything here on the trail. you dont need to leave no dang trailing apologies.” February 2, 2012

Typhonic winds of their own psychosis – in the realm of worrying: “Usually, there comes a point of ridiculousness where the person comes to realize how nutty they’re being. And, if not, at the very least, it’s entertaining watching them twist in the typhonic winds of their own psychosis.” September 22, 2011

Wasband – A person whowas one’s husband. Frequently used with glee at the past tense involved. (Not to be confused with Washboard.) February 8, 2012

Acronyms:

BuRP – Baboon Relocation Project (See Tortured Acronym Rule) January 10, 2012

IYCSSNTDSAAA – If You Can’t Say Something Nice Then Don’t Say Anything At All February 2, 2012

Pr³ – pressing priority predicament October 11, 2011

s&h – son and heir, esp. madislandgirl’s son and heir.

TWHQ – World Headquarters of the Trail Baboon Blog, as in: “it will all be worth it, just to say ‘I eat what they eat at TWHQ’ ”. January 13, 2012

When, if ever, do you use a dictionary or other reference? Paper or Digital?

Poems, The Baboon Congress

Let Me Call You Sweetheart

107 Comments

Today’s guest post comes from Beth Ann.

There are an amazing number of performances of “Let Me Call You Sweetheart” to be found on YouTube. Everyone from Alfalfa to Patti Page and from Kate Smith to the Mills Brothers join in on this schmaltziest of schmaltz. Beyond the chorus there are enough different verses for it to qualify as a folk song.

Now the folks at Minnesota Community Sings are asking us to add more versions. They are sponsoring a sing-along in collaboration with Dan Chouinard to benefit Minnesotans United for All Families The group is organizing a No vote on the Marriage Amendment to Minnesota’s constitution.

The lyric writing contest is described as follows:

You are invited to write your own lyrics to the chorus tune of “Let me call you sweetheart.” Make it funny or heartfelt – write words that can be sung at the state capitol or in the Pride parade – lay on the schmaltz or give us your most acerbic wit. Our judges will choose several finalists whose lyrics will be sung by everyone at the Feb. 18 event. Winners will receive the accolades of the crowd and the best lyrics will doubtless be used at rallies and gatherings forevermore.

When I saw the contest it seemed to be right up the baboon alley. I would like to challenge all devotees of schmaltz, acerbic wit, and rhyme here on the trail to write a rainbow version of “Let Me Call You Sweetheart” from this template:

Let me call you sweetheart, I’m in love with you
Let me hear you whisper that you love me too
Keep the lovelight glowing in your eyes so blue
Let me call you sweetheart, I’m in love with you.

Come on baboons! The future of love songs is in your hands.

Uncategorized

The Sound of Two Lips Flapping

113 Comments

One of my self-educational hobby projects last year involved recording an audio book. I’ve done a lot of on-microphone reading of silly things I’ve written, but taking on the task of narrating someone else’s book was a job I found both intriguing and intimidating. Could I pull it off? I wasn’t sure, so I had to give it a try.

The opportunity arrived through a website called the Audiobook Creation Exchange, or ACX.com. This is a clearinghouse that connects narrators, producers and publishers.
A friend in the business told me ACX was the place projects go when the original publisher realizes the volume won’t be a big seller as an audio book. Rather than go to the expense of hiring a professional narrator and paying for studio time and editing, they farm it out to some guy between jobs who is arrogant enough to think he can do a passable job on a complicated project simply by setting up a microphone in his closet.

So I set up a microphone in my closet.

One key early decision – I knew I couldn’t do the different voices and the acting necessary to narrate a work of fiction. What I needed was a book that would do well to be read in a calm midwestern style by someone who is steady and not at all flamboyant. There aren’t a lot of books like that, but I auditioned for them and was offered one that lined up perfectly with my interests – “Morning Miracle: Inside the Washington Post – A Great Newspaper Fights For Its Life.”

I figured if I could just manage to get paid by the word, it was a good start to be assigned a book that has three titles.

It turns out the pay was gauged by the finished hour, and all told the reading is a little over nine hours long. That’s not a Harry Potter sized project, but nine hours is still quite a stretch. Imagine if you started talking and went non-stop until nine hours from now. It’s the closest I’ll ever come to knowing what it feels like to be a U.S. Senator during a filibuster. But of course I didn’t read the book that way. It was start and stop and start and stop and check a name pronunciation and start and stop and take a drink of water and so on and so on and so on. That can be tedious.

But it wasn’t the reading that did me in, it was the editing. My finished nine hours probably took over eighty to record and edit. I’ve never been accused of working quickly.

One thing recording an audio book teaches you – your mouth is disgusting. Really, really repulsive. The variety of grotesque noises that can emerge over the course of a lengthy passage are mortifying. As an act of mercy towards anyone who might listen, I had to edit out all the pops, smacks, gurgles and slurps and then I had to cut out most of the breaths. ACX says removing breaths is not required unless your gasps call undue attention to themselves, and this judgement is somewhat in the ear of the beholder. I considered my breaths to be so wheezy and ugly, they simply had to come out. So I hope nobody downloads this audio book with the thought that they will immerse themselves in it to the point where they breathe in synch with the narrator. I could wind up having a terrible problem in court.

I’m not kidding about the closet, by the way. I padded it with blankets and chunks of foam, and for a screen to soften the way my plosives hit the microphone, I stretched one of my wife’s nylons over a wire clothes hanger. I know that’s not the way they do it in the professional studios in New York, but I’d like to think it gave the project an aura of Midwestern grounded-ness.

What sort of writing do you like to read out loud?

Uncategorized

New & Improved!

66 Comments

When it comes to marketing, I’m promotionally impaired. I never could get the hang of touting stuff, so it should come as no surprise that I’m baffled by my Artichoke Bruschetta. When I bought and opened a jar in November, it was just fine, especially as a substitute for red sauce as a base on some homemade pizza. But when I went back and bought another jar of the very same product in January, the label had changed.

New recipe? How much of a recipe is required to make Artichoke Bruschetta? Both jars list the same ingredients (Artichokes, Sunflower Oil, Red Bell Pepper, Yellow Bell Pepper, Fresh Garlic, Lemon Juice, Salt, Fresh Parsley, Oregano, Sodium Acid Sulfate, Pepper and Ground Chili Pepper) and the very same “Nutrition Facts”, right down to the last single gram of protein.

Maybe they did change something significant in the formulation, but why paste a “New Recipe” banner on the label? I can imagine only three possible thought balloons hovering over the heads of Cub shoppers as they take note of this product on the condiment shelves.

1) Bought it and liked it.
2) Bought it and hated it.
3) Artichoke what?

For the person who bought and liked it, the banner is reason to worry.
For the person who bought and hated it, the banner confirms their initial reaction – Yuk!
And for the the rest, the banner says Artichoke Bruschetta is hard to get right.

I don’t know beans about marketing. What am I missing? How does “New Recipe” move the product? Especially when you could use the same valuable label space to say something that might actually improve sales, like “Now With More Artichokes!” or “Now With Fewer Artichokes!”

What phrase would YOU add to the label?

The Baboon Congress

Confessions of a Birthday Scrooge

58 Comments

Today’s guest post comes from Tiny Clyde.

I have a birthday this month, never mind which day. And don’t go wishing me happy birthday anyway.

“Every idiot who goes about with [Happy Birthday] on his lips, should be boiled with his own [birthday cake], and buried with a [birthday candle] through his heart. He should!”

If I could have my way, which I cannot, of course, my birthday would be ignored. It’s not anything about growing old. I do not grasp how one day of aging is more significant than any other. As a matter of fact, I go through each year saying I am older than I am. If you ask me how old I am on January 10, 2012, I will not remember and have to subtract years. So I will subtract 1944 from 2012 and say I am 68. Each December I am surprised to realize that I am not as old as I always say.

My birthday problem starts as a child. It was a ritual to put up our Christmas tree on my birthday, which I was expected to consider a gift. From about age ten the gift included the task of going into the woods, selecting the tree, cutting it down, and putting it in its stand. I am not claiming I had a bad childhood. I had a very good childhood, except every year on my birthday. The standard joke was to say that I was being allowed to open one Christmas present early. My mother loved standard jokes. She wore many a standard joke down to the nub, ground it to powder, and still repeated it. I am still not sure that it was always a joke. In any case, the wrapping on my present or presents was Christmas wrapping, a simple economic measure. My mother loved simple economic measures even more than she loved wearing out the same jokes each year.

A few days before Christmas (some unspecified number) is about as bad a time as there is to have a birthday. My granddaughter’s birthday is December 25. So far she has not felt slighted, but when she becomes a sulky teenager, that may change. But I think my date is worse because people, me especially, make a point of overdoing her birthday–in proper birthday wrapping.

My sister’s birthday is March 27, which happens also to be my wife’s birthday. Now think about it. Is there any better time for a girl to have a birthday, even though it may fall on or very near Easter? Think of all the spring clothes she can be given, or, as in my sister’s case, have made for her. So my sister’s birthday was a feast of presents. You know how those girls are—they consider clothing actual presents. Then on my nineteenth birthday, my sister further buried my birthday under familial distractions by getting married that day.

My childhood birthdays happened at a time when I had already received everything needed for the winter. It was also a time of the year of limited money in our family, as opposed to the spring when more money was at hand. We also had a seldom-seen and difficult grandmother who doted on my sister because my sister had been given her name. She would write on the letter with my sister’s presents how in the rush of Christmas she had simply forgotten my birthday.

Dickens, Of Course

Now, (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) I’m not carrying a grudge, especially against my sister, with whom I was as a child and teen extremely close and with whom I still have a close bond. It’s simply that I joined the parade years ago and decided to ignore my birthday too.

(Before I ask the question of the day, I do want to clarify that I would not swear to any of the above under oath. Not one word of it.)

What’s your favorite quote or scene from Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol”?

Uncategorized

Inexplicable Particle Party

62 Comments

There will be an announcement from the scientists at the CERN super collider this morning having to do with particle physics and the search for the mysterious Higgs boson, which supposedly plays an important role in some theoretical explanation of the universe and why things have mass.

I made a token effort to read up on it and quickly came to the conclusion that this is something I will only understand if it is explained in terms so simple that the description completely undermines the complicated science that supports it. Please, put it in some nice words that interest me. If the universe is a hot fudge sundae, is the Higgs boson a piece of walnut, the cherry on top, or the bowl?

Maybe it will all make sense tomorrow, once the world’s best journalists have had a shot at interpreting this scientific press carnival. Or perhaps we should just prepare ourselves to be smothered by a tsunami of profound confusion.

One thing is for sure – there will be a lot of loose talk over the next 24 hours about the Higgs boson as a “God” particle, because God is something we already know how to argue about and misinterpret.

And if that’s not bad enough, some idiot will try to put the thing into a dopey poem.

They’ll bravely attempt it, in newspaper articles
Journalists writing about physics particles.
Laying it out with such logical text
that a monkey could read it and not be perplexed.

And on radio, too, they’ll attempt to explain it
so beautifully, singers will try to refrain it.
On TV they’ll make Mr. Higgs and his boson
As sexy as starlets without any clothes on.

But after the press conference, headlines and fizz
There will still be uncertainty as to what is
the meaning of whatever news comes to pass,
using words that take space and have weight, but no mass,

So beware the quick and the glib and the simple.
It’s more than a dot or a speck or a pimple.
There’s no single term for it that isn’t flawed
which is why it’s elusively named after God.

Name something that defies understanding.

Uncategorized

H.B., G.L.

59 Comments

It’s Gordon Lightfoot’s birthday today. He’s 73.

I enjoy “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” as much as anyone can relish the re-telling of a terribly tragic event happening to other unfortunate people, but I think my favorite Lightfoot song is this one.

He refers to “an old time movie ’bout a ghost from a wishing well” as if that’s a standard film genre that everyone has seen to the point of fatigue. But I can’t think of a single movie with a ghost that comes out of a wishing well. Not one. Can you?

Speaking of the point of fatigue, I sometimes wonder what it’s like for musicians to perform their hits over and over and OVER AGAIN. Here’s Lightfoot doing the same song 27 years later, a few weeks after suffering a transient stroke that temporarily diminished his ability to play. And his voice has clearly lost its richness, but the song still has power.

This later, weaker version may be better in that it’s easier to picture Lightfoot as a ghost with that thin frame and quavery voice. This Lightfoot would easily fit through the opening of a wishing well, but could he climb out?

“If you could read my mind, love, what a tale my thoughts would tell” is a great opening line that leads to all that poetic talk about movie scripts rattling around his brain and book plots in hers, but how can he say “I don’t know where we went wrong …”? I do! You’re both trying to have a long term relationship with a mind reader!

And there’s no way that can work. Can it?

The Baboon Congress

The Sidetrack Trap

83 Comments

Last night I had a strange dream that the leaves falling off the trees in my yard were actually words. When I gathered them up they seemed to make an indecipherable mound of text, but when I allowed myself to fall into the crunchy sentences, it all made a surprising amount of sense. In the spirit of autumnal thought collection and the pleasures of diving into a seemingly random word-pile, today’s guest post comes from that master raker of notions, the one-and-only tim.

Photo credit: HD Leader.

the trick to it is not to believe that you have any idea where you are going. the times i get into trouble is when i think I know something. i really do much better when i am aware that i am lost. my thinking brain goes to sleep on a regular basis and the difference between me in a new surroundings vs me at the kitchen table is night and day.it is not only perception, it is fact that the stuff that comes out of my brain in a comfortable setting is not nearly as creative as the stuff when i am looking at the surroundings and soaking in the environment at the same time as i am trying to function. i do love my rituals. the morning bath with the blog in front of me is much preferred start to my day vs the wake up grab a tea and hit the road for an early morning meeting on my way to stop 1 2 3 and 4 before the dust clears. but i am not convinced that comfort is the best mode to exist in. i am often times jealous when I see a person who takes no chances and knows how everything is going to come out in every situation they run into or put themselves in a position to deal with but I know for certain I can not be that person. I cant sit in a chair and enjoy the scenery or a thought for no more than a short stint before i start twitching and needing to find a different angle on my presence. computers are a blessing and a curse. i remember when i started on my computer side of life and i was reading about peter or paul of peter paul and mary and he was saying that he would get on the computer after dinner and get involved in a conversation with someone in a chat room and the evening go by unnoticed and by the time he looked up it was 4 am and he was cranked up and had a hard time getting to sleep. i am little bit that way although i don’t go to chat rooms. (yet) i do get on the computer and one step leads to the next and before you know it i am studying sleeping bags and the differences between down filled bags and the new space age materials. oh yeah space age… what was the date of the explosion that killed the school teacher and I wonder what henry bien is doing who I met that day and came back from lunch to discover the tragedy that had occurred as we walked back in to the land of cubicles….cubicles… oh yeah, dilbert cartoon receptacles. and before I know it i am so far away from the trip to the boundary waters I was contemplating i am looking up henry bien to see if he is still in texas where he was last time i saw him 10 years ago. not likely he moved around a lot. how do people who move around a lot do it? make friends, make a life, find the assets of the area and start over one more time. where would i like to visit for an extended stretch? iireland? new orleans? mexico? new zealand? wouldn’t it be cool to be able to just go? what would it take to make that happen today? and it goes on and on and on…. i used to have trouble reading a book because i would realize as i looked at the page in front of me that i had no idea when i tuned out but i had never seen or registered any of the words on this page before. i could go back 2 or 3 pages and still not recognize anything. i had been on a day trip while my trained eyes went from line to line and turned the page as we progress through the story in the book i am holding. i wonder sometimes if dementia is a ride that takes you away from the thoughts you are trying to get to or if it just is an out of control hodge podge that makes no sense to the victim as well as the helpless onlookers who get to deal with it.

is getting sidetracked a blessing or a curse?

Uncategorized

Watch This Space

89 Comments

I had a cup of coffee this afternoon with a friend of mine – a very nice man who just got back from Los Angeles and a visit with Jayne Meadows. He knows a lot of grateful, gracious, formerly famous people who are invariably thrilled to have someone a) remember them, b) pay attention and c) ask questions.

Why yes, I’d be delighted to tell you more about me. Pull up a chair.

Later today I’ll head down to St. Olaf with another good friend to talk to some of the students who work at the campus station, KSTO, about creating radio. Another walk around the block for a couple of old dogs. I’m looking forward to it, though I’m not sure my style of radio has much appeal to the online generation. So much of everything (music, humor, companionship) is available through the Internet, it’s hard to talk about a sound-only medium without seeming, well, quaint. In fact, our little presentation and Q & A will be streamed live on video here.

Go figure.

I plan to encourage the group to make full use of the possibilities of the medium by embracing its limitations. Take the absence of a visual as a challenge to activate the imaginations of listeners. How? I can only go over some of the things that worked for me, but who cares about that? The next generation will have to take a fresh approach if radio is to survive this latest assassination attempt by a brassier, flashier, but inferior technology.

Jayne Meadows was a star but not a legend. More “B” list than “A”. What does that mean? She once won the Susan B. Anthony Award for portraying women in positive roles. You can’t get to be a big star doing principled stuff like that. But it does leave you with a set of memories you can always enjoy talking about.

A local college invites you to be a visiting expert.

What are you going to talk about?