Somebody is always trying to pull the wool over somebody else’s eyes. And while many of us are blessed with wool piercing vision, to others the world always looks like the hind flank of a sheep – a tangled, imponderable mess. These unfortunate people often wind up at Metro Police headquarters, telling their tales of woe to the professionals in the CAG (Crimes Against the Gullilble) Unit. They are a sad lot, beset by confusion and despair. The luckiest of these are assigned to the most spirited, kind-hearted and curious Inspector on the force – Goatlock Combes.
Beverly A. came into the C.A.G. office to report an extortion scheme. A person claiming to be her college-age grandson Alex had called in a panic from a Winnipeg jail. “Alex” said he had been on a long distance bicycle journey to the Edmonton Mall where he was going to serve a summer internship in Marketing to the Northern Personality Type when he was rudely seized by red-coated Mounties and thrown in the hoosegow.
The charge?
While doing necessary business in the woods during his long journey through the Canadian wilderness, “Alex” was spotted showing disrespect for a maple leaf.
“Alex” reported to his grandmother that he was, indeed, guilty. Being well-brought-up, he had resolved to take his punishment. But once he was in custody, “Alex” learned that the authorities had upgraded the charge to Trafficking in Moose Sweat – a more serious crime. Moose Sweat is a controlled substance in Canada because it is considered a potent aphrodisiac. It fetches a hefty price in the most free-spirited countries, especially those with territory north of the Arctic Circle.
“Alex” begged Beverly to wire two thousand dollars to pay for his release while he fought these charges, and he told his grandmother not to tell anyone he had asked for the money, especially his parents, since “Mom and Dad would be livid”.
Beverly did as she was instructed and wired the money to an address in Alberta. But after two weeks with no response from anyone, she became suspicious and did a little digging. She discovered the address automatically bounced to a P.O. box, which was now closed. She called Alex’s parents and discovered that he had never been in Canada. His summer internship was in Russia, at an institute in the Moscow suburbs studying “Situational Ethics”.
Beverly believed her money was gone, but she didn’t know if it had been stolen by a stranger posing as Alex, by organized criminals in Russia, Mounties gone bad, or by Alex himself.
Inspector Combes job? Make sense of this strange story.
If you were Goatlock, where would you begin?
Trail Baboon 
Hand me that paper clip and the bread bag tie while I get started in unraveling the Canadian caper…..
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cmon beth ann… whatdaya got?
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I’ve had that call, but for the wrong grandchild, one I never knew I had until that moment. We have friends who have had for a grandchild sitting next to them when the call came.
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Welcome Inspector Combes! i think a trip to Canada is in order. i’d go straight to Dudley DoRight, of the RCM. – – but don’t eat any maple leaves, please.
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Good Morning to All.
I like to read mystery novels, so I should be able to give inspector Comes some suggestions. Of course, real detective work is nothing like what is found in mystery novels, but it would be boring to try to be realistic about what Combes should do. I have to go now, but I will be thinking about this.
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Jim – just found a new mystery write that I love, PJ Tracy – it’s actually a mother daughter team…
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I just finished reading “The Redbreast” by Jo Nesbo. Very good – and a nice vacation-of-the-mind to Oslo.
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People who regard ethics as “situational” scare me. Inspector Combes should put pressure on Alex to learn the truth. And it sounds like if Alex doesn’t fess up readily, Combes could involve the parents. Alex doesn’t seem to respect law, ethics or his grandmother, but he fears his parents.
Happy Monday, Heartlanders. On the drive to my cabin, I saw a wolf running across the road, looking like an animal on the hunt. I photographed lupines this weekend. Lupines got that wolf-ish name because it was once thought that they sucked the fertility out of the soil, feeding on it ravenously and leaving the soil poor. Actually, lupines just do really well in poor soil. So, rather than spoiling the soil, lupines make beauty where it would be difficult for other plants to flourish. It is an interesting and fairly typical confusion of cause and effect.
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“Your life or your lupins!”
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Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, dum dum dum dum dum 🙂
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i knew nothing of dennis moore. i googgled it and am very impressed that there is a superhero who steals lupines from the rich and gives them to the poor. perfect sherrilee.
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Every few years I grow a few lupines from seed — they are really hard to get going and they vary from year to year in what they produce. This year I finally had a gorgeous purple one going that was peaking on the hot day we had in May. At the end of the day the entire plant and the dozen purple spikes had sagged from the heat and wind and it was ruined. Disappointing. But I sure loved it while it was blossoming. They are amazing plants. Now there are these fuzzy little bean pods on it.
Photographing the ditches where there are expanses of them is a nice visual — hope you post a pic.
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i see you have a couple of shots in the bayfield wisconsin folder of lupines. same location different year or simply a tie in because of lupine attration? i jsut realized i have a perfect corner of the world where grass and other things are a challange because of sandy soil and poor rainfall . i mow it three of 4 times a year to keep it fromm getting too scruffy but i’ll bet lupines in june would be a favorite addition to the garden rotation. i’ll plant some seeds and report back next year.
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Jacque – I finally bought a lupine plant several years ago, and learned that they are biennial – each plant will bloom only every other year. I now have relocated the “babies” and have one group that produced 5 gorgeous lupines this year. (If you prune it once those fuzzy pods appear, it helps with next years growth, or something like that.)
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Barb-temp in Iowa:
Thanks for the tip. I did not realize they are bienniel. I will adjust my strategies!
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looking forward to this one. welcome back clyde. hope branson is going well.
i think the bike ride to edmonton would be a memorable one. i don’t even want to know how you harvest moose sweat. the hoosgow in winnepeg is a long ways from edmonton a real long way and i would guess by the time he got to edmonton the summer would be almost over. the situational ethics course in moscow would be very interesed to see the results of plea to grandparents as a case study and 2000 dollars become 61490 rubbles and that buys a lot of vodka for the american summer session on the volga. i think i would begin by seeing if there was a traceable bit on the post office box. interesting about the grandparent scam. i will warn my mom. she would bite on this one lock stock and barrel.
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Rise and Shine Babooners:
Um, well, I don’t know what I’d do. These kind of problems get the same response from me as the old verbal math problems with the trains going 500 miles at 70 miles an hour…. My only question at the end of the entry is , “So where is Alex?” Surely mom and dad would have let Grandma know if something happened in the 2 weeks after she wired the money.
I think I’ll just respond to other peoples entries today. Steve’s lupines caught my eye. See you all around the blog– off topic of course.
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Steve, I was up north last year at this time and saw the Lupines in full bloom which is really something. I also saw a wolf on that trip. You and I seem to be traveling similar paths in some way.
Yes, I think Combs should bring in Dudley DoRight because this case is sure to get more complicated and Combs will need help. Alex might be in Russia, but he must have some how gotten involved with some bad people in Canada. I think Dudley will be needed to save the day when Combs travels to Canada and falls into a trap set by the bad people who used Alex to get money and probably these bad people also have some other plan to do some dirty work. Maybe the bad guys are cornering the black market for Moose Sweat.
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any ideas on how you store moose sweat so as no compromise of the integrity of the sweat occurs. i would think refrigeration would be needed but maybe potency increases if you let it ferment a bit.
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Personally, as one who preserves food, I would freeze it for the most authentic reproduction at the time of use.
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thanks jacque, thats what i will do with all my moose sweat form now on.
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Maybe Rocky and Bullwinkle could help. I really miss those guys.
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im planning a trip to frostbite falls later this summer
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Say Hi to them for me!
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I need to think about the idea that any of these laws/demands that have so compromised Alex’s education would have originated in Canada, eh? Was there any evidence that this mishap actually happened in Winnipeg, eh? I think we need more information and some clues, including a visual of Alex and some sound bites of conversation, eh?
OT – Mike Pengra is playing some wonderful music acknowledging that today is the first day of SUMMER! Yay! Thanks, Mike!
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thanks teri. i would have missed the fact that today is indeeed the longest day of summer. a bunch of years ago i was traveling and found myself in minot north dakota on the longest day of the year and it was 11:30 at night sitting on the porch chatting with friends watching the sun go down. chicago and minot are in the same time zone but a couple miles and a few minutes apart on sunsets. a few years later in alaska in the beginning of july. what an experience that was. it goes from full light to kind of a gray green dusk for two hours and then the sun gets stronger again. energy is compounded with sunshine. today is the day.
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The wildflowers in northwestern Wisconsin follow a cycle. Lupines flourish in the middle of June. Near my cabin is a gravel road with a very wet ditch. Lupines do well on that wet soil in shady areas. Bright sun doesn’t help them.
My former wife dug up lupines and replanted them in new areas. It worked!
By the fourth of July they will be gone. I can’t see lupines without thinking of bomb pops.
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Oh, I was going to add that the main floral display in our roadsides in summer is a collection of wildflowers. Largest are the ox-eye daisies. Buttercups bloom in the same areas. And that orange hawkweed flower (sometimes called Indian paintbrush) is right there with them. So you have a color palette of lush green grass, yellow buttercups, white daisies and orange hawkweed. These wildflowers set the look of the roadsides the rest of the summer.
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looking for them in a folder soon!
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and thanks to dale for the my old man offering yesterday. it’s one of my favorites. and i do miss my old man.
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I miss my father so much I spent four years writing a book about him. I hope that wherever he is now there are unspoiled lakes with a few northern pike in them.
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mine would like a golf group and a coffee group. nothing more needed. come to think of it he has most of his former groups already there. i’ll bet they keep the greens trimmed perfectly.
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are you pleased with the book?
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How kind of you to ask, Tim. It is by far the best thing I have ever written.
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is it available?
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Tim Alas, that book has not been published. And it is not likely to be. It is a book by a fairly obscure writer about his even more obscure parents, “ordinary people,” and so no publisher in this difficult environment would want to gamble resources on it. I have your email. I’ll send you a couple of chapters as a sampler. And THANKS for the interest. This has been almost an obsession with me.
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looking forward to it. thanks
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My favorite read is about lives of ordinary people who have lived a life different than mine, the more different the better, but not necessarily. So I would like to see it all.
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I’ll take it, too, please.
I have fictionalized my father, but only thinly, in a never-to-be-published novel.
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I also would be interested. I wrote a memoir about my father, who was wonderful, getting Multiple Sclerosis. It was a great healing exercise.
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I’m sending a few early chapters to all of those kind enough to express an interest.
If you have more appetite, I have more chapters. It really isn’t a big book. Could easily be read in a day.
Thanks for the interest.
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Add me to the list, Steve!
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And me!
When my father passed away (6 years ago last week), I spent a year making a huge scrapbook of my dad’s life, which I gave to my mom on the anniversary of his death. It really gave me insight into my dad’s life that I hadn’t had before, probably a little bit like writing a book. I have always referred to that year as “scrapbooking therapy”.
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Steve,
I’d love some chapters too: bkhain@aol.com
Thanks!!
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Steve add me to the list too or is there a blog or site of yours to look?
I love reading about ordinary people.
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Oops send it to cyndenton@gmail.com
thanks steve!
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add me too, please! akb (at) pobox.com.
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great intro, now show me the meat of the family story.
i love the pace of the presentation. you are a story teller. the artform is in full bloom in this offering. bring it on. a couple more chapters please.
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I think grandma should have been suspicious the minute Alex told her the mountie was wearing a red coat. In all my years in Winnipeg, I only saw mounties in red coats at special occasions. They look like highway patrolman when they are working. I’d advise Goatlock to let Alex off the hook and look much deeper into the Canadian banking system for an extortion and money laundering ring.
The Twin Buttes Powwow was an experience. We camped at the powwow grounds alongside a friend of ours and his extended family, all of whom are members of the Three Affiliated Tribes (Mandan, Hidatsa, and Arikara). It was my first experience of being addressed as “Grandma” by my friend’s grandchildren and great nieces and nephews. I was a little concerned that I really had to do something about my greying hair, when I realized I had been made a family member and it was a gesture of respect. The dancers were wonderful, and we heard the last living speaker of the Mandan language give the invocation before the festivities started on Sunday. My friend told me that I would never hear that language spoken again. It dies with this very old man. The old man was honored during the Powwow by being given a new name by his clan, a name his grandfather had gone by. He gave gifts of money, blankets, and a horse to the people of his clan for giving him the new name. The strangest incident occurred on Sunday morning when people in a pickup drove from campsite to campsite distributing “rations” from the Tribal council. Since we were with our friend, we were included in the distribution of commodity bread, sugar, coffee, doughnuts, eggs, and potatoes. I was horrified about accepting this, since, goodness knows, there were actual tribal members who were more deserving of the rations than we were, but everyone insisted we take them. It left me feeling honored and humbled.
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Great story Renee. Sounds like a fascinating weekend.
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very cool. sounds like there was a documentary opportunity there. (actually you just turned it into a small scale one) thanks.
what do the mounties wear when not in full regalia? i got pulled over by them a fistful of years ago but i was so engrossed in staying out of the hoosegow i cant remember the outfit. … canadian money laundering. do they transfer the money in dollars or loonies?
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Wonderful story. PowWows just kind of set my hair on fire–the atmosphere is so electric. What a weekend.
Are you the person who’s dad lives in Pipestone. My mother grew up there. Her prolific relatives inhabit the place.
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My dad lives in Luverne, but the Pipestone baseball coach hired him to umpire the game in the Metrodome. My mother is from Pipestone and I have lots of relatives there. Her maiden name was Bartels.
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Ours are Hesses.
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magical. and when he dies, no one can go back to the “mother country” to save the language. very sad. thanks for sharing, Renee.
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Edwin Benson, the old man in the naming ceremoney, has spent many of his later years at the Twin Buttes school speaking and teaching Mandan to the children. He is frequently beseiged by linguists who record his utterances and memories. There was a linguist from some university in California at the powwow, and she also received a blanket from him for somehow disovering this old family name that he took on. I am appalled to tell say that the name he was given on Sunday translates into English as “White man’s fart”. Everyone thought it terribly funny. I was perplexed.
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Tim, they wear suits if they are doing plainclothes work, and typical Highway patrolman clothes when they are in patrol cars. Their shoes are clunky and shiny and black, as I recall. I’d like to see anyone try to launder a loonie.
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i think the shoes are just typical canadian fashion. they go great with the hats though. smokey and dudley share that common thread.
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Won’t a loonie go through the wash in your jeans the same as a quarter?…
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Yes, but think of the noise when it works its way out of the pocket and clanks around in the dryer!
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makes you feel rich
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Jacque I hope you don’t mind something sort of OT. Here is a short “hair on fire” story. In the 1980s my mother had a way of piling her hair up and then cementing it in place with half a can of some aerosol spray that she used to buy in case lots. She was a lifelong smoker. If she wanted a cigarette in the night when my folks were in bed, she’d nudge my father. He would dutifully hold his arm out and flick the wheel of his Zippo to light her cigarette. All this was done in the dark, almost by reflex. Then came the night he mis-aimed with the Zippo. That hair spray lacquer turned out to be fabulously flammable.
As Dad put it, “All of a sudden I was in bed with Minnegasco!”
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ha!
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i bet it was “AquaNet” hairspray – cheeeeep and sticky.
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It can also happen without hairspray! In college I would wrap my shampooed (e or no e?) head up in a towel, turban style. I was smoking throughout college days, and once lit my turban on fire. Unfortunately, this story still comes up at the reunions, and one is happening this weekend…
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Aqua Net is also my choice. I use it still to set pastels when I produce them! PU. Definitely flamable. Hope your mom was OK! Funny story. Off course OT was fine since I’ll never solve the mystery and am only on the margins today.
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We have good friends who live right on Hwy 61 in Castle Danger with a ditch full of wild lupines, which was their land. They constantly had to stop people from digging them up to take home. Then MNDOT took the land, expanded the hwy, which was needed of course, and the flowers are gone.
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they should have let them take them home then huh? welcome back
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This reminds me of a conversation I had with one of the guys at the Farmer’s Market in St Paul. He was selling Lady- slipper orchids. Apparently, you can get a permit to rescue them if a road crew is going to go through their habitat.
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should have bought two
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OT – Steve and i updated the blog yesterday… i’m still teary-eyed 🙂
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Great pictures and commentary. Hard to let them go, I’m sure. Loved the ones in the hammock, lap goats indeed.
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Barb the new photos are beautiful! No dry eyes looking at you and the sweet goats in the hammock!
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amen
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I am trying to catch up with work and here too. Jumping in and out of looking at past few days. Feeling really out of touch here. But good to be back. We were at a resort on a steep hillside above a lake. We only went to one show, Chinese Acrobats, which was fun. Our grand daughter was enthralled. Mostly watched the grandkids swim in the many pools. Best part of trip was a stop at Gates Barbeque on the way down. Was worried about MN. Saw a few fires out in fields west of Albert Lea, clearly from the wind damage.
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good to have you back. we went to the Big Top Chautauqua a couple years back to see the Chinese acrobats. so fun and so amazing.
off to “town” to get some groceries, see Mom, etc. hoping today will be the rainy day and that tomorrow we can work outside.
ha det, Babooners!
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Inspector Combes has already received some great advice. Clearly the start is to travel to Canada and figure out who set up the PO Box. A trip to Russia may also be in order, just because a ride on the trans-Siberian railroad would add to the narrative so nicely…
Lovely description of the powwow Renee! Sounds like it was a great experience. (Also enjoyed the lupine discussions from earlier in the morning.)
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The people who called us on this scam sounded neither Canda, hey, nor Russian, nyet. But anything is an excuse to go to Canada, hey. How about the Trans-Siberian and the then the Trans-Canada highway? If you do not know Paul Theroux travels the Trans-Siberian hwy in many of his travel books.
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clyde i used to work with canadians and they explained to me it is eh.
we were laughingly calling them the a team and they were absolutely certain it was the eh team!!! we used to laugh and say if you belonged to the automobile club or the formers drinkers group you would belong to the aa eh or the aaa eh
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clyde i used to work with canadians and they explained to me it is eh.
we were laughingly calling them the a team and they were absolutely certain it was the eh team!!! we used to laugh and say if you belonged to the automobile club or the formers drinkers group you would belong to the aa eh or the aaa eh
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Clyde, welcome back. This place just ain’t itself without you.
Barb, what a lovely documentary you and Steve have made to commemorate your beloved partners in your enterprise. If the point of living is to acquire vivid memories, you are doing well.
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Clyde, there was some very bad tornado damage that hit farms and rural homes in areas not too far from Albert Lea. Farm buildings and houses were completely destroyed to some locations. I only had to deal with a little damage from a large tree branch that went down.
By the way, I think Dale deserves a compliment for the Goatlock graphic rendering he included with today’s offering.
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agreed. brave dale!!!!!
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Jim–it looked like it wiped out a farm just north of 90 just west of Albert Lea. Tough for them!! I am orginally from Wadena County, Sebeka, actually, who lost the baseball state title game for their division last weekend.
My daughter came back from her year of internship in west central Iowa to Luther Seminary, back to theology classes, which she loved. But after a week or so of classes, she said to her favorite instructor, “What I really need to know is how to work with a family who has just lost their farm to a tornado, who will not be able to recover, and will lose the farm that has been in their family for four generations.” He had no answer and told her no one else really did either.
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Oh, how sad.
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So was grandpa Finnish?
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Oh, and I did not grow up in Sebeka. My parents did (half of their respective childhoods were spent there) and moved me away when I was less than 2. But we went back fairly often. My relatives all moved away, most went out west and went off the deep end of the right.
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That’s intersting that you grew up in Sebeka, Clyde. My grandpa did too. He still talks about working in his dad’s store (before it closed) and playing the tuba in the band. He can’t read a note, but he can play many instruments. One of my great-uncles (his brother) lives in Menahga now.
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Haha, yeah, he’s Finn, as am I 🙂 He’s a Salmela.
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So you really fit in the UP, then.
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i love this group
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Welcome, Inspector Combes! I believe any advice I have has been mentioned above.
RE: the sad loss of native languages — Louise Erdrich is doing a lot to help revive the Ojibwa language… her store Birchbark Books has teaching materials available, and several children’s book in native languages.
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GREAT bookstore and louise is a GREAT lady
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I. too like Inspetor Combes. Looking forward to more of him. Make it Coombs, Dale, and then he is a relative of mine for sure.
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I think the Inspector needs a primate side-kick, perhaps with the name of Blevins, someone who could provide comic relief as well as slightly less- than-ethical assistance in the picking of locks and surveilance.
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Ditto that one. A simian sidekick, an Ed McMahon-ish kind of character, could provide alot of color, and of course say the things that no self respecting Detective could ever utter.
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Wadena’s storms had a flashback for me. In the 1950s our family drove through there in early June to get to our resort near Park Rapids. One year the skies opened up in a ferocious hail storm. The hail was the size of golf balls, or slightly larger. When hail stones began coming through the canvas top of our convertible, I threw my body over my little sister’s. One man saw his neighbor’s dog being pummeled to death by hail. When he went to the rescue, a big one conked him on the noggin and put him down. His wife was able to drag both to safety. Wadena in June can be exciting.
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My mother had a childhood memory of a bad hailstorm in Sebeka, next town north of Wadena.
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Mike is verey spiritual today. Thanks, Mike.
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Wow, you were all so busy today!
A new detective, lupins, on and on it goes, and still, we are no closer to solving the inscrutible case before the Inspector.
Myself, I suspect Beverly is just making the whole thing up to make a claim and get in the news, possibly on-line donations to cover her “losses”.
Anybody know where I could find a pow wow we could attend near the Twin Cities? I vaguely remember going to them in Tama (Iowa), where I attended kindergarten and 1st grade.
Barbara temp. in Iowa, are you in Marshalltown? I seem to remember you being from there.
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I think there was just one in Hinkley. I would imagine that you could go on tribal websites for nearby tribes and they would have powwow dates. There is a huge powwow in Bismarck-Mandan the weekend after Labor Day-the United Tribes International Powwow, which is quite spectacular.
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Okay, clearly it is too late to be catching up on the blog…I ready “are you in Marshmallow town?” (not Marshalltown). While Marshmallow town might be a fascinating place, it would likely also be sticky and scare away the vegans (you can decide for yourself if the latter is a bad thing or not).
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dont even tell people marshmallows are made with cows hooves. its not necessary in most cases. the hard part for me was bloody marys without worcestershire sauce (anchovies)
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Finally got to read the blogs for the days I was gone. Thanks for compliment, Steve, about my being gone, but the blogs say otherwise.
Drawing many of your comments from the blogs together, especially about language and being misunderstood, I will tell you about billboards on Hwy 65 driving down to Branson from Springfield. Oh, first, much of MO is under construction, and the entire city of Springfield is. Apparently they cannot spell recession in MO.
The billboards: the overt cheap manipulation is overwhelming and I suppose just part of the Branson campiness. 1) My favorite, which has nothing to do with manipulation, just overt sappy sappy sappiness: there is a Titanic exhibit at Branson (I guess it really sank in Lake Taneycomo), and right now they are doing a feature on “The Dogs of the Titanic.” I wonder if dogs are allowed in? 2) A billboard that says in small letters A close personal friend of” followed by in huge letters “Jim Nabors” over a pix of a man who looks vaguely like Nabors. This trick is repeated over and over, such as a cousin of someone famous apparently. 3) A pix of four men who look like one of the famous commercial success Country quartets (the one with the guy with long hair and a beard, whoever; Country music died for me when Dolly got a boob job, speaking of tacky false advertising) with a headline that says “The Boys Are Back.”
tim, Paul Anka at Branson? Tell me it isn’t so, Joe.
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thats where paul anka is these days i hear. hes got to do something now that they quit playing his song nightly on johnny carson.
the world can be ugly and branson can lead the way by the sounds of it. i saw the 4 country guys on a poster too and i think they are the real deal. the guy in the beard did a zz top imitation but still the same guy.
i cant keep track is jim neighbors dead now? anything to do with dolly will play in branson and if you can print boobs in it triple that.
we did miss you clyde. the blog has taken on a new vibrancy of its own but you are an enigma of your own and its not the same without you.
steve and barbs and cynthias and ben and where the heck is lisa (youd better stick around) and jim with a last name. the guy in the hat, renee, kay is back but must be moving in huh donna?anna catherine jacque teri sherrelee krista (newbie?) beth ann and of course alana and her little dog. where has aaron been? good group but when youa re gone we notice. are you still med free?cmon and tell us how its going. how is your wife ? did she enjoy the trip?
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