Inspector Goatlock Combes of the Crimes Against Gullible Persons Unit and his lanky assistant Lupine continue their investigation of a telephone scam perpetrated against the grandmother of a student studying overseas.
Alex’s parents, Dr. and Dr. Prettyman, lived at the end of a cul-de-sac in a suburban development called Shady Grove Heights.
Goatlock and Lupine were met at the door by a sullen tweenage girl, Marnie. She was Alex’s younger sister.
“Good day young lady” piped a cheerful Lupine.
“Matter of opinion,” she muttered, closing the door behind them.
“What sort of day is it for you?” Goatlock inquired.
“Tenuous.” And that was all she said.Marnie led them to a sunny breakfast porch where the Doctors Prettyman were just finishing their morning omelets.
“Alex has never been to Canada,” said Dr. Prettyman, the orthopedic surgeon.
“His Russian trip is really all about a girl,” said Dr. Prettyman, the chiropractor. “He fell in love with her on a trip to Wisconsin Dells. She was his water ski instructor. All that stuff about school is nonsense. Alex has no interest in studying Situational Ethics. He signed up for the course as a way to get close to Tanya for the summer. In a way, it was a perfectly situational move, ethically speaking. He spent our money, not for the stated purpose, but simply to increase the amount of love in the world.”
“Namely, whatever he could get going with Tanya,” said Dr. Prettyman the orthopedic surgeon as she stabbed a lump of cheesy egg with her fork and shook her head with obvious regret. “We should have taken the glass bottom boat tour. None of this would have happened.”
“You know I get seasick on glass bottomed boats,” said Dr. Prettyman the chiropractor. “I can’t look down while moving forward. It’s something in my neck.”
“You should see a doctor about that,” said Prettyman the orthopedic surgeon.
“I am a doctor,” said Prettyman the chiropractor.
“No you’re not.”
They glowered at one another as their omelets cooled.
Lupine cleared his throat.
“Sorry if we’ve come at a bad time. Our real interest is in identifying the scammer and recovering the money,” he said. “Is there anyone in Canada who might have known Alex was out of the country? Someone who thought they could get away with telling a preposterous story to his grandmother?”
“That’s a stretch,” said Dr. Prettyman the orthopedic surgeon. “We know some Canadians, but none quite so crafty.”
Goatlock gazed out the window, chewing the end of his pipe. He was thinking about how lovely it would be to take a few bites from such a lush, emerald colored lawn, although it would doubtless have a heavily chemical aftertaste. He noticed Marnie stepping methodically around the back yard, walking it like a maze.
“How cute,” said Lupine, rising from his chair for a better look. “Is she practicing to be a tightrope walker?”
“Not that I’m aware, but it’s a wonderful skill that develops excellent posture,” said the chiropractor.
“We don’t allow the children to take up dangerous hobbies.” spat the orthopedic surgeon, pulling a small chunk of eggshell from her breakfast.
“She’s looking for something,” Goatlock observed.
“Great,” sighed Dr. Prettyman the orthopedic surgeon. “Sarge must be out again.”
“A cat?” asked Lupine.
“Her turtle,” said Dr. Prettyman the chiropractor. “He squeezes through some tight spots for an animal with a hard shell. Should have named him Houdini.”
“May I ask,” asked Goatlock, “who prepared our omelets this morning?”
“It was Marnie,” said her father. “She needs to perform a task every day or she becomes morose.”
“And she likes breaking things,” added Marnie’s mother. “We go through a lot of eggs.”
“We will also take this opportunity to disappear,” said Goatlock, rising to stand alongside but well below the towering Lupine. “I recommend that no one in this family leave the country without notifying our office first. We might have more questions.”
“Does that include Sarge?” asked Dr. Prettyman the chiropractor.
“Especially Sarge,” answered Goatlock, as he and Lupine turned to leave.
What could the turtle be hiding?
Trail Baboon 
oh man, Dale – quite the spinning and weaving. i love the dialogue between the two Prettyman doctors. but the mystery is clouded by my morning brain and too clever for me
i’ll sit back and watch/read for awhile to see what unfolds.
out to do one of my tasks – milk the Girls and then another will be to make some cajeta.
i wonder why Marnie likes to break eggs?
good morning, All
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Not sure what Sarge is hiding (except perhaps a clutch of eggs), but do wish there was a way of hiding that view of Blevins!
Thanks for the introduction of Marnie to the mix, Dale-I have to love a girl who knows she is having a tenuous sort of day.
Count me in on the virtual book group-I can’t add another “real” commitment to my schedule at this point, but definitely want to be at the fair, and maybe something earlier.
Off to the first cuppa Joe to see what kind of day I think it is.
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You said exactly what I was going to say about Sarge and Blevins’ butt.
Great new chapter in the mystery, though.
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I keep thinking I would like to maybe put a doily (or maybe a more manly antimacassar) over that flaming red posterior.
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Well, the plot just continues to get more puzzling. Each bit of truth projects us into a stranger universe rather than explaining anything. It is too early, I’m sure, to assume that Sarge has stashed the embezzled money while pretending to lay eggs in sandy soil. That would be too easy.
And it is just another odd turn of events that the elusive runner in this story turns out to be a turtle. But I don’t think Sarge could be the embezzler. Turtles have too much trouble writing th notes that dupe people into giving them money. Most animals can write fairly persuasive letters with a computer and keyboard, but turtles have those front legs spaced so far apart. Their notes can never contain the letters “r” “t” “g” “y” and “h.” That puts severe pressure on a writer, as I know. My book on fishing for carp was a headache because my keyboard had a stuck letter “p,” which put real limits on my style. No, I think the evidence is that Sarge might be involved with laundering the loot, but he/she isn’t the mastermind.
Marnie . . . now there is an interesting youngster. My working theory is that she is a border collie. They MUST have a job or they go nuts. If you have a border collie and don’t give it a legitimate job, such as guarding your sheep, it will self-assign (like curling up in front of the fridge and denying access to it for anyone who doesn’t know the password). Marnie needs to be watched. Border collies are capable of almost anything!
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Rise and Rain Baboonites:
Not only is progress on the mystery slow, but internet response time is also slow. It took a long time to load the reply box. And I see that Blevins has turned his back on the entire thing! The other mystery is Where Was Tim Yesterday? No posts from him. HMMM. Perhaps he is in Canada or played a role in Alex’s disappearance or the phone call. Or perhaps Tim is Alex’ Grandma Beverly.
It is perfectly obvious to me that Sarge, behind his olive green shell, is hiding his/her vulnerability and deceitful ways. That is what a shell is for — protecting one’s fatal flaws.
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Oh, you therapists! 😛 So predictable, picking on turtles like that. Heck, we all hide flaws behind our outer shells. It is the human condition, so where is the deceit?
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NOt really sure, but now I’m bored with that metaphor. Next question: Is Marnie breaking TURTLE eggs?
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Greetings! Perhaps Sarge is the Turtle who lays golden eggs. Marnie is looking for the clutch of eggs in yard. When she find some, she breaks them open under the ruse of making omelettes for her parents to see if there is a treasure inside.
With two doctors in house, I’m sure buying cage-free, organic eggs is not a financial strain. That would explain why Marnie surreptitiously uses turtle eggs. Sarge is hiding something and Marnie wants to find it.
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It’s exactly this kind of species-ism that is blinding Goatlock, Lupine and the Prettymans (Prettymen?). Beneath Sarge’s shell is sophisticated “turtle claw recognition hardware as well as a moose sweat storage facility. By injecting the moose sweat into the eggshells, he controls not just Marnie, but her two best friends, Tippi and Sean. Together the three of them do his bidding, including supplying Grandma’s phone number when Alex went out of town.
TB Book Club… sign me up too!
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I am up for either a face-to-face or on-line book club or a combo. Also interested in a gathering. Always love new friends.
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Good Tenuous Morning to All,
Well, of course, we need to have plenty of twists and turns in any mystery story. Despite the new developments, I think Goatlocks probably has already solved the case and is just laying ground work for traping the culprit. It is hard to see how the missing turtle fits in, but I think Goatlocks already knows that as well. Has some one taken away the turtle because it is some how involved in the plot and would give away the crook if it was examined?
I guess it is a tenuous good morning when Blevins is showing us his back side. We just have to realize that there is more than one aspect to how we can view Blevins.
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I wonder what Blevins looks like from the side.
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The Turtle Mountains straddle the ND-Manitoba border. Border surveillance in tenuous at best. Much could be smuggled. There are even moose in the area. Since Sherlock H relies on the help of his brother Mycroft, is is possible that Goatlock relies on his brother Myjority, who is cared for by Mrs. Blackhoof?
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that explains all of those long-distance charges on our phone bill!
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Is there any consensus on how a book group would meet? There seems to be enthusiasm for getting together, but that often falls apart in the face of busy schedules.
First question: week day evening meeting or weekend?
Second question: what time?
Third question: where to meet? Same place each time?
I’ll jump in with one set of answers. Because some folks are pretty far away, meeting after work would be hard. That probably leaves Saturday. 10 AM? For a summer meeting, I’d propose Minnehaha Park.
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I’d be in for a book club on a Saturday morning. (Sorry I missed the posts about it last night…I was at my book club meeting…)
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I like the Minnehaha idea, but am wondering if we could go earlier.
Also wondering if there is the possibility of an online component to include out-staters, out -of-staters and those of us juggling family commitments?
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Saturday mornings usually work fine for me. If we can get an approximate head count, I’d volunteer to bring some muffins and coffee/tea/juice.
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Another way to go, ‘way different feel to it, would be using WordPress.com to start yet another blog (I’d be willing), and have it be a place where we could do a virtual book group — all read the book by a set date, then have several days to comment back and forth. Certainly not as quick as an actual meeting, but it could then include everyone. (Reminds me of how Husband and I sometimes play scrabble – leave it on the kitchen table and each time we walk past, do another play.)
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If someone can figure out a format I’m up for anything. I haven’t done a book group in about 10 years and I’m interested again.
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Consensus might be hard. From the twists and turns in our plot I think that organizing us might be like herding cats.
Any born organizers out there?
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What I have learned, from trying to herd the cats that are the book club members of my regular club (going strong for more than 15 years now), is that you pick a format/time/whatever and stick with it. People may not be able to participate all of the time, but if they know the regular parameters, it makes it easier for everyone.
Here is my proposal: Pick a place, date, time and book for the first meeting (Saturday morning on X date – perhaps in July so we have time to read the book – at Minnehaha park, with “Three Bags Full,” since that has been mentioned a couple of times). Those who can be there, show up. We will provide a report in an online space for continuing discussion and information on next meeting and book. WordPress works swell for these sorts of things, and I’m happy to set something up (by myself, with help, whatever).
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bingo anna. i’m with you.
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Clearly Marnie is involved somehow. If she really needs something to do to be happy, I doubt breaking eggs is going to be enough. She has probably schemed a scheme by herself while the Drs. Prettyman argue about medicine, and whatever it is, she needed cash to execute the scheme. She is planning on training Sarge to enter the City Museum during the day when no one would suspect with the materials she needs to successfully steal the Moose Diamond, the last piece she needs to complete her PerpetualMooseion Engine. With the engine she can not only conquer all of Shady Grove Heights (and perhaps most of Canada), but she will have found a way to get away from home without needing a driver’s license (or a ride from the perpetually arguing Drs. Prettyman). She only used Grandma and Alex as the ruse to get the cash she needed to buy the materials for the theft, including Turtle Nummies for training Sarge.
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Turtle nummies? OK, now I’m laughing out loud here.
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yeah, me too
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Would that City Museum be TMORA?
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TMORA would certainly fit the bill for being Turtle Accessible. 🙂
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i’m thinking this all along – that beard on Goatlock looks mighty flimsy. unless GC has trimmed it into a goatee, his serious lack of facial hair makes me think he might be a she, posing as a he. Alba has been pretty bored since the popcorns left last saturday….. and there was a turtle laying eggs in our driveway a week ago. hmmmm.
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and is there a link to Marnie (1964 Hitchcock thriller) being a thief/liar?
i’m outta here to the pasture. coax the Girls out and let the Boys roam.
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i noticed the marnie link. and i have a natural tendancy to put faces with the charachters. marnie was the hitchcock blonde, alba was the face i was putting with goatlock but the player for the film version would need to be george clooney. i need some help with alex and his girlfriend. i am seeing a tony perkins type going after janet leigh, the doctord prettyman are jimmy stewart and doris day, lupine is ichabod crane or maybe shelly duval playing ichabod. the canadian town reminds me of pettycoat junction with uncle joe on the rocking chair out front and sam drucker tending the store selling canadian cigerettes and squirrel peanut buttter ans malkins red raspberry jam. the russiian teacher is peter ustinov and peter sellers feels like he sould be here too doesn’t he. maybe as the mountie to be our canadian connection with his sidekick dennis moore. i know i’m leaving out some players but it will all come to a clearer vision as we proceed.
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I’m almost certain Marnie is in on the scheme with Alex, helping him in exchange for his helping her get out of that house. That’s as far as my brain will go! Interesting how some of you can come up with all these details – natural writers?
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Marnie reminds me of a girl I know, who along with a couple of friends, got even with her controlling parents by convincing them there were ghosts in their house. It’s a terrific story and it worked! I”ll tell it to you if I can make it to one of your gatherings, preferably sometime before Aug. 10, because that’s when I’m back to work. I’ll bring Texas Caviar!
Well, Dale… I think I speak for most of us when I say you have us perplexed, baffled and annoyed. A story full of intrigue and hornswoggle. Someone’s flimflamming someone and that doesn’t even include what Alex and Tanya are doing– nymphos! (I’m having a heyday with that word this week. Is there anyway you could work it into the story tomorrow? If not, could you use horehound or Mel Torme?)
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I know about Prairie Oysters. I would not eat them. But Texas Caviar? What’s up with that?
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OK, I’ll bite. I don’t know what either Prairie Oysters or Texas Caviar are.
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I think Texas Caviar is a brightly colored vegetable salad/salsa. Barbara, Prairie oysters are cattle testicles.
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I retract the part about biting.
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Renee is right – Texas Caviar is as colorful as it is delicious, served on tortilla chips, or celery if you’re watching carbs, but trust me, it’s much better with chips.
Another kind of Prairie Oyster is a drink made with a raw egg, worcestershire and hot sauce, taken as a remedy for a hangover or for the aftereffects from eating cattle testicles.
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See, just another reason not to bite them.
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I know it will not surprise you to hear that I have no idea what happens next in this story. I’m as perplexed and annoyed as anyone, and I am waiting to see which elements are emphasized by this mysterious group.
Until yesterday, I didn’t even know there was a turtle, and horehound is something I had to look up. It’s not nearly as exotic or disruptive as what I imagined. I will do what I can to get Blevins to turn around.
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I’m utterly shocked to hear that this entire thing is a free-for-all, random assortment of stream-of-collective -consciousness!
Nice to have Blevins looking us in the eye again, wonder if it was the threat of an antimacassar on his bum that did it.
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Well, we all knew that, Dale. Delightful.
Raccoon, Dale, Alberto the raccoon, who is missing the ring finger on his left paw and hos mask has slipped down over his left eye.
Add him.
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Bonus points. ” I am shocked, shocked to find gambling is going on in here!”
Catherine’s comment made this one pop into my head.
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Too easy, Sherrillee-Casablanca-Inspector Louis, followed by him receiving his winnings!
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Can you photoshop an antimacassar on Blevins?
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OH NO! I’m too late! I was just catching up but I was thinking that maybe Blevins was trying to indicate which direction Sarge went! I think his position this morning should have clued us in that he’s been in on it the whole time. He might even know what’s under Sarge’s shell or how to manufacture moose sweat.
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missing the ring finger and his mask slipping down will make him more interesting when we turn him back into a real person later. alberto played by loudan wainwright III
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thats the best part. there was an author from scottland with three names who wrote a serial for the newspaper a couple years ago and he said that was interesting and challenging. you could be in for it trying to weave all the input in to the story. the scottish author said to be careful not to do something that will determine a dirtection or ramifacation later on, but i think that will be a big part of the fun.. it is a riot. great inspiration. who knows where this will go.
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We are still missing Tim. Now I am certain that he is a part of the wool-pulling and hornswoggling. Tim, do YOU have Alex?
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he may be traveling but we have separate itineraries, russia is not on mine (is it really on alex’s?) tony perkins on a train is the picture i am seeing.
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TB Book Gathering (can one of you creative types come up with a really good name for us). I can also do Saturdays. (Weeknights are a problem because of teenager gymnastics.) Have we decided on our first book yet?
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Baboons Read!
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How about Three Bags Full?
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Donna I thought your best word this morning was flimflamming.
tim must be involved. his absence is suspicious.
My money is on the chiropractor. Everyone I know grew up in a pro- or anti-chiropractor family. I think they feel a tad resentful and misunderstood by the general culture, which is playing out in mischief gone too far.
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Just sort of plugging in. Not really up to speed with the good goat gumshoe today. I would be interested in an a digital form of a book group, but would not be able to attend in the Cities, which is the only place to hold it. Too many non-digital distractions right now; I will be a weak member of the herd for a few days.
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thanks for the vibrancy when it is possible. we will get the digital version of the bookclub together.
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Maybe we can do both a digital club, and a Saturday morning one with bodies.
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I don’t think that came out right.
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Laughing at that one, B in R.
I think the book club can take several forms.
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So B in R, you are assuming the first book is a bloody murder mystery?
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I am trying to figure out how to play this:
I don’t want to not be around without explanation.
I don’t want to put a downer on the group.
I don’t want to be mysterious.
So I will explain a bit and then you can go on with the regular banter. My wife’s sister is in critical condition up in the Cities; this time she is not expected to make it. In the meantime I cannot leave Mankato because I have medical treatments for three days here. It is our busiest season of the year at work. (“Can you ge this to us by June 30, the close of our fiscal year?”) So I am managing this and supporting my wife, who, of course, cannot drive on highways but very much wants to be with her sister. But she does not want to leave me during this time. Anyway, maybe by Sunday I will be ready to get her up there.
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thanks, Clyde – good that you two support each other so well. and good that you can tell us. don’t know what else to say. strength to you both
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Clyde, my thoughts and prayers are with your wife’s sister and all of you. I’m glad you felt you could share this.
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Clyde, down where my parents live, in Luverne, the RSVP provides drivers for folks who need transportation to appointment and such. My dad is a driver for the local org., in fact. Is there an RSVP office in Mankato where you could arrange for a ride for your wife to the hospital? I think there is a reasonable fee, and perhaps such a service would be helpful.
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Also, Clyde, I should add that I live in SW Mpls near 62 Crosstown. If there’s anything up here that I could do to help, I’d be happy to.
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Clyde: No need to apologize for the way life can intrude on lighter plans. If you ever would appreciate a free place to stay, my bungalow is centrally located and it would be an honor to host you. It looks like it will be a difficult time for you, your wife and your wife’s sister. You know you will be in our thoughts.
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My thoughts are with you too, Clyde.
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I’m hoping any of us would do as you did, Clyde, and give a little background of what’s happening in our life. And then the rest of us can send good energy, prayers, godspeed.
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Thanks for letting us know, Clyde. Sending thoughts for strength and coping. Hope the silliness and banter can provide maybe a moment of respite for you.
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Clyde – my thoughts are with you, your wife, and your family. I’m in SW Mpls, too (probably not too far from Cynthia in Mpls from the sound of it), so if there are things I can do to help at this end, let me know. Even if that’s just to meet for coffee or frozen custard in a Clyde-friendly place so you can rest.
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Thanks, Renee. I can get someone to drive her but she does not want to leave me right now.
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What a great pair you two sound like. I am just in Case Management mode and it intrudes into my life at home and blog.
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how about a virtual conference with the sister? i know its possible. let me know if you’s like me to look into it. maybe just skype it.
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Like the Bible and #2 Shakespeare, #3 Agatha Christie has sold in the billions, not millions – so you may be on to something here, Dale, with your new mystery!
Frankly, I am surprised that Inspector Goatlock Combes has not eaten his pipe, hat and coat yet. Are you sure that his obsessive interest in the latest fashions is only because he is a fashion-forward clothes-goat, and not a way to hide his dependency on clothing for feeding frenzies? Will his brother, Myjority, reveal this grave fault, or help hide his addiction? Lupine is to be commended for bravery and loyalty.
I think it’s possible that Sarge is neither animal nor vegetable, but a hand held digi-pet turtle which Marnie has reconfigured to be a shortwave 2-way radio with a band that goes as far as Moscow. Her excursions into the back yard to ‘look for Sarge’ are really contact times with, Alex, as Barb has suggested. Alex, who’s first stop on his trek may have benn the bunker in the Turtle Mountains between ND and Manitoba, according to Renee, is in Russia on an undercover mission (not to be confused with under-the-covers) with Tanya, while handling negotiations among the great goat leaders of Russia. Sherilee and Anna could be on the inside track as far as what is on the agenda for negotiations. And as far as Marnie breaking things, it is turtle code that she is really breaking, which is v-e-r-y- s-l-o-w – g-o-i-n-g, as Steve demonstrated.
And the Drs Prettyman, (“chiropractor my foot!”, says Cynthia) are solely concerned with themselves and their image, and only had children to ‘look good’, as is true of any Prettyman.
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I’ll bet he can’t eat his pipe, Teri, because it’s some sort of communicator or lock-pick or something…
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I agree–A James Bond Gizmo that fools everyone.
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I hope this isn’t going to end up like that Antonioni movie “Blow Up” in which the director leads you through the movie and you try to keep forming a plot and then it ends and you realize you’ve been duped by the director since there really wasn’t a plot, it was just your mind that was straining to put a form and a meaning to what you were seeing.
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Oh, Renee, you can’t imagine that Dale or Blevins would treat us that unkindly, can you?
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Off topic, Renee – thanks for the Laurie King tip the other day. I requested her first one (Beekeeper’s Apprentice, right?) from the library…
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Yes. I found the books great!
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Have read several of Laurie King’s books, too. Great reading, and they extend the fun of having Sherlock around for a while longer.
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Here in Maine, the lupine leapt ahead this year and they’ve nearly all already gone to seed. I think this might explain why the turtle had to appear–to slow things down.
But honestly, I can’t catch up to the goaty mystery because I am still back with Dale in the basement, apologizing to all my toys. (CYnthia from Mpls, you MUST SEE THIS MOVIE. I laughed nearly as hard as I laughed at MIGHTY WIND.)
My biggest apology goes out to Raggedy Andy, whose heart was literally eaten out by a villainous mouse, who then used his stuffing to make a nest…. What can I say to make it all okay, Raggedy? I know; nothing.
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LOL Lisa apologizing in st Peter. Funny as A Might Wind? Wow it must be good. Dale has gotten us hooked on the goaty mystery so you had better catch up here.
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thanks for checking in lisa, we were missing you.
i think of you now when i reread my mistypings and quickie entries.
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steve i too liked your writing lots. send more now that the interest is peaked. the style and voice you write with is wonderful. can’t wait for more. i finished it the day you sent it. thought i responded but it would have been on that days blog and likely got lost along the way.
thanks for the bookclub idea. and minnehaha falls is a great location for the meet. what have you got in mind for the pre fair get together. maybe the music coffee house right down from hamline. (mindfart)
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ginko
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or a saints game or the russian museum or the minneapolis library or lake harriet bandshell, or homestead pickin parlor or como park conservatory, rice park? or i guess the book club could serve as the prefair get together huh?
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