In a shocking reversal of conventional wisdom, all blanket statements have been declared untrue as of the moment you started reading this sentence.
That’s it. Things have changed.
Old reliables like “It’s a Man’s World” and that thing about only children being coddled misfits are only the most recent B.S.’s to bite the dust, each one taken down by a different national magazine during the past two weeks.
Parting shots, no doubt, since all magazines are doomed.
And people who read paper books are pathetic luddites so out of touch with reality they will never understand what happened when these quaint artifacts they worship finally disappear for good.
Not to mention the commentators who say such things. They’re all smug, pencil-armed cowards too wrapped up in the internet to risk a difference of opinion in a face to face conversation. Good thing, too. They’d get trounced in a fair fight. All of them against a single cowboy? No Contest.
Repeat blanket statement makers are in denial about this. Their social and lobbying organization, “The Truly Wonderful People,” recently sent out a press release declaring that “all blanket statements contain at least 20% pure truth, and most are completely correct 88% of the time, a far better accuracy score than vague assertions and fair minded allowances.”
But this is typical of the B.S. crowd. Whenever they use numbers it’s a lie. Every one of them refuses to see the truth even when it’s so plainly in front of their face. They’re pathetic losers.
You all agree with me on this, of course.
Everyone who reads this blog makes a comment of one sort or another, particularly when the post involves remarkable, unassailable research like this.
That’s just the way it is.
Trail Baboon 
of course i agree dale, everything you say is true.
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well, i don’t know, Dale. the Hubster has been trying to gain access to an “e-book” at the UMD library for more than a week. no success. so i said that i’d pick the book up from the library on my trip in on thursday. can’t. it’s only in “e.” so all e-books are bogus. and all that talk about instant access is a lie. and everyone knows it.
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thats true barb, everything you say is true
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Perhaps books are a new source of food for your goats Barb. Bogus books should be destroyed.
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Hmm, you got me thinking , Barb. I don’t think e-books will ever replace paper books completely. How are the ultra-uptight, knee-jerk reactionary, super-socially conservative non-thinkers going to destroy those books they don’t deem fit to be read by children and/or others?
You can’t burn e-books. Can’t even melt ’em, unless you melt the kindles they’re loaded into. What are they gonna yell when they’re all standing around with torches and pitchforks, all up in arms over the latest ‘piece of trash’ that has been e-published? “C’mon, everyone, let’s all go over to the school library and demagnatize all those vile e-books the teachers are corrupting our kids with!”
Doesn’t quite have that romantic panache of a good ‘ol bonfire piled high with literary filth.
Chris in Owatonna
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Not to mention, the stench of burning plastic and electronics is not quite the same experience as burning paper and cardboard.
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Good Morning All,
Most of the blanket statements I hear do seem to be false truths. I’m talking about mainly the so called conservatives who are really reactionaries. Okay, now I guess I am going down the at same path of making simplistic blanket statements.
I don’t agree with those who are ready to declare printed media dead. There are still many people who are not into making heavy use of computers and would not be happy if they lost access to printed media or may not even be able to afford to change over to using computers in place of printed material. Oh oh! Am I vilolating the no blanket statement law again?
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that is true jim, absolutely undeniable
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Well, Tim, I’m not always right.
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well thats true
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LOL, you guys.
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Rise and Shine Babooners:
tim, you are too trusting–I think everything Dale says or writes is complete fantasy. Some of these characters are flimsy, one dimensional cardboard cutouts of teens, PR guys, or journalists.
I don’t believe anything he says. Ever.
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you are right jacque everything you say is true
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Thank you tim. I know I am always right, just like Rush Limbaugh.
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have you heard how the ox on cotton is doing since he married and moved out of his 11 million dollars house?
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Surely he is the same as ever — charismatic, obsessed, and a bit tilted. I’d love to know how the new wife is doing!
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i find most rash generalizations are based in truth. . i remember johnny carson had bob newhardt on the tonight show and asked what his ancestory was. newhardt said i am german and irish… a meticulous drunk
if we can’t laugh at where we came from we better be ready to cry.
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The most incredibly comfortable and handsome blanket ever produced by the hand of man is the Hudson’s Bay Four-Point blanket. That’s my blanket statement.
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Are you referring to the Platonic Ur-Hudson’s Bay Four-Point blanket, or merely the shadow image of one that you think you have?
And Beth, is warmth the sole standard by which all bed-coverings must be evaluated?
I see we are in deep water here, friends.
“I think, therefore I am”-is that gone too, Dale? I look to you for guidance. If it is, and I no longer am, I am cancelling tomorrow’s dental appointment for sure.
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Toughie.
“I think therefore I am” is rather specific when uttered by an individual, and so is NOT a blanket statement.
“All who think therefore are” would be the BS version, no?
Or maybe it’s more compact to say “All thinkers is.”
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Hmmmm, I believe (which of course puts this statement in the totally subjective), the BS phrase might perhaps be “one thinks, there one is”.
On another tangent, one of my favorite phrases when studying fallacies was “glittering generalities”-it just sounds so pretty, yet tacky and suspicious at the same time.
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“A well-made bed is a work of art”.
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“George had’t had the faintest idea of the art of grazing.”
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i like both the red and black and the multi color and they are my favorite blankets too.
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Quilts are warmer than blankets
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ALL quilts are warmer than ALL blankets?
How can you make such a blanket statement?
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i think thats a quilt statement
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Especially if it is a blanket of snow!
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May be what we need is some kind of a seccurity blanket we can carry around to protect us from all of these blanket statements.
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Might the purpose of blanket statements be security. I think they are. This is so much fun. But I notice with every absolute I type, I feel more secure — and self-righteous. How satisfying.
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It wasn’t enough to hear that you live in the most desirable town in America? You are hard to please!
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Just so everyone knows I AM BETTER THAN YOU! That means everyone. (BTW–We moved here for the gifted school program–not the status. My son was very hard to educate. Gifted with ADHD and LD. They also transported him to the U of M for a math program. I wasn’t sure he could make it through traditional HS –and I was right. The U saved him. He works there now.)
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ok linus
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you’re cracking me up, and that’s the truth
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Ten Thousand Things and Anything Goes? It seems that these songs fit with the blog today. Is this the work of Mike Pengra or is Jasper doing it?
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That was JASPER. And everything I say is true.
isn’t it…?
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yes it is but everything i say is a lie
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We hold these truths to be self-evident that all Blankets are created equal (though some are more equal than others), that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Attributes, that among these are Fuzziness, Coziness, and the pursuit of Warmth…
And that’ s the truth. Pbbbthththth. (She said from her Big Chair.)
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I like my security blanket statements with satiny edging. Can that be arranged?
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Oops – this was supposed to be up with Jim T’s comment…
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Anna, I think you should have satiny edging, but I don’t know how to arrange for that.
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Oo! Oo! Me too– LOVE that satiny edge. I always think I’ve got it all together and then I remember my dependence on that satiny edge and I see my personal baggage is just buried deep…
Like everyone’s.
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Hmmmm the satiny edge on a statement-I’d say lots of nice, friendly metaphors, that even when worn threadbare, are still comforting.
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To my daughter the satiny edge was the security blanket. We would but a blanket like that and cut off pieces of the satin. She wore out a few blankets rubbing it on her cheeck as the suched her index finger saying “oy-oy-oy . . . .”
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This makes me think of Nathan Lane snatching Matthew Broderick’s blue blankie in The Producers. If that doesn’t make you laugh, I don’t know what.
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Perhaps the answer is to buy several packages of the satin edging at the fabric store (in assorted colors, of course) and use them as bookmarks as we read our books for the BBC.
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The new stuff in the packages is Nasss—ty! I will bring some lovely wide double-faced satin ribbon from my stash for the BBC. Now I know what I have been saving it for!
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This is all nonsense – all of it. Don’t think you can pull the wool blanket over our eyes. I heard it on the radio so I know it’s true. Or the internet. Or somewhere.
Which of course reminds me of last week’s Onion headline: Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be
ESCONDIDO, CA—Spurred by an administration he believes to be guilty of numerous transgressions, self-described American patriot Kyle Mortensen, 47, is a vehement defender of ideas he seems to think are enshrined in the U.S. Constitution. Mortensen, whose understanding of the Constitution derives not from a close reading of the document but from talk-show pundits, books by television personalities, and the limitless expanse of his own colorful imagination, says “It’s time for true Americans to stand up and protect the values that make us who we are.”
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This is a current topic for me having innocently put my foot in my mouth with what other people took as blanket statements. What is the keyboard equivalent of biting your tongue?
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Having to write a poem about the experience and share it with the group! I sentence thee…
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I would have to say biting your keyboard tongue is hitting “save draft” before whacking the “send” button.
Getting the little hammers on a typewriter snarled(or typing and then having to wait for your software to catch up and actually show what you did) is more like the keyboard’s equivelent of being tongue-tied.
You read it here, it must be absolutely true.
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The keyboard equivalent of biting your tongue is hard to find these days because of technological advances. “Back in the day” we had typewriters that, if you whacked several letter keys at the same time, would result in a big jam with letter keys stuck to each other halfway to the ribbon. Which is a form of being tongue-tied.
IBM was first to throw cold water over that bit of fun by making a typewriter with a ball that danced along the ribbon, and you could NOT jam the letter keys, not matter how lame your typing was (or even how lame MY typing was).
And while I’m ranting, I miss the little bell that rang to reward you for typing another line of copy. And what in the modern word processor can compare to the thrill of grabbing that carriage return handle and slamming that platen to the right so hard it sits there quivering in fear, waiting for you to slam it again at the end of the next line. Typing was a physical activity. You felt it and heard it and smelled it. The center of the enclosed circle of the lower-case “e” would fill up with ink and crud so it make a big solid blob on the paper. Man, that was technology I could understand. I typed best when I was slightly mad at my machine, but it took a lot of managing to remain just a bit angry and not let it get out of control.
Just ignore me, folks. I miss my friendly old blanket.
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Yes, Steve.
A moment in history: my wife was the secretary of the sales staff at Webb publishing 1966-68. She got one of the first typewriters with a memory and that would then justify. She used to type some of my college papers on that in my junior and senior year. I only had two instructors notice it, both mystifed how I had done it. And I am quite sure I got higher grades than I should have on a couple of papers.
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Ah, yes — I remember going to word processing/secretarial school after I realized my fancy BA in Theatre wasn’t going to get me anywhere. I learned on the old dedicated word processing machine, which was a simple computer just programmed for word processing. The fancy machine at the time was the CPT Phoenix, I think. The screen was shaped and looked like a blank sheet of white paper w/black typing — a big advance at that time. Word Processing was a specialized skill back then — now any chimp or baboon can do it. And I’m sad to say … I still haven’t gotten anywhere.
And a satin edging is essential for any blanket. That reminds me that my 15-yr old son was and still is a blankie guy who likes to be snugly. When he was little, I would take him shopping with me, and he’d pick up apricots and rub them on his cheek and coo, “oooh, snugly.”
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In 1969 my wife had one of the highest secretary positions in the Cities, for which she was paid little. By 1975 she was completely obselete. Does anyone do shorthand anymore? My wife uses it to write things she does not want me to read, such as gift lists and her daily list:
she writes a list of things to do every day on which the first seven items are the same every day. Because I made fun of it, she writes it in shorthand. Now, one of you will say she writes it to cross things off, but she never does or ever has crossed items off her list. I used to do presentations on learning styles/mindsets, for which my wife was a treasure of stories and examples.
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Clyde – I think only old-fashioned secretaries still do shorthand who have old-fashioned bosses. They taught shorthand to the gals in the Executive Secretary curriculum when I was in secretarial school — I didn’t take it, though as I was in the shorter curriculum. Although I did learn transcribing which I haven’t used in almost 20 years.
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Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country.
I suppose that blanket statement is toast too?
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I think some blanket statements do stand the test of time to become a general, noble truth.
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Dale, could you find a YouTube of LeRoy Anderson’s The Typewriter and insert it here?
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Yes indeed. It’s easy.
When you find a YouTube video that you want to post, click on the box that says “share”. Copy the address that appears, and paste it in with your comment. Ding!
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Thought for a moment this was Facebook was was going to hit “Like.”
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Ok. I should have previewed. This is why I don’t post — not just here but anywhere. Sorry about the “was was.” I am paralyzed by stupid mistakes, and have measured out my life by coffee spoons. Or something.
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T.S. Eliot – I had just read that quote this morning 🙂
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Now it is time for taking of tea and toast.
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here you can type like and the consequences is that we all agree
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the warm up band for pink martini last year had a percussionist whose coolest percussion instrament was a typewriter that he’d pad a tad a tat and then ding back into the rythem for the next part of the song. it was great.
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A prior superintendent used to say at admin. mtgs, which our principal would relay to us at staff mtgs, “It’s better to raise the bar HIGH and miss than to have it LOWER and hit.” I suppose that might impress some people (literates) but I say it’s even better to have the bar JUST RIGHT and not gouge yourself in the crotch every time.
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Principal Workman in Hassler’s “Staggerford.” Best faculty meeting and faculty party in fiction.
I had two principals who did not give a rip and said so. I had one good one. Never had a cliche master.
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Shoot, I don’t remember it, may have to reread. My dad loved this book for the depiction of 6th hour Study Hall, which he had for the first couple of years — always fell to the rookie teachers…
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wasn’t hassler wonderful at creating the intimacy of the room?
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I’m sitting lurkalgia.
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Clyde – Do you still have that beautiful piece you wrote on Trial Balloon that time – something about powder on dry canvas? I, for one, would love to reread it on Rhyme Wave.
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Where IS Rhyme Wave — it’s not showing up on the blog is it?
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I assuyme Dale has not gotten to it yet.
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True. I have not gotten to it yet, but will get busy right now.
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That’s really great of you Dale – to jump right on it. Watch that bar!
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THanks for the typewriter post and the Rhyme Wave.
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Yet another new word with “lurk” as the root…
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I just finished a pastel of Lake Sperior, for which I got to use just a little bit of dark dark blue. Here ’tis.
If I really could paint,
and not just force powdered dust across rough-toothed paper.
If I really could paint,
I would not paint still life.
I would paint unstill things:
Landscapes in which the red orange yellow leaves fall from the tress,
so that I would have to erase them from the bottom of the paper,
And paint them again, this time in the delicate green of first spring.
Landscapes with rocks that roll or move mysteriously,
ruining or maybe fixing my faulty composition.
Landscapes with the ill wind or the hateful wind or the uncaring wind,
hoping I could paint the difference with powdered dust on rough-toothed paper.
Seascapes full of waves which would tear away the sand,
and I would have to paint sand again,
this time getting closer to the truth of sand.
Seascapes which snatch the unwary from their littoral ramble,
so that I would have to paint death beneath the furrowed water.
Seascapes, or is it lakescapes, of Superior on a day when it smells of fish,
having no idea how to paint the smell of fish in dust on rough-toothed paper.
Paintings in which the sun would drop off the paper,
so I would have to use the purples and grays and dark dark blues
waiting eagerly in my box of sticks of powdered dust.
Then I would finally paint the night scenes I have not dared yet to paint.
Pictures of people (but not portraits)
with a tic twitching in the corner of eye or mouth or nose or temple.
with hair that blows in the wind and shoulders that heave with a sigh.
But they would not talk; they might tell me they do not look like the real person.
Flowers, yes even flowers, but in an unkempt garden,
where dogs would piss on them, where bees would pollinate them,
where the ill wind would strip their petals, where drought would kill them,
and I would have to use browns and ochres and dark dark greens,
pushing the powders ever more deeply into the rough-toothed paper.
I grovel obeisantly before those who paint or like still life.
I am not judging you but looking into my heart
And wishing I could paint my heart in powdered dust on rough-toothed paper.
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Watch out. If you keep posting such beautiful poetry as a consequence, we will all be encouraging you to misbehave!
Dale, why isn’t Rhyme Wave on the blogroll?
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Yeah – that’s the one! Mercy boo coo.
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bravo
i missed it the first time. thanks for the repost …very very nice
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I did want to say while I sat in lurkalgia this morning, how much I enjoyed the blanket banter.
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Regarding topic: Huh?
Tim – what’s this mean: ox on cotton? (I’m sure I’m supposed to know that).
Steve and all who remember typing on a real typewriter, here’s a forward called (forgive me): Blonde goes back to work after many years…
Joanne – I too worked on a word proccessor for a year or so… thought I was very technically adept at the time.
Clyde, love that poem.
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Barbara — I laughed out loud! She doesn’t actually look old enough, but I guess she’s blonde enough.
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HEY!!!
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Harumph–there are a few of us blondes — bottle blonde or not–on this site.
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Thanks so much for that one, Barbara in Robbinsdale!
You know how to tell which computer belongs to the blonde, right?
It is the one with correction fluid all over the screen.
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Oxycontin–the pain killer that Rush was once addicted to. Surely not anymore–his behavior is SO stable (tongue in cheek)
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OK, thanks, I get it now…
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Dumbest teacher I ever had–and that is a powerful statement, given how long I dawdled in grad school–was my typing teacher. I remember how she started the first class.
“Students! The first thing I have to show you is putting the cover on your typewriter when you are done typing. This is tricky. If you look at the typewriter, you will see it has a slanted front. If you look at your cover, you will see it has a slanted side.”
And at that point I was thinking, “Dear God, this woman can’t be about to TEACH us that we need to match the shape of the cover to the shape of the typewriter!”
But, yes, that was exactly the lesson. “Now, I want you to see that if you are careful and match them up, the slant on the typewriter will match the slant on the cover.”
If I hadn’t been such a hopeless suck-up goody-goody, I would have put my hand up and asked Miss Clausen to please slow down and repeat that lesson because I was falling behind.
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Today’s News: an Enigma
The rich will get richer because the rich just got richer.
Our allies are our enemies. But our enemies are not our allies.
Because there is so much pollution in the gulf, we should pollute more in the gulf.
The famous are even more famous for being famous.
Sports has no sport in it anymore.
The President’s approval rating is down because his approval rating is down.
Newsmakers are slaves to the word slave.
Little news is big news so big news will be little news.
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Just turned off the all-star game. Nothing is reportage anymore in news or sports; all is interpretation and spin.
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Is that from the Bible?
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Genetics 23:32.
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the all star game is screwed up when david ortiz not being able to be pinch run for is the deciding factor in the al loss. ( i came in at the end) the stars aren’t ones we relate to anymore. they are not what our kids and grandkids parrot out in the yard with the neighborhood anymore (heck no one lets their kids play out in the yard with the neighborhood kids anymore)
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Now my head hurts, Clyde.
Do your snippets from it mean you have finished Three Bags Full?
I just did. I am saying no more.
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Half way there.
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Donna, what is your picture (gravatar, is that what it’s called)?
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I’m shaking hands with my son in front of the bean after his graduation. Kind of gets you right here, don’t it? 😉
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Indeed!! I wish we could enlarge them.
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agreed
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If you want to get a closer look at a small photo, try this: right-click on the image and choose “Open image in new tab”. Then go to the new tab and you can manipulate this image there. To enlarge it, hold down the command key and hit the key for the plus sign, next to your backspace. To shrink it, command -.
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Had this for supper tonight. Too good not to share:
Lou’s Bean Salad
1 can of garbanzo beans, rinsed and drained
1 can of red or black beans, rinsed and drained
2 cups frozen peas, lightly cooked
1 bunch green onions, chopped or 1/2 c. red pepper chopped
1/2 c. vinegar (I use white wine vinegar)
1/2 c. olive oil
1 tsp tarragon
1/2 tsp salt
Mix it up, let it set awhile, then enjoy!
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I have another blanket statement for you all to consider. Clyde may be the only one who will know what I mean by it.-“Steak should never be cooked on a pitchfork in a barrel of oil.
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Sounds like a gigantic fondu.
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There is a thing around here called pitchfork fondu, but the reference misses me, Renee.
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I refer, of course, to the Medora pitchfork fondue, to which I was unfortunate enough to attend this evening. My daughter is hosting a Music Camp friend from Winnipeg this week, and thought that the fondue would be fun. I thought she knew what it was. My daughter, that toney girl, thought that it was a traditional Swiss fondue and was dismayed to hear the details from me, far too late to cancel our reservations. Slabs of steaks four or more to a pitch fork are cooked in barrels of oil. Our Canadian friend thought it was great fun and rather quaint. I talked them out of going to the wholesome and irritating Medora musical, which ends with the reenactment of Teddy Roosevelt charging up San Juan Hill in the Spanish American War. That would really have been too much schmaltz for one evening.
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Went to the musical but did not know about the fondue there. A couple of churches do it here.
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i do love a swiss fondue with the guyer and ementhaler, garlic and pinot grigio, lemon juice and the kirsch. the kirsch makes the difference and the bottle lasts for years at the rate i make fondue. i must be hungry my mouth is watering a little flour to stiffen it up a bit and a couple bottles of wine for sipping while you eat to go along with it. umm too thick add more wine. to thin add more cheese. more bread more wine . it could go on for hours.
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I was actually kidding about the fondu! Who knew?
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