Summer House Guests

Here’s a text message from the woods!

Hey, Bart here.

Not much time to text today. I’ve got family visiting from out east.

Yeah, bears go to see their relatives! And all bears are related, so I never know who’s coming. Seems like every bear that ever there was showed up last week, and with this group – it’s always “picnic time”! They like to gaily gadabout, play and shout and never have any care. Morning, noon, night, you name it – Picnic time. If you go down in the woods today you might see us, but you better not go alone!

Three of ‘em are talking about staying. This couple and their kid came from New Jersey where the crime is terrible, they say. Their place got broken into. Some girl wandered in because she was hungry. Ate their porridge and sat in their chairs and slept in their beds. They found evidence of the break in and signs that she messed with their stuff … and when they discovered she was still there she jumped out the window and ran away! What nerve.

So now they’re hinting that they can’t go home. Something about a mob of people with guns coming after them. In New Jersey? I had no idea.

I like my relatives and I sure feel bad for them but times are tough all over and I don’t want to have guests still hanging around when I’m getting ready for hibernation. How can get the message across that it’s time to hit the road?

Bart

I told Bart he should remind his visitors that “people with guns” also go looking for bears in Minnesota, starting September first according to this chart. I think most creatures would flee a new threat to get back to something equally dangerous but more familiar. Although things might be different in New Jersey.

How long should houseguests stay?

123 thoughts on “Summer House Guests”

  1. Dale, how many times I asked for Teddy Bear Picnic from you!! It is the song of my childhood. This morning we will do an experiment, Bart, to see if if a doughy man melts when bike riding in the rain.
    If it’s company 2 days; if it’s real friends, a week.

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    1. And if I don’t melt, I will share the results of my deep research on the now-historically certain Ol’ Blevin. Maybe I submit it to History Detectives.

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      1. Can’t wait to read it over my lunch hour. Work has been tense and difficult this week with someone leaving. Trekking the Trail has saved what little is left of my sanity. One more day….

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      2. (this comment meant to appear above, but there wasn’t a “reply” thingie to click)

        So sorry, Jacque. Is it a problem to replace the departing person? I know of someone who is wise in the ways of people, good-natured, skillful at writing and almost too clever for his own good. He has a lovely voice. And he’s looking for work.

        Actually, I know two such people. You’ll find someone so good you won’t miss the dear departed. Good luck.

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      3. Tomorrow will be better they say, on what authority I do not know. We may have to go into lock-down here at our Mankato office. Our one employee is right on the edge.

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      4. Steve–lost your email. Could you contact me through website and I’ll give you more info. phone or email. Free 12:00 -1 to actually talk which might be more expedient. Thanks

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  2. all experience hath shown, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are long accustomed.

    2 days

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      1. @tim – I work with steel beams, so I use flange all the time 🙂 Wide flange beams are what I’ve been using a lot lately.

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      2. I mostly deal with designing bridges. They’re not the large highway ones that you see, but small scale, mostly snowmobile trail bridges.

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  3. and they don’t get to take control of the tv clicker. i don’t care which news they watch and what their favorite shows are. go sit in the guest room and watch it on a 14″ screen if its important.

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  4. TV in there!! Smart!! But my computer, alas, is in the guest bedroom. Will have to change that when we move.

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    1. bear hunting in the areas of the country that are squeezing the bears out of their habitat are a typical political response to the problem. deal with the symptoms instead of the cause. this year too many shoot em. 10 years not enough bring em back because the something else species is running rampant without the preditor we have hunted to the desired level is no longer there to keep things in check. give a politician a badge and watch him flex and make an ass of himself
      and so it goes

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      1. Actually, Tim, bears have soared in numbers in MN after being named a big game animal. The DNR can’t attract enough people to hunt bears to make the season limit the population. Bear hunting is hot, sweaty and often disgusting work.

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      2. I know what Steve means about disgusting – I once had a car issue while up in the BWCA and had to hitch a ride in the back of a truck carrying “bear bait” – rotting meat. Better than walking but less than pleasant ambience!

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      3. Connie — ugh! So you know what I meant. The usual Minnesota bear hunting technique is to build a garbage pile in the woods and camp out over it with a weapon. They say nobody went broke underestimating the taste of the American people and no bear hunter ever struck out by underestimating the gross appetites of black bears. The more disgusting, the better. Bears like honey, for example, but they REALLY like honey that has been set on fire.

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  5. Rise and Drip Babooners:

    Wow, tim, sounds like some personal experience with the tv (and I’ll bet Fox News).

    Isn’t it Ben Franklin who said, “House guests and fish stink after three days.”

    However, engaging bears is not that hard, Bart. I lived on a camp North of Grand Rapids, MN for 2 years. Bears constantly raided and destroyed dumpsters. Any dumpster full of food garbage and set outside the den (or house) should lure the company out of the den (or house) into the great outdoors. When they are out of the house slam the doors and lock them out! Throw the road map, airline tickets, car keys out the window and lock that too.

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    1. i like it.
      my inlaws in a family of three and one lives a mile away form the grandparents (they tried moving 50 miles away and 6 months later the grandparents sold thier house and moved too) have decided that rather than declare the family vacation for the location, time and date of their choosing (last year it was wisconsin dells on 4th of july in a hotel where we were pool was so full of pee the boils and hives started the minute your toe touched the water) and have us not show up because of some lame excuse like state baseball tournaments or some other commitment, they would pick the date and hold it two miles from our house at the states new largest water park (across from the mall of america) the pee should be watered down a bit with more water i guess. well golly the state tournaments are in hibbing that weekend so i have to take my son up there. the little kids are looking forward to seeing their neurotic little cousins and we get to see the cousins from kansas city who never come up here.(god love em) too. so instead of living at our house for 2 days and driving us crazy they have orchestrated a scenerio where they have rented out 3 rooms at the water park hotel and will have us as their guests. i like it lots better. it is the hard way around but it will work. and then i get called out of town with the 17 year old to miss the whole deal.
      and so it goes

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    2. Thanks for the Ben Franklink quote – very apropo.

      After hearing from Bart and reading Jacque’s personal experience with bears and dumpster diving, I was wondering what Bart thinks about Jeremy Seifert’s documentary “Dive!”.

      I listened to “Will Dive for Food” on The Story with Dick Gordon last night. Although I really appreciate Jeremy’s “Eat Trash” movement, I hope Bart and relatives get some credit – or at least a share in the spoils.

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      1. … slightly still on topic of bears, Northern Poster Collective (sigh, another marvelous entity gone gone gone) sold a bumber sticker (probably t-shirt) something like: I support the right to Arm Bears.

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  6. when inlaws arrive in my kitchen
    my mouth is best off with a stitch in
    they come in and complain
    about obama’s terrain
    and drive me insane with their bitching

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  7. The most memorable house guests I ever got at the cabin was a group of four bears. You wouldn’t believe how thoroughly four bears can trash a small cabin (I can share photos via email with anyone interested).

    The only fun I got out of it was the talk with an insurance agent in downtown Chicago, a woman who was puzzled that I would blame bears for breaking in and trashing the place. What made me suspect BEARS?

    I figured she must not have a northern cabin, so I was patient. I explained about the bear hair stuck to the ragged hole they used to enter. I mentioned the bear paw prints on the walls and floors. I said there were big bear tooth marks in my telephone (and they say have kinky food tastes!). And finally, I said my suspicions were raised by the big pile of bear poop in the living room.

    Of course, it could have been amorous teenagers, but I was fairly convinced it was bears.

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      1. tim, it isd an excellent book. But I warn you about chapter 11. Really got to me.
        steve, you should add pix of you father’s creations.

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      2. I’m enjoying your book too, Steve. It’s taking me longer to read than I would have thought and that’s why I’m not a good book club member. Sounds like I’ll need to prepare for chapt. 11. I definitely related to Aunt Let. 🙂

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    1. great story, did you ever get a smile out of the insurance agent? love to see the pictures.
      by the way i am still enjoying the family history. i got a chance to get in a few more chapters over the weekend and love the voice and pace that you used to write the history and temperaments of the family. very very nice. wondeful stories.

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      1. given the choice i take the check i guess but i do have a hard time with customer service people with no people skills. there are plenty of book keeping jobs for them.

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  8. I wish I had more guests to complain about. My parents are in their late 80’s and are finding the 9 hour drive out here to be more and more difficult. My husband’s family is another kettle of fish. They live in Wisconsin, Colorado, and Oregon, and have visited us here fewer than 3 times in the 20 years we have lived here. They tell us that its too remote/isolated/boring out here, with nothing to do or see. They like it when we visit, but I get tired of being a guest all the time. I have noticed that people who aren’t at ease with themselves find the vastness of the Great Plains intolerable. Its as though the emptiness forces you to look inward, and if you don’t like what you see when you look inward, I guess you would want to avoid it. Oh dear, I’m just too dour this morning.

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      1. Exactly! Don’t forget the world’s largest Sandhill Crane at Steele, either. I guess that I was raised to believe that family was worth seeing, even if they live in the Gobi desert or northwest Iowa.

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    1. very insightful stuff about all that inner searching avoidance. maybe its better than you know. enjoy your folks while you can and as for the inlaws… 3 times in 20 years is about right, still for 3 days max though.

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    2. It takes a different person to like that land; I find it beautiful, stark, and it does make me look inward.

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      1. I did? I have doubted them from the first; never trusted those three pitchers.
        But apparently we are playing the wrong catcher, according to Bert. Sal’s son is the greatest catcher since Tim Laudner, who is the gold standard.

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    1. Because it gives the cheerleaders something to graze on?

      Do you know why Iowans move to MN when they’re told they have six months to live?

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      1. Oops – I mean to PREVENT the cheerleaders from grazing.

        Hey kids, yours was a cheerleader in HS! Yeah – I fit the stereotype beautifully, except I had to stuff my bra.

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  9. Mike–the song was half over before I realized it was Teddy Bear’s Picnic. Best version ever. Evokes childhood memories so well, but only if I pay attention. Thanks.

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  10. OT but important!

    Last Friday Gary Eichten’s noon show featured New York Times columnist David Brooks giving a speech at the Aspen Ideas Festival. This speech is remarkably thoughtful and thought-provoking. The subject of the talk was what we have learned in recent years about the human mind, but that doesn’t begin to do it justice. I have listened to it four times and will do so again today.

    Go to MPR/Mid-Day/July 16 and then consider the options for accessing or downloading the talk. I give it 11 stars out of a possible 10 (oh, shades of “This is Spinal Tap”)!

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    1. That was a very thought-provoking presentation. I was struck by the stat he gave for 700 hours of lost sleep for the parent(s) in the first year of a child’s life. Wowza. Also made me wonder what sort of a mess I have already created for my daughter and her brain development…or what happens to a kid named Solveig if Lawrences tend to become Lawyers and Dennises become Dentists.

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      1. Solveigs become seers.
        Every Solveig I have ever known has been an artist or a really spiritually-tuned person.
        I went to Carleton and there were lots of Solveigs there.

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      2. Well, already at 6 she is artistic and a good problem solver…so I guess this proves the name hypothesis (at least for Darling Daughter) – or at least it’s another positive data point. (Though how an “Anna” wound up doing web content, I dunno – should have been in “Annalysis.”)

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  11. Agree with Clyde – 2 (3 max) days guests, a week for real friends. I’m going to be a house guest this weekend, and I’ll be complying with the 2 night rule. Have a great weekend, Babooners!

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  12. Bart, may I take this moment to endorse the idea of the very small house? One that only accomodates the current occupants comfortably (and that is because they get along).

    Tim, I relate.

    Clyde, I await your revelation with keen interest.

    Spinal Tap? brilliant piece of work-the Stonehenge sequence is priceless-theatre techs amongst the Congress, if you have not seen it, you really must.

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    1. I follow the same theory – house is too small for house guests. Unless you like sleeping on the couch with an 18 lb cat on your chest.

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    2. I was just recounting the stonehenge schtick to a friend the other day as we construcgted a one hour brick oven (plans courtesy of someone on this list). I began to guffaw just relating it.

      I have to say, I am confounded by the dearth of visitors we get in Maine. Minnesota I understand; much as I love St. Peter, it does not offer very many enticements for the tourist (other than those pearly gates, of course, and alas, no I am not kidding). But Maine? Everyone in Maine complains about the nonstop house guests they get all summer. Not us, man. We must be unlikeable. Or rigid. Well, now that I think about it, I am rigid.

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  13. Sorry, I’m talking too much today. I do need to warn Babooners about how European patterns differ from ours. My former wife met a young Dutch woman who was interested in wolves. My ex invited Naomi to contact me. I guess I told her that if she came to the US, she should stop by my pink bungalow; it is close to the airport.

    Months later, Naomi wrote me to say she was coming. Oh? And how long would she stay? She thought five weeks (and remember, this is a person I have not met). Her boyfriend would be here with her for the last half of the visit.

    You are probably expecting a disaster story now, but I liked Naomi. We’ve been friends for years and she has been a frequent guest at my home and cabin. She just wrote to give me frequent flyer miles that will allow me to visit my daughter and grandson in Portland, OR.

    So . . . if you invite an American, things often go “off” in about three days. If you invite a European, I sure hope you like them, for they might mean to camp out with you for weeks.

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    1. Something like that happened to my neighbor – she met this cute French guy when England, he visited her when he came to the States and the rest is history — they’re now married and have the little girls across the street that I play with… and have introduced me to some very nice wines. 🙂

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  14. Heads up Kids! As soon as The Boxer ends there will be two songs played that a former cheerleader requested – just yesterday! I think it’s real nice that Mike Pengra has genie powers.

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  15. My extensive research* into the man in the song we know as Ol’ Blevins, is I am glad to relate, an actual historical figure, as I suspected. The tone of the song led my correctly to place him in the West, during that time when the Ol’ West was gone but a few cragged cowboys still hung around bars to tell their tales and panhandle for a few drinks, probably between 1890 and 920. And thus I found him and can tell you his full name. In 1917 in Oregon a man named Dinkler J. Blevins published and copyrighted a photograph claiming to show a miraculous appearance of the Madonna in the sky over a western landscape. Anyone who has spent an hour or two in the darkroom recognizes how it was done as a double exposure with the enlarger. Where he picked up the darkroom skills is anyone’s guess, but roving photographers were common and studios had sprung up everywhere by then. It is a rather cheesy and easy darkroom trick. No doubt he then traveled from bar to bar hawking these prints for drinks until he developed the slurred pattern of speech represented in the song.

    * While waiting for my wife at the mall entrance to Barnes and Noble last night I picked up a book called “Ghost Photos” in the last chance 50% off last price rack.

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      1. Actually, and I hate to admit this, but I will, and then we call overlook it and, if I can fit one more subordinate structure in this sentence, I will, which I often do when in bad pain, but if you look closely at the bottom of the picture where the copyright note is written, it almost certainly says “Dinkler [ampersand] Blevins.”* However, such a fortuitous find I say must be the greater truth. So Dinkler Jehosaphat Blevins it is, if you approve Blogmaster, which is sort of like but better than dungeonmaster, but not at all like being a mixmaster or a remaster.

        *What is assumed to be the longest sentence in all of famous literature is, as fortune would have it, in a novelette by Faulkner called “The Bear.” No one who has tried has ever found a main clause in it. All of this is in honor of the fact that my first sentence in my explanation of the picture has no main clause. The State of MN Dept. of Ed. has started the process to hereby revoke my lifetime teacher license.

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  16. Clyde, you never cease to amaze me. Nice to know Blevins has a first name.

    Now please tell me that the Mary Ellen Carter is in fact not purely fictional. I want so much to believe.

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    1. Sorry, Catherine! The ship seems to have sprung directly from the creative mind of Stan Rogers. But there is a really cool story about the song. Go to the Wikipedia entry on the Mary Ellen Carter.

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      1. Yes, thank you, I had already been devastated by the information on Wikipedia.

        I however, accept Clyde as a higher source of knowledge. He knows from before (and beyond) the internet.

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      2. My research shows, and I cannot divulge my sources here, the Mary Ellen Carter was a ship on a secret mission to the lost tribes of Israel, when it was overtaken and sunk by the alien ship that eventually crashed in Roswell, NM, which was really a front for KAOS, at which point the State Department and the War Department, under the guidance of the fledgling CONTROL organization, dropped its first cone of silence, which went hideously wrong, on the site where the Mary Ellen Carter, which is named by the way for the woman who invented corn plasters and Grape Nuts, sank beneath the waves of the Hebridean Sea, and thus they hired a Canadian because Canadians, as we all know, take nothing seriously, as evidence by their ability to invent dollar coins that do not look like quarters, loony as they are, to write a fictional sung to cover up the real facts. The last flotsam of the Mary Ellen Carter was picked up and stored in a crate in a large warehouse in Sudbury Ontario, along with some faked photos supposedly of the event, forged by Dinkler J. Blevins Jr.

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      3. Thank you, Clyde, not only for your informative and incisive reporting, but also for posting that when I could read it and no one else was in the office so I could actually enjoy it full-out.

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    2. The thing I loved learning about Stan Rogers is what his brother Garnet said. Seems that, despite all those sailing songs he wrote or sang, “Stan would get seasick walking across a wet lawn.”

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  17. I find that having 2 cats and a non-air conditioned small house prevents most overnight houseguests, whether I want that to be the case or not. I think 3-4 days is my limit (as a guest or host), with the notable exceptions of our own Lisa from St. Peter aka Maine and her partner. They could stay much longer.

    I find it more stressful figuring out WHAT TO DO with family visit free time (“we’re open to anything Cynthia blah blah blah”), which I’m in the middle of right now with sister and family from CA. Might be time to drive north for a day and look at beautiful Lake Superior.

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    1. Say hi to Rebecca and crew, CYnthia! And remind me to tell you my astonishing rat story–the sort of story that proves that urban myths are sometimes true.

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  18. OK, last post before travel. Anyone remember which Joni Mitchell song has (close to) the line: Campers in the kitchen, that’s fine, but I need some quiet time…

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  19. A look from the other side 😉
    I travel between MI and MN a LOT. This requires a lot of staying over at people’s houses. Hotels cost far too much to make it economical for me. I try not to make a nuisance of myself, and I also try to stay at multiple places, so I don’t overstay my welcome. The longest I was a houseguest for was the first 2 weeks after I graduated college, and that was because I couldn’t move into my apartment right when I rented it. I had to start work. Luckily, my cousins are very nice people and let me live with them for awhile 🙂 All my stuff (boxes, books, TVs, etc) went to my friend’s house, into her extra bedroom.

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    1. Hear, hear. I once stayed with my sister for a month, when we were both adults. We’re both more rigid than the other, and despite all that, we managed just fine. Best behavior, lots of cooking of dinner and getting out of the way by going into the basement.

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  20. Greetings! We are not prone to hosting house guests — occasional friend of teenager stays overnight, but not often. And they’ve known each other for 12 years, so he knows what our house is like (messy!) and I don’t always have food they like. IF we go to stay at somebody else’s house, it’s usually a separate area with my 3 BIG boys. Only place we ever had an extended stay was at my parents’ house when they were alive, because they had the room for us.

    Otherwise, when we visit my sister and her husband in Fountain City, WI, they have a separate apartment/room rental that we stay in which is rather nice. If any of you travel to the Winona area of MN, my sister and her husband own The Monarch Tavern/Public House in Fountain City, WI, which is right across the river. It’s a very cool old tavern/restaurant. They serve microbrew beer (excellent), make great pizzas, sandwiches, etc. Very nicely renovated with the old pressed tin ceilings, brick walls, hand-carved bar, woodwork, beautiful deck and beer garden — but still rustic.

    If you’re looking for a scenic drive to a colorful river town, I highly recommend it. And Lori and John are very friendly. John is very Irish, so there’s a distinct Irish flair to the place and some Irish specialty dishes. Enjoy the day everyone!

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      1. Thanks, Renee — I’m glad you and your staff enjoyed it. Thinking I just might make some now myself!

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    1. We will look for it. We spent our honeymoon, three weeks short of 45 years ago, in that area. We drive it at least once a year, down the Wi side and up the MN side.

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    2. Joanne, you are reminding of fond memoires I had forgotten: My son had a friend who lived about three miles up HWY 61 with an overcontroling mother and mid-life crisis father from which he emerged with a new sexual identity, in a house so small that he slept in a closet, yes, a la Harry Potter. So he lived more at our house than theirs for two years. My daugher had a friend also with an overcontrolling mother. Both her parents’ last names are among the most prestigious old names in Duluith. She lived at our house for most of her senior year and drove to Duluth for school. Fortunately, these two house guests were not there at the same time.

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      1. Our house growing up took in “strays” like that, too – I think we had 2 or 3 friends of my brother’s living in the basement at different times, sometimes only for a little while, one for about a year as I recall while my brother was in high school and early college. And I had a friend who spent most of a summer staying with us off and on when I was in high school. It was good to grow up with understanding and accepting parents.

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  21. Also OT – but for those who have not yet voiced an opinion about our first Blevins’ Book Club meeting, our completely undemocratic voting system for choosing a meeting date (you get to vote, but only on dates I chose), at 5 total votes Sunday 8/1 is so far ahead in the polls. If you have a strong desire for a different date, vote now and vote often. 😉

    Hmm…since we have sorta been talking about Blevins’ (great story Clyde), maybe it isn’t too far off topic. And how long would you want Blevins to stay as a house guest? Would he get to stay longer or less time than your relatives?…

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      1. OK. A grodie old Oregonian who lived in 1917 probably smelled like my farmer Grandpa who bathed once a week. He does not get to stay at my house AT ALL.

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      2. From your description, it doesn’t really seem like it would make much difference if it was the baboon OR Dinkler J.

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