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Ask Dr. Babooner

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Dear Dr. Babooner,

In my family we have this weird thing we do called The Money Game. We all send dollars to my eccentric Uncle S., (it’s a big family), and then he sends some back. Why? It keeps us all connected and it helps him feel important! And did I mention that Uncle S. is allowed to print money? He is! Weird, I know. But it’s smart to stay on my uncle’s good side. He’s always rolling in dough!

Recently my uncle offered to send our family some money for education and health care and all we had to do was fill out a few applications. My Uncle fancies himself an expert manager. (He’s NOT!) But he LOVES paperwork. I thought we should humor him, especially since we’ve been coming up short lately. Anyway, if he doesn’t give the money to us he’ll hand it over to someone else. He’s a crazy waster!

But my husband absolutely HATES The Money Game and said “No!” He thinks Uncle S’s spending out of control, and we shouldn’t accept his handout. Uncle S. is bloated, there’s no doubt, but he means well and he does spend a bunch on important things that the rest of the family ignores, like the poor and the sick and the destitute. And Uncle S. has people who protect us. We can call on them whenever we need them. Kind of important.

My husband is no financial genius either, I should say. We’re solvent, but it takes a lot of shifting dollars around from one pocket to another and delaying payments. Every time I have an idea for how we can get more cash, my husband says no, no, no, the problem is spending. And this has been going on for 8 years! The accountant says next year is going to be a doozy, by the way. When the topic comes up I just hear air rushing in my ears and my eyes go out of focus, but I’m pretty sure there is a day of reckoning just ahead.

I should add that all this is complicated by the fact that I’ll be getting a new husband in January. This one says he’s had enough. And get this – he refuses to admit it but I think it is his secret dream to go work for Uncle S. and be in charge of The Money Game!

I don’t think we understand each other very well. We can hardly stand to be together. He’s always in Iowa!

Dr. Babooner, what should I do?

Sincerely,
Starved For Cash

I told Starved For Cash that it sounds like her current husband is trying to change the rules of The Money Game – a difficult and costly thing to do, especially if everyone else continues to play as normal. That said, a lot has been sacrificed by people in pursuit of their dreams. Unfortunately, those closest to them bear the brunt of these fantasies in ways the dreamer doesn’t see or can’t imagine. It seems like the only thing to do is hang on and wait for January. You say there’s a new husband on the horizon. If that’s the case, make sure you agree about finances before you start. And is there any way to stay single?

But that’s just one opinion. What do YOU think, Dr. Babooner?

39 thoughts on “Ask Dr. Babooner”

  3. Doctor Babooner here. Dear Starved for Cash: I’m afraid you are in trouble. You say your husband is moving on, leaving you. Actually, this whole facade of saving money as the only strategy in the Money Game looks like a ploy he is pulling in order to show off for some very silly, shallow women who only judge a man by how tight he is with money. As long as your husband it concentrated on winning their favor, he will be irresponsible in the Money Game.

    You are best off forgetting him. He was a mistake. He has long been locked into a single, over-simplified view of the world. Take comfort from the fact that there are other husbands for you to consider, once you get this wretch out of your system. Look for a new husband who has a balanced set of priorities and who doesn’t reduce every problem to a spending problem.

    You can do better than to be locked in wedlock with this guy. Believe me, you can do much better!

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    1. Or perhaps the targeted women are judging simply how tight his pants are? But if that is true, how do we judge ex-Gov. Sarah? She is a suitor, too right? I’m so confused.

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  4. I live in a State in which the populace and State politicians regularly disparage the Federal government and Federal spending except Federal payments to this State. Such payments are deemed just and fair, and that the State is the most deserving of all States for said money. Starved for Cash has to somehow find a husband who can develop this skewed mind set. I should also add that my State is one of the most financially solvent in the US, a result of Federal money, oil exploration, and a State law that requires a balanced State budget. No deficit spending is allowed.

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    1. Well, I suppose when you have that sort of largess flowing in, needing to borrow must seem like very poor management indeed.

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      1. A balanced budget gets pretty uncomfortable in bad years, though. When the revenue isn’t there, neither are the services, and they won’t raise taxes. That’s why we have such poorly paid teachers and State employees.

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  5. Dear Starved:

    Poor, poor Mrs. Minnesota. You do have a problem, but it is one of your own choosing after all. What did you ever see in this guy? You did not mention the D (take your pick–divorce or democrat) word, so I assume, that you in your fickle but rigid mind-set, are not thinking of leaving the GOP. Oops. I mean your husband. I must warn you though. Many times when people decide to get a new husband/wife, they turn around and choose a spouse just like the one they had. That is a possibility here. There are also some real flakes out there.

    A new, more honest method of money management might be in order to resolve this. Call a tax, a tax without the semantics; listen to your elders who also went through this and at least told us the truth. Meanwhile I think your husband might just keep up the tap dancing. HE LIKES THE ATTENTION. Iowa might be a great choice for him right now. They won’t pay attention for a long time.

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  6. This is way off topic and I can’t seem to create a link here, but google the topic Goats stranded on railway bridge in Roundup MT. Its a great story!

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  7. Good Morning Doctors,

    Okay, I think that advice about trying to stay single is good, Dale. How could Starved For Cash get into such a situation? Very easily in the current financial climate, I’m afraid. In fact I wonder if the Uncle S might be following the example of another Uncle S, Uncle Sam who has a lot of problems dealing with all the money he takes in and hands out. In this situation I think it is good to not depend too much on Uncle S, and the same goes for Uncle Sam. Ofr course, we really don’t know what kind of husband is going to be available to Starved For Cash in January. He might solve all her problems. I wouldn’t count on that.

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  8. i think the fiest thing to do is file a restraining order against the old husband. i get the feeling he will keep showing up like a bad penny. once he courts his new bimbo and she finds out what a blowhard he is he will want to come back and mess with your life again the problem is all the wives out there are think this guy is great because he tells them what they want to hear not what is really going on. protection against the bad guys, fences to keep the bad guys away, a direct connection to the correct god and not some wierd god who speaks in different languages, the ability to make rules that require everyone to acy as yu act and not to act as you would not. … it sounds to good to be true and then to say worry about it later.. what could be more appeling. the problem is we all need to grow out of adolescence one day. the view that the world is here to pay with a charge card and pay later is a disaster waiting to happen, anybody who says otherwisw is unamerican and should have a bomb dropped on them .
    disfunctional families are the only kind there are , you just have to choose which disfunctional family you hook up with, be careful, my weird uncle is better than your weird uncle is a bad premise for true happiness. insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. the world is insane for sure.

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  9. Dear Strapped for Cash –

    I think the crux of the issue is we so often choose a spouse by listening for what we want to hear rather than what is actually being said. It gets easy to loose focus and allow yourself to be dazzled by the shiny teeth and platitudes of these inevitably fickle spouses. The really good ones are usually sort of dowdy, prone to bow-ties or sensible shoes, and only offer the barest minimum of pillow talk. They may sound academic rather than flashy. They are often overlooked.

    Let your husband run off in January to chase his pipe dream. With luck the door will give him a good whack in the backside as he leaves. Take time now to think carefully about what you want in your next spouse – do you want the flash and the glam, or someone who really understands your wants and needs and can balance those against the reality of today’s world. Marriage is never easy, but it doesn’t have to be as bad as the last 8 years.

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  10. Dear SFC,
    Glad to hear you are finally dumping the old guy. I hear he’s now become an Iowa Joke.
    My advice-choose VERRY carefully when picking your next partner. Sadly there are not many fish in the sea and that same sex option got ruled out. Focus on
    your kids and make sure they get the support, education, and health care they need.
    Choose good friends for your new spouse: ones you can both get along with and who will help you work the Uncle’s money game to the benefit of the kids.
    Good luck!
    PS Ignore the advice of Jim “the election guy”

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  11. Dear Starved for Cash-
    I do think your husband’s point is well taken. Somewhere in the routing from you to your uncle and back again, there is sure to be a cash leak and just plain old wasteage. However, I think you husband is forgetting why it was your uncle felt the need to step in in the first place.

    If you and your husband, and all your siblings and cousins stepped in when one of you was in need of assistance, and kept balance and harmony in the family, he would never have had to get involved. The sad truth is, when one of you got into a spot of bother-suffered drought, illness, grasshopper plague or whatever, most of the rest of you all just stood around saying “somebody should do something”, and the truth is, some problems are just too big for a few caring individuals to solve.

    I imagine as the family got bigger and bigger, so did the problems. Your uncle looked at how other families solved these problem, as well as how families through the ages have solved them. He realized the only way your family could make it was to work together. Somebody needed to coordinate the family resources as a whole and everyone needed to pitch in as they could, even when they didn’t want to, even if nothing bad ever happened to them.

    This is bound to seem unfair to some people, especially if they never really liked their cousin Miguel or your sister Natasha in the first place. What they don’t seem to realize is that while you can divorce your spouse and find a new one every couple of years or so (and really, that is getting more and more spendy), you’re still stuck with the same family, even if you didn’t choose them. They aren’t going to go away.

    Sounds to me like your current husband mostly thinks he can do a better job at the money game than your uncle, because he figures if he just lets everyone keep their own money, things will work out just fine. He doesn’t want a wife, he wants to run the family. It will be interesting to see if he can convince enough of the family his way is best, especially when they observe the shabby way he is treating you.

    Good luck with the new husband. This branch of the family is counting on you choosing wisely.

    Your cousin,
    Catherine

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    2. I think I get it, MIG. You believe that part of the idea of “family” is that all the individual elements are healthier when there is cooperation and mutual concern for each other’s well being. That, in turn, makes the collective group stronger and more effective. Dang! That sure sounds good to me. As a plan it seems vastly more promising than your husband’s approach of YOYOB (“You’re on your own, bucko!”). I like the way you think.

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  12. Wow, everyone is sounding so wise and clear this morning. I’m kind of in a fog and can’t thing of anything to add yet, but Way to Go, Booners.

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  13. Morning–
    This is timely as just this morning, there was an email from the ‘Head Honcho’, the ‘El Numero Uno’, the ‘Big Cheese’ in my world warning us about the gray, dark and stormy road ahead.
    For me personally, it didn’t much matter as my path is fairly rocky anyway– and narrow– anyway until spring when there does always seem to be a flush of renewal. Which we’re hoping still holds true after the cold dark snows of pending winter. But I showed them; I’ve already chased that bird out of the bush so just try and warn me to count my egg baskets! Hah! I’ll show you who’s gathering moss!

    En’ garde!

    (By the way, I posted a bread recipe late last night on yesterdays blog…)

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    1. thanks for the heads up ben i was traveling yesterday and would have missed the bread recipe without your reminder t check back. will do the starter when i get back unless there is a minneapolis starter person out there with a new friend on thier to do list.
      jim i must have developed a tolerance for the whole bottle
      . i have been sharing a bottle with my wife for about 10 or 15 years and 1 is never enough. we do it almost every night though so if the second bottle doesn’t get polished of that is the starting point for the next night. trader joes has many varieties that are great for around 5 bucks. my first and second favorites are 6 buck and 3.75 per bottle. i love it 4 cases of wine run about 150 bucks. i am a cheap date.
      off to watch the high school play canadian football in the winnepeg blue bombers stadium this afternoon very cool.

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      1. If you get a chance and like hearty Ukranian food, check out Alicia’s restaurant. It’s in the north end. Nucci’s is also good for great gelato.

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    2. Saw the recipe – will have to try it soon (well, okay, will have to start it soon and try it after the starter has gotten going and then wait some more and…)

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    3. Have been running around like a headless goat the last few days trying to get on top of things before heading to the Cities. Fortunately I did not check the blog this morning, or the sheer complexity and brilliance would have exploded my head and then I would truly be headless.

      But now! Now Mr. MN is driving and I an read in peace.

      I don’t really have advice for a sticky yet perennial situation like SFC’s. (Truth be told, I was proud of myself just for figuring out the situational commentary.) This Dr. Babooner is out of the office and leaving you in capable hands.

      Thanks for the starter recipe Ben. Having never made bread from scratch (Mr. MN is the bread-maker of us 2 but uses packaged yeast), I read your recipe to him and we giggled through the stirring and then finally the part about not worrying about the fungus amungus.

      For the record, we liked taking along lingonberry fizzy (Kristjan Regal or however you spell it) as a dinner party gift.

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      1. Good stuff, that Lingonerry Fizz (or whatever it’s called). But I’m just a fan of that small tart berry. Found lingonberry ice cream at the fair this year. yummmmmmm.

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    1. great lead ben, i love russ ringsacks stuff. he writes for prairie home in addition to being theri truck driver. he has become a friend of my friend in the livingston montana hotel biz. i think phc stayed there first time 15 or 20 years ago and russ clicked and turned into a regular. iteresting story

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  15. Ben, one of the first things I learned in college is to go easy when mixing your drinks. Beer and creme de menthe and bourbon can be great fellows when enjoyed one at a time, but mixed in one glass they don’t always blend so good. The second lesson I learned in college was caution about mixing metaphors. When push comes to shove at the end of the day and the rubber meets the road, you sound like you’ve been listening to too much Gary Eichten.

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    1. the beer wine countruau didn’t worked too good last night, but it tasted great at the time. but the best laid plans are never gathering moss for 3 days maximum
      happy trails off to football eh

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  16. A report is due from the Northland of Wisconsin before we get in the car to come back home. I hope it is worthy of Bud Buck’s very high standards. Rep. Beechley, I think I spotted some of your constituents, wandering across the watery, ever changing state line in Lake Superior.

    Despite my claims of always awaking at 5:45 am, I slept until 7:09 am this morning. I could hardly believe it. The fresh, cool air is doing its job! Meanwhile, the weather when we arrived was lovely, then it rained yesterday. I saw a bald eagle yesterday on my walk, so the day redeemed itself a bit. We toured the orchards and had a grand time sampling jams, cider, wine, and apples. We saw a great show at the Big Top last night, “Songs of the Lakes,” which was entertaining and inspiring. When they show pictures of life here 100-150 years ago I wonder, just what do I have to complain about?

    Today, there is a gale worthy of the Mary Ellen Carter brewing so the Big Lake is roiling, mysterious, and threatening. I am enjoying it from a distance. For my morning walk I trekked the Brownstone Trail into town, returning happy and sodden.
    Tomorrow, after we are gone, it is to turn cool, clear, and still. Meanwhile, the Bayfield charms remain in place. I feel a bit rested and ready for home tonight.

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