The telephone has been cited recently in some high profile voice and text communications that, on second thought, were artless and probably should have been withheld by the senders. Such is the hazard of impulsive communication.
Unfortunately, in the case of Virginia Thomas calling Anita Hill, Brett Favre sending texts and photos to Jenn Sterger, and Juan Williams losing his radio gig over comments made on TV, there was no flowery, sing-songy greeting card designed to do the same, difficult job … until now.
No artwork yet, but writing the dopey poem inside is the hardest part.
Anita,
Just a card to say hello
And also, dear, to let you know
We’re gracious, tolerant and wise.
And now you may apologize!How lovely it would surely be
To see you fall on bended knee.
We’re waiting, feeling slightly slighted.
Apologize! You’ve been invited.Take this offer ‘fore it closes.
Ignore what it presupposes.
Show remorse! If you don’t need to,
Still, you must! You’ve been decreed to!Sincerely,
Ginni (and Clarence)
Jenn,
Wishing we could get together
You have not responded.
Don’t you understand, dear?
With my heart you have absconded!
All my parts have shaken loose
I’m grizzled and decrepit.
I’ve put them in a box for you
But no one here will schlep it.
I’m in pieces, that is clear.
A lovelorn southern chap.
Can I change your feelings
With this photo of my lap?
Uh, Brett.
Juan,
We’re saddened
By the thought you had
That we could not endorse.It made us
So uncomfortable
We’re firing you, of course.Life’s a highway
Fast and cruel
Quick exits are unfair lanes.When harshly judged
For what we said or
What we wear on airplanes.Sorry,
Your Former Employer
How do you find the perfect greeting card?
Trail Baboon 
oh my, Dale – thanks for the hearty chuckle (i tried not to laugh too loud – friend Janet came to visit and is sleeping nearby). decrepit and schlep it just about woke her up, i bet.
we have resorted, in our retired cheapatude, to making our own cards with Steve’s photos and just writing inside.
i used to love reading the cards my Mom got from her friends in a small town. they bought the card, signed their names, but underlined almost every word of the lines inside. interesting.
busy days here – visiting she-goats from Aldebaran this time. they are distant relatives of the Betelgeuse line, Anna.
hope you will enjoy the day as much as we
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Goats from Aldebaran makes me wonder if they wear long flowing white gowns and have their horns in bagel-like knots on either side of their heads. (“Darth Chevre – only you could be so bold!”)
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The Gjetost is strong with this one.
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Word alert: for the baboon dictionary: cheapatude.
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Got it. I’m looking for more in the collection. They have come up often, but only started tracking this week.
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excellent smile to begin the day with.
now that cards are 17.00 a piece it makes you think before you just grab a quick mickey mouse card for the kiddees doesn’t it.
the computer graphics on the free cards is acceptable for the price but it leaves a little something to be desired too. there are free good ones out there. my sister has one that touts saving paper as the e version of a card but i stil like the hard copy card. like books i like to put mu hands on something. targets 99 centers get consideration i am afraid.
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Rise and Shine Babooners:
Love the poetry Dale. Do I detect a career at a greeting card company?
I also suffer from advanced cheapatude with greeting cards. Plus it is a chore I find tedious with most of the verses inside being sappy and meaningless to me. So I select many cards by going to a dollar store where the price is the primary attraction. I go for funny or blank since I don’t like the poetry much.
Last weekend while visiting the high school friends, one of the friends kept receiving romantic text messages from a late-in-life suitor. This after 4 failed marriages. She kept reading the messages aloud. I found them a bit personal. And sappy. Stuff like
“my love 4 U stretches my heart.” When I could not stand it anymore I finally told her, “I think he is standing at a card display and copying the inside messages to his phone.”
Wondering about my childhood choice in friends? It was a very small town with limited choices in friends. We played clarinet together and went to music contests and Iowa all state music festival back in the day. Musical bonding trumps all.
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Like you, Jacque, I prefer to go with a blank card, finishing it with a personal note. The sentiment should demonstrate that you applied SOME thought to it, right? My problem is a typical writer’s dilemma – choosing just the right words leads to mental paralysis – not the best situation when it’s time to leave for the party and you need to write something in the card NOW. Unfortunately, “Arrrghghgh” isn’t a suitable greeting. Unless you are Captain Billy.
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We R going 2 C Dead C Scrolls 2day.
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Ded C Scrolls wr kul. Wish thr wr more.
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Great poetry, Dale. When I contemplated your question, I realized the issue of greeting cards has become a painful dilemma for me.
When it was necessary to send a card, I used to duck into a card shop and pick something that seemed original and witty. In the 1980s I discovered Sandra Boyton’s droll wit, and she became my standard. When the internet bloomed, I began looking for clever animated cards. Inevitably, I was attracted to the exceptionally charming British artist Jacquie Lawson and her talented Labrador, Chudleigh.
Then, in my Match.com days, I dated a graphics designer who was shocked to learn that I would lower myself to sending mass-produced commercial cards. She had closets full of exotic handmade papers, dozens of calligraphy pens, plus sequins, colored inks, ribbons and sparkly things of all sorts. She hand-made all her own cards. It took her at least a week to make all her Christmas cards, but in the end each one was an original work of art that was as personal and original as she was.
Now, I’m a mess. I lack the creativity to make cards like hers, but it feels creepy to send commercial cards. My handwriting is illegible and painful to behold. I mostly write letters now and put photos in the envelope. We all have to find ways of dealing with our limitations.
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Morning all!
Like Steve’s graphic designer friend, I have mountains (a studio full, truly) of papers, buttons, ribbons, brads, punches, brushes, fancy scissors, embroidery floss, markers, ink pads and stamps. Lots and lots of stamps. I also make all my own cards; I love doing it, which is good, since it certainly isn’t saving me any money!
Steve and tim… find a stamper (no, I’m not advertising) who makes cards. Most stampers are too worried about whether their cards are good to charge $17 and then you don’t have to feel creepy about commerical cards either!
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Sherrilee What is a “stamper?” Sounds painful!
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Someone who stamps… preferably rubber stamps on paper, not feet on the floor!
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Greetings! If and when I buy a card (cheapitude is a good word), I usually look for the card that makes me laugh the hardest for their situation that is still appropriate. I don’t go for the mushy stuff usually.
I have a few stamping supplies, but I rarely use them — I wish I were more like Sherrilee, but I’m just not a crafty person either. One of my sisters always sends the Jacquie Lawson animated e-cards, which are lovely and fun. Maybe I should try that … Well, off to work this weekend.
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I rarely send a card on time so I look for the the most catchy belated ones and buy them by the bushel. Most people don’t mind if the card is delayed. I always personalize them with a handwritten sentiment like: “I’m sorry this card is late but it’s not my fault your birthday is at an inconvenient time in my world.”
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Donna… even making my own cards doesn’t guarantee that I send them out on time. To counteract this problem, I now have two stamps. One is a pretty, standing lamp w/ fringe along the lampshade; the second says “Just a shade late…”. I’m ashamed to admit how often I have to use them!
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like:)
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Hmm, we’re having a slow day. As it gets chilly and the days grow shorter, I like to cook soups. This one is terrific. I believe it is Italian. It is easy to add too much crushed red pepper.
Fennel-Chicken Soup
2 lbs chicken breast meat
6 c broth (buy the low-salt)
2½ c cubed, peeled butternut squash
2 c thinly sliced fennel bulb
1 large onion, chopped (1 c)
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 tsp dried oregano, crushed
¼ tsp salt
¼ tsp crushed red pepper
Cut chicken in pieces and set aside. Combine all other ingredients in a Dutch oven and bring to a boil. Reduce heat, cover and simmer 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. Stir in chicken. Cover and simmer about 5 minutes more or until chicken is done and squash is tender. If desired, garnish with fennel sprigs.
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Hmm. A big pot of Senate Bean Soup is in my plans for the day.
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The name combining “Senate” and “Bean” raises some uncomfortable ideas!
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It is a bi-partisan ham and bean soup that comfortably crosses the aisle to include mashed potatoes to give it some umph. (Having ham, though, it is not non-denominational, unfortunately.)
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Squash in soup at this time of year sounds so good. A big pot of vegetarian chili is on the menu at our today. And I made some more Apple Brown Betty yesterday. Such a good way to handle stale bread!
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Made squash soup last weekend (threw in a couple of apples just because I had ’em). It was yummy – but three days of squash soup for dinner was enough to last me for awhile. 🙂
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Thanks Steve. The Fennel-Chicken Soup has been re-posted at Kitchen Congress.
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I will admit to being a purchaser of greeting cards. The selection at my local Kowalski’s tends to be pretty good, but I don’t always find “just the right one” (then I revert to a blank with an appropriate image). I like to send birthday greetings and Valentine’s cards and Christmas cards. I send sympathy cards, but I can’t say as I really *like* that per se (finding “just the right one” in a sympathy card can be a challenge; I had a favored card during a stretch where it seemed I was sending 3-4 a year – non-religious, treacle-free – and now I can’t find it anymore).
It is a habit I learned from my father – he was a great sender of cards. I would get St. Patrick’s Day cards, Valentine’s cards, birthday cards, and occasionally a card just because it was silly. He sent birthday cards to pretty much anyone if he knew them well enough to know their birthday. He had his favorite haunts for cards and would sometimes just stop in to see what was there – occasionally buying a card for someone months in advance of their birthday if he found one that fit them (usually humorous). We found out when we were planning his memorial service that he had sent a card for 20+ years to the funeral director (they had sat next to each other in church choir) – last spring was the first year Dad wasn’t going to be around to send Steve his card (I brought one along to the internment – which was right before his birthday).
Happy Saturday all – my day is starting off with having to clear a bathroom drain. Oh joy.
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What was your tool of choice for clearing the drain?
Cool story about your Dad sending cards– thanks for sharing!
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Tool of choice is generally a long enough needle-nose to pull whatever hair is clogging things and generally caught on the inner-workings that go up and down to close the drain. Didn’t work this time. Resorted to Plan B: lots of hot water to break up whatever is causing the issue. Didn’t work. Plan C: chemicals. Sorta worked. Enough that I think I can resort to more of Plan B. And perhaps a bit of Plan D (which is usually Plan C when things are slow but draining at least some: vinegar and baking soda followed by more hot water).
If none of that really works, I’ll just have to figure out where I hid the plumber’s snake.
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do you know about unscrewing the two screws that hold in the up down thing that makes the plug go up and down? you take them out. pull the whole thing out with the long hanger thing with a spring thing attached. the spring thing is where the hair is stuck. its slimey but you can get the hair off there easily and reinsert the whole deal and be good as new in a minute or two. lots easier and mode effective than the needle nose.
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Thanks for the tip, tim. Unfortunately, this time the problem is further down the pipes. Grr. Grumble. (And yes I’m still in search of the clog…)
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There are quite a few local artists who produce greeting card versions of their work. I pick up a few at art fairs to have on hand. They’re usually blank. That’s a double-edged sword – it means you’re not limited to a single occasion, but then you have to think of something to write. Like Dale, I’m susceptible to mental paralysis trying to come up with the perfect thing to say. I have to remind myself that it’s just a card, it’s not going to be published or handed down to posterity.
There’s a guy named Russel Dittmar that sells cards at the Coffee Grounds on North Hamline near Como Park. I like his farm animals – he does cows and chickens well. I haven’t seen any goats though – a serious omission.
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Here’s a link for Linda’s card-making guy:
http://www.russeljdittmar.com/
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Fun topic! I love to stand in the card aisle laughing hysterically at a really funny card (then buy 3 of them), but now that they’re so pricey I have two words for those of us who buy retail: Trader Joe’s. No kidding, great cards in their little plastic sleeves (which can be reused for storing photos, etc), $1.00 .
I’m impressed so many of you really do home made cards. I sometimes send “recycled” cards — save my favorites that I receive, cut the front off and glue it to blank cards-with-envelopes found at art stores, write whatever I want inside (sometimes I plagerize).
No to go read what I missed while driving back fromIowa yesterday — looks like an excellent day… Have a good weekend, Booners.
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Thanks for the great humor, Dale! I needed that!
I buy some greeting cards and make others. I like to cut up brown paper bags and use a calligraphy pen to write a short phrase or verse that is meaningful to both the recipient and to myself. I’ve pressed some flowers and used those, but they break easily. Greeting cards are pretty expensive but you can find some that are original works of art or photography in some bookstores and coffee shops. I like to pick up a few of those and have them on hand. I usually go for the ones that are blank inside and make up my own verse. I’ve never sent a photo of my lap to anyone. But I’m not Brett Favre. (Does anyone know why his name is pronounced “Farv?”)
Since recipes have been discussed and squash in soup was mentioned, I’ll add my recipe for
Curried Butternut-Apple Soup
2 1/2 – 3 pounds butternut squash, cut in half and seeds scooped out
2 cups chopped onion
1 or more large ribs of celery, chopped
3 apples, peeled, cored and chopped
1/4 cup butter (or 1/8 cup butter + 1/8 cup olive oil)
4 teaspoons curry powder (or to taste)
3 cups of water, chicken broth or vegetable broth
1 cup of apple cider or homemade wine
First, cut the squash in half and scoop out the seedy stuff. Save and rinse the seeds for roasting with olive oil and seasoned salt. Preheat the oven to 350. Rub olive oil generously on the outside of the squash halves, place them downward in a large baking dish and roast them, uncovered, until they are very soft. When they’re done and cooled, scoop out the squash from the browned skins and put the roasted squash in a bowl. I compost the discarded skins.
Saute the onions, celery and apples in the butter/oil in a Dutch oven over medium heat until very tender. Add the curry powder, then the roasted squash. Cook over low to medium heat until all the veggies and the apples are very soft and aromatic. I like to cook it gently for a long time. Add the water, broth and cider, mix very well.
Allow the mixture to cool sufficiently to transfer to a food processor. Carefully transfer the soup to the food processor or blender. Puree until very smooth and creamy. I usually process it all until it is very, very smooth.
Gently reheat it and serve with a dollop of plain yogurt.
Have a great weekend, Baboons!
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The name Favre sounds definitely French and would be pronounced FAH-vrah with the slight roll of the ‘r’ I believe. The current pronunciation is Americanized is my best guess.
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I think you’re right, Joanne. When I see the name typed out, I can’t help but want to pronounce it in French, as you described. Maybe I think about things like that too much…
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You got me thinking again about the cards my grandmother would make. She was very purposeful in her bedding plant purchases to maximize the availability of good flowers for pressing. She would use the pressed flowers to make cards. She used clear contact paper on the front to keep the flowers from disintegrating – not a fancy solution, but practical (like my grandma). I still have one of the last cards she gave me tucked away. Thanks for reminding me of that.
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Thanks, Anna. One of my oldest hobbies is botany. I know enough to get into trouble, I guess. I bought a plant press several years ago and enjoy pressing the spring ephemerals, such as spring beauties, dutchman’s breeches, hepatica and white trout lilies. The contact paper idea is a good one. The flower still tends to dry and crumble, even after pressing and gluing to brown paper.
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Thank you Krista.
The Curried Butternut – Apple Soup has been re-posted at Kitchen Congress.
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Thanks Dale! If you see this, please also post Steve’s Fennel Chicken soup from 9:30 a.m. Saturday. Thanks!
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Oh! I guess you already did! Thanks, Dale! 🙂
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Morning–
I have always preferred blank cards as well but they’re getting harder to find in my local ‘Hallmark’ store. May is a big month for me and cards; my wife and Mom’s birthdays are both in May, plus Mothers day (Mom and wife) and our wedding anniversary so I stock up then.
My wife and I do a lot of ‘just because’ cards… although I tend to do humorous cards and she does the ‘lovey-dovey’ flowing ones.
I really dislike the animated computer cards people send… it’s certainly not as personal and I feel like an afterthought….
Enjoy the slowed momentum of a rainy day!
Ben
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My folks saved the oversized, lovey-dovey birthday and anniversary cards for a few years, and then would re-use them. 🙂
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My favorite graduation card featured art by a 7 year old who drew a picture of a girl on a ladder, and on the inside of the card was “As you climb the ladder of success, don’t let the boys look up your dress.”
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Good one, Renee!
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When we lived in the Minneapolis area, there was a store in South Minneapolis we liked called Caardvark. They had cool stuff and great cards. Is that store still there?
One friend of ours who brings new meaning to the words cheapitude, thrifty, frugal, etc., always managed to find funny birthday cards about how “there isn’t any money or gifts with this card” type of sentiment.
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I think Caardvark is gone. Sadly. It was a great store.
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And before Cardvaark and even before Calhoun Square (that’s back a way) there was Polkadots and Moonbeams. A friend and I would go visit the cards we meant to buy for each other — was much cheaper even then!
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I remember as a kid going to a store called Rainbow Balloon on 50th and France. I would save my money and go and buy stickers cards and stationary and other tchotchkes best loved by a 12-year-old girl. I also remember making sure I had enough for bus far so my cousin and I could ride the bus there (and back – it was always hard to save the necessary quarters for the ride home) when he was in town. And then we’d use our purchases to send mail to each other during the intervening time until he was in town again.
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my wife and her brother were so cheap they would go to the card store together and show each other the cards they were going to give ech other next year and the year after. then on the birthday they would refer to the one they saw together and it worked fine . there was not a lot of sentiment coming out of the pen from them anyway. their folks would underline the parts that said happy birthday and that was the extent of soulful output they learned. i had a business partner who would always met people in the card section of the store where you would find him laughing uncontrollable at the person he had plugged in his mind for the card he had found. we would meet and he would want to keep looking for another 1/2 hr because he enjoyed it so much. i think he ooked forward to peoples birthdays and celebrations more than they did sometimes jsut because he knew he had the perfect cards. he would regularly come out with a 50 dollar bag of cards and this is when cards were reasonably priced. a buck or so. he ahd a great shoebox full of smiles he would send out.
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Off topic, answering Friday’s question about ideas…
I’m kind of like Joanne – I have been the support staff that implements other people’s ideas. This is perhaps best illustrated when I was teaching kdgn. A red-headed Kevin, who was one of my most enthusiastic 5-year-olds, came in one day having just learned from an older brother how to make a paper airplane, and showed us how during Show and Tell. A little later he blurted out, “I have a good idea. Let’s fly paper airplanes.” For some reason, I decided he was right about the good idea, and we spent the next 45 minutes making and flying paper airplanes!
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i want you for a teacher. let enthusiasm rule whenever possible
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