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Welcome to Moon Base Baboon!

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It seems like every time scientists consider the question of water on the moon, our natural satellite looks wetter and more hospitable than the time before. Last week, a data summary from the 2009 mission that crashed a rocket booster into a crater at the moon’s southern pole revealed a lunar area with a surprising number of useful minerals and more water than the Sahara Desert.

Not quite Wisconsin Dells, but it’s a good start.

Watch out for the rocks!

So, mere weeks after the president signed a 2011 NASA budget authorization that scraps plans to return to the moon, people are talking about returning to the moon again. The tone of this chatter is overwhelmingly pro-Moon Base. The base would use existing water and available resources to provide a jumping off point for deep space travel, taking advantage of the moon’s weaker gravity to launch heavier vehicles. This notion lines up nicely with developing private space industry – something the Obama administration has said it favors. Maybe depressed Earthbound strip mall developers will find a new opportunity off-planet.

As a way station in space, our cold, airless moon already has all the charm of the Belvidere Oasis, my favorite over-the-freeway rest stop on the way to Chicago, which was described in Peter and Lou Berryman’s song about cleaning the refrigerator (When Did We Have Sauerkraut?) as “such a pretty name for such an ugly place to go”.

But at least it would be a place to go. And that’s all you need to draw tourists. So will our Moon Base be like the Belvidere Oasis, with a Panda Express and a Starbucks alongside the Mars Rocket fueling port? And as more water is discovered, could Tommy Bartlett eventually open up a Lunar Ski Show? With 1/6th Earth’s gravity, doing the pyramid would be easier, no?

Grandpa Branson has given you some retail / office / factory space at Moon Base Baboon. What is your plan?

73 thoughts on “Welcome to Moon Base Baboon!”

  2. cirque de soleil has just about run out of venues here on earth.the 20 different shows in vegas are slumping with the economy as it is and the traveling circus acts has a difficult time during the economic slowdown . they were able to say they were everywhere but now… imagine the acrobatic feats that could be accomplished on the moon. if mere mortals can jump 20 feet between steps , imagine what the gymnasts could do. if the stopping off point has nothing for the tourists to do while they are waiting for the saturn shuffle then the cirque de soleil luna show will be just the thing. give me a big top, a really big top because the performers should be able to set up the trampolines and make the most of the surroundings. here on earth they hit the trampoline bounce up to push off the side of the house and do a back flip to the trampoline again and the crowd goes wild. on the moon they should be able to go from the tampoline to the wall which has a trampoln to the ceiling which has a trampolin to the 4th wall which has a trampoline. the accompanying moves should be a thing to behold.
    the man on the flying trapeze should be able to perform some amazing stunts with spins and twirls as he flies through the air with the greatest of ease and the new ability to spin and twirl infinidum in the luna show.
    the jugglers will have to adjust their timing a bit but imagine once they get the hang of it. 214 balls in theair at once.
    ticket master will set up the seating chart and you can all start lining up for the greatest show off earth. coming soon.

    i will need help with ticket takers, popcorn and soda vendors someone to sweep up after the elephants, job creation at its finest.

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    1. great scenario, tim.
      I’m concerned that properly sweeping up after the elephants might require more gravity than the moon provides. What if one swipe of the broom creates a swirling cloud of elephantine dung projectiles? You might have a problem selling those front row seats.

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      1. remember gallaghers plastic sheets for when he smashed the item of choice with the giant mallet? we could try that. other ideas welcome. we could have gravity booth vacuum carts that add gravity as we sweep to keep the dust form swirling

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      2. tim – I haven’t thought about Gallagher for awhile. I thought he was hysterical. I loved his laugh. Is he still performing?

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      1. they are immaculate. its a little tricky to get hooked up to the apparatus but once you get the hang of it, the machines do all the work. there is nothing much to clean. the water is in a closed system and is filtered and reused. the facilities themselves are a little different than here but once you are used to being strapped in there is a whole new set of criteria to what constitutes a nice restroom.

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  3. Since tim has covered entertainment, I will set up something along the lines of Wall Drug II – Lunar. Someplace for the tourists to buy t-shirts and hats and plastic things they don’t need (Genuine Alien Beaded Belt Made in China anyone? Snow globe that takes advantage of the low gravity to keept the “snow” swirling longer?). The stuff of clutter that regardless of our environmental and spacial aspirations we all seem drawn to like moths to a flame. And plenty of treasures for kids to buy for a buck.

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    1. And then for those who thought they were “getting away from it all” – a small book store with big comfy chairs tucked in corners for quiet reading.

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      1. I’m not sure, Anna, that tim covered it all. Space travel is slow and presumably boring. You don’t even get to steer the darn rocket so you miss flattening possums and stuff. It would take at least four months to get from Earth to Mars, so I think I’d like a DVD rental agency on the Moon to keep space travelers from being bored to death. And since Russians figure to be a significant part of space travel in the future, my DVD rental place would deal in alcohol, too, especially vodka.

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      2. you would hate to forget the dvs on the return trip. the late fees would kill you.
        vodka, and lite beer. gotta cover the americans too.

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  4. Rise and be Drowsy this very dark morning:

    I’m tired this morning since I was up late coaching our local purple and gold Lost Cause last night. It appears that there will be no sun to help out my waking up task today. Who is Grandpa Branson?

    There are only several things I require at a rest stop: a potty which I like clean and sterilized; a place to walk the dog then allow her to do her duty, as well; a place to pick up something to drink and a bite to eat. Then I evacuate as quickly as possible since I find most rest stops to be, well, icky. The people that inhabit them usually appear to be characters out of a John Sanford crime novel. I can’t imagine a lunar rest stop would be much different. Maybe I’ll think of more later when I’m awake.

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    1. Good morning Jacque. Sorry about the Vikings. I only watched the last 2 minutes and it was all I needed to see. A rare efficient use of time on my part.

      “Grandpa Branson” is gazillionaire Richard Branson, the Virgin Airlines mogul who is promoting space tourism for profit. I am making some assumptions with that scenario, chiefly that the only way any of us would get a shot at developing lunar real estate would be to inherit it from one of the first people to arrive on the scene.

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  5. Good morning to all,

    At this point in our history, I think the best thing we could do is leave the moon alone. Earth is in bad shape due to human exploitation, and there is a high probability that human use of the moon would not go well. It is interesting to think about things that could be done on the moon if they could be done without doing more harm than good.

    The moon would undoubtly have great potential as a tourist destination. Damage to the moon could be reduced by creating a big bubble like building to house the tourists and keep them out of direct contact with the moon. There would a space park inside the bubble with fantastic rides that would make use the reduced gravity on the moon. It would include include a tampoline like device that where you could spring very high into the air and land in a soft landing space. You would be able to tour the moon in space buggies, but would not be allowed to get out of the buggies because poeple walking around in space suits on the moon might do a lot of damage.

    I see that while I was writing this there were some other suggestions about using the moon as a tourtist destination. What was that about “great” minds having similar thoughts?

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    1. i appreciate the concern jim, craters on the dark side of the moon full of trash bags and space rubbish is an ugly thought. i hear the climb to the top of mount everest is getting ugly with the garbage people leave on their climb. you are right jim , build in the answer before the question comes up and keep it pristine if we can. i for one willl start the elephant compost pile and check out the light for moon flower gardens

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      1. What?! No introduction of animals or plants to the moon should be allowed. We don’t want the moon covered with invasive plants, although I don’t think they could grow there. Elephant compost? You are going to bring elephants to the moon? Now I can see there is another problem. What will be done to take care of human waste products if people visit the moon?

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      2. Jim On human waste, they already have a chemical dingus that turns pee into clear drinking water. Just think of that! Jesus could turn water into wine, which would have made him a hit at any frat party, but it seems an equal miracle to make pure water out of urine. If we can do that, how hard would it be to turn the other stuff into Big Macs? And then you would have a perfect closed system, with little or no need for other inputs. Oh, Brave New World!

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      4. Well, we always seem to think there is a technological solution to every problem. These solutions some times just create more problems. In the case of converting pee to clean water, what are the chemicals needed to do this and what do you do with the waste that results from converting pee to fresh water? Brave new world? I’m not very brave.

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      5. its ok jim if the chocolate doesn’t mask it we could make it goulash or spicy szechuan chines food as a specialty of the house. we can work with you.

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  6. Exactly right, Jim and tim.

    My favorite singer, Laurie Anderson, has a new album out that includes a song called “Another Day in America.” One line says:

    And you know the reason I really love the stars is we cannot hurt them.
    We can’t burn them or melt them or make them overflow.
    We can’t flood them or blow them up or turn them out.
    But we are reaching for them. We are reaching.

    Dale references the Dells. My theory is that Wisconsin’s degradation of the lovely Dells is a crime against God and Nature for which Wisconsin will carry a special curse until the day every deer farm, water slide, go-kart track and fast food outlet is wiped away and the Dells restored to pristine beauty.

    This opinion has nothing to do with the wastebasket full of soggy Kleenex from last night’s NFL game. That was a catch, dammit refs, a wonderful catch. What were you smoking?

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  7. I’d market a sensory deprivation spa for parents of teenagers, a place to get away from it all. I had two girls at my house yesterday preparing homemade pizzas and pizza rolls for a demonstration speech they have to present on Tuesday for their Grade 10 speech class. This went on from noon until 10:00 last night while they did their power point and poster, worked on other homework, and my daughter practiced her French horn for a music festival audition and got ready for her violin lesson. Of course, best friend from across the street had to come over as well, and then I had three girls shrieking and giggling and playing the piano and listening to their favorite top 40 hits while I kindly rolled out the pizza dough for them. They, of course, got to decorate the pizzas. They made pizza rolls but decided that they didn’t look that nice and wouldn’t reheat that well, so they ate them all instead. Of course, we absolutely had to have a sleep over, and then my husband decided he had to smoke a salmon and he escaped into the garage most of the evening. Yes, I would have welcomed a little peace and quiet at a moon spa last night.

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    1. savor those moments renee. don’t be skipping off to the moon. those moments are here and gone all too quickly. pizza rolls hmmmm. what did you fill them with? i have 8 pizza bread doughs in zip locks in the vegetable drawer form a half started project over the weekend. pizza rolls may be just the ticket.

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      1. The rolls were filled with pepperoni and shredded mozzerella, then dipped in pizza suace while they were eaten. I imagine I’ll complain that the house is too quiet in a few years. The only remedy then will be to get a couple of terrier puppies to fill the void.

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  8. the other opportunity on the moon is the light rail business. i think we should keep people from off roading in the moon hummers by setting up the light rail tour. build a boardwalk so no one ever touches the ground. stops and stations listed below:

    tickets for a round trip ticket are available on a first come first serve basis. they are non refundable and must be used on the day of issue. payment by visa mastercard paypal or gold ingets is acceptable.

    North:
    1- Mare Frigoris (Sea of Cold)
    2- Mare Imbrium (Sea of Rains)
    3- Sinus Aestuum (Bay of Seething)

    Northeast:
    4- Sinus Medii (Bay of the Center)
    5- Mare Vaporum (Sea of Vapors)
    6- Mare Serenitatis (Sea of Serenity)
    7- Mare Tranquillitatis (Sea of Tranquillity)
    8- Mare Crisium (Sea of Crises)
    17- Lacus Somniorum (Lake of Sleep)
    18- Palus Somnii (Marsh of Sleep)
    19- Mare Anguis (Sea of Snakes)
    20- Mare Undarum (Sea of Waves)

    Southeast:
    9- Mare Fecunditatis (Sea of Fecundity)
    10- Mare Nectaris (Sea of Nectar)
    21- Mare Spumans (Sea of Foam)

    Southwest:
    11- Mare Nubium (Sea of Clouds)
    12- Mare Humorum (Sea of Moisture)
    13- Mare Cognitum (Known Sea)
    22- Palus Epidemiarum (Marsh of Diseases)

    West:
    14- Oceanus Procellarum (Ocean of Storms)

    Northwest:
    15- Sinus Roris (Bay of Dew)
    16- Sinus Iridum (Bay of Rainbows)

    Montes (Mountains):

    Northeast:
    23- Montes Alpes
    24- Vallis Alpes (Alpine Valley)
    25- Montes Caucasus
    26- Montes Apenninus
    27- Montes Haemus
    28- Montes Taurus
    Southeast:
    29- Montes Pyrenaeus

    Southwest:
    30- Rupes Recta (Straight Wall) [Geological Fault]
    31- Montes Riphaeus

    Northwest:
    32- Vallis Schröteri (Schröter’s Valley) [Northwest of Crater Aristarchus, 73, and North of Crater Herodotus]
    33- Montes Jura

    Craters:

    Northeast:
    34- Crater Aristotle [on the East part of Mare Frigoris, 1]
    35- Crater Cassini
    36- Crater Eudoxus
    37- Crater Endymion
    38- Crater Hercules
    39- Crater Atlas
    40- Crater Mercurius
    41- Crater Posidonius
    42- Crater Zeno
    43- Crater Le Monnier
    44- Crater Plinius
    45- Crater Vitruvius
    46- Cráter Cleomedes
    47- Crater Taruntius
    48- Crater Manilius
    49- Crater Archimedes
    50- Crater Autolycus
    51- Crater Aristillus
    Southeast:
    52- Crater Langrenus
    53- Crater Goclenius
    54- Crater Hypatia
    55- Crater Theophilus
    56- Crater Rhaeticus [Crater Hipparchus is directly South of Crater Rhaeticus]
    57- Crater Stevinus
    58- Crater Ptolemaeus
    59- Crater Walter

    Southwest:
    60- Crater Tycho
    61- Crater Pitatus
    62- Crater Schickard
    63- Crater Campanus
    64- Crater Bulliadus
    65- Crater Fra Mauro
    66- Crater Gassendi
    67- Crater Byrgius
    68- Crater Billy [Mons Hansteen is to the North of Crater Billy]
    69- Crater Crüger
    70- Crater Grimaldi
    71- Crater Riccioli

    Northwest:
    72- Crater Kepler
    73- Crater Aristarchus [Crater Herodotus is West of Crater Aristarchus]
    74- Crater Copernicus
    75- Crater Pytheas
    76- Crater Eratosthenes [near the Southwestern extreme of Montes Apenninus, 26]
    77- Crater Mairan
    78- Crater Timocharis
    79- Crater Harpalus [Crater Pythagoras is North of Crater Harpalus]
    80- Crater Plato

    Manned Lunar Landing Missions:

    — – Apollo 11 (July 20 ’69) [Southwestern extreme of Mare Tranquilitatis, 7]
    — – Apollo 12 (November 19 ’69) [Northern extreme of Mare Cognitum, 13]
    — – Apollo 13 (April 13 ’70) [could not land North of Crater Fra Mauro, 65]
    — – Apollo 14 (February 5 ’71) [North of Crater Fra Mauro, 65]
    — – Apollo 15 (July 31 ’71) [Northern extreme of Montes Apenninus, 26]
    — – Apollo 16 (April 21 ’72) [between Craters Theophilus, 55, and Hipparchus]
    — – Apollo 17 (December 11 ’72) [Southern extreme of Montes Taurus, 28]

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      3. He spits it out really quickly too! (“Spit” might be the wrong word here, but at the very least it does connotate speed.)

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      1. thanks dale, i know it would come to me eventually. sometimes i just need a little help. i think you could have a tobies at the halfway point to the moon also

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  10. We’ll need some offices for psychologist and psychiatrists for all those flipping out about being on the moon – especially long term. And for all of us who would still be hyperventilating from the trip to the moon in the first place!

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    1. I suppose we could feature it as implosion therapy. If you can fly to the moon and back, you can certainly fly to Omaha to see your great aunt without batting an eye.

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  11. The perfect place for ATMs that dispense gold bars (not chocolate).

    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39383743

    tim, thanks for the offer to video/phone conference me into the BBC, but no thanks — a little too corporate-feeling for my liking 🙂 I’m looking forward to Anna’s mad summary skills though, and will try to check out the pre-meet discussion thread.

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  12. Very well said, Jim and Steve! My thoughts exactly. Humans have done enough damage right here and are constantly looking for the next thing to be exploited. We should probably try to fix up some of the damage we’ve done right here before looking heavenward to see what else we can wreck.

    But I think Dale is trying to get us to create a new base for Baboon life on the moon. We should try to come up with as many suggestions for our new home as we can before we totally shoot it out of the sky.

    If I was to stretch my imagination to a wayside rest area on the moon, I’d be obligated to plan for music. I’d be happy to be an organizer of regular musical events, concerts, jam sessions, coffee house folk music and poetry slams, etc. I think I would propose voluntary membership in a musician’s union. The work of a musician could be dangerous on the moon. How do you hang on to a guitar when gravity is trying to pull it up around your neck? This could cause lots of work-related injuries. Speakers and microphone stands would have to be waited down to avoid head injuries. Singers would need to be assured that there will be adequate oxygen. I think a union would play an important role in creating a stable, happy and creative work force.

    Some political bullies would be better off staying on Earth and trying to breathe the air and drink the water that will result from the over-exploitation of natural resources here. Baboon-folk could organize to ensure that the ecology of the Moon would remain untrammeled and that no one would personally profit from exploitation of the Moon’s undiscovered resources.

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    1. I’m trying to picture this, Krista. Your version of space travel sounds like a Mickey Rooney/Judy Garland movie where there is some terrible problem and the kids look each other in the eye with glee and say, “Let’s put on a show like never before!” That seems comforting, somehow.

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      1. Just tryin’ to create a fair, just and sustainable society with lots of opportunity to play music!

        I also spelled “waited” wrong. I meant “weighted.”

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  13. I had no idea prior to meeting this one bloke last week that “Overpopulation Is A Myth” was such a strong Internet movement. Ack. There are educated people who really think that “You could fit the entire world population into Texas” is reason enough to discount sustainable living.

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  14. I do, like Anna, imagine we’d need a bookstore, but think of how much you’d have to charge to cover the freight! So I think it would have to be a (forgive me) Kindle Upgrade Store, assuming we can import strong enough signals from Earth that people can come in with their Kindles, and upgrade other/more books.

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      5. if we could get the train to go 287 mph it would take 1000 hours to get there , but you could read all the way there and show movies and i’ll bet the dining car would be a big hit. how long is 1000 hours? 41.666 days,

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  15. I’d like to open a bank. With the Swiss opening up their books to the IRS, I’m betting there will be a demand for ever-more-distant places to park the assets of the superrich. Staffing would be minimal, since it’s all electronic transfer anyway. We would just need to build a physical location at Crater Offshorus and piggyback off the connection to the Kindle Upgrade Store.

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    1. i like it linda, can i be in charge of finding international accounts? i think laws on other planets are different aren’t they? they should be , it just hasn’t come up before. good thinking linda. saves ducks and tax evaders. what a versatile human being

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  16. A friend of mine wrote a story that includes a Space Elevator (aka skyhook). Weird as that sounds, the concept is a real one, the technology just hasn’t caught up yet. So rather than a bridge to the Moon, someday you might be riding a cable to a geostationary satellite and then taking a quick shuttle to the moon! Although I might well not be joining you–as Togusa says in one of the Ghost in the Shell tie-in novels, “It’s perfectly safe, except for all the ways in which it’s deadly dangerous.”

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  17. Excellent, Holly, light rail shouldn’t be too expensive… and tim, love the image of the floating telephone poles.

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