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Compostable Clothing

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Here’s a note from our friend, a perennial sophomore at Wendell Wilkie High School, the one and only Bubby Spamden.

Hey Mr. C.,

I have an assignment to turn in today in Creative Writing. It’s supposed to be a poem at least ten lines long where all the lines rhyme with each other, and it has to be about something I did over the weekend. But I didn’t really do anything except go trick or treating with a bunch of my friends.

I’m really not into costumes, but I wore one because the other people in this group insisted on having a theme. Everybody was supposed to dress as something “green”. It could be the color green, or an organic food or thing that’s good for the environment.

My buddy Kyle went as a windmill. Tara was a frog. Stephen, (kind of a nerd), covered himself in paper and went as the failed cap-and-trade legislation. I smeared some instant oatmeal on an old shirt and told people I was a seasick tourist. My friends thought that was horrible and gross, which of course it was. It was really satisfying to freak so many people out, and they gave me candy anyway. I kinda like costumes now!

The one person whose outfit I really wanted to see didn’t show up – Ashleigh. She went out with a different group of friends because she couldn’t think of something to go with our theme. Which is too bad because some of the girls these days are wearing Halloween outfits that are more and more risqué, and I was kinda hoping, y’know? I gave Ashleigh what I thought was a great idea on Friday and had my fingers crossed that she’d show up and give it a try. But no.

Anyway, while we were walking around getting candy, I thought of a poem that was about the two biggest things on my mind – Halloween and Ashleigh wearing the costume I imagined, which I don’t think anybody else in the world tried last night, either.

Here it is:

Eeenie meanie Halloweenie.
A compostable bikini!
Ashleigh’s costume is obscenie.
made with scraps of tiny teenie
strips peeled off of a zucchini.

On her head, a pumpkin beanie.
On her feet, shoes of a queenie.
In between, the peeled zucchini
shrinking up like dried porcini
Disappearing, like Houdini.

What do you think, Mr. C.? Should I turn it in? Lady Gaga wore a costume made of meat, so this isn’t too weird, is it?

I told Bubby that his poem was, in fact, far too weird. And it probably violates district policy to hand in any literary work about one of your classmates wearing a shrinking zucchini bikini. Even though it was clever, I suggested he come up with something that is not potentially embarrassing to another student, or actionable by the school’s administration.

What’s the most outrageous garment in your closet?

85 thoughts on “Compostable Clothing”

  1. Bubby – if you know about porcini mushrooms and can come up with that very clever poem i think it is time you graduated! thanks!
    i have, in my closet, a black velvet dress with sequins all over it. not revealing but waaaaaaay out of character and i’ve worn it only once and felt totally wrong the whole while. but for some reason i don’t give it to GoodWill. maybe saving it for some late-life crisis where i go out and hang out in honky-tonks. hope i remember to take off my barn shoes.
    a gracious good morning to You All.
    (feeling spunky this morning because i finished hoof trimming yesterday for the month of October – even did one of the visitors 🙂

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    2. I can’t resist the thread of your story – or, should I say your little black sequined dress? Having been through a metamorphosis starting at age 60, I now have a whole closet full of items such as this. Other than sweat suits for wearing around the cottage, shiny, short, off-the-shoulder, tastefully risque’ clothes are overflowing my closets. Too many years of restraining my urges, combined with a 40# weight loss and the discovery of free style dancing, manifested this way.

      I won’t live long enough to wear all these fantasy outfits but each Saturday night I have the pleasure of plucking just one out of the array. I’m guessing that your black sequined dress represents a part of you pushing up for expression? Perhaps it’s there to tickle your imagination or tease your sensibilities into stepping outside of your character. Or for some late-life crisis.

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      1. hi, Crystalbay! actually, the black sequined dress was from a time when i was pretending to be different than i am. the now me was pushing to get out to wear dirty barn shoes and clothing covered with goat hair. i bought that dress and was never comfortable in it. and i think i keep it because when i happen on it in the closet, i am reminded that i am much happier now than i ever have been – in those dirty barn shoes and my elastic-waist jeans. 🙂

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  2. I’ll let Jacque do the wakeup call. She does it so well.

    There are no stylish or interesting garments in my closet these days. As befits an educated gentleman who is no longer foolishly young, my wardrobe is modest, classic and oblivious to current fashion. And covered with dog hair, most of it.

    There was a time when I was young and pretty enough to wear outrageous outfits. I had two shirts (form-fitting with huge collars) that were printed something like the Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band album cover. Those shirts went well with my widely flared bell-bottom polyester slacks. To complete the outfit: Earth Shoes and a leather lanyard with little bells. And a sort of Trader Joe American Indian hat with a beadwork hat-band.

    Ah, but that was long ago, back when Dale had hair and I had a waistline.

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  3. Greetings! Like Steve, I have a closet full of modest, classic clothing — but I do have a couple dressy pieces. I wish I had Barb in BH’s black velvet sequin dress — that sounds fun and lovely! All I have is a mauve/plum shimmery pantsuit for dressy occasions. It’s hard to wear revealing outfits when you have zero cleavage. Once as a dancer, I wore a friend’s backless dress to a party — that was fun.

    Otherwise, for Halloween I will usually dress up as a hippie flower girl.

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  4. Rise and Shine Babooners:

    The most outrageous thing in my wardrobe these days is a version of a black dress — not so outrageous. I’m with Steve on this one — not much in my closet these days that you could ever call outrageous.

    However, in my cedar chest I have the vestiges of the late 1960’s, early 1970’s. I have one set of my hippie outfit: hip hugger, button-fly jeans with heart-shaped patch on the rear and fringe at the bottom; fringed, hand knit poncho; wire-rimmed glasses. All in a size I have not seen for many, many years.

    Peace, Man

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    1. Ah, I wish I’d saved my widest bells – below the knee it was like each leg had its own little skirt! And there was this muslin tunic with angel-wing arms and bands of lace. Sigh.

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      1. And the bell-bottom inserts made of kerchief material. They got caught and ground up in the bike chain if you did not put a rubber band around them. Now those were the GOOD OLE’ DAYS. not

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    2. Far out! I did have a home made shirt that was sort of a cloth poncho that I actually wore for a while in the early seventies. I was feeling very alienated in those days.

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    1. I went to my friendly Cheers Bar in Navarre as a friendly cougar complete with a
      plunging back, tail, ears and a whip. It’s neck to ankle spandex. I thought it was one of the few age-appropriate costumes around 🙂 Unfortunately, the winner was a guy in nothing other than a cloth diaper, a bib, and a pacifier. He had carefully smudged the back of it with brown paint. Yuck.

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  6. Most of what might be considered outrageous that is in my closet is probably more what I’d think of as “costume pieces.” I recently uncovered a black tutu with rhinestones in one closet. I’m also pretty sure that the white Elvis jumpsuit I made a few sizes ago is still lurking somewhere. And I know there’s a bustier lurking somewhere that is wholly inappropriate for most occasions (not exactly what I’ll be pulling out to wear to the opera on Thursday).

    I do have one bright pink cotton skirt that I pull out from time to time. Daughter has a dress that matches. It’s pretty out of character (most of my wardrobe tends to be more muted tones), but one grey days it’s nice to have something bright to wear. Bonus: it’s work appropriate.

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    1. Apropos of very little, but I just saw your post on the Word Girl costume. My roommate especially loves that show, but I’m a fan too. She did a panel, her very first, on Word Girl last Convergence, which got 3 people, all adults (the kids were all making sock puppets in another room, alas). Hope the costume was a bit hit!

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      1. Dang it – I missed seeing that panel on the schedule or I would have been a fourth person in the room…possibly five if Daughter would have been along. I love Word Girl – so does Daughter, so it’s a daily family event to watch.

        For those who knew Word Girl, it was a big hit. Captain Huggy Face got kudos (and some candy), too. If I would have had more time, I might have made a Dr. Two Brains costume for me to wear. Maybe next year.

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      1. I have a photo on my Facebook page…which currently is only viewable by my FB friends. Will have to figure out if I can change the privacy settings on that one photo.

        If you go to pbskids.org/wordgirl you can find out about the show.

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  7. when my son was a swimmer we would spend weekends at various pools around the state. in the cafateria of each school where you got to spend the wekend was an interestinf array of swimmers weekend accessories. caps goggles ear plugs robes for after swimming, buckets of one piece suits for the girls and boys suits in either the knee length spndex or the classic speedo. they were always left over oddball designs that came from last years suplies form swim suit stores around the midwest. i bought, to the horror of my children both a purple knee length spandex and a purple speedo. the knee length got lost along th eway but the speedo is in the back of my sock drawer. i take it along to hotels to sit in the hot tub because it smushes down to an egg sized lump when packed.

    my drawers hold a purple speedo swimsuit
    when fully packed it holds my family fruit
    it binds up and holds underwater toots
    much better that inserting a proverbial boot
    with practice i could play a pool flute

    the swim club could earn extra loot
    the fans in the bleachers would root
    and sing along with if they knew it
    they’d all stay downwind while they’d do it
    and not touch my flute once i blew it

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      2. Not yet — which is making me a tad nervous as I quit my other PT job already. Apparently, they’re still waiting on security clearances to come through. I believe there are 2-3 other admins starting as well that were in training with me, so we’re all on pins and needles. I’ll keep you posted. I have a feeling it won’t be freewheeling internet access at this place once I start.

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      3. oh i’m sure and if we let them run security checks on us you’s be in real trouble.
        keeping my fingers crossed it comes through quickly. in the meantime enjoy 3 beautiful november days (sunny and 50’s) before reality sneaks back into the state on thursday (40’s)

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  8. The most outrageous thing I own currently is a gothic wa-lolita costume. This will take some explaining. “Lolita” is a (mainly) Japanese style inspired by Alice in Wonderland, Victorian bebe dolls and the like–short, crinolined skirts, puff-sleeved blouses, lace and ribbons, that sort of thing. “Gothic lolita” is the same style but in black, with perhaps some other goth touches like boots. “Wa-lolita” has elements of traditional Japanese garb, such as kimono sleeves and obi sashes. I got my outfit in trade from a local designer, who had much fabric and no money at the time. It has a bell skirt with pleated trim, a wrap-front blouse with kimono sleeves (thus the “wa” of “wa-loli”), a laced waist cincher (she specializes in corsetry) and leg covers, which are loose tubes of fabric with elastic at the knee to cover the lower legs. I wore the outfit with geta, tabi and cat ears at a couple of conventions and haven’t worn it again, since it’s a little too girly. I hope to have her make me an outfit in Oujisama/Prince style, for which think either Victorian gentleman or Little Lord Fauntleroy, but she’s really more into Steampunk these days.

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      1. Steampunk is all the rage right now in underground geek fashion and design. Think Jules Verne: lots of brass and gears, Victorian-esque clothes in brown and khaki with leather straps, goggles, pith helmets, that sort of thing. As someone said, “Steampunk is what happens when goths discover brown.” It’s also popular as an alternative-history subgenre of science fiction. What if Babbage’s Difference Engine had been built and computers had existed in the late 19th century? What if balloons and dirigibles hadn’t been eclipsed by powered flight? As literature it often fails to engage with Victorian attitudes on race and imperialism, but as design it’s very striking and a lot of fun to play with (Image Google the Steampunk All-in-One Computer!) I just don’t wear anything that isn’t black, and she mostly does women’s styles, not menswear adaptations.

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      2. Thanks for enlightening us on this-not sure it is the sort of thing I might wear, but I sure as anything would like to be on the construction end of those outfits.

        Thanks also for reminding me we need to get back at our reading of Jules Verne at our house!

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    4. Steampunk is a really cool look – at least when it’s done well. I really like the aesthetic. And our description of “goths discovered brown” seems pretty dead on (though I like Steampunk better than goth – better gadgets).

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  9. Good Morning on the first day of November,

    No speedo here and I think all the old hippie items are gone. I have a black suit that I have never worn. I got it in case I had to go to something very formal which never happens. If I have to dress up, I have a sport jacket that always seems to be good enough. I also bought a beret because I think they look cool and have never gotten up the nerve to wear it. I guess I only like berets if some one else is wearing them.

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      1. Think of Thelonious Monk and go for it! Berets are cool. Fezes are cool, too, but only if you’re a Gallifreyan (a little Doctor Who humor. Very little).

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      3. Yes, the doctor is still on the air… a newer, higher tech, glossier version showing on BBC. It’s OK, but sure doesn’t have the same feel as the older, lower budget shows, which I love.

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    2. Okay. Well, maybe not. The only hats worn by men in Clarks Grove are seed caps. If some one would open a French style cafe here, I might fit in better wearing my beret. Or if bought a big motor cycle and started wearing leather, I probably wouldn’t have trouble wearing the beret.

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      1. I love both versions of Doctor Who. Peter Davison was on the air when I found the show in high school, so he’s still “my Doctor”, but Matt Smith, the latest actor, is terrific. The low-budget sets and costumes were great fun, but the writing on the new show is so good, I was hooked in spite of myself (N.B.–I missed most of Tennant, so I can’t speak to what they did in those series).

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      2. Peter Davidson—-sigh!

        I like Tom Baker too, but he is just too full of himself.

        Don’t suppose it is possible to see the new ones without cable, is it?

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      3. At this late date in my life, clothing choices are determined by comfort. Is it soft? Must I wear pantihose? If so, could I possibly get into to pantihose without pulling a muscle? Is it tight? If so, toss it. Regarding shoes: could I break a leg or ankle by wearing it? Does it aggravate my tendonitis?

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      4. Jacque –

        Exactly. Even for special occasions, my sartorial tendencies extend only to those items of clothing that do not require special purchase of underwear.

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  10. All I have is two old prom dresses and one bridesmaid dress from 1982.and I wouldn’t necessarily say they were outrageous, just kind of quaint. One of my older married cousins sewed the prom dresses and I sewed the bridesmaid dress. They have since been used for dress up.

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  11. Morning all!

    Like most of us, I suspect, the only outrageous clothing that I own is related to Halloween or the Renaissance Festival; lots of pirate and gypsy garb collected over the years. Oh and the green upholstery crocodile (that I wear over my shoulders) that I made to be Steve Irwin.

    I think Wendell’s poem would be more politically correct, if he changed Ashleigh’s name to Lady Gaga. In fact, I suspect that his teachers would actually be happy to actually get ten lines that rhyme out of him, even if it is about shrinking compostable bikinis!

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  12. I just went and looked, and I guess I’m in the costume group, most outrageous stuff is a frowzy (frowsy?) crepe dress I found at Savers to wear to a How to Host a Murder party…I used to be more extravagant with shoes, had some high heeled strappy sandals, also mostly for costume, but they hurt to much at said party and are gone. Husband still has one of the india print shirts with the little mirrors from 1973… and a fine floppy felt hat that says I Am Happy on it. Totally appropriate since that’s his family nickname since day one.

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  13. I am now up to 3 vintage hats.

    2 of which have been worn to weddings (one my own). My wedding hat was sort of a cream pillbox affair with veil, that I paired with a black and white kebaya (traditional Malaysian outfit) similar to this:

    http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2584/3671947170_8ed95455cf.jpg?v=0

    The second is a stiff silver-blue diamond-pattern mesh disk with silver-blue leaves and a bow in the back.

    The 3rd is a proper hat-with-brim, brown faux beaver fur and felt with a light blue velvet band. There’s a photo floating out on the Internet somewhere. I acquired it in NE Minneapolis on my MN State Fair run this past summer/fall and wore it to a city brunch affair.

    They are none of them particularly outrageous, but worn at the appropriate rakish angle I fancy they are rather becoming 😉

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      1. Can’t figure out how to upload my own. Anybody? I could try to put it in place of the pink design that appears next to my name…

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      2. If you want to replace the pink quilt block design next to your name, you need to set up a Gravatar through WordPress. Sign up for a (free) WordPress account from WordPress.com, and there should be an option in your personal settings to set up the Gravatar image.

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    2. The kebaya is beautiful. Love vintage, love hats. Have a too big head to wear most hats so have to enjoy them on others.

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  14. My daughter runs a horse-boarding ranch with 90 horses and hosts a horse Halloween costume party every year. By far the most creative horse costume thus far was a horse riding a jockey. I guess you’d have to see it to appreciate it, though? Can we post any pictures on this board?

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    2. Crystalbay – there are a couple replies to your question from the end of the Oct. 30 blog “Mirth & State” that you might want to check out. FYI …

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  15. Listening to the LGMS from November 3, 2008 – the Monday after Halloween. Jim Ed is making me feel better about not making more of an effort this past weekend.

    Before the recording rolled over into Romantica, the Current stream was playing screechy electric guitars and crashing cymbals. I wish I knew who these people are who listen to that stuff at 4:55am. They must also enjoy being woken by crows.

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    1. yes i wondered where the tie in form morning show to head banging current was all the time it was there. as soon as morning show was over it was time to get up and turn the dial. i guess i don’t have that to complain about anymore.

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  16. Morning!

    My wardrobe is blue jeans and solid colored shirts; two pockets, 100% cotton w/ the sleeves cut off… Lately I’ve moved into the tan line of denim work jeans… and added some plaid shirts –with two pockets and the sleeves cut off…. T-shirt under if it’s below 30 degree’s. – no flannel please, thank you.
    Black jeans and sleeves if I’m dressing up.

    When I’m feeling outrageous I have a sort of Hawaiian style shirt; so NOT my look that I get comments when I wear it. Plus it has sleeves and only one pocket so….

    I do own a suit coat and a couple neckties… but I don’t think I can button the neck on any of my shirts…

    I wore a white tuxedo w/ black trim for my HS senior picture. (I worked for a formal wear place and found that in the basement. It was SHARP! I still had Big Hair too… but that’s not the point.) Still have the ruffled shirt from my concert band uniform from 1982… the BIG ruffles.

    Enjoy the day! Remember to vote tomorrow– I’ll be working as a judge so won’t be commenting… but will be reading the tiny print on my phone as time permits.

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  17. Several years ago, a group of women did a “Down-home Divas” evening concert at the Bothy Folk Club in Mankato. Each of us had her own 1/2 hour time slot to arrange her music and come up with a band. Then we did another 1/2 hour all together with a selected back up band. We decided to be glamorous that night – something I just never do.

    Anyway, I didn’t have anything glamorous to wear but my friend Katy is talented with a sewing machine and beads, so she made me a full-length, backless, hot pink stretchy velour evening gown. It was halter-style and the neck line was trimmed with dangly sparkly dark purple, blue and black beads. It was totally striking and WAY out of character for me. It’s still back there in the closet, along with the white embroidered Saudi Arabian outfit my aunt and uncle brought back for me from their long life in Riyadh.

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    1. That sounds gorgeous — picture please!

      DALE – Can we have a blog day of pictures of all these awesome outfits if you can fit in the time to consolidate them?

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      1. Thanks, Joanne. But it’s really not gorgeous – I’d still file it under outrageous! (and I’m not sure I can get into it anymore!) 😦

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  18. This is only “almost” a garment – I was given a chapstick by my dentist’s receptionist, opened it to find it was a light brown with an unrecognizable candy scent/flavour that was vaguely off-putting in its intensity. I read the ingredients to find “milk chocolate”. I like chocolate, but this is too weird — or possibly too unlike chocolate.

    Speaking of compostable clothing, what happened to those edible wearable shirts that were making the news a few years ago?

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      1. At risk of incriminating myself, I only remember the ‘Edible Underwear’…. ?
        An edible shirt? Ew… all that hairy, sweaty skin?? No thanks! 🙂

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      3. tim,

        I still am having difficulty getting from “dire straits of starvation” to “Playboy”? I actually saw it in some sort of camping-related article…

        That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

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  19. We did something different this year for Halloween and were out of town. Went to Luther to see the Haunted Physics Lab (if you are my boy, this sounded great, and it was-there is a whole new lab section on the science hall, so got a good look at where those alumni $$ are going-nice!). Clyde, next time, we will know to bring you back some Mabe’s!

    Best costume we saw just roaming about the campus was a group of 7 as a horse-drawn carriage Saturday night.

    Then there was the “person” crossing campus at lunchtime in jeans and a flannel shirt, stuffed with hay, with a real life, carved from a pumpkin jack’o’lantern head. Just hiking along by themselves and looking like they did this every day of their lives. No idea how they had that thing on, openings for the features were so small, you could not possibly see inside.

    Creepy in broad daylight.

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  20. Fun reading about all these outrageous things. Thanks for links to photos… MN is Sudbury, the Malaysian dress is gorgeous!

    Steve – YES, almost over and I can’t wait till I don’t have to listen to the talking heads acting like the election is already won by the “other” side! Today I thought I was in a time warp and it was Wednesday already. Grrrr….

    And welcome, Crystalbay — I can see I’d better go back and read Friday, which I missed…

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  21. Thanks for the welcome, Barbara. Tomorrow may be like a surreal dream for many of us. I never thought I’d live in a time when genuinely diagnosable, unstable, and unqualified individuals could actually have power to influence the national agenda. The only “good” news in all of this – to me- is that they’ll mess it up so badly that Obama will be a shoo-in for a second term. But oh the mess we’re likely to face in the interim.

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    1. That is truly outrageous, Holly.
      I hope you used hair coloring and not glossy enamel latex paint.
      Some of us who are not burdened by excess hair have a permanent fleshy look to the tops of our heads, and it goes to rosy pink in summer when we forget to wear our hats.

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  23. Agreed, Cb!

    …and I too have left a late post on the Mirth and State blog.
    (For anyone relatively new to the blog (Crow Girl?), there are some entries in the latter part of Oct. 30 blog answering the question put by Crystalbay:
    “I would appreciate knowing the kinds of things/conditions others on this site are dealing with.”)

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  24. “There was another platform for [Wayne’s] content, not online, but on the clothesline — BloggerGarb!”

    (I went from Nov 1, 2008 to Oct 1, 2008).

    Dale, your inventions are brilliant. And I love Jim Ed’s blogger dude voice.

    Opinionated Outerwear for Compulsive Complainers (“I got rants on my pants!”)

    I would so buy that product.

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