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Ask Dr. Babooner

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Dear Dr. Babooner,

I read in the paper this morning that there will be another re-count in a Minnesota election.

I’m starting to think there is someone in this state who is my exact double in almost every respect except when it comes down to politics. In that realm, where I zig, they zag. When I see, they saw. Whenever I’m feeling helter, they’re skelter.

I think I saw this person a few weeks ago. We were headed into the Metrodome for a Vikings game. I was wearing my foam rubber horns, Helga braids, and of course I had Brett Favre’s number painted across my face. I had just put on my brand new Randy Moss “84” (again) jersey when I spied my double in the exact same get-up, except the purple“4” on her face pointed to the right, and mine went left. Then I noticed the price tag was still on her Moss wear – she got it at Wal-Mart while mine was from Target. She paid less! (And because it still had the price tag on it, she might be able to take it back!)

I wanted to pull her aside, introduce myself, and try to find out why she was so like me, but NOT. Maybe by engaging on a personal level I could help break the deadlock! But I didn’t. On some fundamental, totally unconscious level, I was afraid getting too close to this strange, bizzaro echo of myself.

If I see her again, should I approach?

Sincerely,

Afraid of My Almost-Doppelganger

I told “Afraid of My Almost-Doppelganger” it all has to do with your intentions. Trying to change another person’s beliefs through force of will doesn’t work, and being reasonable depends on them seeing you as something other than a raving lunatic. Having a purple number “4” painted on your face can be a good start only when the other person also has a purple “4” face. Though it is odd that her right-facing “4” was backwards. Maybe she imagined looking at the number from inside Brett’s jersey. That’s disturbing on a whole new level, and difficult to overlook. It sometimes takes great courage to enter into a discussion without pre-judging.

But that’s just one opinion. What do YOU think, Dr. Babooner?

99 thoughts on “Ask Dr. Babooner”

  1. Rise and Wash Off the Spatters of the Election Results:

    Whew, what a night. In ways, it is not as dire as I feared.

    Dearest Dr. D.,

    I have an uncle, now 79 years old, who is dear to me. He did so much for our family as I grew up, assisting us as my father’s health deteriorated from MS over a long period of time. Uncle Jim took us on adventures and provided a steady hand. And back in the 60’s and 70’s when it was not popular, he was a conservative Republican who ranted. After I became an adult I pulled away from him for a long time because his intensity was just too, well, intense.

    We see each other often now. He writes us letters about his thoughts which my brother, sister and I keep and treasure. At a family gathering several years ago he started off on LIBERALS and MOLLY IVANS. I sat down at the table with him. The room went silent. I said to him quietly, “Uncle Jim I am a liberal.”

    He stopped, shocked. He said, “I suppose you like Molly Ivans.”

    “Love her.” I said. “I suppose you like Rush Limbaugh?”

    “Yup.”

    The room was quiet. All my cousins were watching, waiting for the fight. “But I love you anyway, Uncle Jim.”

    And that was the end of it. The next year at the same gathering, my cousin Julie forbid him from talking politics at all. I thought he might explode. As we were leaving he took me aside and said, “Jack, really, George Bush is a good man, you know.”

    I let it go. He loves his country passionately and wants what he loves to live on. He is afraid it will not. But the love he projected in his Republican color took the paint off of some of his relationships because of the intensity. He tried to convert me as a youth. Instead he scared me away for a long time.

    That is just how almost doppelgangers operate sometimes. They create confusion and alienation, not relationships. Relationships that accept others create room for discussion and learning.

    Those are my thoughts and experience with this.

    Off to the gym.

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      2. Went to school in Anamosa. Parents moved to Akron 2 weeks before I started at Luther, so never went to school over there, just worked the summers and holidays.

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    3. I had an aunt with similar views. One of the last times I saw her she was on a rant that boiled down to not-so-veiled racism. I realized that there was nothing I could say that would change her mind or calm her down, so I sat quietly and waited for her to be done speaking. It was one of the toughest hours I have spent as an adult.

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      1. so perhaps you can tell me, does simultaneously clenching your jaw while it is trying to drop to the floor add together to give you TMJ, or do the 2 actions cancel each other out?

        I have practical reasons for asking.

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      3. …but to attempt a moment – however brief – for some seriousness: as far as I know, that study has yet to be done. You’ll have to let us know. Others can report back as well, I’m sure we will have no problem with small sample size.

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      5. MIG – In my case they seemed to cancel each other out. I let out a lot of steam after Aunt H. left that day – that helped, too. As did a few donations to places like the Southern Poverty Law Center and Human Rights Campaign.

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    4. My husband’s family are all very conservative Republicans. I know what you mean by jaw clenching. I just smile wanly and change the subject. My husband frequently gets into arguments with them but I just don’t see the point. He’ll never change their attitudes. My father is a New Deal Democrat who loves to play devil’s advocate. He measures up the political beliefs in the room and then says outrageous things to get a political argument going and then just sits back and watches the fireworks. I’ve seen him do this with liberals and conservatives, and he’s been doing it for years and nobody but me and my mother seem to have caught on.

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      1. i can relate, ladies–

        when i was younger and foolisher and married, i went for Christmas at the in-laws’ farm in north dakota. keep in mind that this is the father-in-law who bemoaned the “fact” that “there just aren’t any real conservatives anymore.”

        anyhoo, he said something or other offensive and political enough that i just couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I spoke calmly but in disagreement. He bristled and sat up straighter and said something rude about liberals. I replied nearly in kind—and then it was all brought to a halt by my then-mother-in-law, who accused me of trying to give him another heart attack….

        ugh. glad i don’t have to visit there anymore!!! nothing says “trapped” like being in a farmhouse in north dakota with a couple ranting republicans while outside a blizzard is blowing by at 40 mph and i can barely stand up out there while sneaking a smoke!

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      2. is this kay formerly from wyoming? wouldn’t it be fun to pretend you were a serious conservative and gather information like being behind enemy lines? tell them obama is a muslim. liberals should have their rights all taken away. the troops are needing our support. taxes should be abolished. see how far you can go before they say you are too far over the edge. put in guard towers with machine guns on the borders of mexico and canada and for job creation have three guards for every station located 800 feet apart. that would be 40,000 towers with 3 job a job creation program that would employ 120,000 americans x 3 shifts = 360,000 jobs at 20 dollars an hour x 40 hours a week and we could take that money out of the welfare money we would save from the lack of foreigners needing assistance in our country. and then go after the baby killers. wouldn’t it be fun. you could channel rush limbaugh and dick cheney for the weekend and laugh all the way home.

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      3. Kay, I suppose the only thing worse would be having to go to church with them, particularly if they belonged to a conservative Bible Church like my inlaws did for a while. Thank goodness they went back to the Presbyterians.

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      4. yep, Kay H formerly from St. Paul and formerly from Utah and now back in the Twin Cities; thanks for remembering, Tim et al.!

        thank goodness they didn’t try to make me go to church!

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      5. I was just informed that our Thanksgiving will NOT include the more moderate brother with kids.

        Then I got to work and was informed that God is a Republican.

        I may as well call the dentist now.

        Bless you for just being you, oh fellow travellers on the Trail.

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    5. Nicely done, indeed, Jacque! May I have your patience and strength this holiday season. I’m one of a kind in my family and the holiday season usually finds me in tears of frustration at least once. I never bring up certain subjects at all. Very often the sensitive topics are brought out in a “See, we told you so!” manner and everyone will turn to look at me. It’s a lonely season and I appreciate all of you all the more for it.

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      1. make you a deal, Krista. When it all starts to go, as the Brits say, pear-shaped, just find a nice bit of neutral space to look at and imagine me rolling my eyes at you.

        I will do same on my end.

        No need for us to face this entirely alone.

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  2. Whew! I had to wade through thigh-high blood, Democratic blood, to get here today.

    I’ve got one comment on dopplegangers. Because I’m a disorganized doofus, I don’t recall how to embed a Youtube tape. So:

    Gotta find a hose now and wash off all this gore.

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    2. Nice way to start the morning… ok, restart the morning. A quick look at the news made me turn off the computer earlier. Another recount? Whoopee.

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  3. Greetings! So you come across a perfect copy of yourself, but opposite in many regards, including a backwards 4 on their face?! Don’t you watch Doctor Who or other well-informed science fiction? Do not approach this person under any circumstances! They’re obviously either from the future or an alternate dimension, and the meeting of the two of you would generate a cataclysmic rip in the universe destroying us all!

    You may be curious and it might be interesting to meet them, but is it worth causing the end of the universe as we know it? Although the Tea Party winning many elections with their fear mongering may very well do the same thing and be our undoing. Here’s hoping for a return to sanity …

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  4. Joanne is right-stay away! The lesson comes from mathematics. If you add a positive number and an equally negative number you end up at zero (the point where I am today).

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    1. You did your best. You tried hard. Even those of us who are not from your district were rooting for you. Thank you for your hard work. Take a break and gather your strength and try again.

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  5. If I were to see or meet my polar opposite, I would try to engage in conversation. I fear, however, if this person is my polar opposite that this would also mean that they do not have the calm demeanor I was raised and taught to maintain (or at least attempt to). I have met well-reasoned folk who I absolutely do not agree with politically. I had a co-worker who enjoyed a good political discussion that truly was debate and discussion. I miss those talks – I think he may be one of the last dozen or so of his ilk.

    AMAD – Tread carefully. It could be a fruitful discussion, or it could be someone from an alternate universe hoping to bring the end to ours.

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      2. Clyde – I talk to myself all of the time, and sometimes to the inanimate objects around me. I cannot say that I am always calm and reasonable when talking back to myself, though. 🙂

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      3. i always say its ok to talk to yourself. its even ok if you argue with yourself. there is a problem if you begin losing the arguments.

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  6. So somewhere there is a right-handed version of me, who did not make all my mistakes? But then would he have been wrong where I was right, assuming I was ever right?
    There is that guy in the mirror with whom I have several discussions, but we never settle anything.
    Wait, my ex-brother and I look alike if I shave, which is why I do not shave. And he thinks in almost every way opposite of me and he seems to have been raised, according to him, in a different family than I was. Since he refuses to talk to me any more, then I recomment AMAD that you go quielty on your way and become a Packers fan fore the rest of the season.

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    1. One of my dear dear friends has a twin who is her political polar opposite. They get along great and have had, she says, many thoughtful conversations about the state of the world, elections, and related things. She seems pretty convinced that they are both here to make sure the world stays balanced.

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    3. my brother is very meticilious and must have all ducks in a row before putting his oar in the water. he is two years younger and has always had his own life and lifestyle. he and i were never at each others throats just so different that we never hung out much. today if i get a call form him i know the conversation will go from pleasant banter for 3 or 4 minutes to the question of what he needs from me. there is never a call or howdy without the gimme.

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  7. Morning–

    I’m still feeling completely exhausted this morning so don’t have much to say that’s relevant to the question today….
    I will say we had 718 voters in our precinct; out of 1093 eligible. Forty two of those were new registrations… a busy day with a steady stream of people.

    …I’ve got butter fingers today and not typing straight either so if you see my opposite, better tell him to stand clear.

    Later!

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    1. thanks for the civic duty yesterday butterfingers. i was in the after unparty in sd42 where the roof caved on all cncerned, even on maria ruud who was expected to win with double digits even though her opponent spent the farm on negative attack ads advertising against her. hennipen county screwed up the deal and double counted everything so we were trying to figure out how with 24,000 voters registerd in the district she lost 14,500 to 14,470. when the numbers were fixed the result didn’t come out any differently im afraid. hey negative advertising in massive amounts really works. mark that down.

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  8. Hate is a viable political commodity, which is why it is so strongly peddled. Such a sad commentary. But my historian friends tell me thus it has always been so in the US. So of course then hate becomes the mndate of those elected.

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  9. Free Kittens

    A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her
    home. Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures; in her
    hand was a sign announcing FREE KITTENS.

    Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car
    stepped a grinning woman.

    “Hi there little girl, I’m Sarah Palin. What do you have in the basket?” she
    asked.

    “Kittens,” little Suzy said.

    “How old are they?” asked Palin.

    Suzy replied, “They’re so young, their eyes aren’t even open yet.”

    “And what kind of kittens are they?”

    “Tea Party,” answered Suzy with a smile.

    Palin was delighted. As soon as she returned to his car, she called her PR
    chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens.

    Recognizing the perfect photo op, the two agreed that the former governor
    should return the next day, and in front of the assembled media, have the girl
    talk about her discerning kittens.

    So the next day, Suzy was again standing on the sidewalk with her basket of
    “FREE KITTENS,” when another motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans
    from ABC, NBC, CBS and CNN.

    Cameras and audio equipment were quickly set up, then Palin got out of her
    limo and walked over to little Suzy.

    “Hello, again,” she said, “I’d love it if you would tell all my friends out
    there what kind of kittens you’re giving away.”

    “Yes ma’am,” Suzy said. “They’re Democrats.”

    Taken by surprise, Palin stammered, “But… but… yesterday, you told me
    they were TEA PARTY.”

    Little Suzy smiled and said, “I know. But today, they have their eyes open.”

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  10. Good Morning?

    It is not really a good thing for me to say much amount the current political climate. I was hoping the Coffee Party would provide a good alternative to the Tea Party and I’m disappointed that the Coffee Party seems to be so wrapped up in showing good manners that they don’t seem to be willing to say anything. It could be that I am off the mark and that the Coffee Party is doing more good than I realize.

    In a conversation with a local “political genius” I stated that I was neither a liberal nor a conservative and he said I was leaning so far toward liberal that I was likely to fall on my face. I will give the “political genius” high marks for his colorful language, although I completely disagree with him on almost everything. Discussions with the “opposition” may not always be completely futile. I some cases, probably not very often, a “political genius” might secretly agree that you have made a good point without telling you that this is what they are thinking

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    1. Well, talking about the “political genius” has caused me to make more typos than usual. Where I used the word “amount” it should be “about” In the last line the sentence should start with “In” not “I”.

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    2. I consider myself a moderate, a compromiser. I must be the moderate because liberals insist I am conservative and conservatives insist I am liberal.

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      1. I find that liberals are not very liberal and usually only interested in making minor changes. I think I am to the left of liberal. At the same time, I don’t like all of this talk about a polarized country brought to a halt by disagreements between the two poles. It isn’t polarization that is the problem, it’s a failure to deal with things that need to be changed that should be supported by everyone.

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  11. Yes, changing people’s beliefs isn’t in the cards. What depresses me is the level of hate — we go to war with words.

    In (I believe it was) 2006, there was a small quiet movement whose name I can’t now remember (anyone else remember), associated with the Utne Reader. The object was to get people of opposing political views in the same room, talking civilly together, finding the things they did agree on, and using that as a base to talk about the harder stuff. The premise was if we could manage this, we would find that we had more in common than we thought. It was a great idea, but I believe it fizzled because it took quite a lot of skill to facilitate such a group, and though we were supposedly all able to go out to our neighborhoods and host similar meetings, few of us felt qualified or brave enough to do that.

    I don’t know where it all ends. I remember feeling euphoric then the Dems won the midterms that year, and now I shudder to think what will happen in Minnesota even if Dayton does win. Feel like moving to California.

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    1. “What we have here is a failure to communicate.” That is a liberal fantasy: that if we could just get past mistakes in discourse we would find ultimate agreement. I’m not so sure. I fear that finding out what others REALLY mean would just offend and distress me more. What do you do if you patiently draw your neighbor out and learn his innermost thoughts . . . and find out he is a racist?

      No, I think the virtues of flawed communication are not sufficiently appreciated.

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      2. wait, I think I remember something like this from my childhood- I think it was called Polite Conversation, in which both parties sought to communicate pleasantly for the pleasantness of it, and not necessarily to express an agenda that could be either rabidly disagreed with or vehemently agreed with and expounded on.

        but then, I remember white gloves being a nice thing too.

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      4. i hadn’t thought of it that way. you re absolutely correct. if i said what i thought without the filter i’d be in trouble. if i said everything i thought even after the filter that me be a lot more information than anyone wanted also. never mind being good enough to communicate what i really mean.

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  12. Yes, AMAD, I confess to having a good deal of trouble with “pre-judging.” Some of these prejudgments come from having an over-abundance of information about the other side being continually forced down my throat. I’ve been told that I should not have a right to vote because I’m a state employee. I’ve been accused of being on “welfare” and of “living off of the state.”

    I’m learning to listen before I speak and try not to jump to obvious conclusions. I’m learning to quietly go my way and try to live in a way that will not harm others or take away their rights. I’m not always successful. I’ve had my buttons pushed on some occasions and I’ve reacted in ways that I’m not proud of.

    It’s hard for me to imagine a doppelganger of myself. Too philosophical for me today. Clyde said exactly what I was thinking about this: would my mirror image need a left-handed mandolin? would she have finished at St Olaf and gone on to greatness? would she have three kids, a husband, a house overlooking Lake Superior and a Sherpa Intimida in the garage? would she have bad teeth, lovely hair and a liberal family? It’s just too much for me today, AMAD. I’m sorry.

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    1. Kay, if you go to the top of this blog, on the right hand side, you’ll see Blevin’s Book Club there. You can click on it and let Anna (Chief Cat-Herder) know you want to be included. That’s about all you have to do – we have no entrance exams or fees! We meet next at Steve’s on 12/11. For Whom the Bell Tolls (I’m NOT going to try italics every again) is our tome.

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    2. Don’t know if you’ll see this so late in the evening, Kay H (lovely to have you back, BTW) – you can shoot me an email at akb _at_ pobox.com and I’ll add you to the email list for addresses and such. Other info for the book club is posted on the Blevins Book Club blog (link is at the top, or click on my name).

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  15. My last diatribe ever:
    I do not very actively engage in politics because of what I call the “Alpha Cow Mentality.” (You know, how a herd of cows establishes an order in which they walk and there is frequent jockeying for position.)
    I wonder how far we have progressed from the herd or the pack. James Fennimore Cooper, a terrible writer but a brilliant thinker, said the biggest lie about the US is that it welcomes the free thinker, the independent, the loner, the one who marches to his own beat. He said when America loses the frontier, which is where such people as his character Natty Bumpo go, that we would have a problem in how to deal with them since we are at core still a pack. Almost all want to be in the pack, the winning herd, and many want to move up to alpha cow.
    When bike riding I watch people at stoplights with multiple lanes of traffic. A car pulls up and goes 6 inches into the crosswalk. A second car pulls along side but goes 1 foot into the cross walk. So car one goes 18 inches, car two goes 2 feet, etc.
    In my morning bike ride I go by six places where kids in groups of 3 to 10 wait for the bus. They each, even the group of 3, have an order in which they wait, and they tussle for position. In my afternoon ride I watch 20 kids getting ready for the bus from their post-school care program. They put down their backpacks as a sign of their order to get on the bus, and someone is always moving their backpack up. All of this for the order they get on the bus, but really to be the alpha cow.
    I do not think I very often want to be the alpha cow, but I am very competitive and would want my side to win. My point is that I think a lot of political thinking and activity–and a lot of political emotions—are driven by this. My most political friends are driven very much by that competitive territorial herd instinct. The tea party is a herd driven by a very ALPHA COW.
    But having observed this for about 50 years and watched the country swing from herd to herd, I think somehow we sort of stumble along and survive.
    My last diatribe ever. I have retired.

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      1. don’t you insult my goats like that, Clyde 🙂
        cow is a fitting word – in the British usage, especially

        our friend from Kenya visited sunday evening, dinner. he said, no matter how bad we think it is, that the day after the election we will still have electricity, water, food, and most in Africa would think the best government in the world. i wouldn’t go that far….. but i see his point.

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    2. i will ask that you reconsider your diatribe restraint clyde. its some of my favorite stuff of yours. the observations you make are in your attacks are not very vicious, they are very to the point. if you say alpha cow is a vengeful accusation of the people in politics i think it is like saying human nature and the pack side of the instincts are something to be overcome to be a superior being. i do not see it that way at all. i think some of the restraint we inflict on ourselves is too confining and it would be much better to spit it out and be straight than to play patty cake and try to go unnoticed in your sneaking the jockeying for prestige, posture and pecking order. some have to jockey some have it in them naturally. the ideal alpha cow is most likely a hubert humphrey or barock obama type where the one you are thinking or accusing the evil alpha cow is the palin, wall street, enron, me me me pushing out in front to get yours first. too many politicians are that way, the ones we love are the naturals. the ones who everyone wants to follow not the ones who respond to the poles in order to find the way to get the most sheep to say they gave the right answer.

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  16. Off topic – do you suppose JASPER listens telepathically to ear worms? He’s just played two songs that have been stuck in my head for the past couple of days…and I only just tuned into RH for the day. Maybe he senses the need for tranquility in my world and is playing “How to Be Real” by Christine Kane ‘cuz he knows it’s been alternating with the song about love at the five and dime just for me. It could happen, right?

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  17. Anna, I love your idea of karmically balancing all the steam you build up having to keep your peace in the face of rampant wrongheadedness.

    I shall be considering how best to do that for myself in the next few weeks!

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    1. take 1 tablespoon of cajeta on the hour for the duration (or that yummy Kumbe African Chocolate Sauce by the River Chocolate co.) and if things get really bad, take 1 oz. (insert scotch, bourbon, aquavit, etc.) on the half hour until symptoms abate. (there is a medical basis for this! used to be a diet called the “sippy diet” – for ulcers. cream on the hour, Milk of Mag on the half hour – yuk – of course didn’t work – milk actually stimulates acid secretion, oh, and then we found out most ulcers were caused by H. pylori)

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    2. i used to have to visualize a neon soul (kind of a mini lightning bolt in blue, yellow, or red) to keep me from going crazy at the family gathering of the drive you nuts relatives. i would be getting ready to blow then i would see them as a little being trying to make their way in the world and my anger backed down a hair. enough to be a tolerable guest or host.

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    3. Thanks MIG – I figure I can’t always do much by speaking out directly (for any of a number of reasons), but I can balance out the silences I’d rather not keep with how I budget the money left over after bills are paid.

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  18. Off-topic again — but for those of you following my saga — I will be starting my job at the nuclear plant tomorrow. Hoping all goes well. I got these cryptic instructions from temp agency: “Be at the Xcel Training Center Thursday morning by 7:30 — someone will meet you there.” Oy.

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    3. put a reminder on your calender to check once a month in front of a mirror in the dark to be certain you are not glowing.

      knock em dead.

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    7. Thanks, everyone — I appreciate your good wishes. I took the no pantyhose oath after leaving Corporate America many years ago. Bathtime and bedtime for this gal …

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    8. Try to find a recording of Handel’s Arrival of the Queen of Sheba to listen to as as you drive up to the Xcl training center, just to set your confidence and mood!

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  19. i just came form my daughters u of m journalism class where her dynamic teacher lined up amy klobachar as the speaker for the class. i went and took my sixth grader on our way to piano lessons.
    amy is wonderful, she is moderate enough to be able to get the job done without drawing the ire of the tea party faction. so far anyway. i asked if she would be able to help al and she looked hurt that i insinuated al franken was not a good senator. sometimes my humor does whack me..
    she talks about how if the republicans put the total freeze on it will be a pox on their house and they will be a one term wunderkindt. the optimism is that the two parties will now have a reason to work together. the republicans were not willing to do this while dems held supreme command over the two houses of government but maybe now it will work unless mitch mcconnell and his statement that the number one priority of the party should be to make certain obama is a one term president is the way they come into the majority. you would hope they learned from w’s mistakes but we will see.

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  20. Steve et al. — Re: my earlier post, I wasn’t talking as much about mis-communication as about the habit we have, as a species, of focusing on our differences, or on the negatives. It would be such a different world if we could acknowledge what we have in common, the ways we are together, first, before delineating our positions, etc. Another pie in the sky concept, of course, but one I fervently wish for.

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    1. remember the star trek episode where the one guy was white faced on the right side and one was white faced on the left side. they couldn’t stand each other and kirk couldn’t see the difference. imagine the space travelers who stop down here and saw the commercials saying he is a piece of dirt because he wants to raise taxes and i am great because i support the military. she is wanting to guard the borders and keep foreigners out and her opponent wants to provide health care. they would have home planet folk who heard the stories scratching their fasidnicks.

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