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Et tu, Dr. Babooner!

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Dear Dr. Babooner,

Things have gone pretty well for me lately. After some unpleasantness at work, I’ve emerged the victor of a messy power struggle. People in the office seem to really, really like me. They’ve been saying I should be King, and while our management chart doesn’t include that specific position, I know they’re right. Still, I’ve been humble about it. It’s better, at times, not to appear overly ambitious. And it would just be a title anyway. I’ve already got the power.

Anyway, there’s this woman in the office … Sue Thayer.
She distributes the mail. I run across her every now and then, stuffing envelopes into the mailboxes by the coffee maker. Lately, whenever she sees me, she blurts out “Beware the Ides of March”. I usually make some joke and walk on, but she gives me this weird goggle-eye look.

Today I saw her and to lighten the mood I said, “The Ides of March have come!”

“Aye,” she said, “but not gone.”

That was freaky. Who says “Aye” anymore, except those geeks who want everybody to observe “Talk Like a Pirate Day”?

So I’ve started to worry. She has ready access to all the letter openers down in the mailroom, and those things can be pretty sharp. Dr. Babooner, should I report her to the HR department? Since I’m the most powerful person in the company, I’m certain they’d fire her.

But somehow, I still wouldn’t feel safe.

Dick Tator

I told Mr. Tator he’s right to be concerned. His position at the top of the hierarchy puts him in a delicate spot. If he complains about the woman and it leads to her dismissal, there might be court action since there’s no indication she’s neglecting her duties. Still, one cannot afford to ignore strange, potentially threatening behavior, or the earnest advice of a Sue Thayer.
I told him he should take a vacation. Immediately.
Egypt is hungry for tourists right now, and there’s always Italy.
But that’s just one opinion.
What do YOU think, Dr. Babooner?

39 thoughts on “Et tu, Dr. Babooner!”

  2. Don’t pay no mind to Sue, DT – i’m sure things will work out so that you get what you need. (but maybe not what you want)
    kudos to the Head Baboon – pretty darn cleaver

    a gracious good morning to You All
    we’re still waiting on Alba.

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  3. Like Scrooge, I am bothered by the nature of prophetic revelations. I would suggest you start, Mr. Tator (can I call such a lofty personage as yourself, Mr. Tator, or should I just stick with “sir”?) by cornering Sue Thayer and asking if she speaks of things that WILL come to pass or those that merely MIGHT come to pass. The answer will make a huge difference in how you handle your stock options in the next few hours.

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  4. Rise and Shine Baboons:

    Dear Mr. Tator:

    If Sue T. was much of a sayer of sooths she would have told you that after the onset of DST you would have difficulty making the adjustment to the new time over the next week and get up too late a lot. Beware of that! Meanwhile, I think you are doomed as king. There has been a lot of doomed, yet beloved kings around lately — it’s a thing. If you do go on vacation as advised by our King Baboon, I’d avoid Italy — a lot of the populations of Egypt and Libya are there right now and it is getting crowded.

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  5. MiG wants to call you Mr. Tator, but I’ll call you Dick because you seem like a Dick to me. My advice will be a little different, but it favors your healthy retirement in ways you might only appreciate later.

    1) Start by hiring Sue as your special assistant with an assignment to reform the workplace. Lyndon Johnson showed his grasp of power when he suggested it is better to have your enemy inside the tent pissing out than outside pissing in.

    2) Ask Sue to head a committee to make the workplace friendlier for workers. Included reforms will be: equal pay for equivalent work by male and female employees; improved maternity leave; stress-reducing massages to be offered each employee once a month; a flattened management profile so supervisors enjoy much the same power, compensation and stress levels as team members; corporate underwriting for a daycare operation in a facility very near (but not in) the office; enhanced flexibility for employees caring for sick children or parents; and replace “casual Friday” with casual dress all the time except (by option) Friday, the day when looking spiffy will be encouraged.

    3) When you improve the workplace as suggested you will not only have nothing to fear from Sue Thayer but any man who threatens you would be torn to pieces and microwaved in the lunchroom by the women in the office. Kings lead best who lead people in the direction they already want to go.

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    1. great ideas wrong cat. new spots of this nature are best implemented by a wise old owl not a snake trying to hade as a wolf in sheeps clothing ( animal references for the day introduced…)

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    2. have to go with tim on this one, and whatever you put in your pipe this morning for breakfast, Steve, I would like some.

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  6. i wondered where dick wound up. i worked with him at one of the corporate circumstances i found myself in a few yers back. i was a nice company run by a nice man who was very insightful. i made the suggestion to him that he bring in some worker bees to help him grow his company and in my niavaity i didn’t see dick cominghe and his brother kissmy took over the company and had everyone fired that didn’t bow down quite low enough. he has since been replaced by his brother and kissmy has realized that being the most powerful person in the company is better realized than proclaimed. as for sue. there are sues everywhere who get it and are able to spit in your soup, make your mail disappear, spill coke on your laptop, nothing goes unnoticed does it. it has come but it has not gone. keep one eye open dick.

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  7. tell dick about the special rates to tokyo right now. and the rental car program will allow him to go visit that normally tightly secured area where he can go make his shoes glow in the dark

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  8. If Sue’s sister Cassandra comes to work with her, then I would start to worry, or if you start sprouting thick white hair.

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  9. I think Dick needs to ramp up his security department. B.R. Utus and C.A. Sius would be good picks for heads of loss prevention.

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  10. Good morning to all:

    Dick Tator, perhaps you should think of the message from Sue Thayer as a warning and carefully consider your next moves. Others who have become powerful and considered themselves to be kingly, are having their problems. It might be a good time for you to consider a more democratic approach. I hope you aren’t planning to suppress union organizing in your office.

    You might survive for a while by putting down anyone who doesn’t go for your style of leadership. On the other hand, you might find yourself completely surrounded by people who don’t approve of you. If you really don’t want to share your power, you might want to have a plan for making a quick exit or perhaps you should take that vacation that Dale suggested.

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  11. Perhaps it was a good lesson to learn early on (back in college) that the people who really make things happen in an organization are the admins and the facilities staff. Also, it’s good to have the security guys on your side. Mr. Tator clearly did not learn this lesson. It may be difficult for this leopard to change his spots, but perhaps a good start would be to order in pizza (and some gluten and dairy free alternatives for those who can’t have pizza) for the whole company, and give everyone the afternoon off. Give them all tickets to ride the carousel at Como (is that open this time of year?). Then start thinking like Steve…and for heavens sake, remember to say “please,” “thank you” and “hello” to the admins and facilities staff.

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  12. It might depend on the nature of the “unpleasantness” that you describe, Dick.

    Try changing your title(or your name!). I once worked for a woman who called announced to us that her title was BD, for Benevolent Dictator. I thought it was so cute at the time, chuckled with her about it for a while. I lasted six months. Although she liked to think people could come to her with any issues that arose, the D part far outweighed the B part. I was so happy I was in a position to leave, but she always found others to come on board.

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    1. Why is it that some management people think they are BDs when that is just BS. You would think that by now it would be understood that it is much better to treat people with respect.

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    2. Last night I learned that a friend was just biopsied because she had a suspicious dark spot on her lung. The material turned out to be scar tissue (which you don’t want in your lungs but is less spooky than a tumor). Roberta reflected and remembered a time when she took one heck of a kick on her chest from a cow who didn’t like the way Roberta was handling her calf. That probably explains the scar tissue. Depending on your point of view, Roberta was standing too close to the cow or not close enough.

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      1. My wife went through that 5 years ago. They took x-rays of her neck for another reason and saw spots on the very tops of both lobes of her lungs where chest x-rays do not see. It took 6 weeks to get in. It was scar tissue from a childhood infection they think.

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  14. OT – BBC notes have been posted for the March meeting (which was sadly low in its RDA of Steve, Jacque and MiG). Also, I have added a form for folks to suggest books – but I’m still fiddling around with it. Right now it just sends and email to me with the info. Will figure out something soon on how to get that posted.

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  16. Love your comments this morning all. I’m having a particularly brutal day (which I just looked up and interestingly enough is NOT related to Brutus) and although no one has stabbed on the steps yet, I am feeling savaged. It’s nice to take a quick break and read through the comments. THANKS!!!!

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  18. Alba and T are 5 for 5! twin doelings, Freya and Terra, born at 5:20 pm after a very scary untwisting by our beloved veterinarian, Delores Gockowski – came when i called – did what needed to be done. all three doing well, the littles have had at least three long drinks of colostrum and are as cute as little buttons. after watching the rude invasion of Alba’s privacy to untwist the twins, Kona and Lassi have decided against motherhood.

    Steve will update blog soon. out to finish up for the night. whew!

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      1. she is an angel. and she just called to check on things. kids are healthy and eating like piggies. Alba is doing great and is totally bonded to the littles. we just finished a bottle of champagne. 🙂
        Steve is such a trooper.

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    2. Maybe I’ll join you in a glass of wine to celebrate your success, Barb. 🙂 Glad to hear it, and snorting over Kona’s and Lassi’s decision.

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