I received a rambling, late night message from a friend who lives far outside the city. Obviously he has a lot of time on his hands, even though he doesn’t have hands.
This has been translated from the original Ursus Textish.
Hey, Bart here.
Pretty warm here today. I noticed the people are coming out of hibernation.
Doesn’t take very long before they head into the woods to start chopping down trees, pitching tents, starting campfires, and checking their e-mail. Good thing we’ve got solid coverage out here. I’ve been spending a lot of time looking at YouTube. Pretty cool, but not enough bears (yet).
Anyway, it’s good to have some real company. I like to sit in the dark and listen to the voices. You can kinda figure out what’s going on if you pay attention. So tell your friends this is a great time to go camping. The whole forest is coming to life, but the berries aren’t out yet, so when you come, bring lunchmeat and chips in paper bags. Be sure to leave the bags sitting on the ground outside your tent.
At the edge of the clearing would be even better.
Heard some campers talking last night about something big getting shut down or turned off because some people got backed into a corner and couldn’t find a way out, even though they knew it would be very, very bad to keep on being stubborn. Then later, the way they were talking made it sound like the problem got solved (until next time). All it took was a little pressure and some letting go. We bears know all about that, believe me.
Every so often a bear gets stuck in a tree in some really busy neighborhood. You start walking, you listen to the voices in your own head telling you what to do and suddenly things start looking a little weird. You know you took a wrong turn back a ways and you don’t want to be there and you start to wonder if you can walk out the way you came in. But then somebody sees you and starts shouting this and that about a bear and you get scared and confused and you don’t know where to go, and then there’s this tree, so you climb it. And then what? You can’t just come down and saunter off. It’s a big mess and there are so many ways it can end wrong.
I’m not saying this is personal experience, though it might have happened to me once near Alexandria. It’s possible that a tranquilizer gun was used, and maybe a trampoline was put under the tree to break my fall. My memory’s a bit foggy, but I do recall this – pain in leg, feeling dizzy, one big bounce and almost another, then flashing lights, the police van and a sore neck. Lesson? It’s always good to have spotters when you’re playing with a trampoline.
Word in the woods is that another one of my kind got into that exact situation in Virginia Beach, VA just yesterday. You don’t have to watch the whole thing, but catch the first few seconds because you’ll get to see something you usually don’t – a bear in a harness!
Looks kinda like fun to me. And scary. Anyway, I guess the lesson is that there are always ways to get out of an awkward spot if you’re willing to let go of a little bit of your dignity.
Happy spring!
Your friend,
Bart
Afraid of heights?
Trail Baboon 
a gracious good morning to You All – haven’t seen any bears yet up here in Blackhoof, but i’m sure they’re around.
i’m not afraid of heights and sometimes i lose my logical mind and do dumb things in an emergency. so i’d be up that tree in a flash, i suppose. but i’d come back down again before needing tranquilizer darts. or would i wait up there, just for the dart???
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if its the dart you’re after they have home kits where you don’t have to climb a tree to get the buzz. the couch works fine
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no i’m not but there will be a tingle in my legs when the adrenaline kicks in. can you post those two height video clips we saw a year or so ago. on over the mountains ws it in the himalayas and the other climbing a tower was it in paris. those are the things i think of when i think of fear of heights. i was laughing out loud it was such an uncomfortable feeling thinking about those two climbs/trecks.
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Ah, yes. I remember one of them – the video of the guys climbing a broadcast tower. I believe this is it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhtgsAXmz7U
Yikes! I guess it was TOO scary, and has been taken off line.
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Thanks for trying
Was it sherrille who jD the mountain path?
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I think that link was mine:
http://embed.break.com/NjM2MjEzScariest Hiking Trail In The World – Watch more Funny Videos
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I’m just fine with climbing UP, or for that matter, shimmying down-it’s being right on the edge of a drop-off (or cliff for that matter) that makes my stomach turn. Knowing how easy it would be to take the big drop and sudden stop-Queasy City.
I would never make it as a politician.
From yesterday-biB and Dale, I think you are on to something. I believe in WWI there were sheep grazing on the White House lawn (to provide wool for uniforms, I think-can’t Google it now)-what we maybe need is a flock of dairy goats to chew up all the detritis and then provide some quality milking time for the Congress, so they all have to pause and think on a regular basis.
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i don’t know about sheep, but goats are pretty choosy about the company they keep.
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Maybe they would be happy at the White House-as long as they could be kept out of Michelle’s garden.
Malia looks to me like a little girl who could get along with goats.
OT, but it occurred to me that there has not been a boy in the White House since John-john Kennedy-how funny.
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Rise and Shine Baboons:
I like my feet firmly planted on earth. I am afraid of heights.
Meanwhile, I’m headed for Iowa and a slumber party ala High School. Home Sunday night.
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safe travels and bring a flashlight for the scary stories.
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Don’t forget your copy of Teen Beat (or Tiger Beat or 16….). Bonus points if you find one with a pullout poster. 🙂
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enjoy the pillow fights
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I keep telling you people–I do not even want to talk about it! Sheesh!
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Did I tell you folks about our drive up to Lick Observatory by San Jose on our trip? 25 miles of raw terror for me, but to get up there was worth it. But my legs are still shaking.
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See? You’re terrified and fascinated at the same time. I think I can handle the elevation as long as I can stay back from the edge. It’s the precipice that gives me the creeps.
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It wasn’t the trip; it was the destination. And the drive–and down–was all precipice.
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Good morning to all:
I do like to play it safe and stay away from places where I could take a bad fall. Well, I think it goes a little farther than just playing it safe, because I don’t even want to think about being in high places. I’ll never know why any one would want to jump out of a plane with only the a parachute to save them.
An interesting book that talks about how our fears are used againest us is The Shock Doctrine by Naomi Klein. She says that people who want to manipulate the public to get their way will use a crisis to push things through that they can’t get under normal conditions. It looks like some of the Republicans are trying to create a budget crisis to get some things they want that they can’t get any other way.
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Yes, anyone see “Wag the Dog”?
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Yes, but I don’t remember that much about it. What does that say about me? Maybe that I’m the perfect candidate to fall for this kind of scam. Here’s the trailer.
http://youtu.be/EnSauj2855M
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I haven’t seen “Wag the Dog”. From the trailer it seems it is the kind of thing that Naomi Klein discussed in her book and the kind of thing that it seems is increasingly being used to falsely manipulate public policy.
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I was fearless when I was younger, but now am very wary of heights, need all kinds of hand support. We were at a rustic “resort” in the Georgia “mountains” last week, and did a trek up (and up and up and up and up…) to a gorgeous series of waterfalls. It was very steep much of the way, and I was just fine till it got a little muddy for a stretch… And coming down is ‘way harder then going up – in some spots you just turn around and go backwards.
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Even the ground is too high for me!
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That could be a big problem, Beth-Ann. You could get a cane to use to over come your fear.
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As a kid, I was perfectly fearless about heights. I was famous for climbing high in trees. Then one day I climbed a ladder up into a hay loft in a friend’s barn and was terrified by the transition from ladder to loft. I couldn’t come down. I think my friend’s mom had to come up there and help me get back on the ladder (or I’d be there now).
Now any height sends my heart racing. I rode horses not long ago and was terrified by the great distance to the ground from atop a horse. When I was young I galloped horses with no fear.
Hey . . . does any Baboon have a sound system with a LP turntable? I followed up on our talk about old times at the Scholar coffeehouse. I have a copy of Leo Kottke’s first album, recorded live at the Scholar. It might be worth quite a bit of money if it is in good condition. I need to check it out.
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Got a good one
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Of course, you’d never part with an heirloom like that. Right?
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I regret selling my turntable…
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I am selective about heights: scaffolding, maybe, extension ladders, no. Catwalks over a theater – mostly yes. Decks and scenic overlooks – sure. Tall buildings, no problem. Nice, solid bridges made of things like concrete – you bet. Rope bridges or bridges that swing or sway in any way….ayayaya, only if I really have to. Climbing all the way to the top in the kiddie habitrail at Edinborough Park, sure (so long as Daughter doesn’t insist on going through the tube that hangs off the side with the not-solid-floor that’s two stories up). Jumping from a plane – not a chance.
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…had a dream last night where I was driving backwards on unfamiliar roads while on a trip (to Germany-Hawaii). I was only scared when I had to take my eyes off the road because my neck hurt from turning backwards and then turned back to see I was on a section of road with a steep cliff on one side. In my dream I was not afraid of the heights involved with those cliffs, but with wrecking the car, injuring someone, or looking like a doofus because I couldn’t drive as well as the locals in their backwards fashion.
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I used to have driving dreams a lot – sometimes driving backwards, or trying to drive from the passenger side, or steering from the back seat and being unable to brake, with the car going off and on the road, in and out of ditches. Haven’t had one in a long time, though – maybe I resolved whatever was triggering it.
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I’ve had many dreams where I’m driving on a sheet of ice down a long hill, losing control; luckily I wake up before I hit bottom. Come to think of it, I’m not aware of having that one in a while. Last night I dreamed I’d gone down in a valley of some kind, after a huge snowstorm, and all the routes out (up) were full of snowplows or piles of snow, so I was trapped and couldn’t get to important destination…
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I should probably think about what I haven’t felt in control of lately and how I feel about it…but mostly I think it was drinking a gin and tonic and watching “Metropolis” right before bed. 😉
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the dream analyst could have fun with this one.
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As a volunteer agricultural worker in Bolivia, I had to deal with my fear of high places when traveling on narrow, winding, mountain roads in cars driven by taxi drivers who were in a hurry. There are a lot of accidents on Bolivan moutain roads where cars go off the edges of the mountain roads killing people. I had to try to put my trust in the skills of the taxi drivers who I hoped were not suicidal and would try to avoid killing themselves and me by driving too dangerously.
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http://www.wimp.com/scariesttrail/
the trail video i was thinking of
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There is absolutely not way that I would go on that trail.
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OMG – what idiots built that walkway, and what have they done with the missing rails and pieces of “floor”, and why are there HOLES in the floor, and what kind of masochist filmed it while he was walking it, and…? there are just SO many more questions.
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Thanks for posting this tim.
It has reaffirmed my sincere appreciation of well-maintained infrastructure.
Many thanks to our bridge and roadway inspectors and repair crews everywhere!
Suddenly the local potholes don’t seem so treacherous.
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Not even knowing that I’m tethered to the wall would I go near this. Nope. Nuh-uh. Not a chance. (Odd bit of dissonance for me personally as the weird techno background music sounded a lot like the background music for one of Daughter’s computer games in places – though I think I’d far rather fight ninja tomatoes than walk this trail.)
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Morning–
I’m pretty good with heights. I wouldn’t be crawling that 1500′ TV tower but mostly yes.
One time I was working about 10′ up when the extension ladder slipped out from under me and I was disappointed in the way I yelped like a little girl. (Nothing personal to little girls– It just wasn’t even a manly yelp…) I wasn’t hurt.
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Did anyone watch Sunday Morning? It had a segment about the show War Horse that Dale saw in NYC. Wow. That one’s on my “things I wanta do before senility” list.
Of course I’m afraid of heights – I’m afraid of everything. Hold on – I’m gonna try something bold: BOO!
Just typing that word sent me under the chair, but I’m okay. I held onto the keyboard and the cat broke my fall.
That’s all for now. I need to hurry off and research cat resuscitation.
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This is when I miss TV – I love (CBS?) Sunday Morning.
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Donna, it’s hard for me to believe a grade school teacher, like you, is easily frightened. It took all the courage I have to fill in as a sub at grade schools.
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