Dear Dr. Babooner,
I was going through the check-out line in the grocery store when the clerk scanned my bag of clementines and said “These babies are going to cost a ton once the Federal Reserve Bank goes in for another round of quantitative easing.”
I’m not the sort of person who expects a lot from my contact with people running cash registers. I figure they have enough to keep them occupied without the added burden of sustaining a conversation with me, but I have to say this came as a surprise.
“The government is printing money like mad,” she said, “and there’s no way they can stop doing it now, not with the economic pain people are feeling and the fact that the 2012 presidential election campaign has already begun.”
She scanned my coupon for fifty cents off a can of mixed fruit.
“The pressure is intense to keep up the pretense. It’s all based on your mindless faith that everything has to work out fine, but I’m tellin’ you that the whole economy is built on a friggin’ house of cards.”
As she weighed my bananas I remembered hearing that the familiar Cavendish variety of my favorite yellow fruit would soon be extinct.
“The first thing you’ll see is unchecked inflation, wild like you wouldn’t believe. That’s what I mean about the clementines. And after that, there’ll be something like total collapse of the entire system because it’s not based on anything real. Once people figure that out, it’ll be a torching-cars-at-the-curb kind of crazy”, she said, sticking a red dot to my gallon of “No Bovine Growth Hormone” milk.
“Good thing you got the no BHG version of skim. Hope there’s not too much Japanese nuclear radiation in there.”
“I think the milk is safe,” I said, beginning to wonder if the milk was safe.
“I’m just sayin’,” she said, “that it’ll be a tough decision once you realize the only way you can re-stock on Ho-Ho’s is to throw a shopping cart through the front window and start looting, or pay for them on the black market with pure gold.”
She held up the Ho-Ho’s and shook them at me as she lectured.
“Because these babies will never go bad, and that makes them a great catastrophe food. No-spoil items will become really valuable because you might have to stay in your basement for months. Especially word gets out to the roving mobs of jobless middle managers that you might have valuables and guns in the house.”
“Or Ho-Ho’s,” I said, trying to lighten the mood.
“There are surveillance cameras at all the exits,” she observed. “Try to bury your non-perishables lower in the bag. Stockpilers will be identified and their caches re-distributed by the government. To reduce panic.”
I thought for a moment about running back to grab a few armloads of beef jerky and gallons of water.
“Winter’s hanging on,” I said, trying to return the conversation to a normal topic. “Wonder if we’ve seen our last snow.”
“Ash and airborne particulates from the fires out west will fall like snow over the entire Midwest once the Yellowstone super volcano starts erupting,” she chirped. “We won’t see the sun until 2050.”
I collected my groceries and went home, but didn’t feel like eating.
Dr. Babooner, do you think clipping grocery store coupons is worth all the time and trouble I put into it, or am I simply an unwitting dupe in a food industry marketing campaign?
Sincerely,
Unsettled By My Disaster Cashier
I told Unsettled that the key to coupon clipping is to only cut out the ones issued for things you already intended to buy. Going into the supermarket and coming out with a lot of stuff that wasn’t on your list is a quick route to the poorhouse. I’ve always thought that instead of what they usually say, cashiers should ask “Did you find anything you WEREN’T looking for?” And then, as a public service, they should set it aside and have the stock clerks return it to the shelves.
But that’s just one opinion. What do YOU think, Dr. Babooner?
Trail Baboon 
Good morning to all:
I do most of the grocery shopping at our house now that I’m retired. I don’t like using coupons, but if I have some I will try to make use of them sometimes. Occaisionly I have enough to save several dollars. I have learned not to buy things with cupons just so that I can save a little money when I’m not sure I want that item. I say let’s just get rid of those coupons and bring down the cost of food by the amount of money that goes into putting out coupons.
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Thank you for putting things into perspective, Doctor.
Personally, I almost never clip coupons because most of them are for processed food products we don’t eat, because they are too expensive. I suggest Unsettled devote the coupon clipping time to doing more from scratch cooking, preferably with some nice music playing. Under no circumstances should Unsettled turn on talk or news radio, that way lies madness.
Off to get my case of Ho-Hos while they still have plenty (also, no one will suspect me of hoarding if I load up on Peeps-it is diorama season-but nothing beats Peeps for that rush of sugar energy required by these trying times-need to get mine early so they can adequately dry out before I need them)
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do you stick with the yellow peeps of go with the full color spectrum of the available offerings?
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We bought some chocolate dipped peeps this year – I gotta say it was a bit disappointing. Why ruin a perfectly good peep with bad chocolate?
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tim, do you mean for artistic expression or as a source of epicurian delight? the 2 are vastly different
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well, Steve bought some “sugar free” peeps – sheesh. not the same.
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and the point of those is……..?
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giggle, giggle
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I agree about avoiding the processed foods, MID. I also like cooking things from scratch. Still, I do find that there are some things that I can save on if I have coupons. I am guessing there is more work to collecting and using the coupons that there is savings, but I guess coupons are kind of a hobby at our house. Maybe we should find a better hobby.
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Our favorite use of peeps (besides the dioramas, which are wonderful) is at the Science Museum. Down on the bottom level, in the “hands on” area, they do a demonstration of a vacuum using a peep.
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I believe peeps are also a sort of food that has a magnificently extended half-life, much like radioactive waste. Peeps will be here on the planet long after we are gone. And if your goal is to survive, shouldn’t you eat things that you KNOW will last a long time?
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My daughter likes to put peeps in the microwave and watch them explode.
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Dale, my plan is to build a lead-lined room that LOOKS like a museum of Peeps dioramas, no one will suspect it is really my hoard-squirrelled away in there with my yarn stash, who knows how long I can hold out.
and Renee-if your daughter arms said Peeps with those frilly cocktail toothpicks, they can joust!
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are you a purist and traditionalst or do you spread your wings and let it all hang out was at the botom of the question
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Scarey blog, Dale. I mean not the content as such, but did my mother rise from the dead? Sure sounds like her.
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Rise and Shine Baboons:
As a devoted non-shopper, I am also a non-clipper of coupons. I spent my childhood having to clip and organize my mother’s coupons. She of the thrifty bargain spent reluctantly and hoarded every coupon. I concluded that there are better ways to spend one’s time, unless the coupon is convenient and too bargain-ish to ignore.
But again, shopping is not my thing. So all things shopping are a chore, including coupon clipping.
Not even this Baboon topic is interesting to me. Yawn.
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who cares about coupons when the world is coming to an end. the total economic collapse and madness associated with the end of mankind and civilization as we know it leaves me caring less about the 50 cents off on shampoo and the buy 1 get 1 free on wonder bread than perhaps trying to figure out if a flame thrower can be rigged to work on animal droppings or if i need to stock up on propane too.
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Thanks, tim. I feel so re-assured by your comments. And as ever, you are completely correct in your opinions!
I’m putting on my tinfoil hat now, and donning my sandwich board with quotes from Revelations on it. You can find me today on the U of M campus near the Washington Ave. bridge, spreading tim’s joy.
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chicken little had it right
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In searching for a new life style (reference my guest blog of 3 weeks ago), or maybe just a new persona is the best I dare hope for at this tired old age, I have decided that, after once again seeing Dale come up with a fresh, funny, and thought-provoking topic each day with at least one very funny and insightful line per blog, as in today’s ‘cashiers should ask “Did you find anything you WEREN’T looking for?” ‘, that, knowing full well I am repeating myself on here to assuredly the boredom of the readers, assuming perhaps incorrectly that they are paying attention any more to what I write, perhaps I have said everything I could have to say in every situation, such as in check-out lines, as an example of only one of many such instances, where I find myself becoming the grumpy old bastard (not as born to parents without benefit of marriage, but as in bastard file, that is rubbing against the common grain) by answering their query if I have found everything I was looking for by nodding towards the line of people waiting to check out and saying, “If I haven’t, should you really be suggesting that now would be the time to look for it? And why does every public situation in America require hired people to say exactly the same meaningless thing in precisely the same dull automotonic voice. Do you all go to school somewhere or is there a recording box implanted in all your throats, like in greeting cards, which, as you may must know IF you may attention to endless parade of plasticized content including the processed food which you run across that glass plate, have become just ridiculously expensive and send out messages as plasticized and aotomotonic as your voice and question;” yes, while being that grumpy old bastard has its appeal, there are in current public casual conversation way too many opportunities to be said bastard and am wondering if I now need to try being the strong and silent–scratch “strong;” too late for that, but keep “silent”–and just shut up.
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ou have not begun to say everything that you have to say clyde. you are a crotchety old curmudgeon but that is your appeal. if i want another have a nice day in my life i can stop at the 7-11 or anywhere else. i do ask when prompted by a well meaning common speak drone if he/she can answer any question, if they happen to know the true meaning of life. sometimes it kindles a spark of recognition that there is a element of society that has meaningful discussions but usually they say no they don’t and i thank them just the same and go about my business. i figure someday i may get the answer and then it will be worth it.
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Clyde, please don’t go for silent option. There may be some people who should just keep their mouths shut, but you are not one of them. I am always interested hearing what you have to say.
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Well, Clyde, today I am your bookend, only the female version. I’ve been a bit grumpy this week. Nothing is going the way I want it to go. And the universe appears to have a technical bug. Grumping in print is pretty rewarding.
Don’t stop.
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Maybe art supplies will cure the grumps for me. It has worked before~!
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Railing on the clerks isn’t very helpful; they are drilled on what to say and often threatened with disciplinary action if they don’t stick to the script. That besides the fact they’re paid cr*p wages and treated like punching bags by the public and indentured servants by management. If something really bothers you, take it up the chain to the store or regional manager. Sorry if I’m taking this too seriously, but I’ve actually worked retail, and for every terrible clerk there are dozens of horrible, vile, rude, abusive customers. Present company is, I’m sure, fully excepted!
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It was, of course, only a fictional conversation with the clerk because I of course fully understand why they do what they do.
Also, the threat to shut up was also fictional.
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CG – I’m with you on this one… from my many years in retail, often with the required phrase taped to the cash register to remind you.
AND, I have to say that more than once, in response to the required question, a customer would mention some book that he/she didn’t find and I know right where it was, call somebody quick to bring it up to the register and voila — happy customer, happy home office!
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My point was . . .well . . . never mind.
As a way to save $70 on an easel purchase at Michaels, I agreed to accept emails, which do not come that often.
This was the subject line for Monday’s Michaels email: “50% off your entire purchase – Friday only.”
This was the subject line from yesterday’s email: “Oops…we got a little carried away.”
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I’ve been in retail, too. The recitation of the requisite script, whatever it is for your chain, is usually enforced with the use of “secret shoppers” who come in, buy something, and report back to the main office whether or not the clerk said the magic words.
After I left my retail job, I signed up to be a secret shopper for a brief stint. I discovered the companies that wanted my input had no real interest in what I thought about my shopping experience. All they wanted to know was whether the clerk recited the proper phrase at checkout.
Would you like fries with that?
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Clyde, you are reminding me of an opera conductor who used to mortify his wife by responding to the ubiquitous “enjoy your dinner!” from the server with the qualifying, “I will if it’s good!”
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i saw an article the other day on the coupon clipper phenomen and how if you do it right and get the coupon to match up with the sale the the store offers on everyday stuff like shampoo and razor blades or dish soap and macaroni and cheese you can end up getting the stuff for free or close to it. my brothers wife gets a newsletter on the art of skimping and wringing every possibility out of your nickles. it is an interesting study but to end up with hours of reading on paper towel opportunities is not my cup of tea. i am inclined to spend quality time figuring out where my minnesota twins went wrong. maybe i should just start seeing how to slide bamboo under your own fingernails and admit i enjoy pain and suffering. i am a minnesotan.
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I wonder if the coupon clipping mania is not just another manifestation of the growing cultural obsession with purchases. Through advertising and informed consumerism we are raising the simple act of buying something to a statement of persona identity and expression of values.
Human nature is responsible for much of this, it seems. Studies have recently shown that the more choices we have (on anything: cars, bedspreads, etc) the less pleasure we take in the purchase (because we worry that we should have choses otherwise).
My response is to try to enjoy a purchase now and then but to try also to keep the act of buying something relatively unimportant, whether what is purchased is a camera, a book, a CD or bag of groceries.
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I just realized that the one coupon I am so attached to is the Michael’s 40% off art supplies coupon. That one I carry with me at all times in case I have an emergency need for art supplies.
Doesn’t everyone have emergency needs for art supplies? I spot “my people” by their Michael’s flyers.
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i was talking with my cousin the painter who was telling me one art store has a sale period like the haskells wine sale where you need to figure out your needs for the year and go buy them during these sale times 60% -80% off. he told me the name and i had a mental picture of where it i s located but i am drawing a blank right now. i will hopefully remember before you have another emergency art need jacque. it was something so generac like ” art supplies and products” that i cant remember it. i can call him if you’d like. i have an armload of canvas’s calling out to me but when i went into michaels they were 50 to 100 bucks a pop. i asked my painter cousin about stretching you own and what kind of linen and gesso to use and he told me not to bother. you waste your time, drive yourself crazy with frustration and end up with a product you are not happy with. then again it could turn into the next amish friendship bread which has my wife attaining superstar status for her intermitant offerings to the break room.
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There is a Katy somebody in Minneapolis who will make custom canvases for you.
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Nice.
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You’re nice too Jacque but I was referring to tim’s wife’s superstar status…
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they beat her up when the bread is too slow coming. they dont want a starter to make their own … just the bread. my dog jumped up and at the bowl full on day 9 and i had to research how you do the starter thing without the starter and i am in round 3 of the testtube amish friendship bread now and it has passed the test so i am back in business. thanks for getting me rolling with this fun daily addition to life
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Jacque — I’ve even gone so far as to go online and print out a 40% off. I’m not sure I’ve ever stepped foot in a Michaels without a coupon in hand!!
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I walk into Michaels and am overwhelmed by the smells of incense and candles– or whatever that smell is. Then I just get nervous; there’s too much stuff!
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I am ambi-craft store and will shop either Michael’s or Joann, depending on who has the better sale that week (and the better coupon). Like you, it’s about the only coupon I clip.
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The preference for Michaels is purely geographic. Close to my house.
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Ditto for me. Michaels close to house and very close to office. However, I do clip both M & J, just in case!
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I have a friend who used to buy Peeps (lots of colors) by the case for nieces and nephews, and kept them for years – NO PROBLEM.
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Woops, meant to post that above…
Husband used to be a religious coupon clipper, and did that thing tim mentioned about matching them to store specials so you pay zero. He still pages through the coupon section of the Sunday Strib, but is using a lot fewer of them – you’re right, whoever above said there aren’t a lot of coupons for really healthy stuff.
I keep “emergency” coupons for the local Video Universe handy – they’re on the back of the Cub receipts, and I can get up to 4 videos (including Deadwood, which we’re on the last season of) for a buck each. High finance.
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What religions can you get with coupons?
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Beth-Ann my mind is bubbling over with answers to that question. The answers are all so un-PC that they cannot appear on a public access blog. But what fun.
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unitarian for sure
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episcopalians don’t want it publicized but will accept anyones coupons. seventh day adventists want to knock on your door and hand deliver them.
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I think Luther fought against coupons (so much like indulgences) – it was is 100th thesis, so it got cut from his list of 99…
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I’m pretty sure you are right on that one, Anna-thanks for the giggle.
I recently learned that the reason Luther chose the date he did to nail up those theses was because back in his day, All Saints Eve was not unlike Christmas Eve is today, one of the services people were likely to attend, even if they rarely went to church.
No marketing slouch was Martin Luther, it seems.
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So I’ve been sitting on this since 6;15, because I’m not sure what it says about me. I actually do clip coupons, every week when the paper comes out, but I rarely use them. I only clip out things I think I’ll use, but then never buy. Hmmmmm….. I’m thinking I should quite the clipping!
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Dear Unsettled,
I think you should stop shopping at Cub-spiracy and try a less paranoid purveyor.
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This is an ethical issue for those of us who live in a small or more isolated community. Where do you shop if you know that things are less expensive at the national chain store, but shopping there endangers the local stores operated by friends and neighbors? We find ourselves shopping small and local first, and spending more money in the process. I rationalize it by telling myself that the amount is really small for us and our patronage for our small and local is a huge deal for the health of our community. My penny pinching ancestors may be spinning in their graves I suppose.
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I try to buy as much as I can at our good local hardware store. I don’t like shopping at Wal Mart, but it is the largest store in our area and has no large store compeitors near it. There are some things that are only available at Wal Mart in our area so I more or less have to buy those things there.
An old family paint store went out of business and I talked to the man who ran that store and now works in the paint department at Home Depot. He said he couldn’t afford to buy out his father and keep the family store going. He also said he is doing better working for Home Depot and seemed happy to have been offered a job there.
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i hate that story
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I liked the old family paint store and I wish it hadn’t gone out of business. I think the guy who wasn’t able to buy out his father was not happy about that. I think he might have been happy to have a job offered to him at Home Depot. Also, I think he might have been having trouble keeping the family business going and might have been glad to leave that struggle behind.
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thats what i hate about it.
i had a guy in a business group who moved to town and bought someone elses carpet busuness. well i wondered what kind of idiot would buy a carpet business to go heads up against menards and home depot.. he was in business for almost a year before the carpet company he was affiliated with went out of business and he needed to commit to the next group who would be the central group to allow hime to cntinue buying at wholesale prices. he thought about it for a long time and put his plans and future out in fornt of him and thought about the time and money and energy he had put in so far and decided to get the heck out before the big guys killed him.
i hate that story. the family business is gone. the family farm is just about gone. the family traditions are going fast and the option is to sell your soul and collect a paycheck working for a company that wants you to work for less than full time so they don’t have to pay benifiits by people who don’t care at all for the community or the people in it.
read vonnegut’s “jailbird” to see what the 20 year old vision was and how true it has become. big brother owns everything is the storyline.
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I would say it really depends a lot on how much you are actually saving at the big box (and how much the gas will cost when they run the other guys out of business, then decide your market is too small for them to bother with and close their store, leaving your town with nada and you end up shopping at the nearest big town’s big box)
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I don’t like to see local businesses closed down and replaced by big box stores. However, local businesses need to do a good job of serving their communities if they want to stay in business. We lost our local bank, but I think the banker really wanted to close and wasn’t providing very good service. Our local newspaper is going to lose us as a subscriber because the editor uses bad judgement on what he allows to be published and has a lot of stories that are just filler. I get very good service at our local hardware store and will continue to buy almost all of my hardware there.
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Interesting point, Jim.
Do we automatically assume all locally owned businesses provide superior service? Is it possible a chain could care more and/or provide better service, and if so does that change the way we look at the issue?
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I guess I don’t usually think that chain stores are particularly good at providing service to their customers. Never the less, in my opinion, local businesses that don’t provide good service shouldn’t automaticly assume they should be supported just because they are local.
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Is this cashier nuts or what?
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Cashews… definitely.
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God bless you!
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Thanks for the comment, Janice. And for the mention of cashews, VS, which are my favorite nut.
The cashier described in the letter to Dr. Babooner bears a striking resemblance to a real cashier at my local supermarket, who actually did start talking to me about the Fed’s policy of Quantitative Easing.
Whatever happened to ‘paper or plastic’?
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Perhaps a frustrated and underemployed Econ major?
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they still have those too
paper plastic or conversations on the quanatative studies on the wellness of mother earth. which will it be?
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She’s insecure and has low self esteem and was trying to impress you. Trust me.
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I recently ran across a Walmart cashier who was showing everyone who came through the line pictures of her children. It didn’t seem to matter to her that the line was very slow as a result and it kept getting more and more backed up. Cashews indeed!
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Gesundheit.
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What do I think?
Well, first off, having been a ticket taker for years, I can appreciate that this cashier has little in the way of mentally demanding work. As such, the cashier has a lot of time to think of doom, gloom, and how much they feel unappreciated. In addition, the cashier is also subjected to all manner of people, their opinions, and whatever else they say. Let’s also not forget that any downtime may be taken up by reading publications ranging from People (pretty high-brow stuff) to The Star. So, this poor cashier is trying to handle a lot of a little.
Next, is our economy not necessarily based on tangible commodities? Yup. But we’ve all pretty much agreed that a growing economy is better than a non-growing economy. So, as long as a majority of people still get paid, still spend that money, and goods/service providers still provide us with our goods/services, things should still keep humming. Is credit a problem? It can be (like most things, including our cashier friend) if taken to extremes. Is our entire economy based on faith and imaginary value? To a certain degree, sure. But would we all rather go back on the barter system? I mean, how far does this cashier want to take this scenario?
Third, anyone that says, “I’m just sayin’…,” isn’t ‘just saying’ whatever they’re saying.
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great stuff tgith
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So if they aint just sayin’ whatevuh theys sayin’, whattaya reckin’ theys doin’??
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Jest joshin’?
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Aah reckin’ so … or mehbe jest messin’ witcha?
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Don’ go messin’ wit no witches. ‘Tain’t smart.
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I saw a commercial last night while at the gym for a tv show called “Extreme Couponing.” Really. Not only can you spend time clipping the coupons, sorting and organizing them, you can give up an hour of your life watching a tv show about clipping coupons. Frankly, I’ll gladly squander a few extra bucks at my locally-owned grocer and use the time I might otherwise spend clipping coupons doing things like reading, playing with my kid, maybe taking the dog for a walk.
And regardless of how inane or crazy my checkout person is, I do my best to be pleasant and say things like “please” and “thank you.” If I have learned nothing else from reading Miss Manners each week, I have learned that a little courtesy goes a long way (and also to never ask for cash or other presents in any form in a wedding or party invitation).
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Michael Perry, a writer/essayist from the Eau Claire area who reads and does light commentary on NPR, in his book “Truck: a Love Story” has a funny story about how in his local small town grocery the clerk in a loud voice analyzes his purchase for what he is going to cook and what that implies about what is going on in his bachelor life.
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I can’t believe it. The National Weather Service just issued a winter weather advisory for our area, predicting 2-4 inches of heavy wet snow tomorrow. And here we were hoping to play croquet this weekend!
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Renee, perhaps it’s just an April Fools’ prank…..we can hope!
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It was nice to hear “More Bad Weather on the Way ” on RH just now. Thanks Mike, if you enginnerred it. If not, its a serendpitious occurance.
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if you are the second one through the wicket you will be able to tell just how the ball is going to roll
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The Twins won, so you can get a coupon from the Caribou web site for a $1.00 coffee tomorrow.
Or, if you prefer, you can bring a reusable cup and get a free coffee at Starbuck’s to celebrate Earth Day. No coupon needed.
Or you could do both.
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thanks for the heads up. i will do that.
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ta ta and Happy Easter, all
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You too!
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good easter clyde. ill be here friday and saturday. my daughter (age 9) has a new interest in religion. i asked her if she knew what easter was about and she had no idea so i did my version of the easter story and she is so interested she wants to study it tomorrow and over the weekend. interesting.
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Don’t forget “pack ratery” (with particular connections to email).
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