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Ask Dr. Babooner

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Dear Dr. Babooner,

One of my dear friends is having an extravagant wedding! The groom’s family is loaded AND they are sort of obsessive-compulsive when it comes to all the rules they follow and the weird behaviors they expect from other people.

His mother is so touchy, ordinary people are not supposed to touch her unless she touches them first!

Talk about taking yourself seriously. They’ll have a full orchestra and TWO choirs!

This in a church that already has a perfectly fine pipe organ. How much music do you need to say a simple “I do”?

My friend the bride thinks it is all so wonderful, but I can’t help thinking this is excessive and embarrassingly ‘over the top’. I know it is my responsibility to ‘ooh’ and ‘aaah’ over the posh arrangements and make a fuss and validate all her tasteless choices, but I’m afraid if I do she will be able to tell I’m faking it.

But on the other hand, if I say what I think she may never speak to me again! The whole thing gives me a stomachache. Either way, I feel like our friendship is doomed!

I’m thinking I should just not show up and claim later that I made a mistake writing down the date!

Would that be so wrong?

Sincerely,

Just a Common Her

I told “Common Her” that yes, it would be wrong to skip your friend’s wedding because you are afraid she will see through your façade. You appear to be so shallow, it is likely that she has already seen through your façade and has decided to like you anyway. Or, as you suggest, your friendship may be truly doomed. In either case, you might as well go for the perks. I hear you’ll get one free glass of champagne, possibly two, but under no circumstances will anyone get three!

But that’s just one opinion. What do YOU think, Dr. Babooner?

94 thoughts on “Ask Dr. Babooner”

  1. Morning all. I have to say that I’m not big on gushy weddings… seems like a lot of folks lose the forest for the trees.

    But unless the bride or groom has actually been horrid to you and you’ve decided to end the friendship, then you might as well go to the wedding, because these are people you care about and want to share in their celebration, however gaudy. And get a glass of champagne.

    Having said all this, I will admit right up front, that I’ve been up since 4:15 and watched the whole thing on BBC. Such a cultural event – kind of like staying home from school to watch Apollo 13 return to earth – how could I not?!

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    1. I would not have missed this. In this era of efficient cost-effective-price-point-driven-pre-packaged dreck, it is ever amazing to me that the British people and the Royals in particular can still give us this kind of show.

      I am for it.

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      2. If you think theatre is done without reference to the bottom line, I believe there is someone on the blog who has some lovely swampland in Florida that is on offer…

        see also Ben’s comments on his next year’s budget 🙂

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      3. Oh I think he just means ‘In This Instance’ there is no reference to the bottom line. Right Steve?

        Ahhhh… to dream…..

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  2. No gift required, lots of guys in cool uniforms, and the option for the perfect Christmas card picture CH you’d be a royal fool not to go!

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  3. Good morning! Like VS, I’ve been up watching. It was a sort of bookend event for me. When my family was debating buying our first TV, we were told we could watch Queen Elizabeth’s coronation live if we got one. And so we did, in (I believe) 1952. The Brits really do these ceremonies well.

    And I was just bursting with pride at one point when the Archbishop made his glancing reference of respect toward TLGMS. Maybe some of you didn’t catch it, for it was early then! The line was something about how Will and Kate will now be sharing “Worldly Goods.” Gosh! Somewhere on a puffy cloud in heaven, Nilo Saharin is smiling.

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    1. Well, Nilo is in heaven now where he can influence such things. What a co-incidence!

      You are correct SiSP, the Brits do have ceremony down pat. And if you like red, they are the folks for you.

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    2. Steve, OT for you, or anyone else: are you an old collector of fishing lures? or a collector of old fishing lures? or an old collector of old fishing lures?
      I have about a dozen I rescued from my father’s tackle box years ago and some were old then. I doubt any have value, but I hate to throw them away.
      This is so far off OT, it is sort of the anti-topic.

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      1. I’d enjoy looking at and maybe photographing them. And then I could move them along to true collectors of old lures. I find them fascinating and have been contemplating writing an article about them! Thanks for asking.

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      2. OT?
        Had this been a wedding of Minnesota royalty, fishing lures would have been a perfect accessory for the lacy part of the bride’s dress!

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  4. Rise and Shine Baboons!

    “Well,” she said in a huff, “Not only is this over the top in extravagance, but then she did not ask ME to BE in the weeding, I mean wedding. If she was really my friend she would have 1) ASKED my advice since I have such good taste and 2) ASKED ME to be a bridesmaid.”

    She went silent for a few minutes, pacing back and forth across the kitchen floor, dribbling her tea then slipping on the slice of lemon she threw across the room in her fit of pique. She laid there on the floor, fuming and ruminating about this Royal State of Affairs.

    “I thought I had a chance at catching Prince Harry’s eye. And now he won’t even see ME tucked away with the rest of the girls eyeing the Prince.”

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      2. From Iowa, home of the weeding dress. I’ll include a sketch of the weeding dress concept on the list of drawings needed: Suessified Donald and dress.

        But, certainly the dress would need the fishing lure accessories. That should not even need saying.

        Now I am off to the 4-H building in Ames to choose the 4-H scholarship winner given in my father’s name. Always fun. One year an applicant included a reference from his 4-H club leader, who did duel duty as his mother. However, it is fascinating to witness the wonderful kids out there. Most are so sharp and accomplished.

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  5. CH, I don’t think you can pretend you got the date wrong. Everybody knows about this wedding. How about letting your friend know what you think about the wedding? Maybe she needs to hear that everyone doesn’t think such an over done wedding is a good thing.

    She might even be glad to have a friend who is willing to be honest with her. The family she is marrying into is not real good at taking advice as far as I can tell. She probably needs a friend like you who doesn’t go along with all the stuffy traditions that she is going to have endure.

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      2. Four, I believe Monday is a Bank Holiday.

        Also, Sunday is Beltane, but I’m not sure they actually took that into account.

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      3. Well, there were trees in Westminster. Although a bonfire would have been a really good Beltane nod, wouldn’t it?

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  6. Oh , I think it is fine to celebrate a wedding with all the paraphernalia and hugaboo one can muster, particularly if one can afford it. Thnk of all the pleasure they give to everybody else in these trying times.

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      1. My edible front yard it awaiting a warmer and drier day when we can get Little Nick (he is only three feet tall and has adaptive equipment to do yard work) to come over and till the new plot once more before we plant. I’ll have to look for that book. Thanks for the info!

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    2. I think that is a prescient comment, Renee. The sense I get of Will and Kate is that they truly would have preferred a wedding with a few thousand less invitees, but they graciously accepted all this pomp and circumstance as a way of paying the English public back for their privileged lives. One of the most pressing duties of being a royal is to occasionally put on a jolly good show like this.

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  7. Hi Kids!

    Common Her COULD just stay home and make the groom happy. She sounds like one of those friends that the husband can’t stand. But I can vouch for using the excuse of writing down the wrong date. It happened to me this week with our District Recognition Banquet. It was Wednesday night at the Ramkota and I thought it was Thursday night at Hu Hot. Was my face sunburned! Plus, I was out 14 bucks!!

    Thank the Lord it’s Friday! Translation – the magic of children is oft overrated.

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  9. Dear CH – Your friend will probably be in such a state of Bridemania that she won’t notice if you are merely murmuring platitudes to her or even smiling and not saying much. She will know that you are there for her, and that will be all that matters. She will, however, quite likely, notice if you are *not* there and get quite cranky. As VS said, wear a good hat. Enjoy the music and pomp in all its over-the-topness. Who knows, maybe a cute young Earl will be in attendance as well – and he might just take you out for a whirl on the dance floor at the reception (or for a quiet walk in the garden to escape your friends new in-laws and their strange requests).

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  10. I woke up to a volume up tv at 5:45 with church services on, I was very confused and it took a couple minutes that my wife enabled my historic moments wakeup service to watch the royals. I must say I like these royals better than past editions.
    as far as wedding advice, i find my beingnworried about what others think of me is unwarranted, they never think about me at all, why wouldn’t you go?the people watching is going to be killer.the hats alone are worth the trip.babes with big hats and bad teeth, bring in tom waits, wouldn’t he be the perfect wedding singer for the royals?

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      1. Well, they already had Elton John, who always seems to be around when these people have weddings or funerals. Along with the dowdy lady in the yellow bucket hat, that makes at least two old queens for this one young marriage.

        I was a little shocked at how WHITE this wedding was. Two little chocolate faces in the choir that I noticed.

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    3. I had to laugh when I heard the William Walton Crown Imperial for the recessional. I can’t even count the number of times I had to play that in band. It is a nice number, I guess, but it also easily lends itself to countless repeats so that everybody can either process in or recess out to music. After the 5th go round, it gets pretty tedious to play.

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  11. In my lifetime I’ve been to 4 weddings and 25 or 26 funerals, so my advice is to go, say how natural the bride looked, and try to enjoy the church basement lunch. At least they’ll be serving alcohol, which is more than you can say for Lutheran funerals.

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    2. I have been to a couple of Lutheran funerals that could have been improved by a little alcohol. (Though those are balanced nicely with the ones where you get to sing your heart out with a few good hymns – the Lutherans may lack a few things, but hearty singing is not on that list.)

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      5. My Mom has already made sure we all know; ‘No potato Salad at her funeral!’ She says she’s served enough salad at funerals….

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      6. I did about 50 Lutheran funerals and a two Methodist ones. Some were really fun and unique to the person. Some were kind of awful. Families do get to plan them for the most part.
        I have outlines mine to my daughter. mt preference would be a private one. But I keep telling my daughter that, unlike Tom and Huck, I do not plan on attending so the family can do what they want.

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    4. You just have to know the right Lutherans.

      I have been to a very Lutheran funeral where the departed was given a champagne toast send-off. That’s what happens when you decide to start calling them a “celebration of life” instead of a funeral, I guess.

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    2. I got my hopes up when I saw Rowan Atkinson at the wedding. Of course, as a fan of “Four Weddings and a Funeral,” I desperately hoped he would read the marriage service. For those who haven’t seen it, he performs one of the most wonderful marriage ceremonies ever caught on film.

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  13. You’re all funny today. Must be Friday.

    My lovely wife was up at 5:00 to watch things. Being in the country without cable her options were limited and it didn’t help that the TV reception was being difficult. I saw a few seconds… and then everyone was off to work and school so I’m not sure if she was able to stream the wedding at work or if the computer Nazis were against that.

    …what was the question?

    We had a good group of friends in our wedding party. And a really great minister to marry us. (In fact he came to my Bachelor Party because nobody knew him besides us. He told people he was in ‘foundations’. And then at the wedding rehearsal he said “I might look familiar to some of you. That’s because I was at the Bachelor Party. And I remember what you said.” A friend of mine leaned up behind me, grabbed my shoulder and said ‘I’ll get you for this!’)
    So, yeah. We had a fun wedding.

    CH, you just never know. You can’t pretend you didn’t. You just gotta.

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    1. sounds sneaky fun. not many guys would invite their preacher as a joke on the guys at the bachelor party. sideways devious ben.

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  14. Oh dear, another media event that has come and gone before I had a chance to decide whether I was interested in following the story.

    There is more to ponder in the marriage than in the wedding, anyway, and more time to give it the consideration it merits, if it merits.

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    1. True, true, the marriage is more to ponder for the bridge & groom. But for the casually onlooker, the wedding is much more fun!

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      4. Steve – this is a definite. Apparently William is actually already quite rich in his own right, thanks to Diana leaving him a huge chunk of change. (Being home sick this week has led me to know WAY MORE about the royal family than I ever thought possible.)

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      5. Yes, I doubt they will need to face poverty together. Only their subjects need to do that and plenty of them have.

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      6. I’m impressed that no photos have surfaced of them kissing in public prior to today’s spectacle. I sincerely *hope* they’ve kissed by now… but, wow, to not get *caught*! Now that’s special!

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      7. Ben, I saw them “kiss” for the benefit of the cameras and British people. If they truly think that was kissing, someone needs to get them aside and give them lessons. If they think that is kissing, I’m not sure we can expect heirs from this union.

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  15. Here I sit in Ames, Iowa at the Panera. On my way into town for a bite of lunch I saw two homeless guys with a backpack and a sign asking for money. Then on the street I saw a bearded guy about my age (say,um 57 years or so with grey in the beard) gallumphing along on the sidewalk. A yellow and stained polo covered his rather large beer belly. Completing the ensemble was a long slitted black skirt sprinkled with large red flowers revealing some hairy knee and combat boots.

    Do you supposed this was his wedding outfit? Did he watch the ceremony this morning?

    I was born 7 miles from here and my ancestors settled this county. I’ve never before seen a homeless panhandler here with a sign asking for money, nor a hairy crossdresser. Times they are a changing.

    I wonder how these guys feel about Mike Huckabee or MB?

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      1. “Goodness snakes!” is definitely joining my vocabulary. It will fit right in with “Heavens to Betsy!” which makes the teenager roll her eyes.

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      4. Yes, I see that… I’m adapting, as I don’t think it will be quite as cute for me, at my age, to be saying goo-ness!

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  16. Ok, this is really stupid! The National Weather Service has just placed my region in a BLIZZARD WARNING! 3-6 inches of snow with strong winds. I give up.

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      1. It seems to be a weekly occurance. Last week it stayed rain and didn’t turn to snow. Th eweather gods have a problem with nice weekends for us out here.

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  18. Just talked to my son in San Jose, who had a conference call with their British office earlier this week, who explained that 1) it is a four day weekend there in honor of the wedding and 2) one of the reasons for a Friday wedding was that they did not want to step on any wedding that any plain old folks had long planned for this weekend, which would be very common. That I find kind of cool.

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  19. Husband and I spent the last 2-1/2 days in Iowa visiting my mom and, I kid you not, spent Thursday attending a Lutheran funeral (not the alcohol kind – there were ham sandwiches and various squares and bars… coffee or lemonade). We often don’t turn on the TV when we’re at Mom’s, so got back here around 7 and I heard Husband on the phone with his brother, saying “What wedding?” I then recalled that, yes, there was a wedding, and have now (since no TV) managed to see some of the web photos. Fei da – how lame are we?

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    1. it may be interesting to see 3 minutes of filmclips instead of a wrinkle lipped pampas brittish cultural critic advising us on the proper forks to view the ceremony with, the stiff upper lip got to me a bit.

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