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Ask Dr. Babooner

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Dear Dr. Babooner,

When my youngest graduated from Stanford in ‘08 and took a job at a venture capital firm that finances Initial Public Offerings for tech startups, I relaxed. I thought he was going to be spending his time with responsible people. So imagine my surprise when he comes home for Thanksgiving and he’s got a tattoo on his arm – a company logo for DigiChip – an image of a standard potato chip but with sparks flying off the sides and all kinds of technical thingies on it. And it was etched on his arm – that beautiful, pristine, still baby-soft skin! I almost fainted. His explanation? It was the first account he ever worked on, and he wanted to remember it.

I still can’t believe he turned his body into a shrine for this miserable company, because they were out of business by the following Memorial Day. I think my child’s ravaged skin is the only thing left of DigiChip – not that anyone would notice because he’s cluttered up the rest of his exposed flesh with logos from all the OTHER companies he’s worked with in the past 36 months – mostly bankrupt news aggregators and failed social networks (why would you name one “Sardine Tin?” People don’t want to be THAT close!). I joke that they’ll have to fire him in two years when the illustrations start creeping up his neck.

The latest atrocity hurts me more than all the previous tattoos combined – the company is called “Mother’s Milk Energy Drink”. The image is a bottle of the product with a heart superimposed over it, and yes, the word “Mother’s” on a scrolled banner.

If my child is going to have any form of “Mother” written on his skin in indelible ink, it had better be there as a tribute to ME, not to honor some toxic combination of carbonation, corn syrup and caffeine!

He says “If you want it to be for you, mom, it’s OK to think that. I’m sure the dudes at Mother’s wont mind.”

Dr. Babooner, I bit my tongue, but what if I mind? Doesn’t that count?

Sincerely,
Listen You Dope, I’m Angry!

I told L.Y.D.I.A! that this was a terribly unfortunate situation and I can understand her distress, but she needs to remember two things.

1) Tattoos today are not the same kind of outsider’s social statement they were when she was young.
2) Some people just get too wrapped up in their work.

When one’s child emphasizes the professional over the personal, one should feel pity alongside the rage. Eventually it will dawn on him (in the shower perhaps), that he has emotionally over-invested in these shaky IPO’s.

And it wouldn’t hurt to mention sometime that when you gave birth to him, it was an extremely risky and terribly painful Initial Public Offering that has been a good investment overall, though there have been some shaky quarters of late.

But that’s just one opinion. What do YOU think, Dr. Babooner?

45 thoughts on “Ask Dr. Babooner”

  2. Rise and Shine Baboons!

    Dearest LYDIA, I just awoke with a big allergy headache and with my brain in a fog. This is the downside of the Spring, now arrived, that we so desperately awaited. I can’t even think about your silly question now. Do you suppose I’ll clear up and devise an answer later? Hope so.

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  3. Yep, she might as well just get over it. They all have their tattoos, Joel’s was some character on a Grateful Dead album.

    Someone please tell him to get out there and find her a really nice mothers day card – he should stand at the stacks until he finds one with a message that says something he actualy believes (I know, it’ll take a while). It’s something she can keep and smooths over all kinds of rough edges. A little pot of impatiens or violets wouldn’t hurt, either.

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  4. My son’s is a foot long Russian Cross on his right upper arm.
    If he had done one for each tech company he has worked for, he would look like one of those kiosks on the U of M campus.

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  5. Oh Lydia, I understand how you feel. I am totally opposed to tattoos, but once the children are grown-up, there’s not much you can do about it. Neither of my children have tattoos. One reason my son doesn’t have one is because his wife wouldn’t stand for it, and my daughter doesn’t because she is a minor and I won’t let her. One thing I did when they were growing up was expose them to recordings and videos of events called Tattoos, which were drum and pipe and bugle extravaganzas involving Canadian and British and Scottish military marching bands. Lots of pageantry but pretty boring to watch more than once. I think my children may steer clear of getting tattoos because they may have the fear that it involves having to learn to play the bagpipes.

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  6. I’ve been thinking lately that I should scrape together some cash and invest in a tatoo removal company/industry. Although there are some who will gladly sport their tatoos for the rest of their lives, I’m thinking tatoo removal is going to be HUGE in a few years.

    I’m waiting to see how tomorrow will pan out now that the teenager is driving and can get herself out and about to stand in the card aisle. She has always made a card in past years, but I haven’t seen any clues that she’s been in my studio lately. We’re off in just a few to the opening of the Mill City Farmer’s Market… there are supposed to be farm animals there, so we’re hoping to pet some nice goats. Oh, and eat pancakes!

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    1. This year, for the first time, my daughter independently bought a Mother’s Day gift for me without prompting from her dad or brother. She was so excited that she insisted that I had to open it last weekend. I agree with you about tattoo removal.

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  7. Good morning to all,

    I think LYDIA needs to visit with Crow Girl. I believe Crow Girl has told us that she has a large tattoo. In the world of IPOs tattoos might even be an accepted thing. I wouldn’t know. I’m very much from the old school world, but I try to not be too narrow minded. I have to go now to get ready for a trip to the cities and will not be around my computer much today. I hope you all have a good weekend.

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    1. i’m pretty sure it’s Crow Girl also, Jim. when i was a teen i wanted pierced ears. my whole family thought i was out of my mind, which made it only more appealing. as soon as i got out of the house i pierced them (by myself – this was early 60s – no place to get pierced and hardly any ear rings for pierced ears!) my Mother was appalled. then, about 15 years later, she wanted her ears pierced. so maybe all of us oldsters will be getting tattoos next 🙂
      i dated a man who was a Marine – long, long ago – and he had a “Devil Dog” tattooed on his lower arm. that would be hard to explain in a Board Room. Verily, he’d need your services. get your license now!
      also, VS, hope you got to see and pet some nice goats this morning. i did.

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      1. biB, I am a skosch younger than you are and was also never allowed to have pierced ears. Got them done years later, then stopped wearing the earrings when I got too busy chasing a toddler.

        I just keep hoping that by the time the s&h can sign his own papers, Verily will be funding the teenager’s college education from the proceeds from her tattoo removal business and tattoos will just be on “old people”.

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      2. No nice goats – actually no goats of any attitude. However there was a nice black sheep w/ her three white, soft, fluffy lambs!

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  9. My wife wants a tattoo. Should I give her one for Mother’s Day?
    She has several friends of her age who have small tattoos. We all have to howl at the moon, as Crash says, and a tattoo is one of those ways I guess.
    My son got his at 28, long past the age when it made a point to his parents, which he says was part of the point.

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  10. OT – Bubby could drop out of HS and be Verily’s tattoo-removing apprentice! Then he’d no longer be a perennial sophomore, but rather a perennial thorn (aka pain) in his employer’s side (aka assterisk).

    To answer yesterday’s question RE what I’d be willing to give up in exchange for money: I’d give up wanting to have it all because if I had enough money I could still have it all.

    OT (on topic) Lydia needs to look at the glass half full. She’s rapidly aging, like the rest of us baby booners, and before long she’ll be too blind to make out her son’s tattoos, and with any luck she won’t even remember he has any.

    Happy Mother’s Day, one and all. Even the guys, because, be honest — haven’t you ever been called “a mother”??

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  11. I’m not sure how to help L.Y.D.I.A. except to recommend VS’s new IPO.
    Verily Tat Removal
    Where Beauty is Still Skin Deep

    I’m fascinated by tattoos but will never have one. It’s such a permanent thing. What if I don’t like it when I’m 65? I’m terrified of the process too. It sounds painful!

    OT: I have a very colorful backyard this morning. I am hostess to one very domineering female and two male Baltimore orioles, numerous brilliant yellow goldfinches, a pair of cardinals and an indigo bunting! The two male orioles seem to be getting along well. The female chases them away from the feeders. They go and sulk in the branches of the oak tree while she gorges herself on grape jelly.

    Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mom’s!

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  12. Happy Mother’s Day, all of you what are!

    I’ve never seen a tattoo I thought was as lovely as bare skin, The colors seem urpy and the artistry is usually good enough to go on a motorcycle but not a human being.

    Moreover, I don’t understand how anyone can want to see the same decoration every day the rest of their life. When I fall in love with a song I can’t get enough of it, but eventually the thrill fades. I wouldn’t want to wear the same shirt every day the rest of my life, and I wouldn’t want to see the same decoration.

    Tattoos often end up as embarrassments. I worked with a woman named Alberta who had a big tattoo proclaiming her love for Frank. But Frank had split decades earlier, which was a hindrance when she dated anyone who didn’t happen to be named Frank.

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    1. And if she did date someone who was also named Frank, it would be a little creepy for him.

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      1. Bet there’s a lot of that – the main reason Verily’s Tat Removal business wil fourish.

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  13. Since it seems to me that you can only influence your kids until they’re just about 7. I started talking about how much tattoos hurt when my son was a pre-schooler. I described them as a “bad choice.”

    We were standing in line behind a VERY large, muscular man and my son said,”That man made a bad choice he has tootah.” I quickly began to add to my list of don’ts.
    Never criticize the tootahs of people who are much bigger than you are.

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  14. Dear LYDIA –

    On the subject of tattoos, here are a couple of thoughts: it’s your son’s skin now and he can do as he pleases. I have a friend who has a couple of them, and while she kind of regrets one (mostly where it is, not what it is), the other she quite likes. Another friend recently had one placed as a reminder to be strong, and to grow (it’s a lovely tree). His tattoos may cover his exterior, but you have done your best to shape and form the interior – and that is the important part. Don’t get hung up on the logos – I bet most of them could be covered with the right article of clothing.

    Now – the folks I wonder about are not the friends and folks I know who have been thoughtful about their tattoo acquisitions, but those who are doing it as part of an overall aesthetic. This sometimes goes along with the extra-large earrings/holes in the ears and piercings in unusual places. All I can think is that it seems like a swell idea now, and sure it’s sort of daring and counter-culture, but what are all those young ‘uns going to look like when they are no longer young, but much older, living in whatever the future will create for nursing homes, with saggy, baggy skin and saggy, baggy tattoos? The “look” for old folks is certainly gonna be different in 30 or 40 years, that’s for sure.

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  15. Evening–

    My wife got a tasteful small tattoo on her foot; a crescent moon and stars. She’s thinking she might like something else but again small and tasteful.
    I don’t really have much interest in a tattoo but I do have two piercings in one ear…

    Lydia, Oh Lydia….I like Anna’s comment; it’s what’s on the inside that matters.

    Happy Mothers Day everyone!

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    1. And now, due to your “Lydia, oh Lydia” I will be hearing Groucho Marx singing “Lydia the Tattooed Lady” in my head all day. Probably not a bad replacement for the tunes from “Annie” yesterday (they are darn catchy…especially “Hard Knock Life” and “You’re Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile”). Thanks Ben. 🙂

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  16. Hello everyone.
    My daughter and I are in Michigan for a few days cleaning out my mother’s house. It sold quickly! Today we will be picking her up from assisted living and taking her to church with dinner afterwards. Should be a fun day for 3 generations. None of us has a tattoo, but Mom and I have pretty colorful legs……

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  17. Happy Mothers’ Day to Lydia and to all the folks on the trail who know that motherhood isn’t for sissies!

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  18. Greetings and a Lovely Happy Mother’s Day to you all! Goodness, it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I’ll read through once in a while, but then I’m too tired to post. I’m having a wonderful Mother’s Day. Yesterday, my oldest son in Marines sent me a lovely gift basket — an early gift because he will be home and out of Marines in about 4 weeks! Not to be outdone, my husband and other boys bought me some chocolates and a really nice GPS system that I am very grateful for. Then we went out to Perkins for breakfast this morning which was really nice.

    Now, I’m just doing all the other weekend stuff — laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc., because my house goes to hell all week. So very glad to see you all here still. I don’t like most tattoos; but some are quite artistic. One gal I knew got a tattoo of a chain bracelet on her ankle — that was kind of cool. Then she would add charms as she wanted. But it’s still not the same effect as shiny, new bling jewelry that I love. Take care, baboons!

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    1. I’ve been thinking about you, Joanne, glad you had time to check in… SO happy for you all that your son will be home in 4 weeks!

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      1. hey barbara
        it must be a bit of a difficult day with mothers day and no son huh? how many years has it been? thanks for mentioning him yesterday. anyone with a greatful dead tatoo cant be all bad. thanks for your being our goat mom. the new index of terminology is an imortant addition. you do have an extended family here and the lines do get kind of blurred as to who is the oe giving gettin advice support a pat on the back a kick in the pants. an odd arrangement from an interesting group. on this mothers day take some condolence in knowing that this family of misfits cares a bunch.
        a couple of lydia videos for a smile:
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WB-T0Ill08
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4zRe_wvJw8
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHXZA_5XMJ4

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      2. The first Mothers Day was hard, as people didn’t know what to do with me. So the next year I told most everyone “I’m still a mom, that never goes away. So call me or send me cards just like you used to…” Since then, it hasn’t been hard, partly because my step-son and nephew-son always call.

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  19. i have never seen a tatoo i would want to be there 5 years from now. i like the idea of henna that you coud tweak and add red to and then blue and 6 months from now do over or change or stop. but to put born to raise hell on there and have it there for all eternity has no appeal. i am thinking abstract expressionist henna with a jackson pollack or franz kline, a big splotch of yellow with black lines over it with a red crescent and blue tones to balance it could be something i would be wiling to try.
    i used to think the worst thng a kid could do to get me would be face tatoos, i luckil have not had t deal with it but have seen some dillies for face tats and body piercing. see what you think:…
    http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://scottdinsmore.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/joker-face-tattoo1.jpg&imgrefurl=http://boards.bengals.com/showthread.php%3Ft%3D47009&h=470&w=556&sz=86&tbnid=MhxCTSFQUksCSM:&tbnh=112&tbnw=133&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dface%2Btattoos%2Bpictures%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=face+tattoos+pictures&usg=__WzNSJRLucXkoh_i4J2_GjPI7csI=&sa=X&ei=6-bGTczfGsbEgQeE1bnKBA&ved=0CD8Q9QEwBw

    or

    http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.offbeatearth.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/face_tattoo.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.offbeatearth.com/fresh-ink/&h=348&w=380&sz=94&tbnid=j-hfUDVqlM1wHM:&tbnh=113&tbnw=123&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dface%2Btattoos%2Bpictures%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=face+tattoos+pictures&usg=__IXRiUVWSRY_KDtPbCprhnG7q6EM=&sa=X&ei=AuvGTZSEDMnW0QHQvYWXCA&ved=0CCoQ9QEwBA

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    1. There was a guy here that had multiple tattoos and piercings on his body. Face, arms, neck- he was covered. He was an actor mostly. Perhaps smoking, drinking and drugs was his job for awhile. He even got a job as the Children’s Theater director for a while but he kinda scared the parents with his looks.
      Fortunately he’s cleaned up his act, taken out the piercings, had some of the tattoos removed and gone back to college.

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  20. She has eyes that folks adore so,
    And a torso even more so.

    you can learn a lot from lydia
    in looking up the lyrics it turns out it was sang y the mupets on the first muppet show and also sang at jim hensens funeral. you gotta love a guy who plays you can learn a lot form lydia at hs funeral or has it as his signature song. grucho and jim hensen, another sideways dale connection we can be thankful for. we come into contact greatness without ever having to leave our computer.

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