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Ask Dr. Babooner

54 Comments

Dear Dr. Babooner,

Whenever I sit down to eat, I am careful to arrange the plate properly according to the standards I learned when I was young.

I start with a layer of bread, cereal, rice and pasta, then I put two half-layers on top of that – one that’s primarily vegetables and the other, mostly fruit. Over all that I spread meat, poultry, fish, dry beans, eggs and nuts, pour on a few servings of milk, yogurt and cheese, and then I dot the tippy top with fats, oils and sweets.

According to the drawing I go by, all this food is supposed to stack into a tidy, healthy pyramid, but no matter how carefully I assemble it the whole thing always collapses when I add the dairy. Still, I persist because this is how my government tells me to eat. I have even scolded others at my table when they dare to arrange their plates according to their own whims. I’m sorry to have to correct people, but rules are RULES!

As you might imagine, the combination of my constant hectoring plus the predictable mess that happens every time my pyramid implodes has made me quite unpopular and I often eat alone. I sometimes feel sad about this but I’ve been able to comfort myself with feelings of smug satisfaction that I am the only one eating properly.

Now I see the government has abandoned the pyramid guidelines and has given us orders to assemble something that looks more like a plate, with only one layer of food!

I feel betrayed and humiliated!

Dr. Babooner, what use is it to be obedient and respectful of authority when that authority can suddenly change the schematic and abandon its old lessons? I am seriously considering arranging my next meal not as a pyramid or a lopsided circle, but as a trapezoidal collision of potato chips, salsa and Twinkies.

Clearly there are no rules anymore.

Sincerely,
Peeved About The Pyramid

I told PATP that a fierce obedience to authority is a charming quality to have when you are 7 years old, but it soon becomes unattractive in adults. However, constantly questioning authority can also be wearisome, because life is beautiful and sometimes you can only see the sights when you are willing to let someone else drive for a while. I suggested that “Moderation in all things” is a good rule to live by, if one must live by rules. Since PATP seems to respond to graphic representations, I tried to draw that up as a diagram, but moderation is a hard concept to capture visually. It winds up looking bland and formless, like Silly Putty.

But that’s just one opinion. What do YOU think, Dr. Babooner?

54 thoughts on “Ask Dr. Babooner”

  1. Morning all!

    I admit that somedays I really miss the 70s. I was too young to really get much benefit from the freewheeling 60s, but in the 70s, the “question authority” was right on my radar. Buttons, signs, protesting… it was all right up my alley.

    So when I ended up in my current job, which is in a large business and has a complicated “process”, you can imagine my dismay. What was I doing? Where was my free spirit? Then I landed on a project for a year that had NO process… it was your basic fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants project, where you just had to make whatever the client wanted to happen, happen. I hated it. I felt like I was walking on a tightrope with no net. I spent a lot of time thinking about this and decided that for me, a little process, a little safety net is a good thing. I happily wrapped up that project and went back to my regular process-driven programs. Although if you ask anyone in my division who cuts the most corners and “massages the process”, they will all point to me!

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  2. I feel your pain PATP-next year’s school day just got changed up to a half hour earlier with no warning or discussion-I suspect it is not the last change we are going to see before school starts in the fall either.

    If you’re bent on compliance with everything that gets thrown at you, I’m thinking the easiest way to do it is to just sign up for a mail order supply of MREs (meals ready to eat) there is a sale on a one year supply here:

    http://www.thereadystore.com/mre?gclid=CICUtuWRnKkCFU5qKgodUDlDxA

    they can also probably help you out with zombie attack prepared-ness.

    There are also a lot of companies that are happy to get your fully compliant eating habits all packaged up for you, so you can free up some time to worry about something else (like a zombie attack)-here is one that is “doctor designed”
    http://www.bistromd.com/prepackageddietfood.aspx

    which might help you out with your compliance to the government’s BMI chart
    http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/

    I’m sure there is more official news out there that would tell you what to do.

    Me, I use my personal “indigo standard”: if a certain pair of jeans starts feeling uncomfortable, its time to start eating less and doing more.

    Looks like a great (if sticky) day out there Babooners-and all I have planned is a haircut-so time to get all the winter stuff washed, aired and packed away for a couple of months and spend as much of it outside as possible!

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  3. a gracious good morning to You All! we are fine here in Blackhoof, but have had quite a week. i could go on Blevinsing, but will suffice to say our computer crashed (even with Steve’s very careful use of all kinds of Norton/spyware/defragger who knows what) last sunday. just got it back (with most everything gone – good we’ve backed up) fei da for sure.

    now, PATP. the government guidelines are based on science AND heavy pressure from the big businesses concerned. i agree with Dale – moderation – and a little Jack Daniels (or a nice ale) will do you fine.

    better get milking – have a great weekend, All.

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    3. Welcome back, Barb! I’ll soon be making my first cabin visit, and I hope I can make a little detour to visit you and your goats.

      On the computer, I think Norton is a disaster. Computer techs have told me so several times. I’ve heard great things about a new Microsoft (free) virus protection app, and AVG is a free download that is universally praised. I use Trend Micro’s internet security program, and it has protected me for six years in spite of my incredibly foolish surfing habits. I’ve owned both Norton and now Trend Micro, and I emphatically prefer Trend Micro.

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      1. I have AVG free – I used to like it but it started installing its own toolbars and search engines and aggressively took over my default google search. I have it on my older computer and am more careful not with updates. On my newer laptop, I’m using Avast! with good success. Both are free.

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  4. Rise and Shine Baboons!

    Dr. Babooner, the visual representation of moderation can be done! Draw a straight line that represents a continuum then put black on one end, white on the other, gray in the middle; OR…..

    draw 2 circles that overlap in the middle. The middle wedge-thingy is the moderation that represents qualities of each circle.

    Meanwhile PATP, you really eat that way? That is a feat of idiotocracy for sure. I’ve never had enough self-control around food to think or behave that way which, of course, is a different kind of problem solved by Weight Watchers. I think MIG had some wonderful suggestions for you though. Treatment for compulsion might help, too.

    OT — we are going to visit a rescue dog today. Wish us luck. Lou and I have been lonely here lately without any doggie energy in the house. Thanks for the suggestions about resources earlier in the week.

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    1. Good luck at the rescue. I’ve had good luck with this route (both my current dogs are rescues). And cut yourself some slack if seeing the dogs or even bringing a dog home dredges up some of your grief for Coco.

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  5. Good morning to all:

    PATP, you should embrace your new interest in questioning authority. Look around you, but try not to look too much to the right. Some of the questioning of aurthority in that direction is bogus. Don’t be afraid of what you see on the left. Over on the left is a lot of constructive questioning that isn’t really too radical, although you will hear a lot of people say that it is. It is healthy to question authority. You will find that a good program for questioning authority is a healthy diet.

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  6. Oh, oh. Michaels coupon just came in and spent $150 at Dick Blick yesterday. Will I follow my self-imposed rules of not spending too much on myself in too short a span?
    A triple OT: my wife and I went to Stub and Herb’s yesterday for lunch because 46 years ago this month over a lunch of Denver sandwiches there we decided to get married. Still Steimers but no Denvers on the menu and has not been for years.
    1. Have you seen a Denver sandwich on a menu lately?
    2. Do you remember Denver Sandwich candy bars? My wife, five years my elder and raised in The Big City, does not, and I had to show her a pix online to convince her they were real. (Nor does she remember Chicken Sandwich candy bars as I do, which we tripped across on our search.)
    3. Do not go near the U; Washington Ave. is a trench as a start to LRT going through.)
    Back on topic: If you ate a Denver Sandwich and a Denver sandwich, would that be a balanced meal?

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    2. I remember Denver sandwiches and also haven’t seen them on a menu for many years. I always liked them. I don’t remember what I would have with one of those. In those days cottage cheese, apple sauce, jello, or a glass of tomato juice were usually available as side dish options.

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      2. I see Denver omelets, sometimes, but can’t remember the D Sandwich. Thanks for recipe, will try that. As for Mr. Toot No-No, I can only wonder if it refers to how peppers make some folks gassy…

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    4. i remember Denvers both, Clyde. i found that the Incline Station sports bar and bowling center in Duluth has Denver sandwiches (at least i think, but i couldn’t download the menu because our Adobe is gone also! sheesh!

      but if you asked for one at the Duluth Grill (just off I35 on 27th Ave. West, yum. yum.) i bet they’d make one for you for sure.

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  7. Raising a child, to some extent, means guiding your little person through which rules must always be followed, which rules apply only in certain situations and which ones are more…guidelines. This is tricky, especially when the child is young and language and understanding is literal with almost no room for nuance (see: conversation with Husband in which I explain that, “she is 2 – if you allow her to do X at the dinner table, she does not understand that doing X in the morning at breakfast is different and bad. Do not let her do X. It messes up my morning something fierce.”). We have now entered the realm of steering Daughter through the minefields of, “this is okay here and here, but not here” and, “this is okay sometimes” with the hope that she will develop her own good sense and decision making skills for moderation, safety, and rule-bending before she hits the teen years.

    PATP – quit looking for a visual representation of this. It will look like a jumbled mess. Think watercolors done by a pre-schooler. Lovely and splotchy, damp and textured, and overly grey in parts where colors smooshed together. To the untrained adult eye, a jumbled mess. To those who can appreciate it, poetry.

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  8. I’ve never been one to draw inside the lines. So many other possibilities… why restrict oneself with a silly line? I mean, if something looks good, wouldn’t it look better with a little embellishment? If a plate was stacked, as prescribed, in the layers of a step pyramid, wouldn’t it be more tempting with a cherry on top? But that wouldn’t be following the rules, would it?

    It’s hard to work for an extremely bureaucratic agency where processes and rules are the norm, but I’ve done it for 34 years (this coming week). Finally I’ve come to understand that people like me better if I at least attempt to draw inside the lines. Embellishments are sometimes accepted, but most often not. I’ve learned that I need the people around me to like me and accept me – a concept I was averse to in the ’70s. This has taught me to cooperate with some necessary structure and to draw outside the lines as much as I want in my own free time.

    Speaking of 34 years and more free time: unless some miracle occurs, it looks like I’ll be seeing my first ever lay-off notice in the next week or two. (Happy anniversary. The State of Minnesota values you and appreciates your years of drawing inside the lines.)

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      1. Some of my fellow state employees are organizing a pink slip party-I’m not sure I have the lingerie for it but will probably join in the community spirit.

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    2. Snark away… that’s what we’re here for. My department got cut in half two years ago, now the work is returning slowly, but are any of the bodies returning? Of course not. It sucks on both sides!

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  9. Greetings! I was very compliant as a youngster — well-loved by teachers and parents alike. But now I regularly give the raspberries to anything coming from the FDA, USDA, CDC, etc., as they are heavily influenced by the food industries and pharmaceutical companies.

    Moderation is a good thing, but for healthy eating and diet, I tend to look toward people who are vibrantly healthy, have done their research along with a clear, simple, natural and commonsense approach. David Wolfe, raw food guru, is amazing. Victoria Boutenko’s work on green smoothies is profound. Mike Adams, aka The Health Ranger, is a superfood expert. Unfortunately, I have a hard time changing my habits and doing what I know I should do, but I’m making progress. One basic rule is don’t eat anything manufactured by a major American food company. They have hacked our taste buds with highly stimulating and excessive amounts of highly processed sodium, sugar, fat and other chemicals that only make you want to eat more, but there’s no nutrition. Not surprisingly, our diet is guaranteed to make you fat and sick.

    Anyway, don’t get me started. It’s a beautiful day and summer’s bounty of fresh produce always makes me happy. PATP needs to branch out and try to eat more real food that comes from rich soil, vibrant plants and healthy animals. Don’t kill those weeds in your lawn and garden — EAT THEM — they’re probably more nutritious than the domesticated vegetables you’re growing! Enjoy …

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  10. There will always be new rules that mess with the old rules and there will always be rule followers and rule breakers that mess with each other. This is known as the theory of revolution. Just eat and drink what tastes good. That’s what goats do, right Barb?

    Happy Saturday to all ya’ll. It’s a beautiful day where I live too!

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    1. well……. i pulled about a foot of plastic baling twine (hate that stuff!!!) out of Juju’s mouth a couple days ago. so i’m not sure we should look to her, at least, for dietary knowledge.
      thanks All for the virus blocker advice!
      it’s gorgeous here today also. i’m going out.
      see ya monday
      b

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  11. Dear Peeved,
    Pyramids were built by slaves. Look at this change as an emancipation. The plate diagram is a personal Emancipation Proclamation. Build your next meal as a free eater!

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  12. Morning all! For those baboons in the Twin Cities, a second weekend day in a row with a gorgeous forecast. I plan to spend some serious quality time in my hammock in the back yard. Although first I have to fix the squirrel baffle on one of my hooks… turns out the squirrel is climbing up as far as the baffle, then jumping over to the hanging flower pot that is on the other hook, then jumping over the baffle to the feeder. I don’t need smart squirrels. Sheesh.

    Jacque & Lou… how did the search go yesterday?

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    1. We brought home a darling dog–1/2 Corgi, 1/2 dachshund and maybe some husky because she has a blue spot in both brown eye! I’ll email a picture. She is 1 year old, a rescue, already had a litter of pups (prior to rescue she was pregnant) and a real beauty. Bootsy.

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    2. corgi and dachshund.. theres an opportunity for character and personality. enjoy. looking forward to meeting next month

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    3. fastpitch tournaments in prior lake and hopkins this weekend and grad parties. my wife and daughter burn i the sun. they are toasty tasty toasty today. aloe is vital, other duaghter and i got tan and we are off on the summer mission of skin cancer candidates. us and zonker

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  13. Tomorrow may rain with sorrow,
    Here’s a little time we can borrow.
    Forget all our troubles in these moments so few…
    Oh we can right now the only thing that all that we really have to do

    Is have ourselves a heavenly day,
    Lay here and watch the trees sway,
    Oh can’t see no other way
    No way
    No way
    Heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day.

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    2. From an article about Patty Griffin:

      “I actually wrote that about my dog,” Griffin laughs. “I shouldn’t tell people that. Yeah, it was my first love song, and it was for my dog. I realized, you know, when you see somebody you love happy, that’s kinda it right there in a nutshell. I have two dogs, but Bean is the one who kind of inspired that song…she’s my soul mate.”

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  14. As Peter Sagal would say, Linda, Well done!

    Our choir has its last performance today, the yard is gorgeous, the mosquitoes are present but not yet overpowering, and the garden is mostly in. Lilacs are gone but the bridal wreath is out, and the lupines, and here come the daisies and the poppies. Life is good.

    Sherrilee, I have a book I called Outwitting Squirrels if you need it.

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    1. My husband needs that book. He is known far and wide for trying to outwit squirrels! Even shows up in the Christmas letter, “Squirreled Away in Eden Prairie.”

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    2. I made need it. For now, I took the hanging flower pot off the other side — we’ll see how that goes. If that works, then maybe I can move the baffle down a bit and put the pot back.

      Did the crossword puzzle in the hammock today. Glorious!

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      2. OK, I just looked and I must have loaned it out. Will let you know if I find… It’s by Bill Adler and is pretty funny.

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