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Stale Mate

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Dear Dr. Babooner,

I’m having a terrible problem at work!
See, there’s this guy!

We were both assigned by our boss to work on the same project. He says he promised the boss he would do it one way. Trouble is, I promised the boss I would take pretty much the opposite approach! If we can’t get it solved in two weeks, the company shuts down. We both believe our core principles are at stake, and we’re each getting messages from above that we should stick to our guns.

In the end, we can only agree on three things:

1) The one who shows the greatest weakness (compromise) will probably get fired.

2) If we can’t settle by the end of the month, we’ll both certainly get fired.

3) The boss might be schizophrenic.

Dr. Babooner, I don’t want to wind up feeling like a pathetic loser, but I also don’t want my ulcer to flare up again. What can I do to get out of this miserable situation with some dignity?

Stale Mate

I told Stale that there is actually nothing wrong with feeling like a pathetic loser. Most losers are decent people. I know a few quite well and have actually been one for a time or two. That’s the blessing of loser-dom, it’s temporary and situational. Totally in the eye of the beholder. That said, it’s very nice to win. Just don’t feel like you have to do it every single time. The greatest emergency here is with your deeply conflicted boss, who should consult a professional therapist ASAP.

But that’s just one opinion. What do YOU think, Dr. Babooner?

67 thoughts on “Stale Mate”

  1. Before we get going… Clyde, Beth-Ann, Donna, TGiTH, Cynthia in M, Equivoque and Roger (if you’re still lurking) — is it OK with you if I publish a list of our birthdays from earlier in the week? Just months and dates, no years.

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      1. Beth-Ann… glad you clarified. Depending on where you look, you can find various dates for the start of the Marines Corp. I had picked a different one that popped up more than once — and it was wrong. Phew!

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    2. sure. And jsut so you know, Radio Heartland played my (work) anniversary song for the 20th time…John Hartford’s “Tall Buildings” in honor of my job in downtown Duluth. Thanks to Mike and Jasper!!!

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  2. Now, back to our regularly scheduled program. If you’re going to get fired for giving in and you’re going to get fired for not giving in, then why not just give in and get it over with? Then you won’t have an ulcer and you’ll stop torturing everyone else. No points for macho in my book!

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  3. So, you have two groups that are unable to agree. That happens. But you have to have an agreement, or many bad things happen. So seek outside help. Create an emergency task force of folks who are highly experienced in this sort of issue. Let them listen to the best case from both sides, then issue their own recommendation which both sides would agree to support. The disputing parties need to suck it up and make some compromises, or get out of the way and let someone else do it.

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  4. Dear SM,
    I am sorry that you are having such a hard time doing your job. Can you tell me why your inability to get along means that thousands of the rest of us are forced to wear pink slips because of your problem? Could you and your colleagues sing a chorus of John McCutcheon’s Kindergarten Song? Pay special attention to the part that sings “Hold hands. Work together…”

    Sincerely,
    Living in Pink Lingerie

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    1. My sincere sympathy to those of you living in pink lingerie. My husband, who works for a sub-contractor for the state, has also been put on notice that he may be “laid off.”

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    5. not to make light of a bad situation, but I can just visualize a protest at the Capitol –everyone could go to the nearest thrift store, buy slips and wash them with their red t-shirts, then wear ’em or wave ’em as they saw fit.

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  5. Rise and Shine Baboons:

    Dear Sado-Masochist, wait, or is it Stale Mate, or Both?

    Reality hurts and your crazy boss does not want to face that nasty reality of finite resources and a party that is over. For a long time both you and your co-worker pretended that we live in a world in which one always gets what one wants. What you consider “loss” needs to be a kick in the butt of your boss and acceptance of reality.
    (And, BTW, no psychotherapist in her/his right mind would ever agree to treat your boss. What an erratic, demanding narcissist!)

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  6. the solution s to ride it out. the only wa to tell waht happens is to play it to the end. if you don’t like the consequences too bad. the reality is tat acting like self proclaimed watchdogs and saying that if you don’t play my way im taking my ball and going home does have a clear result. now go home. show us how happy everyone will be with your solution. it will kee comng up again and again otherwise. let et it lay out. close the arks and nursing homes and jails and stop issuing lisence plates and tax statements . just go home for a year . we can be a mdel for the rest of the world with this one.

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    1. Well, we could probably get along without nursing homes and jails and license plates, but it would be a disaster if the arks were to close. There’s rain in the forecast.

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      3. With the shutdown planning I learned that there is a state bison herd. Does anyone know where they are and which is the closest ark to their grazing lands?

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  8. Everyone needs to just grow up. You, your co-worker and your boss have, like toddlers and pre-schoolers, have been participating in parallel play, using the Toddler Rules of, “if I see it, it’s mine, if you have it, it’s mine, if I might want it later, it’s mine. If it’s broken, it’s yours.” Grow up already. What this situation needs is the later childhood skills of negotiation, compromise and creative play. Share your toys, think of new ways to get a little of what everyone wants, think of how you can combine ideas so everyone gets a little something in the mix (and yes, this means there are no clear “winners” – deal with it). Otherwise everyone goes home crying, and that’s just no good. And it uses up kleenex, which you might not be able to pay for if you can’t get your act together.

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  9. Good morning to all:

    So, Stale Mate, if you compromise you become a loser and if there is no compromise between you and the other employee you both lose? How did you get into this situation? i think we need to know what is going on here. Maybe standing your ground is the best thing to do if you are standing up for something important. Maybe there is a way to take the loss and make a recovery or maybe this isn’t the time to take a stand. Is there any way of winning over your boss to get him on your side. What kind boss do you have any way? I think your boss needs a lot of therapy and should not have put you in this situation.

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  10. if i am correct when they can not come to an agreement the guy with the ball get to wite the rules and to heck with the other guy. this happened last time and set back the company into the sorry state it is in. we got rid f that ball holder and plugged in the new guy now the old guys buddy want to have it there way and they forgot how it works. should be interesting. the last ballholder is running for grand pubah with god on his side so we know it works. not to decide is to decide. always

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  11. Another thing, Stale Mate, what was your boss thinking when he hired you and this other guy. It seems one of you, I hope it is the other guy, should not have been hired to work on this project.

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  13. I really feel for Dayton right now – is he wondering why he wanted to be Governor with this crowd? This comes to mind, though I don’t know if it’s enough to stave off possible sleepless nights.

    If there is a solution for a problem,
    no point in being overwhelmed and worrying.
    And if there is no solution for a problem,
    no point in being overwhelmed and worrying about it.
    The Dalai Lama

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  14. This is a follow-up to yesterday’s mention of a possible baboon party centered on my cabin just outside of Cornucopia, Wisconsin. Knowing how busy people are, I hold no unrealistic expectations for this happening. But it is nice to dream. Today I’d like to say something about the Thursday evening show at the Big Top Chautauqua tent: “Riding the Wind.” It is awkward to be in upper Bayfield County in time to catch this Thursday night show. Why am I making a big deal of it?

    For 25 years “Riding the Wind” has delighted audiences with its unique blend of history, music and showmanship. Performers sing 17 songs (mostly original) that tell the story of the history of the area, particularly Bayfield and the Apostle Islands. You’ll be impressed with the music. As it plays, hundreds of slides are projected on to a huge movie screen to show just what things used to look like. This is theatrical art in a totally original and appealing form. I’ve probably seen the show a dozen times, crying each time, and I can’t wait to see it again.

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    1. Steve, I think you gave us the date for this but my memory is too short. Was it in late August? I’d like to join you for this but the last week of August and the first week of September are too busy for me.

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    2. I still have one more trip to schedule for work, so I can’t cement any plans, but late August is usually good for me. Is teenager (a non-baboon) allowed?

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    5. How do I get on whatever mailing list is organized for this (or is it the BBC’s, that’s okay too)?

      We’ll be travelling through for the MN State Fair, so might give this a shot. I’ve always wanted to stop in northern WI.

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      1. welcome mn tx sudbury
        get your email address to us or keep tuned for the trip info. timjones2020 at gmail dot com will get you on the list

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  15. Dear SM,
    I’m having a hard time with this boondoggle. I’d like to be able to laugh about it, but so far I haven’t found it to be very amusing. Being naturally inhibited, I’m having a hard time going around in this pink slip. I agree that your boss is deeply conflicted or the two of you wouldn’t be working together on the same task in such disparate ways. (Or do I mean desperate? No, I’m the one who is getting desperate.)

    You need to be able to think creatively and find innovative ways to make the boss happy. When you try, you will realize that what makes the boss happy will make most of the people happy, but will likely make a few overly compensated people temporarily upset. Don’t worry about it the hissy fit. They’ll forget about it right after their golf game or their weekly visit to the spa.

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  17. OT – the Ditch Lilies will be playing at the St. Paul Farmers Market tomorrow morning starting at 9, for anyone who is interested (and close enough).

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  18. Let us pray that both sides will be granted a little LESS faith. It has been revealed to the Other Guy (Republicans) that increased taxes are an abomination unto God, Allah, Buddha, the Invisible Hand of Capitalism, etc. It has been revealed to me (Democrats) that the state has God-mandated responsibilities for education, welfare, municipalities, etc. that require additional taxes to finance.

    In a secular humanistic world, both sides eventually find a compromise.

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  19. Greetings! To Stale Mate: It may seem like a no-win situation, but this is when it’s time to think outside the very stale box of me versus you dogma. In corporate America, we occasionally have team-building events and other fun, crazy gatherings to help us get to know and understand the other person’s point of view and how differences help build a stronger team. Then you start to find points of commonality.

    At the very bottom of it all, the most basic thing for government and politics is to do what’s right for everyone. Sometimes it’s hard to see this when you vote for someone who’s agreed to get you just the things that are beneficial for YOU. When it’s time to cut budgets, you keep as many of the most necessary things as possible. Sacrifices must be made by somebody — and everybody to some extent. I believe Mr. Spock put it so succinctly — “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few — or the one.”

    Unfortunately, a government shutdown is also expensive — all those pink slips and administrative stuff is expensive. And unfortunately, I’ll be joining the pink lingerie brigade. My temp job at Xcel is ending July 1 and Jim is out of work as well right now. Must be something in the stars …

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      1. Yes, it is totally unrelated to the shutdown. I knew it wouldn’t last much longer, but still not entirely prepared for it, especially now that Jim’s job ended as well!

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    2. sorry joanne. i did not know that excel was a temp situation for you. i will keep you in my thoughts and hope you find an answer to the challenge. damn

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  20. Don’t have much to say about stalemates apart from a personal preference for pointing out uncomfortable truths in a reasonable voice for as long as possible…

    Maybe we all need a little Pink Martini.

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