The Baboon Congress

Food To Die For

112 Comments

Today’s guest post comes from Barb in Blackhoof.

OK, it’s never going to happen.

I am not going to research and write the book for which I’ve had the title since at least 1990. I wanted to visit all those little ethnic churches and record the foods served for funerals (with the recipes). The book would be titled “Food to Die For” and it would have been about funeral food in the Midwest. But it’s too late to do it now. Most church basement ladies have ascended to the great jello-kitchen in the sky. At a funeral in Minneapolis a couple years back, there was a veggie tray with dip, some cookies and sandwiches – all plainly bought at Cub Foods.

Gosh.

My Mother was part of the Ladies’ Aide Society in her Wisconsin Synod Lutheran Church (mostly German heritage) in Arlington, MN for probably close to 50 years. The geriatric LAS disbanded last year – they sent Mom a corsage and some pictures of the history. (“oh, oh – I thought – what now? Who will make the egg salad sandwiches that Mom ordered???” “Gosh, I hope I don’t have to spend the night in the church kitchen – boiling and peeling eggs and buttering the bread, because the bread MUST be buttered, even for salads that have mayonna— ooops, I almost said mayonnaise. I mean Miracle Whip”).

You're in our thoughts, and we're here for the food.

Well, the Mission Club (women) of the church has taken over that duty. For her funeral Mom had ordered egg salad sandwiches (on buttered white bread), ham sandwiches (on buttered rye), but she never specified what kind of salads or desserts. I wondered why? I communicated her wishes to the Mission Club Ladies and they didn’t ask about desserts either… hmmmm.

Then, about a week before Mom’s service, my crazy cousin “Ruby” sent me an email with the following message:

“Was wondering for Saturday if you need people to make jello or bars? This is a Lutheran service, I think it’s an 11th commandment or something like that. There will be jello. What does this mean? This means that when a Lutheran dies, jello will be brought by friends and relatives, but not immediate family. If someone is truly ambitious, and they have a good recipe, potato salad may be brought and set on the head table. Those that don’t bring jello will make a cake or bars, and have them cut. An overnight cake is to be admired and then set on the trays with the other bars. The church ladies will supply the name of the person who made the overnight cake to any who ask. This is most certainly true.”

If I had only known the 11th commandment (in perfect form, with the “What does this mean?” and the “This is most certainly true.”) I would not have worried. After Mom’s service, we all went downstairs to the basement where a huge table was laden with the sandwiches as well as about 15 jello salads, at least 10 kinds of “bars” and THREE overnight cakes. All cut and on platters.

After the luncheon and socializing was over, the church ladies brought out a huge box of bars and cakes (including some of the three overnight cakes) for the four of us to take home (enough for about 20) with a list of everyone who brought something: Person #1 – bars, Person #2 – cake, Person #3 – Overnight Cake, Person #4 – jello, Person #5 – etc.
In Superior, WI a friend says they have “Calico Beans” at funerals. My friend Sue said the “Range” funeral food used to be rye bread spread with Miracle Whip and layered with crushed potato chips.

For my non-funeral food, I want that oval shaped rye bread spread with Cheese Whiz and pimiento olives sliced and arranged carefully over the cheese.
Oh, and lots of EPA.

What do you want served at your funeral luncheon??

112 thoughts on “Food To Die For”

  1. Rise and Shine Baboons!

    Many of you responded so warmly to the demise of our dog, the late, great Coco, for whom the vet visited our house to put an end to her pain. After that was over and we all had a good cry then went out for beer and pizza to toast her life and exagerate her many exploits on the lam.

    That to me sounds like a marvelous funeral lunch! (However, most Methodist Churches–my present religion of choice– ban alcohol on the premises. I’ll have to change allegiance to the Shrine of the corner bar).

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    1. Barb–I have a collection of church cookbooks, old and new. I’m sure many of the desired hotdish recipes of the late Methodist and Lutheran ladies are in these. Wonderful blog today!

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      1. J – i have lots of church cookbooks, but try as i might, cannot find a recipe for the revered “Overnight Cake.” however, my Aunt (Mom’s sister) brought one such ONC to the luncheon. she is 91. the three women who brought the ONCs were all over 75 years old. i think the recipe will be lost when those women die. i need to talk to my Aunt.
        the cake is the color and taste of an angel food but a little chewier and made in a 9×13 pan. and is always frosted with a cooked, egg-yolk frosting that is translucent and there are chopped walnuts always scattered over the top.

        out to milk! later, and thanks for your thoughts, All.
        stay cool

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      2. barb, I’m wondering if ONC is something from your section of Minnesota-I’ve eaten in many a Lutheran church basement (including Missouri Synod, Wisconsin Synod and ELCA) and never encoutered this. Is the egg-yoke frosting sort of like that found on a German Chocolate cake? I am intrigued…..

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      3. yes, i think so about the frosting. the cake is started the night before with boiling water and i think the sugar and flour. i think the egg whites are beaten and folded in the next morning. but, as i say, i can’t find a recipe. it must be a local thing. i’ve googled ONC and found lots of overnight things but not that cake. Rosella Walters (now deceased) was reportedly the Queen of ONC makers.

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      4. I have a copy of my grandma’s “Extension Homemakers Favorite Recipes – Steele County 1966.” I checked it for a ONC recipe but it is not there. I agree – it must be a regional thing. I’ve never heard of it before!

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      5. Found it!

        Overnight Cake (1964)

        Ingredients
        2 cups flour, sifted
        2 cups granulated sugar, sifted
        1/2 teaspoon salt
        1 cup boiling water
        2 teaspoons baking powder
        2 teaspoons vanilla
        1 teaspoon almond extract
        1 cup egg whites ( 8 large whites)
        1 pinch salt
        1 teaspoon cream of tartar

        Directions
        1. Early in the day or last thing at night, sift the sugar flour and salt together well. Add the boiling water and stir until well blended.
        2. Cover and leave until cold a 8 hours or overnight.
        Later that day or next day,.
        3. When you are ready to make your cake, preheat your oven to 250 degrees.
        4. In a large bowl,( wiped down with vinegar just to make sure there are no oils) add the room temperature egg whites and beat until foamy.
        5. Add the pinch of salt and the tartar, beat until stiff peaks but not dry.
        6. While whites are beating, to the cold batter, add the two teaspoons baking powder, the almond and vanilla extracts, and stir well.
        7. Once the whites are ready, fold in a little of it to lighten into the batter.
        8. Fold in all the whites now into batter, trying to fold in well, and not deflate.
        9. Place into a ungreased angel food tube pan.
        10. Place into preheated 250 degrees oven and bake for 15 minutes on the medium centre rack.
        11. After 15 minutes increase heat without opening door to 300 degrees and bake for another 20 minutes.
        12. After the 20 minutes increase heat to 350 degrees, without opening the door, and finish baking for 15 minutes.
        13. Test cake to see if its completely cooked with a long skewer.
        14. If done remove, if not reduce the heat to 325 and continue until tester shows done. I have never had to leave in any longer but all ovens are different. Also please use a timer for each of the oven temperatures when increasing.
        15. When done, remove to wire rack.
        16. Turn upside down until cool, and then run knife around edges and release cake.
        17. I do have to run the knife around all edges then remove the bottom part of the pan and then again under the bottom.
        18. The almond and vanilla can be as original recipe one teaspoon each or more as I have increased . The combination of both is a must in the recipe.

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      8. Could one of these be the frosting?

        EGG YOLK FROSTING
        6 egg yolks
        1 c. sugar
        3/4 c. whipping cream

        Boil all ingredients until thick over low heat, stirring constantly. Allow to cool. Delicious for angel food cake or layer cake.

        EGG YOLK FROSTING
        3-4 egg yolks
        1/2 c. water
        1 tsp. vanilla
        2 c. sugar
        2 tbsp. butter

        Make a syrup of sugar and hot water by boiling until firm ball. Pour slowly over beaten egg yolks. Mix until spreading consistency. Add butter and vanilla. Spread on cake. Good on chocolate or white cake. Frosting remails soft.

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  2. great post barb, what a nice way remember the day of the funeral. i guess all thos years of putting in time with the las were paid back appropriately huh? i love the church basement traditions today but i hated them at the time i was gorwing up. they were the most vissable exhibit of the ties to tradition for traditions sake and i was all about new stuff. today i tell my ids not to be so quick to dump all the old stuff. ask grandma and gradpa for details and try to lock in on them. when they are gone they are gone. i will try the rye mayo ad chip range suggestion here i remember the butter and radish on white i was introduced to at a friend house by his folks when discussing old simple foods.
    i am pretty sure i will not be eulogized in a church basement my guess would be a vcouple people wll come over for a bottle of wine and a plate of cheese and some miles davis and bob dylan and away i’ll go. urn on a shelf and check back later if the feeling is insired.
    i like the book barb catchy title. jello three bean salad slaw, those little white rolls, there is something that speaks to no bs with thee as the presentation. bars pies and cakes to celebrate a life seems like a nice smile on a persons mark on the world. get together with jacque and put together a collection. i think it would be great.

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  3. I once worked with a woman whose aunt was the original take charge Minnesotan. When diagnosed with a fatal disease she drove straight to the funeral home and paid for their services and then headed straight to the small town bar and pre-paid for a keg.She then gave her daughters specific written instructions for the reception including notes pinned to the appropriate table linens. My favorite line was, “If the doctor can give me a couple of days’ notice for when the end is coming I will make the potato salad.”

    I think she set the bar too high for the rest of us!

    Stay cool baboons. It’s a jungle out there!

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    1. That is hysterical — the thought of a couple days notice so she can make the potato salad for her own funeral! Obviously a well-prepared, no-nonsense kind of gal. Love it!

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    2. My former business partner had bad cancer, but gave himself a Uni-Uni funeral on Duluth, which he attended, right before he died.
      Our daughter has my wife’s and my funeral plans–demands (a few, especially banned items), requests, and suggestions. We neither want anything beyond “coffee and” at our funerals, having learned to roll with the modern times.

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      6. as to specific date, Clyde – my Mom kept asking me if i had reserved the organist and singer. i said that, not knowing the date i didn’t know how that could be done. she said “well, what if they have a wedding that weekend or something!!!” and she called them herself. i guess they were on permanent call or something. 🙂 it was at least three years later that she died. and i called them immediately.

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      7. My dad sang in his church choir for 50 years. The funeral director we worked with sat next to him in choir for at least 20 of those years. Between the funeral director and the church organist, it was decided for us that having the choir sing was not optional, but mandatory. The organist, bless her, threw in a surprise “Hallelujah Chorus” right before the recessional – the choir was in on it, but that was about it. By the third note, most everyone in the congregation was singing. Helps that easily 40% or more of the assembled congregation were church musicians, retired church musicians, or currently in at least one choir. It was fabulous.

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      8. Yup, anytime a choir member, past or present goes, we sing.

        My grandpa’s funeral was the beginning of December-lots and lots of poinsetta’s and final hymn was Joy to the World. Totally appropriate as the family Christmas was a big deal-Grandpa told me once that he and Grandma started working on it on Labor Day. I aim to do the same someday.

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    3. Wow, I am beyond impressed (and inspired!). I do remember that about a year or so before she died, my maternal grandmother requested that she be buried in the dress she wore for her oldest daughter’s wedding, 30 years before (there is no doubt in my mind it still fit).

      There was a mad scramble to find the dress and get it freshly dry cleaned.

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      1. A delightful mild sweet old Norwegian at my church was famous for wearing badly mis-matched plaids and patterns, which he did knowingly, intentionally. They buried him in a gray suit. Darn!!

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  4. I will be dead – eat whatever you like. However, if “On Eagles Wings” is played at anytime during a service, visitation or afterwards, I shall rise from the dead and smite the person who played and/or requested it (and then going back to being dead…’cuz otherwise I’d be a zombie…gross).

    Oh, and if anyone needs a recipe for Calico Beans for a funeral, I have a good recipe (it works well in a Crock Pot if need be).

    BiB – fun post. This is most certainly true.

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  5. It’s a rare church around here and over south of Arlington I know that has a women’s group and that serves food not all or mostly purchased somewhere. Between my daughter and son-in-law they cover almost all the ELCA churches between St. Peter and Redwood; not a one. Older women are too old, younger women work.
    Off to the bike.

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    1. At my dad’s funeral just over a year ago, I could see how times had changed at the church (which is, admittedly, a south Mpls church – so probably more liberal in many ways that smaller town churches) – there were men serving the post-service lunch (3 kinds of salads, ham or turkey on buns, bars, coffee, lemonade – if you were wondering). Most of these men were husbands of the wives in the group – and most of the group was retirement age – but the luncheon service and cleanup was a co-ed affair.

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  6. Fun post, Barb! Since I’m not religious and have no standing with any church, this question is rhetorical for me. I associate death with green Jello filled with over-ripe banana slices, or maybe some Jim Jones purple Kool Aid. So those would be possibilities.

    Instead, I’ll specify that someone should serve “Steve’s Summer Potato Salad” at the memorial service that I don’t think anyone will throw. I will provide the recipe here. This is one for the recipe file. When I was dating women from the online dating service, the two times I came closest to getting married was when I served this salad. (So be careful to whom you serve it, although when you are dead it is safe that way.)

    Steve’s Summer Potato Salad
    6 red potatoes, skinned and quartered
    one bunch of scallions, diced
    2 cucumbers, skinned, cored and diced
    2 green peppers, diced
    mayonnaise
    salt and pepper to taste
    copious amounts of snipped fresh dill

    Boil the spuds until they are just tender enough to accept a fork without decomposing (you don’t want food decomposing at a funeral!). Dice them carefully and put them in a bowl. Dice up the rest of the veggies. Carefully add real mayonnaise until you have just enough to make the salad hang together without killing off anyone with clogged arteries. Snip up fresh dill with a scissors, adding that to the salad, testing as you go.

    That’s only good for a summer service. If you croak in winter, I suppose the best deal would be those water chestnuts soaked in soy sauce and wrapped with bacon.

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  7. Veueve Clicquot La Grande Dame Champagne (the best vintage available at the time) and my world famous spaghetti sauce (my world is rather small) over fresh pasta and topped with Parmagiano-Reggiano cheese.

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    1. Does champagne get old? We’ve got 4 or 5 bottles in a cupboard that have been there for at least 10 or 15 years…. is that a problem?

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    2. I was at a friend’s funeral and we toasted her with champagne (church had to get a special permit to “serve alcohol”-totally worth it IMO).

      You do have me wondering though Chris, do you have a nice supply of the sauce in jars in the basement at all times, just in case?

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  8. Morning–

    I grew up in a Lutheran Church. Dad ushered and Mom was part of the kitchen committee… I’ve washed my share of dishes at fellowship lunches and funerals. And therefore my Mom has made it known she does NOT want any potato salad at her funeral; she says she served enough of it she doesn’t want it at hers. So I guess bars and sandwiches are OK, but no salad.
    I haven’t thought of food for my funeral. I’ve got some songs picked out and I’m thinking I should just go ahead and create that mix tape… but what format to use? What if I create a CD and the technology changes and it’s the equivalent of showing up with an 8-track? Huh. (It’s not ‘Eagles Wings’ Anna; don’t get excited) but it is the chorus of the The Stones ‘Time is on my side’ and Rudy Vallee’s ‘Tavern in the Square’.

    Be careful out there today my friends.

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    1. Anyone else is free to use “Eagles Wings” at their own funerals if you feel so moved (or your loved ones feel so moved), just not at mine. Really. I’d much rather that you play some good dance music and boogie in the aisles and on the pews (which may be sacreligious, but who cares).

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      1. Please note, you are all free to have that wretched thing at your funeral, but do not ask me to sing it. I also will not sing “Earth and All Stars” from the Lutheran hymnal, which causes the s&h endless merriment whenever it comes up in a service.

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  9. Good morning to all,

    I’m with Anna. Do what ever you want at my funeral, I wouldn’t be there. I did attend a traditonal church basement meal in the town where my mother was born when my Uncle died. It was more or less the same as the ones Barb mentioned. My Uncle did solo singing in churches and my Dad found a recording of my Uncle singing The Old Rugged Cross to play at his funeral.

    There was a more or less church basement meal in the more modern church that my parents attended when my mother died. My Uncle’s funeral was in a small old church with white clap board siding. My parents church was a modern brick one and the basement eating area was not really a basement.

    There was no church funneral for my Dad. My cousin, who had been a minister, gave a service at the family grave yard and we had a meal for our family and relatives at a local restaurant. Zack Klien, my son-in-law, provide musical entertainment at the restaurant.

    When my Aunt Ida died there was no funeral. She didn’t want one and her daughter was in agreement on this. Her daughter did send out a card with a quote from Ida saying “don’t have a funeral for me, just talk about me”.

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  10. I think the thing I’d like served, besides bars and egg salad sandwiches, would be a jello dish my mother made in the 60’s and my sister called Pink Fluff. All it takes is a package of jello (strawberry, raspberry, or cherry), an envelope of Dream Whip, milk, vanilla, and miniature marshmallows. You prepare the jello according to the package directions and refrigerated till set. Then you prepare the Dream Whip according to the package directions (with the milk and vanilla) and then fold in the jello and beat till well blended. Then stir in the miniature marshmallows, preferably the kind that come in pastel colors, though plain white will do in a pinch. You don’t really need a full bag of marshmallows, about half will probably be enough. Then refrigerate again till set.

    I suppose you could use lime jello, but then it wouldn’t be Pink Fluff. It would be Green Fluff.

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    1. Every one is mentioning egg salad sandwiches as the main item. I seem to always find sliced ham served in buttered buns at the church basement meals I have attended following funerals.

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      1. Same here, ham and no egg salad. When my crazy grandmother was buried in small-town South Dakota I was still just vegetarian, and I asked one of the church ladies for a buttered bun without ham. She stared at me as though I’d popped up in full burka asking for a traditional Eid feast! After stammering a bit, she allowed as they might be able to do that, and later came out of the kitchen to deliver the buttered bun to me personally, wearing that fixed smile mainstream people get while dealing with someone from an alien culture. If I hadn’t been nervous the whole time that someone was going to vandalize my car because of my rainbow sticker, I’d have been amused by it all.

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      2. CG – I have to say, the reactions to my requesting just a bun have subsided over the years, but when I first became a vegetarian (many many many eons back), people thought I was the anti-christ. Once at a Christmas tree farm where they were selling hot dogs that you could roast over the fire, I asked the teenager behind the counter if I could just buy a couple of buns, since my daughter and I had brought our own veggie dogs. I had to ask twice, because she just didn’t get it. And then, she felt the need to go ask someone else if this was ok!

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      3. and just to keep things in balance-

        my Aunt Donna has celiac sprue and for years got the business for asking them to “hold the bun” please. Being one of my family members, it was tough for her to just toss the bun and waste food, but beat getting sick.

        Had she been with vegetarians, perhaps she could have asked for the bun (or the meat) on the side? you know, like salad dressing? no, I suppose not.

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  11. What??? No one has requested lime jello, marshmallow, cottage cheese surprise? What kind of former Morning Show listeners do we have here? I’ve heard it’s truly a creation that description defies.

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    1. well, tgih – not exactly that, but the same cousin “Ruby” threatened to bring the one jello salad all children hated. yes, lime jello but with shredded carrots, red peppers, celery, and maybe some onion (pineapple if you were lucky) and frosted with either Spin Blend or Miracle Whip.

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  12. Well, first off, I don’t want a funeral. I think you should all have a party – it’s been a great life so far and I’d much rather people just eat and drink and have a good time. Please no relative getting up and trying to get through a speech without sobbing or breaking down.

    And really, although I won’t be there to enjoy it, some of my favorite party food would be on the list if I were planning it: tortilla roll-ups (w/ veggie cream cheese), spinach dip w/ sourdough bread, white chocolate peanut butter macadamia cookies (soft please), reuben puffs (sauerkraut, swiss & 1000 island in a little cream puff shell), gingerale sherbet punch. And chocolate. Lots of chocolate.

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    1. Love those tortilla roll-ups! I leave out the back olives though… Chocolate, Yes!
      We had the gingerale sherbert for our wedding punch.

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  13. I’ve thought about what kind of ritual I’d like for my crossing-over and what kind of music, but I never thought about food. Being vegan puts the kibosh on everything served in a church basement except maybe the pickles (assuming they aren’t storebought with lactic acid in them…). What I’d really like is a memorial party room at one of the science fiction conventions, where my friends could share excellent microbrews and vegetarian Asian food–tofu spring rolls, veggie (non)egg rolls, Szechuan sesame noodles, potato samosas, pakoras, that sort of thing.

    I totally agree with Anna on the coming back from the dead to smite any perpetuator of “On Eagles’ Wings”! Schmaltz like that makes me miss the old funeral hymns–they might have been dire (we used to have to sing “Abide With Me” at the end of every school day, talk about gothic!) but they had gravitas and didn’t sound like a slow dance at the prom. The Tannahill Weavers have a lovely little tune on pennywhistles called “The Ass in the Graveyard,” which had to go on my list for the title alone. I’ll also have them play the Doctor Who theme as my casket rolls into the crematorium, but I can’t decide yet between the new theme or my favorite 5th Doctor theme. Gravitas is in the eye of the beholder, I guess…

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    1. yum – i love your menu!
      my Steve got the giggles really, really bad at a service where an earnest young woman (with a horrible voice) sang “Wind Beneath My Wings.”
      Steve wants Funeral Music for Queen Mary –
      i want Warren Zevon I’ll Sleep When i’m dead.

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    2. “The Ass in the Graveyard”? I’d like to hear that one. Some Irish people are kind of irreverent. I knew an Irishman who told an annoying guy who asked for a match that he had a match for him, his but and that guy’s nose.

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  14. Mom wanted a church service on saturday “so more people can come.” and she insisted on egg salad. one of the women boiled and peeled 8 dozen eggs for the sandwiches – waaaaay too much work, in my book. i told them to do something simpler – mom would never know – but they persisted, lovingly.
    we DID have a good time at the funeral – and the service was to her specifications also and very nice. well, except for the part where we learned worrying was a sin (i had said to Mom a couple years ago that i hoped he wouldn’t try to save everyone’s soul at her funeral – she said “that’s his job!” and i guess it is.) – but in the basement it was a celebration. no speeches, just lots of laughing and remembering. she had a good life and she was 91.

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  15. I have not thought about this at all, except I have thought that I do not want a funeral service. But I’m sure that my wishes will be disregarded so I should put some thought into it.

    And I better think about it in the next few minutes because I’m pretty sure that if I go ahead with my plans to weed the gardens today, that I will die from the heat.

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      4. Clyde, different people react differently to the heat. I commend you for your ability to bike ride in this nasty heat and humidity. Me, I survived the day…but I like to think that it is only because after reading the forecast and seeing that tomorrow will most likely be cooler, I decided to not weed today. (Good thing, because I also did not get around to deciding the menu of my funeral luncheon.) The weeds are already three feet high, how much worse can they get in one day? Besides, if the weeds are really bad, then it will look really good once I do get around to pulling them.

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    2. I have told a few on here about wonderful old Norwegian that I buried. It’s hard not gto have a great funeral for a wonderful giving person with a great life story who died in his/her80’s or beyond.

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  17. Greetings! Great topic, Barb! We all owe a lot to those wonderful church basement ladies. The selection of homemade bars at a funeral lunch was usually the highlight of the meal. What is it with Lutherans and egg salad sandwiches? All those Catholic funerals I attended had buttered rolls with ham slices along with the requisite jellos and potato salads.

    If I had a funeral and if anyone came (I have rather hermit-like tendencies in the social world), I would probably take my chance to get the last word in, so to speak. Please serve a dazzling spread of gourmet, raw food cuisine; wholesome, healthy, organic foods to tempt all taste buds and sparkling beverages with fresh squeezed juices. I would defy the white bread pasty rolls, rage against the jellos and spit at all potato salads. I’ve eaten these common foods all my life. On the few occasions I’ve had true cuisine, my taste buds were in heaven. So those who would come to my funeral would be lifted from the ordinary and experience a taste of the divine and be truly nourished — and never forget me.

    Plus, each attendee would receive a sparkly tiara, a feather boa and sequined blouse to party down to the music of the likes of Brave Combo and Michael Ducet/Beau Soleil. That’s my dream funeral anyway …

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    1. Don’t get me wrong — I enjoy a good potato salad, jello and ham sandwich banquet as much as the next Midwesterner — but, alas — sometimes you just want to break out.

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  18. As Barb and Crow Girl and others have pointed out, music is important. Keep it light. No boring classical threnodies at my service, thank you very much. I suppose “The worms crawl in/the worms crawl out” might be tough for the kiddies. My first choice would be a song that is really about mental illness but which fits my notions of death well enough: They’re Coming to Take Me Away. “They’re coming to take me away, ha-haaa!! They’re coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haaa.”

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    3. I really do not think I need to make any plans for my funeral because I will not be there and it is up to who ever plans it to do what they think is right . No funeral would be fine. If there is music it might be the violin playing of my son-in-law which I think would be very good if there is a funeral and if any one wants to have music at the funeral.

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  19. We once drove a friend to a funeral in Wisconsin. After allowing a generous amount of time we returned to pick her up. She wanted to visit some more and insisted that my son and I join her in the church basement. I was mortified that I had no idea who died and couldn’t even use a gender-appropriate pronoun when referring to the deceased. I think it is the only time I have simply said, “Sorry for your loss.” My son however was in heaven-a room full of bars, hotdish, and folks eager to share. I fear one day that he will be apprehended living the real-life version of Funeral Crashers.

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      1. I attended such a funeral once, and I’m not even sure the minister remembered her first name. He kept referring to the deceased as Mrs. Kelly.

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  20. Great post, barb!

    Am out of writing time (I can still read plenty, Ben -and put in the odd comment here and there-just no time to craft out a post at this time).

    I have to state for the record that last Tuesday, before work mind you, I dropped off my pan of toffee pecan bars for the funeral of Fast Eddie, age 98. My son and his buddy were hoping to take him up on the challenge of playing cribbage this summer. My cribbage is rusty-I can only hope I am sharp enough to take on the brainy 12-year-olds when I am 98.

    We don’t had a Ladies’ Aid Society as such anymore at our church, but there is a Jello Brigade (new baby, family crisis) and then there is the email list of those of us who get a note when there is a funeral. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

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  21. Great stories! At my mom’s funeral we served tiny pizzas with 4 oz Heinikens as the appetizer because she was such a fan of pizza and beer while watching football games. We think the little lady from Iowa would have been pleased.
    I thought green jello (the one with diced pineapple, walnuts and cream cheese) was ONLY served at funerals. One time I made it for my kids on a Labor Day cook out just to get their reaction. They simultaneously scarfed it down and were creeped out. (Mom, who DIED???) Since Labor Day is really the funeral for summer fun, it seemed appropriate.

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  22. Our dear family friend who died in January had made and paid for most of her funeral arrangments several years ago. She had been a church basement lady for eons and one of her stipulations was that the lunch be catered so that no one would have to miss the festivities by being stuck in the kitchen. She also requested 2 services, one in the Twin Cities where she had lived most of her life and one in the small town where she was born and still had some friends and relatives. It was also near the cemetary where the family plot is located. It made for a prolonged funeral process, especially when the grave digger discovered that not enough space had been left between her mother’s grave and her sister’s for her vault to fit. Her remains had to be kept in cold storage until the ground thawed and one of vaults could be shifted to make room. We had the final interrment on a beautiful spring day that would have been her 90th birthday. It did feel like a never ending funeral, but, except for the delay in burial, it was exactly to her detailed specifications.

    My husband wants Spirit In the Sky played at his memorial service. The daughters know, so it will probably happen. For me, cremation is the only absolute; if something else comes to me, I’ll let it be known, but I trust my girls to do whatever makes sense at the time.

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  23. Like a few others here, I’m not a member of any church and I won’t be having a funeral service. My only request is that someone please take my ashes and scatter them as well as possible over Lake Superior (if it will not harm the lake, of course). I think it would be nice if those who were doing that for me could charter a boat with a captain and take some champagne and antipasto or hors d’oeuvres, nothing stuffy, out on the lake with them – spend a nice day reflecting on how beautiful it is while setting me free…

    I’ve thought of many good songs for funerals over the years but the only one that comes to mind right now is Dave Carter’s The Mountain. What an amazing songwriter he was… almost prescient, though.

    OT: Rumor has it that I might be returning to work tomorrow or Friday. 🙂

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      4. The shut down will not end so quickly for at least some people in human services. The human services director in our county has to look at the new budget to decide if some of the people still have jobs under the new budget.

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      5. Glad you will be back to work Krista (you and some other pals who have had some unplanned vacation time as well). The fishies will be glad to have you back, too, I’m sure.

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    4. We scattered part of my dad’s ashes over Lake Superior and since my mom would never approve of, much less do, anything that damages the environment even a teensy bit, I’m pretty sure it is a-okay.

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  24. My former wife, Kathe, was driving her mother to a nursing home for what would obviously be her last days. KSJN was on the radio playing Ferde Grofe’s “Grand Canyon Suite.” At one point Esther announced, “Here come the braying donkeys.” And then she lapsed into a coma, so those were her last words.

    We set up a death watch in her room while she slept. Night after night we’d meet and drink boxes of schlock wine, telling stories about Esther. And on she slept. Finally the relatives in Iowa began to get cranky because we hadn’t issued a memorial service date. “We’ve got to come a long way,” they said, “and leave our farms. It would sure help if you scheduled the service, especially if it was on a Sunday.”

    So Kathe, calling from Esther’s room, phoned the Strib bereavement folks to dictate a nice memorial notice with the church location and date. Things were fine until the Strib person asked the exact date of Esther’s death. “We expect her to go at any time,” said Kathe optimistically. “It’s Tuesday, and there’s no way she will make it to the weekend.”

    “You mean she isn’t dead?” said the Strib person, more shrieking than asking.

    “Oh, don’t worry! She’ll easily be dead in time for the memorial service Sunday!”

    “Mrs. Grooms! We don’t have many rules here, but we would NEVER print a death notice for someone who isn’t dead!”

    “I was hoping for a little cooperation!” roared Kathe. At that moment she was about ready to grab a pillow and make the notice legal. But two nights later we ran a slide show of all the awful images Esther had taken on her travels, and that was apparently too much for Esther. When the lights came up, she was on her next voyage. People said she was almost late for her own funeral.

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  25. Great story, Steve – the last two things my mom said to me were “make a pot of coffee!” and then “Let’s GO!” i told her that this was one trip she would have to take alone – i was not ready to come along yet.
    but those were the two favorite things in her life: going places and cooking for/entertaining people.

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    1. I wasn’t there for his exact last words, but the last I remember of my dad’s utterances wasn’t talking, he was singing snippets of songs and hymns.

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  27. I’ve spent a fair amount of time thinking about what music I want played at my memorial service, but have never worried about the food. “Will the Circle be Unbroken” will almost certainly be played, and I imagine the food will be a pot-luck. Knowing my friends it’ll be an eclectic and delicious affair with plenty of wine and beer. To entice people to actually attend, I have considered what might make nice door prizes.

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  29. Suppose I really should take a shot at the question-having expressed my dislikes with more vigor than is perhaps seemly.

    Whatever the ladies at church make in terms of bars and salads will be fine-ditto the buns and sandwich fixings tray-but please, no ham. My son will be sad enough about his mother, having to grieve the demise of innocent pigs. That will be just too much for him.

    I would like there to be some pickled herring-I like the kind in mustard sauce or sour cream, but as I won’t be having any, please yourselves-so long, and thanks for all the fish.

    Steve, your potato salad sounds great, bring plenty-ditto Sherrilee’s reuben puffs. I shall endeavor to stick around long enough for the Congress to come up with and produce an ONC, and rest assured that I would have wanted you to do that. Anna, if you would like to whip up some of that very fine chocolate mousse you make, bring that too. Make whatever jello salads you must, but please set aside one bowl of just plain red jello with whipped cream on top for the granddaughter I hope to have by then who will have learned to love that from me.

    For music, I’ll be fine with stuff from the both the green (LBW) and first red (SBH) Lutheran hymnals, with the addition of Bred Dina Vida Vingar with whatever special blessings it is in my power to bestow on anyone who can manage the first verse in the original Swedish. Keep those hymns moving right along and do not allow them under any circumstances to drag (neither should they rush). Many of Martin Luther’s hymns were set to tunes of popular drinking songs of the time, and should be sung with that sort of lilt to them.

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