I’m (not) a Lumberjack!

All it took was a strong gust of wind on to split a tree that has stood on our property for about 20 years. It might have been up longer than that – the area was a freshly opened for development in 1993 and when we moved in, this tree was the only living thing standing on the site. It had somehow survived grading and construction, followed by years of utter neglect, which is the hallmark of my haphazard style of yard care.

Somewhere inside the trunk there was a fatal flaw that was finally exposed on Saturday morning.

I was sitting by a window when the storm kicked up. The first thing I noticed (after the wind and thunder) was a distinct change in the light. I glanced out the window and was struck by the thought that the tree seemed suddenly closer, somehow. But why would that be? It must be an optical illusion, I thought. The same thing probably occurred to Macbeth when he took a look at Burnham Wood. I went back to my work but ten minutes later the canopy of leaves was close. REALLY close. Monkey-on-an-airplane wing close! Shocking.

It turns out a portion of the damaged tree fell on a nearby birch, and the two tangled trunks were slowly settling in the direction of the house.

An expert will have to take a look at this – I suspect the rest of the tree is lost and will have to come down, along with its neighbor. But the immediate task was to clear the driveway so we could come and go. Being “trunked in” is an excuse that’s only good for a few hours, unless you have the misfortune of living in a tornado zone. And leaving this much wood oddly airborne in such a precarious fashion is not a good idea for homeowners, as any personal injury lawyer will tell you.

A guy with a chain saw could have handled this in about 30 minutes, but I’m not a guy with a chain saw and don’t want to become one. There are already too many tools in the garage that have been used only once. Besides, how hard could it be? I had a couple of handsaws and a lot of irrational exuberance about my lumberjacking abilities.

Trees look light and airy when you’re not chopping them up and dragging them around. Otherwise, beware! Wood is quite heavy and gravity was constantly on my mind while I walked under the angled branches. Each time I made a cut, I calculated what else that section of tree might be holding up and where it would fall. And because I was making these cuts by hand, I had a lot of time to imagine the gradual rise of sounds – the popping, ripping and tearing of the trunk followed by a loud crash, a shaking of leaves, and possibly the cries of a pinned-to-the-earth middle aged man, fortunate to have only a broken arm or leg.

In the end my imagination trumped reality and I escaped with nothing more than an entire upper body’s worth of sore muscles and a renewed appreciation for the dangers of working around wood that is poised to fall. If I’ve got to be a lumberjack, I’m probably not going to be OK. So it’s good that in my preferred line of work, falling out of my chair is the greatest possible physical hazard.

What is the riskiest part of your job?

64 thoughts on “I’m (not) a Lumberjack!”

  1. I lost a limb too. I mean, not me, but the tree out on the boulevard. I wish it would’ve been the whole tree; it’s hideous. And I also wish it would’ve fallen on the old Chevy van that looks as though it went through a multiple rollover crash, which my neighbor 3 houses down insists on parking in front of MY house.

    The most dangerous part of my job? Not pressing the right button. No, seriously.

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  2. Good morning to all:

    I’m retired so I don’t have to worry about work hazards. Of course, I still stay employed with work around the house and volunteer work. The biggest risk I face has to do with deciding what to do with my time. Should I cut back on volunteer work and get some things done around the house that need attention or should I take on more volunteer work because there is big need for volunteers?

    Deciding what to do is risky because it can make you crazy or depressed. I’m not the kind of free flowing person who can make decisions easily. I would like to follow the advice from a Donvan song: “Life is like a little boat upon the sea. You can have a living if you let yourself be”. I’m afraid that letting myself be is not one of my skills.

    Dale, I’m glad you managed to get the tree branches removed without any big problems other than a lot of hard work. I have had a lot of experience dealing with damaged trees and I know you can get hurt if you aren’t careful. Fortunately I have not had any bad accidents doing that other than getting wacked and slightly bruised by some limbs that sprung up when I cut away other limbs.

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  3. i have a broken ankle and a broken shoulder from doing warehouse work that looked too dangerous to ask one of the workers to do. i normally don’t have a lot of physical risk in my work but i am a chain saw guy and love chopping splitting stacking wood as a form of threrapy. but therapy is approached form a different perspective from needing to get the driveway cleared.. hand sawing juicy wood is a pain literally eh dale. the saw kinks and you have a hard time pulling it out or pushing it further in. the amazing thing is how short a time 20 years is. a blink. i was i the basement of my new house the other day and saw a thing n the wall showing the telephone installation i had done when we moved in was done in 04. but that was 7 years ago, how could that be. that explains why i have all these large children walking around my house i suppose but the oint i was attempting to make is that the new tree selection for your front yard or that of the next owner will be a fun one for you to make. those wrist size trees purchased at the end of the year closeout from home depot or gertens will provide a decade of shade before you know it. heck you will have planted that back when you first started with kfai. who knows what the future holds for you and your front yard.

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    1. Well, tim and Dale, I have been in my house for almost 30 years. It seems to me that I just finished putting a new roof on the house only a few years ago, but it must have been about 20 years ago and some of it is looking like it needs to be done again. We replaced the furance just a few years ago, right? The furnance man said our furnance which I think is nearly new is showing it’s age and might need replacing soon. Let’s not even talk about those decorating efforts that were made and now look like they need to be done again.

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      1. Right, Jim. It’s surprising how quickly the wall color that looked great 2 years ago seems dated now. What changed?

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  4. Rise and Shine Baboons!

    What a gorgeous day this morning. Too bad I will be visiting the dentist this a.m. instead of putzing in the garden like I would usually be doing on a beautiful morning when I don’t work. We recently hired a tree trimmer here which was well worth the money. High in that tree were broken branches hanging by a mere thread of bark. Watching those guys climb up that high was fascinating.

    Meanwhile, the greatest dangers of my psychotherapist job are as follows:

    Verbal/physical assault by a client who loses it (yes, that happens)
    Lawsuits
    As I learned over the last 18 mos, having a business partner who loses it and does things that reflect poorly on everyone in the practice.
    Burn out

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    1. We had a wind storm three years ago that took down about 20 trees around my cabin. I got a note that said Kathe (former wife) had located a local guy who could clean up the mess. I was supposed to call him. When he answered, I said, “We have trees leaning and hung up all over. Kathe says you are a guy with a chainsaw.” “No,” said this voice, “I’m an arborist!” And I thought, “Sheeeesh I’m not sure what the difference is between a guy with a chainsaw and an arborist, but my first guess is about $300!”

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      1. An arborist can tell you if a tree is dying, or what limbs should be removed from it. If the tree is on the ground, you don’t really need an arborist. You need a guy with a chainsaw.

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  5. Greetings! As a secretary/administrative assistant type worker, my main hazards include:
    – Falling out of my chair
    – Carpal tunnel
    – Boredom
    – Overweight from sedentary work
    – Feeling grossly underpaid
    My life in a nutshell … not much else to say, I guess. Have a great day!

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    1. reminds me of the opening of annie hall i think were woody allen is telling about his discovery that the sun will explode and destroy the universe so wheats the use then he tells of the twojokes that preetty much sum up his feelings about life….:
      Alvy Singer: [addressing the camera] There’s an old joke – um… two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of ’em says, “Boy, the food at this place is really terrible.” The other one says, “Yeah, I know; and such small portions.” Well, that’s essentially how I feel about life – full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it’s all over much too quickly. The… the other important joke, for me, is one that’s usually attributed to Groucho Marx; but, I think it appears originally in Freud’s “Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious,” and it goes like this – I’m paraphrasing – um, “I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.” That’s the key joke of my adult life, in terms of my relationships with women

      you and woody joanne. but i read in the paper after haveing a fistfull of flops ( i think since he parried his daughter) he has for his last 3 movies turned things atound and had great success and aclaim. so hang in there, just don’t marry your son.

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  6. What kinda saw didja say that was, Manly?

    I have a little chainsaw, about the size of Ben’s, for the stuff that’s a little to big to break up with a lopper. So I have the safety goggles and earplugs. I don’t have chaps though.

    I’m pretty wary when using the chainsaw, so I’ve never had an injury from it. I did once get a kind of nasty gouge in the left hand from an electric hedge trimmer, and once I got a little bit of schmutz in my eye when using a chipper. Served as a reminder you have to put the goggles on for that too.

    Other than power tools, the bees present the most danger at my work sites. I usually get stung once per season or so. It’s a good thing I’m not allergic.

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      1. Joanne, I do garden maintenance, weeding and trimming shrubbery and that sort of thing. I don’t need the chainsaw very often in the day-to-day work, but every so often someone has a buckthorn hedge they want taken out or something like that.

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    1. i don’t think you get schmutz in your eye when using a chipper i think schmutz comes out of your eye when you get chips in it when using a chipper

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    2. When we bought the cabin, my folks gave me a chainsaw. I knew it wasn’t big, but I didn’t understand how dinky it was until I couldn’t start it and called a local repair guy out to fix it up. He grinned broadly, holding it aloft with one hand, and said, “Ho ho! It’s one of them lil’ egg beaters!”

      Women will never understand guys, like about how a guy’s manhood can be unexpectedly and totally demolished by a chance comment about the size of his tools.

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      1. That’s $25 per incremental inch….size is overrated though, go for the tool with good vibration isolation.

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  7. My first reaction was that the only real risk in my job was getting a big “secretary’s butt” sort of like Jacque and Joanne hope to avoid. Then I remembered a time in my life when my job put my life in very real peril.

    I tried for several years to make a living as a freelance outdoor writer doing magazine stories. That meant I would write a story, then pack in a hurry and drive up to some Ontario lodge where I would spend three days hunting ruffed grouse for a television show. After racing home and processing photos, I then might pack the next day for a pheasant hunt in South Dakota. Or maybe I’d hitch the boat trailer to my car and nip down to Lake Pepin.

    When I was on these trips I would be under great pressure to bag fish or game for photos to make my stories look authentic. Often the fishing or hunting was not good when I showed up, and that often led me to take risks such as going out in an inadequate boat on heaving waters. My most famous story is about nearly dying with my old dog when we pushed things and got caught in an icy marsh. I came close to dying several times when I drove highways while I was barely half awake, and then there were all those times I drove through blizzards on ice-glazed highways.

    Memories now. All of that is just memories now. But if I think about it, I was mighty damn lucky to have done all that stuff without paying a high price.

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    1. Steve, I did a lot of driving for a job I had running a network of farmers from across the midwest doing educational work. I have lots of trouble staying awake when driving, but only one bad incident that I was lucky enough to get out of without a problem. I made a long drive and worked hard staying awake until I was nearly there. At that point I let my guard down and the next thing I knew I was driving at nearly full speed in a field because I didn’t follow the curve in the road having fallen asleep. I quckly turned toward the road and then ended up on the other side of the road. One more correction and some how I was safely back on the road. There was another car on the road that had apparently stoipped to watch when I went off the road and then went on it’s way when I made it back out of the fields.

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  8. Dale – you shoulda called me – I not only have chainsaw, but I actually had it out this weekend. Sawed up an old dead tree that’s been laying along the back fence for a couple of years. Like Linda, I’m pretty careful when I use it and have a big old welder type face guard.

    tim… do you have that broken ankle and shoulder NOW? Or this an older injury?

    I’m with Steve, I don’t have too many job fears, although you always have to be careful to tell people the right kind of shoes to wear for the Ka’anapali Waterfall Hike!

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    1. Sherrilee, I envy your “get up and go” attitude and how you just get things done. Jim had bought a good chainsaw a couple years ago to get rid of dying trees at our old house. I think he took it out once to oil it. That manly chainsaw never ripped up a branch or tree and still sits unused at our rental home which has only has 3 (count ’em, 3) very small, young trees that I hope will see adulthood.

      The folks that bought our old house have cut down all kinds of trees and bushes. I just drove by there the other day and saw that they aren’t caring for the 2 very small, paver-lined garden beds I had in front yard. One by the flagpole and the other was around the fake rock that covers an old well head. Ah well, I probably didn’t do a very good job on those anyway. Anybody want to buy a good, practically new chainsaw?

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    2. broken ankle and shoulder happened just the other day… 5 or 6 years ago. the shoulder is back to 90% the ankle is at 60% and will never be any better. actually that plate over the top of the foot rather than the ankle. i was wrking with a guy whose daghter had just chosen feet as her area f expertise in the doctoring profession she had chosen. and he said i had beter get it looked after big time and right away because the foot has more biones in it than the rest of the body combined and if they don’t get addressed properly the ramifications ar compounded at a daily rate that will bankrupt the rest of your body before long. i can’t run… i walk funny for the first 20 steps or so but i am so much better than i was for the first two years after i broke it i am thankful. heck i don’t need to run just every now and then i kinnda want to run. oh well if thats my worst case scenerio this week i’ll be fine.

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  9. Well, if I work it right, I could break things on a web site for a major national retailer…which would not stop the world from spinning, but could keep people from buying that gadget or whizzy thing, which could then get me (and possibly my manager) in hot water. I could get hopelessly lost trying to find a meeting room and got lost on a parallel floor in a parallel universe with only vending machine food to sustain me (and the odd leftover pizza left in the break areas). Or I could trip in a stairwell and wind up looking like a middle-aged female version of Chevy Chase opening a classic Saturday Night Live show…but with less panache.

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  10. hmmm, let’s see. before i was retired i didn’t do anything that was very hazardous to ME. but i could have hurt other folks if i didn’t stay focused. “hurt” would mean bad info or out of date.
    but now, i don’t have time to list the ways i could get hurt. i’m just in from the pasture with T and Nibs. i left when T started to run back 10 feet, rare up and charge me (playing, in his tiny mind). and i learned that one should never push back, especially on the head, when a buck puts his big, old head on you. T and Nibby thought this was great fun – and they so love to be with me. but i kinda thought i might get killed pretty soon, so i got Steve to distract T so i could escape to my kitchen and the morning milk in the cooler.
    gonna try making mozzarella this morning – something i failed at yesterday (right, VS?). so gonna get right back on the horse, add a little bit more citric acid this time and go for it. 🙂

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    1. I am sure think that having Mr. T running at me would give me have flashes of my life up to that point!

      And for everyone’s edification, fresh mozzarella cheese with not enough citric acid still tastes really fine… especially on grilled cheese, tomato and basil sandwiches!

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    2. i was just listening to some guy who is making mozerella over here italy style ( like for the day) because it is so good. italians would never think of eating yesterdays mozerella. no wonder i like eating in italy

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    1. They do! At a prior job I worked with a lot of paper files, and cuts from manila file folders are nasty. My fingers are smarting in sympathy, CG.

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  11. I tried in vain to find a YouTube of the the Husqvarna Song that has been circling through the brain since I read about Sherrilee’s chain saw. It was without a doubt one of the s&h’s favorite selections on the LGMS.

    I’ve spent a bit more than a year now at a desk-biggest hazard is probably that my mind is bit by bit turning to jello—

    Full time costuming, now there is living on the edge-cuts, jabs, burns-I’ve got the scars to remember them by. What I didn’t want was to go the way of too many of my colleagues and have to give up my craft because of tendonitis and carpal tunnel-so I stepped away from the cutting table, but I think I could use a little more excitement someday soon.

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  12. Well, Widening Butt has been mentioned, from spending too much time here blogging, etc. I sometimes get over enthusiastic doing Space Wizard work (organizing for people) and try to move around more furniture, etc. than I should, ending up with a trip to the chiropractor. This summer a lot of my job has been gardening, and I’ve had several heat rashes on my inner arms, so am trying to get out earlier in the morning, and go somewhere with A/C in the p.m. when it hits the 90s.

    Traveling has its hazards too, as we found last week in Yellowstone as we were warned to keep a safe distance from buffalo, elk with humongous antlers, and hot springs/geysers. When talking to my mom on the phone midweek, she reminded me that a cousin of hers lost a son there (1956) when he fell into one of those steaming pools. I found his name in a book about Yellowstone history… Every family, I think, has some tragedy in its past.

    Dale, I’m so sorry about your losing half your tree (reminds me of our very interesting looking box elder out back), but you seem to have done a good job of clearing what you could. It may be that the rest of it survives – ours is still putting out new growth every year, and we’ve decided to leave it be for now. You could always (in your spare time) make those cuts into a bench of some kind! 🙂

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    1. Thanks for the vote of confidence, BiR. I’m not sure I have the ability to make a bench out of the fallen parts, but the place on the trunk where the tree split now looks rather stage-like. I wonder if it could be fashioned into a tiny, elevated performance space for squirrels?

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  13. Previous injuries include arm slammed in elevator door, foot run over by heavy power wheelchair, and hurt feelings. Now I have to worry about being shut down too (but hopefully not for a whiile!)

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  14. Sorry to hear about the trees, Dale. I’m always sad to see trees break and come down. I hired a tree service to come and cut down six trees last May. Five were dead or nearly dead American elms; one was a huge old, half-dead black walnut that was towering directly over my garage. It made me really nervous every time we had high winds. I had it removed before it could do any damage.

    My great respect to all who use a chainsaw, male or female. You have great courage. I wish I wasn’t afraid of them but I am.

    Shutdown is now a hazard I can list too. 😦

    In the past, I risked back strain from lowering heavy patients into wheelchairs or from working with patients who didn’t understand that it’s dangerous to throw chairs/tables/beds at the employees. There was always the danger of having someone throw up on me or sneeze on me too. That’s only the beginning of the possible ways I could have been exposed to bacteria!

    These days my list looks a lot like Joanne’s, but I’d like to add a few risks:
    -handling sheets of paper that field staff turn in. These are often covered with fish scales, mud, food, coffee and other unidentifiable matter;
    -providing customer service to commercial fishermen who come in covered with fishy natural resources;
    -unintentionally bruising the inflated egos of young men who believe that fisheries biology is the most important science on the planet today and that they are the brightest and best in their field (or anywhere, for that matter!)
    -asking any question at all, no matter how trifling, of Business Office or Human Resources staff.

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      1. No, Joanne, thank heaven. I guess I didn’t word that very well. We never imagined that it could happen before but now it has – we are bracing ourselves for 2013 now!

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      2. For some people in certain jobs there is still some problems to come. There will be cuts in some budgets which will mean some people, such as social workers, might be cut. Social work should be highly valued because it is an effort to help people who need help and this isn’t generally understood. In fact, most people don’t know what social workers do or don’t even want to have agencies that help people.

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    1. Boy, Krista, with that list of risks you added I think you win.
      Cow manure is nothing compared to dealing with HR or the BO.

      PU!

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  15. Afternoon–

    Sorry about the tree Dale. As part of my township duties we cut up trees that fall across township roads. With all the rain and storms this year we’ve been busy. I’m lucky though; there are good supervisors that all know how to use a chainsaw so we team up.

    Dangers in my job? Gosh… I try not to think about that. I mean, I respect them, but I don’t think about them that much. Tractors, welders, silos, ladders, chainsaws… and that’s just at home. If I go to ‘work’ work, in the theater then it’s catwalks, ladders, power tools and saws, (we do have the ‘SawStop’ in the college shop. Google it if you’re not familiar with it.) plus the rigging and hanging things. All of this is only dangerous if you’re not paying attention or you don’t know what you’re doing. (Famous last words: ‘Hey Guys! Watch this!’)

    As for the chainsaw chaps, I know two people who, within a matter of about 3 weeks, managed to cut their thighs with a chainsaw. Not life or limb threatening, but anytime you cut your thigh with a chainsaw it’s serious. And I went out and bought the chaps then.

    When I was 14 I got my leg stuck in a silage auger. (Sort of a big metal corkscrew type thingy. It moves feed for the cows.) I didn’t break any bones but spent three weeks in the hospital and had some muscle and nerve damage. I was lucky.
    The only long term effect is I can trip over a shadow now. And I only tap dance with one foot.

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    1. Wow Ben, you have reallly been through the mill.

      I’ll use a band saw and a jigsaw, but tablesaws freak me out-the 12″ chainsaw you guys have been talking about sounds like a good thing, but also makes me a little squeamish!

      I cannot really tapdance with either foot, and I have not had nerve or muscle damage, so I think you must be pretty talented.

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    2. WOW, Ben! You really do face hazards every day. I’m glad it wasn’t more serious for you with the auger accident. Farming is full of hazards and you are often working alone.

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    3. The old guy who lives across the street from us lost his leg in a some machine years ago-a baler or a corn picker, I can’t remember which. Farming is very dangerous! Holstein bulls are pretty lethal, too. My grandfather got a broken hip from some panicky pigs.

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      1. I can’t really tap dance on one foot… I just meant I can’t lift my right foot much.
        My mom remembers sitting in the ER waiting room that day and watching ‘Little House on the Prairie’ and being thankful we didn’t live in that time and that we had modern medicine.

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      2. Oh- and my brother fell off a tractor and got run over by the rear wheel but the ground was soft and he didn’t get hurt. And then he rolled out of the way before the disc came along. My parents saw him chasing the tractor around the field trying to catch it and by the time they got over there had was back on the tractor and heading home. This was ‘way back when’ with open tractors and 10′ disc’s….

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  16. I’ve only gotten hurt on the job twice – kinda. Years and years ago, when I was will at the bookstore, I hurt my back while hauling magazines around. Missed a couple of weeks of work for that – chiropracter and acupunture bills piled up but ended up being covered by Workers Comp.

    The second time was actually in Thailand. We had been on an exaustive hotel tour (truly) and we were all walking out to the little shuttle to take us back to the main entrance. Somebody from behind me called my name and I turned, but unfortunately did not stop my foward momentum. Stepped sideways off the curb and sprained my ankle. I had never sprained anything before so was unprepared for how much it actually hurt, how much it swelled up (can we say “watermelon”?) and how long it would take to heal up. Sheesh. Luckily it was at the end of the trip – if it had happened BEFORE I rode the elephant, I would have been very PO’d!

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  17. Dale – I was looking at your photos again, and I’m not sure you would pass muster with BSO Rafferty if he sees the placement of that ladder …

    Now to start reading last week’s blogs… Uffda!

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  18. Well, i am sporting a 4×2 inch burn on the back of my left hand (I poured boiling stock on my hand a week ago Sunday), and I was accosted by chiggers at the Sioux Falls Zoo and have large welts on my legs and feet. We had to cut our vacation short on Saturday and go to Fargo to help our son move out of his apartment. Straight line winds took the roof off his building right above his apartment, and he and his wife had to move temporarily to a smaller unit for safety. It will take 1-2 months for the place to get fixed since they have to replace the ceiling. Boo! It was a good trip in all other respects.

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      1. No, that is not a good idea. It only models bad behavior. It would also mean placing my mouth on the skin of a questionably clean child. Ick!

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  19. The biggest risk factor at most of my jobs have been people! The school’s janitor (who also happens to be my next door neighbor!) threatened to kill me when I asked him, politely but firmly, to remove the four bicycles and other junk he was storing in the schools garage. He was working on the bikes when he should have been maintaining the building, and the garage was so cluttered with his junk that I just could not tolerate it any longer.

    At my first office manager job with a CPA firm, I had an encounter with a gun yielding husband of one of our secretaries. She had been carrying on an affair with one of the firm’s married partners, and the husband was not happy that I would not allow him shoot the f…… partner.

    At the law firm, I had hired a legal secretary who at the interview had one leg in a cast, the result of a skiing accident she said. Over the next few months, after one freak accident after the other caused her to miss work, I became suspicious that she was in fact the victim of domestic violence. When, after yet another injury, I told her of my suspicion and offered her help, all hell broke loose. She was petrified with fear and a complete basket case. I managed to get her into a woman’s shelter, and she pressed charges against him. He somehow discovered where she was, and after several threatening phone calls, she dropped the charges and moved back in with him. I ended up firing her because he was such a menace that no one felt safe at the office, and I of course, was singled out as the one who had caused all the problems. It was at that same office that a security guard a year or so earlier, abducted a female lawyer from an office two floors below our firm. He forced her into the trunk of his car, and repeatedly raped her over the next couple of days before finally releasing her. Not an environment where anyone felt safe.

    Thankfully I have never worked in a post office, but I’ve seen my share of people going postal!

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