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Ask Dr. Babooner

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Dear Dr. Babooner,

I have always followed one simple rule – I never EVER hand over more money than I absolutely MUST, whether I’m buying a plane ticket, the latest flat-screen TV or simply paying my property tax bill. That’s why I brave pepper spray and gunfire to shop on Black Friday. That’s why I will spend an entire weekend comparing and contrasting competing airfares to Miami. And that’s what drives me to disparage and oppose any politician who dares to consider a tax hike of any kind!

My money is so important to me, I’ll devote whatever time and energy is necessary to pay less and get more, whether I’m at Wal-Mart, the airport, or just going for a walk down the cracked and broken sidewalks of my home town! Never pay more than the other guy. That’s the American way!

But during the post-Thanksgiving meal cool-down, as I was describing my latest victory in the money wars (we defeated a school referendum!), I wound up getting in a huge argument with my brother-in-law Larry about this very thing. He claims my low-cost obsession is misdirected, and never ending quest to pay less I actually wind up spending more than I save in terms of hours and emotional investment.

I told him the economic forces behind my compulsion are sound, and he countered by arguing that I’m nothing but a sourpuss who will die young having wasted far too much time agonizing over pennies. Imagine that! But Larry has always been a socialist and a bum. He actually shakes his head when exceptionally rich people die, saying that anyone who leaves this Earth with lots of money still in the bank is a “loser”. Then he cited some newspaper article claiming the Black Friday deals are actually not the best to be had. There might be some science behind that, but mostly I think he was breezily pulling these opinions out of his butt!

What are the worst things about Larry? He shops whenever he wants, buys what he likes and votes for Democrats!

I’m pretty sure that the essence of a well-live human life boils down to coming out ahead of everybody else in the constant battle over money, but it bothers me that Larry doesn’t see that. Since Thursday afternoon I’ve spent so much time thinking about his crazy ideas I’m afraid I’ve missed several attractive MONUMENTAL Black Friday Deals and failed to deliver an appropriate helping of scorn to a legislator who failed to sign the Grover Norquist No-Tax Pledge! I still know that I’m right, but I feel like I’ve lost my edge.

Dr. Babooner, how can I defeat my brother-in-law if he refuses play my game?

Frugally,
Miserable But Still Able Miser

I told MBSAM he may have won the economic war but his brother-in-law has come out ahead in the psychological contest to define happiness. At this point, the only way to get Larry’s attention and possibly win in this make-believe contest is to find a way to appear more joyful than he is, and happier in general than virtually everybody else.
Perhaps there’s a Door Buster Deal on attitude adjustments somewhere?

But that’s just one opinion. What do YOU think, Dr. Babooner?

46 thoughts on “Ask Dr. Babooner”

  1. The school is the last expenditure upon which America should be willing to economize. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

    Dear MBSAM,
    You’re both right. If you pinch some pennies, you will have more to use for the greater good. If you save some money on things like water softener salt, you can donate more to help sick children, feed the poor, or expand public radio.
    Now that Thanksgiving is over and you have had a chance to count your blessings and be grateful, tis the season for holiday reading. I trust you can find a used copy (too bad your political allies closed the library on weekends to “save” money) of Mr. Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol.” The inspiration is free and a real bargain!

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  2. Dear MBSAM,
    Perhaps a change of perspective is in order. Think of all the money you could save on future taxes by spending a little more now on schools: by educating the youth of today and providing them with a solid start, you reduce the chances that they will need welfare, housing subsidies, or possibly the services of a local court system and prison later in life. It’s a whole lot cheaper to keep a library open, add a couple extra teachers and provide a free lunch now for a bunch of kids than to house one of them in prison for a good chunk of their adult life (or late teen life) in a decade or so. Also, when it comes to sidewalks and roads – think on how much you’ll save not having to realign your car every 6 months if the potholes were fixed, and ponder the healthcare savings from not tripping on a cracked sidewalk breaking a bone or the wear and tear on your precious joints from walking on an uneven surface that might require expensive surgery and therapy later. I know you appreciate a good bargain, surely you can see the coupon-clipping savings to be had here. Then you can be smug about how much money you’ll get to keep later and your brother-in-law will think he won, too (but you’ll know better, of course).

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  3. MBSAM, every hear the saying “Penny wise but pound foolish” or “false economy”? Both sayings have to do with trying to save money up front and ending up with poor quality at the finish I whole heartedly agree with Beth Ann and Anna regarding good investments in education, libraries, and infrastructure. My husband came up with a new Thanksgiving song, by the way. We are having a second feast today with the neighbors, and this is what he was singing this morning: (The tune is “Carolina”)

    Nothing could be finer than to be a turkey briner in the morning.
    Nothing could be finer than to drink a case of Shiner in the morning.

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    2. Renee, you and I think alike. I had written an entry to the blog that started exactly like yours, almost verbatim. I had added a couple more old adages that speak to spending wisely, .i.e, “the bitterness of poor quality lingers long after the sweetness of low price is forgotten,” and “a stitch in time saves nine.”

      I love the idea of you having a second Thanksgiving with neighbors.

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  4. I think mbsam is teaching a lesson she (I don’t know why dr baboon heard a male voice I heard a female and was reinforced when the signature started with mb) is going to be sorry about. The lesson of screw you I’m looking after me will absolutely come back to whack you up side the head. I see the law days we need Medicare and social security but think how much we could save if we cut that crap out. A little inconvenient for aarpheads blah blah blah who cares we can reduce expenses seeing as there are no new taxes to pay for them. Government salaries… Fire em all who needs em we can hire snow plow drivers cheap. The plows will sell on Craigslist for cheap after the people’s garage sale deals them out think of all the money we can raise selling desks and paper lips from deposed government offices.
    Sales are good for those people. Get them off the streets for the rest of us. Vidiot children need the latest thing to be released every Tuesday midnight (best buy didn’t notice a change in shopping hours) and the money raised from selling old guy stuff to buy new cool toys would be better than trying to think about the future. Happy bargain hunting. I heard selling the national parks in on the tea party agenda too. Keep old faithful but sell the outcropping sites those buffalo and elk don’t need to be on government dole

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    3. tim, I too, heard a female voice and for the same reason, although heaven only knows women don’t have the corner of the market on this boneheaded thinking.

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  5. Greetings! I’m not feeling terribly original today; so ditto what Beth-Ann, Anna and Renee said. While I’m in no position to spend money at all, when I do, I look for quality and longevity — which is going to cost more up front. I also spend what some people would consider an insane amount of money on superior quality supplements and superfoods because I value my health and have no insurance. Getting colds, flu, etc., and relying on caffeine to get through the day is a sign of poor health and is expensive in the long run. If folks had to actually pay (without insurance) for what clinics charge to see a doctor, you would make darn sure you stayed healthy.

    I had to revisit my surgeon just after my insurance ended. $100 just to get in the door. Saw him for 1 minute, his assistant gave me a cortisone shot, and I was done. Another $100. There’s no negotiating, no Black Friday sales, no bulk discounts, generic doctor brands, coupons or cheaper times to see a doctor. You are charged for every kleenex and ibuprofen they give you. Forgive me — I’ve probably harped on this before.

    In Big Lake, they tried 3 separate times to increase the school funding with a special levy that amounted to about an additional $20/month for the average home. It was voted down — huge cuts were made in school budgets, fewer class offerings, fewer programs, larger class size, etc. They finally voted yes to the last one, and they’re just barely hanging on. It amazes me how people complain about lack of quality education, and at same time refuse to pony up the cost of a pizza dinner once a month to pay for it.

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  6. Good mid day to all. Well, thrift is good. Greed is not so good. What is the reason for being so careful with your money MBSAM? Will you ever have enough money or are you like the top 1% who always seems to want more when they already have way, way more than they need. With regard to paying taxes, do you want to pay your fair share or do you want to others to subsidize you? If you really are just trying to thrifty, okay. If greed is behind your approach to managing money, I’m afraid you are going to find that I am socialist bum like your brother-in-law, Larry.

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    1. JIm in Clarks Grove: I thought of you when listening to this morning’s On Being show, the show Krista Tippett hosts. The show included Ellen Lewis and Wendell Barry and others who have given a lot of thought to the role of food and agriculture in our world. I thought you would really like the show. Google her show “Poetry of Creatures.”

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  7. Dear MBSAM,
    Like others here, I agree that you are miserable, whether female or male.

    You’ve been willing to expose yourself to an orgy of pepper spray-covered, bullet-riddled consumerism fueled by mainstream media’s constant exhortations about everyone going shopping on “Black Friday” in order to save money. This is how they say you must do it: you must arrive at the store at midnight, wait in a line with 1500 other miserable souls, then struggle through the grappling masses to save big on a flat screen TV, I-PhonePodPad, coffeemaker, Uggs, Blu-Ray, toaster oven, Kindle, TempurPedic, stand mixer, vacuum cleaner, Escalade, whatchamacallit and you must go buy it on Friday with EVERYBODY ELSE because that is how it is done! No wonder your first name is Miserable. A few years from now these things will be broken or so outdated they no longer work and you’ll have to do it again. Yay for you!

    Anyway, MBSAM, it wasn’t clear to me about your b-i-l, Larry. Is Larry your sister’s husband? Or your wife’s single brother? 😉 I’ve always been attracted to socialist bums.

    Dr. Babooner

    Here’s a fun topic, especially if you like “good time music”.

    http://mankatofreepress.com/features/x1938325049/40-years-of-City-Mouse

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    1. Krista, thanks for the article about City Mouse. I’m afraid I will not be able to come to hear them at their 40 year celbration tonight, but I wish I could. That is a nice write up about them. For those who don’t know, Mike Pengra, who worked with Dale at MPR and is still doing Radio Heartland, is a member of the band, City Mouse.

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  10. MBSAM, you should keep thinking about what Larry says. And I would add, Not only does it take an enormous amount of time and energy to hunt down the best bargains, but you end up spending more money than you wold if you didn’t really care about bargains – and stuff – so much. Take me for an example: if I go to a thrift store and find a book I want for only$1.00 – that’s a bargain! But if I look around and buy 8 more books that I don’t care about that much and two posters and 3 sweaters and four t-shirts and a flannel shirt in addition to the one book I really wanted, then I end up spending more money than I would have if I had just bought the book at a higher price. That’s the trouble with getting bargains – you’re never satisfied with just one thing. So, save your money by not going shopping at all. Give your money to some good causes, save it for traveling somewhere you’ve always wanted to go, save it for retirement…but don’t spend it on bargains!

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    1. I’ve always said (sort of a rip on David O. Selznick’s original comment): “An elephant for a quarter isn’t a bargain if you don’t need an elephant.”

      The original is “An elephant for a quarter is a bargain. But only if you have a quarter, and only if you need an elephant.” -David O. Selznick.

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    2. that’s exactly why i’m not a coupon clipper, also, Edith! the coupons are usually for stuff that 1. we don’t need and 2. aren’t good for us, so 3. don’t “save” money because we wouldn’t have bought it in the first place if not for the coupon.
      and Ben, i love that saying.
      tim, i think dubya was just inept and dumb. but the cunningness of the teaparty scares me deeply. i think i might go to Canada all next year except they don’t want old folks moving there. 🙂

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      1. The tea party ain’t got nothing on Karl rove
        The tea party is full of ingnorant buffoons who bully with bravado and god on their side. They have little awareness and less concern for their inappropriatness they are the moralistic evangelists who want skirts below the knees hair above the collar god in the pledge alliegience and Muslims back across the ocean where they belong. Karl rove had enough sense to keep the self serving bigotry and ugliness hushed up and as a secret unspoken agenda the tea party wears it like a badge of honor . Reminds me of the kkk

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      2. biB, I couldn’t agree more about the coupons. Very, very rarely do they have coupons on items that I actually buy. Once in a blue moon, I’ll look through the coupons in the Sunday paper and clip one or two. Inevitably they are expired by the time I need the items they are for AND remember that I have a coupon.

        It’s not the Tea Party itself that scares me, it’s the fact that so many people in this country seem to agree with them. It is worrisome, too, that a meaningful, civil conversation with them is darned near impossible.

        OT – As I’m writing this, I have a spinning kitten, lounging comfortably on my chest; her favorite place to perch in the morning after she’s been fed and I have returned to bed with my laptop and a cup of coffee.

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      3. yes, tim and PF – i agree with both of you. i AM scared at how the tea party panders to people’s (false) fears AND i’m scared of Karl Rove. but what really scares me is how folks seem to fall for it.
        i don’t drive down to msp often, but i’ve noticed the plethora of right-wing billboards in the northern suburbs – is that a new thing or always been so?
        oh, a warm kitty on your lap sounds so cozy, PJ – enjoy.

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      4. The situation with the billboards as you head north of the cities has been that way as long as I can remember.

        Kitten has had enough rest, and is now looking for opportunities for mischief!

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      5. billboards are a way of spending oney that lasts. the gop has so much money they can do it. they had dayton or anti dayton billboards with him showing the maniacal smile and eyes that look like a psycho. i had to laugh while i was crying. its like a neighbor hood bully turned chairman of the board. what a world.
        ill take a cat in my lap anytime.

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      6. I think the Occupy Wall Street people have more or less taken the wind out of the Tea Party sails. Now there is some hope for change and not just the failed promises for change that Obama made. There already is some change. The effort by demonstrators to stop the tar sands pipe line may have caused Obama to delay this project and it probably is dead.

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      7. i dont think the tea party even notices the whack jobs in the tents. they are aboove all that. the tea party is going to be here to mess us up for a long time. bachman lost her presidential bid but she will be a congress / senate player for years to the nut case right wing yahoos she annd sarah palin bring to the forefront.

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      8. It’s not the Tea Party that is going to be here for a long time, it is the people that funded them and others who are willing to go for the agenda of giving big business the power to exploit every thing in sight for their own short term gain. They use people like Bachman and Rove to advance their cause and they even buy off the Democrats with campaign funding. The majority of the people in the country see the Occupy movement as a positive thing, not the work of wack jobs. In Wisconsin the people who occupied the state capital might be able to recall the govenor who is backed by the same people who back the Tea Party..

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  11. Oh, Miser, where to begin?
    1. You obviously haven’t figured out that you spend more energy clutching onto your money than you save, as eloquently noted in several posts above. If you paused to see how much time you put into your “saving”, you could see that it uses up your valuable time that could be spent productively.
    2. You will probably always feel that the world owes you more than you’re getting from it, and will always feel “poor”, and that you don’t have enough – of anything. From that vantage point, this is what you will keep drawing to you – it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
    3. The only thing I know of that can turn this around is to stop, look around, and start seeing the abundance you now have. Once you start noticing what you have instead of what you don’t have, you’ll feel wealthier, and then you might be able to lighten up a bit about a lot of things.

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  12. WOT: Anyone know where a person should look for a cheap pair of 3-D glasses, preferably cardboard? (Long story involving birthday present for grandchild.)

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    3. if you can find someone going to the movie they are yours when you go to the theater. they suggest recycling but they are in fact yours so you can take thenm home with you. i will ask my kids to put out the word. i am sure i can get them if you cant. what is the drop dead date?

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