Yesterday’s post was intended to start a conversation about marketing, but I’m amazed at how carefully at least three baboons examined the photo of my Artichoke Bruschetta jars for evidence about what goes on behind the scenes here at Trail World HQ. I guess it’s just human nature. Because I say so little about it, my life must seem mysterious and exotic and just a tiny glimpse allows fertile imaginations to run wild.
How else can I explain Dan in Woodbury’s generous compliment – that I am as careful and organized as Dan and his grandfather – that I clean jars and use them to save nuts and bolts in a basement workshop. A basement workshop? Dan, I can only imagine you have something downstairs that resembles the Bat Cave. My basement is a workshop for mice!
Or tim’s observation that one jar was dated (“11/14”) and one wasn’t – a clear indication that somehow I knew the second jar would be gone soon, thus there was no reason to date it. Yes tim, but how does this connect to the fact that the victim had a glob of Artichoke Bruschetta lodged in his windpipe? C’mon, put the pieces together, man!
And then there’s Steve, who took the time to learn that Artichoke Bruschetta is a delicacy in the frozen midwest, with one jar costing in excess of $7 at Cub! Outrageous! And here you thought I was eating the low-priced spread! Am I no longer one of the 99%? What did you expect, Steve? Of course I have extravagant tastes – I own my own blog! And believe it or not, at this very moment I AM drinking a glass of champagne, flavored with Grey Poupon!
Truly I am flattered by your interest, and sorely tempted to concoct some elaborate explanation as to why I saved the jars, why one had the date written on the label, and how I can afford to live the extravagant life of an Artichoke eater when by rights I should barely be able to afford ordinary groceries. But that would take some extra effort, and at this point the truth is easier.
Dan, the jars are clean because I recycle them, and I read somewhere that they’re supposed to be clean before you put them in the bin. I always try to do what I’m told. Boring, I know.
tim, one jar is dated 11/14 because that’s when I opened it and I wanted to remember how long it had been in the fridge for the next time I decided to make pizza. One unfortunate characteristic of Artichoke Bruschetta is that it looks like a science experiment from the first moment you twist off the top. I didn’t trust myself to know if the stuff could be safely eaten the next time I opened the jar, which turned out to be about six weeks later. Being cautious, I decided staying healthy was worth the expense and I bought new jar, dumping the old and yes, rinsing the container.
And Steve, what can I say? Yes, I am an effete Bruschetta-eating snob who is out of touch with the common American. I have worked at government funded non-profits all my life while indulging in a hard-to-support fondness for foreign delicacies served on toast! For this reason alone I decided it would be a waste of my time to run for President. And yet, though I have forsaken my opportunity to lead this nation as I was meant to do, you insist on smearing my name in this way, just as a blob of Artichoke Bruschetta is smeared across a piece of anti-American crisp bread! At long last sir, have you no decency?
As for the not-so-subtle suggestion that my spending is out of control, I refer to tim’s question about the second Artichoke Bruschetta jar. tim guessed that I must have known jar #2 would not be around long because I didn’t take the time to write a date on the label. Yes, Mr. Holmes, that is correct. Not wanting to waste another overpriced jar, I used only the amount that was necessary for that night’s pizza, and bagged the rest in carefully pizza-topping-sized amounts that are now waiting in the freezer so they won’t spoil like the unlucky contents of the jar labeled “11/14”.
I’m sorry that the truth is so dull, but there it is. Believe it or not, that bland flavor in your mouth is very similar to the taste of Artichoke Bruschetta!
Have you ever been misled by a photograph?
Trail Baboon 
the idea freezing up the proper portions of artichoke bruschetta puts dale back in the good old dale rather than the exotic foodie circle I had him frolicking in with martha, lynee rosetta casper and wolfgang puck. artichoke bruschetta has a familiar ring with a tastebud brain connection that has a tang from the marinated artichoke experiences i have had and want to elude to. if i think about a regular artichoke with the leaves and the butter i enjoy maneuvering through before i get to the big old hairy choke in the finishing moment of the artichoke experience the flavor in my brain changes and i see that i would want to reconsider the possibilities for it. so the newly thought out artichoke response is pairing it with a pinot grigio not a pinot noir.
as for pictures leading me down a path of false reality, i think that’s what they are intended to do in many cases. it is never the pictures from the photo albums where you have the bad hair day going on that make the cut you always look presentable. i get a kick out of presenters who put a picture in their bio of when they were young and virile and you look at them as they stand there before you and say to yourself, wow I never would have guessed they once looked that way. items listed on ebay will appeal or scare you away based on the photographers ability to see the picture behind the picture. i would like a picture of dales pizza,i have it visualized in my mind with garlic cloves a plenty, sundried tomatoes, kalamata olives and feta cheese on a boboli whole wheat crust with some artichoke hearts brought in to bring out the subtle nuances in the bruschetta base. the reality is that he puts fish sticks and velveeta on there and it would not be one of my favorites. champainge and fish sticks that old friday night regular menu combination at the connelly house.
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Another big time media star bursts my bubble. Next he will claim he is not hounded by popparazzi, or in his case the pizzarazzi, whenever he goes out in public Now I have no fantasy life left at all. Well, other than being a novelists. Ah, me.
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Good morning to all. Thanks for clearing up all that wild speculation, Dale. tim has already told us that everything he says is a lie so I knew what he said was wrong. As for Steve, I think he must have been under the influence of something he added to his breakfast coffee or something like that. I will not venture a guess about where Dan came up with his ideas about your picture.
I agree with tim about family pictures, They are misleading. I think he was lying when he said everything he says is a lie. Once in a while he doesn’t lie. I have one picture of myself where I am smiling and looking happy. It is the only one like that and probably isn’t the way I usually look. However, I hope I’m not usually as grumpy looking as I appear in the other family photos. I really don’t like having my picture taken.
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My parents had my portrait taken when I was 2 years old (yes, I am the oldest-but because they are exceedingly fair, I must also inform you that the same was done with my 2 younger brothers when the time came).
It is perhaps one of the best pictures of me in existence. I am sitting there nicely, perfectly combed hair, neatly arranged jumper and blouse, holding what must be some small, unidentifiable toy. I look utterly serene.
My mother will tell you that I was completely traumatized and crying the whole time. Sure enough, if you look closely, in every shot, you can see tears brimming in my eyes.
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Dale, I think tim let you off pretty easy. He has me pegged as a criminal, an ex-con, and currently in jail, all from what I posted about an overheard conversation while I was waiting at a bus stop after an innocent trip to a used book sale.
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a typical con observation, lashing out at societies stallworth examples of citizenship. she tells these stories all the time at the bus stop but usually she has a briefcase full of miney as the underlying goal. i am not sure what her goal is here.
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today my goal is to rile you up, tim.
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Morning.
Well clearly I didn’t put enough thought into this… I got hung up looking up old cereal commercials on YouTube yesterday.
It has always been fascinating to me to imagine what is going on just outside the picture frame. Editing can do so much- either good or bad.
Speaking of expiration dates, found a bottle of salad dressing back in the dark recess of a kitchen cabinet last night. Expired in 2008. Wife and I were both impressed; that might be a record!
Happy Friday!
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Not a record if it’s from this century as my associates who recently helped me debulk my kitchen can attest!
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Hmmm, you don’t say what you did with it.
Heard a story on NPR last night that the Hostess company is declaring bankruptcy. There was a gentleman telling about his childhood love of Twinkies and his mother’s efforts to keep them from being found and devoured at will. Turns out, she hid one box (oh extravagance, Twinkies by the box? not just a pair hermetically sealed?) so well, she could not find it. Years later, they replaced their television set and found that very box with one remaining Twinkie ensconced. There was no way of knowing for sure how long it had been there, but the Twinkie was promptly devoured, with no ill effect.
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My husband was bummed when he heard that Hostess Snowballs may be fading into obscurity. My suggestion to him was that a lifetime supply could be purchased now with the idea that they are preserved better than he is and will surely outlast him. Funny thing is, I don’t remember him ever eating any Hostess treats in the past decade or two. I guess the idea of not being able to have something makes you want it?
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I love how the cockroach in the movie ‘Wall-E’ is eating Twinkies.
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Greetings! Great reply, Dale, to the over-worked imaginations of curious baboons just looking to make trouble. Imagine getting all those responses from just a picture of 2 jars of fancy foods — although, I admit, it was great fun reading yesterday. I am fooled by pictures all the time, and as anyone with Photoshop can tell you — is probably easily done and quite often is. Have a great day!
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Today’s question is, as it was yesterday, about marketing. The photographs you see of a hamburger in a McDonald’s ad bear no resemblance to the squished thing you actually get if you order a burger there. Or try opening a can of peas from the supermarket and comparing the color of the contents with the color of the picture on the label. It’s probably best to start with the assumption that the photo is misleading. If it isn’t, you’ll be happily surprised.
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You are right about those food marketing pictures, Linda. I also find those pictures of McDonald hamburgers to be especially misleading. I am looking at the new picture of broth on a box of vegetable broth that shows that it is clear and golden and very attractive. This is a change from their old label that showed the broth as dark and murky looking which is closer to the truth. Advertizing spin doctors have been at work on this product that is labeled organic. Well, even organic products can have misleading pictures on their labels.
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I knew someone who when asked what he wanted at Subway would reply, “Just make me one that looks like the picture.”
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Right. I think that the pictures of Subway subs are even more misleading that the ones of MeDonald burgers, if that is possible.
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hey my subway vengance is that i order the veggie sub for 5 bucks and itf i want extra chees its an extra buck. i won’t do it for 4 little triangles of processed pepper jack so i instewd order the spicy italian with the meat on the side. you get a inch and a half of pastrami and hard salami in a side bag no charge. my kids eat that with lettuce and ranch at home and i cut back on the cold cut orders.
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I’ve known several people who are “food stylists”–they set up the food in the pictures. It is quite the art with food as the palette. One can make an entire career setting up food to be photographed for labels, magazines, and cookbooks. The most famous and enduring image of food is the golden brown Thanksgiving turkeys featured on the fronts of November magazines–it is slathered in Crisco and browned under a broiler. For the picture the turkey inside might be raw–all that matters for the pix is the golden brown skin.
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I have been reading, for another purpose entirely, a collection of some of the short works of E. B. White, when I think Mr. White is at his best. Most of the collection in this book are light satirical works, often in response to news events and recent stories in science. Is this sounding familiar, Baboons? Some are imaginative works, some essays, or sort of essays, and some are light verse. All feel, easy, and dashed-off, and not ever really within the strict rules of writing, but always fun and brilliant. I cannot focus on what I want to focus as I reads, because I keep hearing Dale’s voice.
For me this is about as high a compliment as I can give Dale. May he feast on Artichoke Bruschetta forever.
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Hear, hear.
But I usually hear E.B. White in Christine Sweet’s voice.
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I think some Babooners have remarked that some of Bill Bryson’s writing reminds them of Dale’s efforts. In fact, I personally think Dale’s efforts are as good or better than those of Bill Bryson.
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Yes I agree… the dry, self-deprecating humor is similar. Just finished “In a Sunburned Country” this morning in anticipation of Sunday!
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Wow, Clyde. The praise you offer is lavish, indeed. I am also an E.B. White fan, so what you’re picking up is most likely some residue of my admiration and maybe a little bit of outright theft. Still, it is a very proud moment to see my name in the same sentence with Mr. White’s, particularly a sentence written by you. Many thanks!
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Mislead by a photo? About two dozen times when I was foolish & desperate enough to join Match.com several years ago! For every man who stated in his bio that his body type was “athletic and toned”, I met a man with a big, hard beer belly who was at least 30+ pounds overweight. The men who’s photos looked entirely passable showed up looking 20 years older. Early on, I learned that men tend not to notice how they really appear to others and often truly believe that they’re fit and good-looking (when just the opposite is true!). I’ve heard plenty of horror stories about women’s photos as well. It amazed me that either gender would outright post a younger, prettier sister’s photo or men wouldn’t even resemble their posted photos, knowing that the truth would instantly be SEEN!
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TeeHee
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More than once I have been deceived on the scale of something based on a photograph – something that seems smaller in person (or larger): art works that shrink in person (Munch’s “The Scream”), the Statue of Liberty (which was still quite large, but not quite as giant as I had expected), Desmond Tutu (much shorter than I expected – but also much funnier)…
Like Ben, I like to think about what’s happening just outside the picture frame – or what happened right before (or right after) the picture. My grandfather had a wonderful picture of his sister that showed her in a fashionable hat and suit, looking up with her hands behind her head and grinning from ear-to-ear – it’s a wonderful shot. It was up in my grandparents’ house and then their apartment from the time I was little (I don’t remember it not being there). After Grandma died, and we were cleaning out the apartment, we found the rest of the slides that came before and after that shot on the roll of film. We discovered that 1) she was in Chicago on a boat ride when the photo was taken and 2) she was on that boat ride with a handsome man who appeared to be slightly younger than her, but still clearly “more than a friend”…but he appears in no other slides we could find besides those Chicago photos. He is replaced by a silver haired handsome gentleman on the ski slopes, another by the pool…it was a ton of fun making up stories to go with the slides. She was a favored sister of my grandfather’s, though clearly his midwestern reserve and old-school Lutheran Free Church morals did not match her lifestyle (guessing there was a fair amount of “don’t ask, don’t tell” in their relationship).
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I have a similar photo of my very staid grandma in a flapper dress.
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I have a photo of my grandfather and an army buddy, both in uniform, with two French women sitting on their knees, taken in France about 1917. Grandpa was single at the time, but I would love to hear the story about that one.
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Aren’t we misled pretty much any time we flip through a magazine and see all the perfect bodies, perfect hair and perfect smiles? We see it often enough that it almost feels like reality.
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Uncle, uncle, please stop, Dale!!!
As some of you know, Friday morning is scones for breakfast. An even older tradition in our household is Friday pizza and movie night. The s&h likes his pepperoni, but I like more exotic/eclectic fare.
Having now had the idea of Artichoke Bruschetta hammered into my head for 2 days now, I am going to see if the stuff can be had at my neighborhood co-op. I expect I will have to break the piggy bank, and will most likely be dining on tinned beans for the rest of the month to make up for the expense incurred, but I am sure it will all be worth it, just to say “I eat what they eat at TWHQ”.
I certainly hope they are paying you well for the endorsement, Dale.
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I think Dale and thatguyinthehat are in cahoots with each other on this one!
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How else is Dale going to keep up his high standard of living?
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Maybe he is being paid in cases of Artichoke Bruschetta! Ok, got to go now, every time I type it, my mouth starts to water.
Perhaps I could pawn something and bring a jar to the BBC!
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MIG – you are not alone. I actually perused the shelves at Target yesterday over lunch, looking for the Artichoke Bruschetta! None there – I’ll have to try Cub!
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OK, Dale is directly responsible for a large increase in the sales of Bruschetta this week – and I just found a jar at Trader Joe’s for about half the gourmet price. 🙂 The Curious must try these things out…
I can only think of an “in my mind’s eye” photograph, as this never got captured on film: in 1974 I was considering moving from “heaven” (Half Moon Bay), California to NYC to be closer to this crazy guy I had met named Eddie. I flew there for spring break and had a whirlwind tour of his favorite places in, and within 3 hours of, Manhattan. I was totally “snowed”, as we used to say, and moved to New York over the summer. Let’s just say that the Reality of living there did not live up to the Snapshot.
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I will expect a sample at BBC Sunday!
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I’ll have it ready, but I just realized… it’s not Artichoke. Might hafta add some artichokes to it.
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Every time I see a picture of the back of my head without a hat, I ask, “Who’s the bald guy with my shirt on?”
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Rise and Shine Baboons! (guess who has been sick for a week and is needing lots of sleep)
Every time I peruse a catalog for clothing I am misled by photographs. I dislike shopping for clothing or anything else. So catalogs are the answer. So how come these beautiful garments never look like that on MOI?!
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I know what you mean. I am attracted to clothing that is modeled by tall, slim women in those catalogs and I think that if I buy that article of clothing that I will look like that. It never works.
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Similar, but same concept/approach: every business, college, film, and dog down the street has won some award, many of which come from themselves, which you will notice if you look closely. A local hospital which has been cited by the state of MN several years in a row for its errors and low quality if patient care, has a big sign up saying one of the top 100 hospitals for patient care. I think they mean one of the top 100 in Blue Earth County.
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OT, but this is a very sad day in our region. A teacher in Sidney MT, a town very close to Williston ND and part of our region, in our oil patch, was kidnapped last Saturday and murdered. A man has been arrested. She has lots of relatives in my town, and I know them. Her brother-in-law is one of my doctors. This sort of crime rarely, if ever, happened in our region in the past. Because of local people’s prejudices, I pray that the killers are neither Mexican, nor Indian, nor oil workers, since there are lots of them in our region, and locals tend to have very negative feelings about the aforementioned. We are not used to being afraid and we don’t lock up our houses. It feels that we will never be the same again.
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How sad, Renee. Something like this happened near Marshalltown years ago, and yes, it does change things.
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It doesn’t exactly fit in with The Music Man ethos, does it ?
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Very sad, Renee, and I understand your concern for the community if the murderer turns out to be in one of the mentioned categories. Please keep us posted.
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sorry renee. the peace of mind is truly a state of mind. my wife is form chicago and her brothers best friend was the last victum of ted bundy. it has colored her view of the world. i hope this one doesnt mess you up too bad for too long. the world is a place where there is beauty and there is ugliness. the poor sicko who murdered your guy is to be pitied. he is messed up and it is a shame it can not be reversed but life goes on. peace
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