Songs

Left Slide Story

88 Comments

Over the weekend, tim and Chris started putting together a political musical – a weirdly appropriate tangent since Sunday night was Tony Award night in New York.

tim suggested the idea as part of a discussion of divided loyalties. He recalled that West Side Story is based on Romeo and Juliet, and figured (correctly) that the story could be re-told in a modern political setting with “a tea party princess falling for a lift wing do gooder.”

Chris took it from there:

Well this is just too much fun. Writing parodies of well known songs is irresistible – like eating handfuls of potato chips. I feel compelled and a little sick to my stomach after an hour of doing it non-stop. It’s a guilty pleasure that many other people see as extremely unattractive. So I’m delighted when great minds like tim and Chris insist we do it anyway.

A liberal political musical may still be possible in America as long as the book and lyrics don’t have to march in lock step with positions taken by the backers. Newsies is unabashedly pro-union, though its creator, the Disney Corporation, has had some contentious relations with workers along the way. A conservative musical may not be totally out of the question. Perhaps there’s an Ayn Rand or a NASCAR musical in the works somewhere, but would anyone choose to go of their own free will? In the meantime, we’ll just have to proceed with West Slide Story.

Let your imagination run free.

There is at least one scene in every show where the main character has a moment of realization – something has changed. We need to identify that point, and I think it would be wise to match the Bernstein/Sondheim/Laurents structure and bring it in where Tony finds he has fallen in love with Maria. Except in West Slide Story, Tony realizes he and the ultra-conservative Maria have something in common, so he sings “Agree, ah” and then segues into “You’re Right”.

Agree, ah
I’ve just realized we agree, ah –
– bout something. Now I think
Your politics don’t stink
to me.
Agree, ah
That means that we eye-to-eye see, ah!
And when our thoughts align
I take it as a sign
we’re free!
Agree, ah
Say it loud – I hear donkeys braying
Say it soft – there’ll be elephants spraying
Debris, ah.
But let them protest. We agree, ah!

Maria:
You’re right, you’re right.
I realize you’re right.
You’re right and I think you always were!

Tony:
You’re right, you’re right.
In fact it’s you who’s right.
It tickles me, at last, to defer.

Both:
Give way
And dogma doesn’t dog us.
Our talking points are pointless.
We have no need to fight!
Don’t be uptight
Let’s talk it over dear, without spite
You’re right!

But this is a truce shadowed by ill omens. The Nits and the Snarks have too much invested in continuous warfare to allow romance to break out. After a lot of energetic dancing, some smooching, hand grabbing, fire-escape climbing and a bit of unfortunate gunplay, everybody winds up dead at the end.

Instant classic!

Give us a lyric, a plot point, a character or just a line to add to Left Slide Story.

88 thoughts on “Left Slide Story”

  1. Good morning. I have an idea for two characters to add to the plot. If there are two gangs,one tea party and the other liberal, they should have gang leaders. The leader of the tea party gang would be a friend of Maria and the leader of the other gang would be a friend of Tony.

    Then we would have these leaders giving Maria and Tony all kinds of comical and sad reasons why they can’t get together. Maria would be told things like she is joining with the unborn baby killers and a bunch of losers who want to give handouts to the poor and Tony would be told he would be courting a person who associates with greedy selfish people. However, with a little more thought more outrageous lines can be found for those gang leaders. We have plenty of material to draw on.

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  2. AMERICA
    ROSALIA
    Minnesota
    You lovely iand . . .
    land of topical geezers
    Always Tim Pawlenty crowing,
    Always Michele Bachmann blowing . . .

    ANITA
    Minnesota. . .
    You ugly land . . .
    land of liberal theses.
    Always the Wellstones still going,
    Always the Daytons growing . . .
    And the money owing,
    And Amy Koch crying,
    And the constitution defiling.
    I like the Mainstream
    Can’t even Smoke with the home team!

    OTHERS
    I like to be in America!
    O.K. by me in America!
    Ev’rything free in America
    For a small fee in America!

    ROSALIA
    I like the county of Hennepin.

    ANITA
    I know a LRT you can get on.

    ROSALIA
    Hundreds of flowers in full bloom.

    ANITA
    Hundreds of people in each room!

    ALL
    Automobile in America,
    Chromium steel in America,
    Wire-spoke wheel in America,
    Very big deal in America!

    ROSALIA
    I’ll drive a Buick through Hennepin.

    ANITA
    If there’s a bridge you can drive on.

    ROSALIA
    I’ll give my cousins a free ride.

    ANITA
    How you get all of them inside?

    ALL
    Immigrant goes to America,
    Many hellos in America;
    Nobody knows in America
    We all came to America!

    ROSALIA
    I’ll bring a T.V. to Hennepin.

    Only PBS to turn on!

    ROSALIA
    I’ll give them new exercise machine.

    ANITA
    They’ll need to keep green?

    ALL
    I like the stores of America!
    Comfort is yours in America!
    Knobs on the doors in America,
    Wall-to-wall floors in America!

    ROSALIA
    When I will go back to Hennepin.

    ANITA
    When you will shut up and get gone?

    ROSALIA
    Everyone there will give big cheer!

    ANITA
    Everyone there will have moved here!

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    4. Incredible! You’re clearly a morning person, Beth Ann 🙂 How much coffee have you had this morning? Don’t stop; you’re on a roll . . .

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  3. Rise and Chortle Baboons!

    THis musical needs a setting and a villian, as well as some secondary color characters (with great singing and dancing skills, of course). It also begs for several politicians (read that villians).

    I suggest this be set deep within the 6th District of Minnesota, which is represented by the Villian Politician, a female harridan trained as an attorney, U.S. Representative Richelle Wackman. She is Right Wing. She has recently refused the privelege of Austrian citizenship. Perhaps she is also the mother of the Tea Party Princess, Maria, thus setting up the essential tension for a Right Winger–having to bend, even a little, to accommodate the beloved TPT, Maria.

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    3. Okay, Richelle Wackman works, but what can we come up with as a comical liberal person, Markus Daytoneless?

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      1. Because this is fiction, our Govenor character needs to be constantly enshrined in golden light–perhaps a gold lame (said Lam-A) suit, a name such as Govenor Do-Right, and he stumbles and bumbles like Chevy Chase’s Gerry Ford back in the day.

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    5. I think that Tony might sing this to Maria’s mom to convince her to let him take her out on a date
      Dear Congresswoman Wackman
      You gotta understand.
      It’s just my parents’ defects
      that make me what I am.
      My mother is a commie.
      My father wears a dress.
      Goodness gracious, no wonder I’m a mess.

      Gee Mrs. Wackman, I’m very upset.
      I never had the privileges of Maria’s set.
      Please let her date me,
      I promise to change,
      although right-wingers seem so strange!

      They’re so strange, they’re so strange
      They’re so dog-gone strange
      Those red right wingers seem so strange!

      I have to get to work and this is all I can come up with. I invite anyone to add to this.

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    2. Yes, the two gangs might use these steps as they go up against each other and there could be a scene where Maria and Tony do a special version of this dance as a duo.

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  5. when your a nit
    its a hell of a weight
    from the dawn of the day
    till the night shuts the gate

    when youre a nit
    you feel like you should try
    helping those who have nothing
    find a way to get by

    you feel so alone
    you have so much to do now
    youll never get done
    get those laws to go through now
    got six catholics and three jews now

    theres so much to do
    so much that need correctin
    the money they have
    the rights that need protecting
    wed better start collecting

    the issues they raise
    they wrap a flag around them
    themselves they do praise
    for crap they do abound in

    when youre a nit
    you can stand and be proud
    that the stuff you believe
    you can proclaim out loud

    here come the nits
    just get out of their way
    they are for the 99%
    and they’ll be here all day

    the others may try
    to feather their own nest
    with tax cuts and they cry
    their god knows what is best

    i think their god
    is a tool they employ
    to screw anyone whos
    not their little girl or boy

    the tea party lurks
    the oldsters are a shakin
    the flag wavin jerks
    takovers in the making
    the snarks they are a quaking

    when youre a nit
    its not easy my friend
    to get up in the mornin
    the same message to send

    empower our people
    give right to our brothers
    dont let hate take away
    or make less of some others

    when youre a nit
    you have stand tall
    you have to believe
    in truth for us all
    in truth
    for
    us
    all………………………

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  6. As slide bar vignettes, you could introduce a little background on the two families a la reality TV — Tony’s family farms their organic pick-your-own strawberry farm (clothing optional) and canoe into the Twin Cities coops (portaging down Lake Street and across I35W and I94) while Maria’s family heads into the wild by snow mobile and helicopter, mowing down stray dogs and wolves (they all look alike) from the air with their semi-automatic firearm of choice.

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  7. I wish I had time to work out a complete lyric, since WSS is my all time favorite musical. Bernstein’s score is absolutely brilliant all the way through.

    Lacking the time, I did come up with the idea that there’s got to be one helluva funny set of lyrics to the tune “Gee, Officer Krupke” replacing Krupke with ” Gee, Governor Romney.” I hereby cede my claim on the first dibs for the chance to write that lyric to anyone who gets an inspiration.

    Chris in Owatonna

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  9. A nit like that
    Wants public health care
    Good food for all
    And clean fresh blue air
    One of your own kind
    Stick to your own kiiiind….

    A nit like that
    Would take our pistols
    He’d let folks vote
    And de-nuke missiles
    One of our red mob
    Stick to the red moooob….

    A nit like that
    Wants thing only
    Forget that nit
    He’ll leave you lonely
    One of your own kind
    Stick to your own kiiiind…

    I keep wondering who a good Anybodys would be…perhaps one of the few remaining moderate Dems willing to (horrors!) cross party lines and compromise from time to time?

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    1. A court jester type who can see that the emperor(s) has (have) no clothes? A parody not a polemic since there are cinders enough in each and every eye?

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  10. Great lyrics Beth Ann, Renee, tim and Anna! I’m shaking my head in awe because I can’t do that spur of the moment thing you do with the lyrics and the haiku 🙂

    The two families could live on opposite sides of “The River” with the final confrontation being on the old 35W bridge.

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    1. Oops, sorry Dale and Chris, meant to include you of course! You are ALL at one with Nits and Snarks. This is such a hoot 🙂 Productionwise, costumes could be red/white/blue with flag lapel pins for Snarks, rainbow something for the Nits. Ben and Anna have lighting and sets covered. Sherrilee background research. Edith’s our reality check on street life, the Twin Cities’ gritty underbelly. Barbara’s on choreography.

      Looking out the window, Steve — Sun’s shining, it’s a fine birth day today.

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  11. Great stuff, Baboons. Ane not rhyming so much, but to the tune of “Cool”:

    Chill, chill, people, chill
    Stay cool, folks.
    You don’t need to
    Be the loudest
    Just stop and think now
    Imagine what we all could do
    If we’d slow it down.
    Listen to each other more
    We might even find stuff
    We agree on.

    Chill, chill, people, chill
    Stay cool, folks.
    Start by looking
    In the eyes of
    Someone from that side
    When we do,
    We might learn to compromise now.
    Just play it cool, folks
    Real cool.

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    1. p.s. This would have to be sung by a neutral character – perhaps a famous and beloved journalist who has managed to not reveal his/her political leanings.

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    6. A very happy birthday to you, Steve! I hope you have something special to do today! It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, maybe you can do something outside.

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        1. Bill and I were at the Falls a few days ago and the water’s high and flowing. Have fun and watch your step! Happiest of birthdays 🙂

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        2. Perfect day for an outing at a park, Steve and tim. I’m going to the ball park – have a free ticket to the Twins game. Who knows if they will win or not – but I know this: it CAN’T worse than the one game I went to last year – beat 15-0 by the Dodgers and they played simply atrociously.

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        4. The new ballbark is wonderful. Those people who say “baseball is meant to be played outdoors” are absolutely right. It is SO much better than the Dome.

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        1. It seems like the reward for making it this far is that we would whip around the finish pole and start heading back toward the beginning, getting younger every year instead of older. Well, George Carlin said it better in his piece “Life in Reverse”:

          The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
          I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time.
          What do you get at the end of it?
          A death.
          What’s that, a bonus?
          I think the life cycle is all backwards.
          You should die first; get it out of the way.
          Then you live in an old age home.
          You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch,
          you go to work.
          You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement.
          You drink alcohol, you party,
          you get ready for high school.
          You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb,
          You spend your last nine months floating…
          Then you finish off as an orgasm.

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    8. Happy Birthday Jim. Maybe you and Tim could do a birthday dance at the falls, practice your electric slide—just not too close to the water.

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  13. I think you’ve just described the plot to The Curious Case of Benjamin Button? I, too, so wish that I had the wisdom and ability to live in the present twenty years sooner.

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    2. Wouldn’t you know it – my friends invited me to stay with them for a couple of days/nights, and in a fit of childless/husbandless spontaneity, I took them up on it. And I ended up missing this whole thing! 😦 I’ll look it over now and see how it went, but just from the quick scan I did so far, it looks like there were some great contributions to the saga tim dreamed up. Sorry I missed it all. I’m bummed!

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  15. I’m pretty left of center but in the interest of fairness, I have an Occupy story. Some of the O folks built a yurt-like structure in a side yard on my block , named it A Healthy Human Village or something close to that. The group planned an elaborate weekend of meetings, some aimed at including the people on the block to address how we could be better neighbors, create better community and work together to help each other. They flyered the block. Whaaat, the young woman from that house has not shoveled her sidewalk in 2 years. Another trouble was they scheduled our meeting at the same hour as a previously planned baby shower for a single mom who is low-income and very much in need of help.

    Sometimes too many meetings, too much talk, not enough living the change. dreaming the dream, not living it.

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    1. Agreed, Nan. I’d hate to think they’re all hat and no cattle, as they say in the southwest, so some productive action would be a welcome thing.

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  16. Daughter just informed me that her political party at Girls’ State has nominated her as their candiate for governor.

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      1. Given the quality of Baboon cleaverness, I think that any Baboon help would be so unfair as to provide an unfair advantage and constitute a political dirty trick. Thank you, anyway.

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        2. Oh, I’m not trying to be polite and dismissive. These ND girls need to get tough and fight their own battles.

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