Beechly Distances Himself

Today’s post comes from 9th District Congressman Loomis Beechly, representing all the water surface area in the state.

Congressman Beechly believes in Floater ID

Greetings, Constituents!

I have been pressured by some of you to make a formal statement regarding Rep. Michele Bachmann’s recent charge that Islamists have an undue amount of influence at the highest levels of the administration.

The people who want me to say something about it have noted that other members of Congress have already denounced her as a lazy and careless alarmist who is not interested in the truth, but will lunge for the opportunity to repeat any piece of petty balderdash that demeans another person as long as it supports the flawed narrative she’s trying to sell the American people.

But of course I would never criticize another member of Congress so harshly, even if a genuine war hero like Senator John McCain is providing cover for me. I have made a pledge to myself to not be nasty or judgmental. These are hard things for a Congressman to not do, but I’m committed to avoiding them.

In keeping with that core value of mine, I will decline the opportunity to say incendiary things like “she’s raving mad,” or “this smacks of McCarthyism.”

The McCarthyism claim is one I particularly will not make, because even a single mention of McCarthy can be quite damaging to a person’s reputation. Not only that, but every additional reference to McCarthy makes it worse. In fact, the more McCarthy’s name is mentioned in close proximity to any member of Congress (not just Michele Bachmann), the deeper the hole that’s dug, McCarthy-wise. Some think McCarthy was misunderstood and wasn’t all that bad, really. But putting McCarthy’s name alongside someone like Michele Bachmann’s, like Bachmann = McCathy, is simply wrong, and I won’t do it.

So much of what goes on in Washington DC today is like this – all a big fuss about trying to catch someone saying something that’s indefensible. This game of “gotcha” is an enormous waste of time on both sides of the aisle, and I’m proud to be the sort of Congressman who won’t involve you in such obviously partisan quarrels.

Instead, you can count on me to be your Representative of midwestern fairness and decency in Washington, DC. I will continue to resist the temptation to say provocative things about my opponents, and I will be totally transparent with you about the despicable charges I am being urged to make, but won’t.

Your most decent and humble servant,
Hon. Loomis Beechly

Hmmm. Sounds like the Congressman is trying to avoid getting muddy by denying that he is doing what he is doing while he is doing it. But most of the district (all the water surface area in the state) is built on mud. Will the 9th Districters buy it?

How do you feel about mud?

65 thoughts on “Beechly Distances Himself”

  1. Good morning. What do you mean? Are you talking about mud slinging? That could be fun as long as it doesn’t get too rough and I’m not wearing my good clothes. Also, please do it outside. I try not to bring any mud into my house.


  2. i think congressman beechlys commitment not to comment on bachmann mccarthytie ins is very admirable. i would never stop the mccarthy comparisons myself but if he feels like saying her similarities to mccarthy should not be mentioned because it would be low i have to admire him. not to say mccarthy=bachmann is the right thing to do for him. for me bachmann = mccarthy is ok


  3. Rise and Shine Baboons!

    I am pro mud in moderate quantities. However’ mud in moderate quantities seems impossible in this period of political and climactic extremes. I am especially pro mud now in the absence of enough rain. I am opposed to mudslides, eating mud pies, and mud slinging, (this includes poo-ish mud slinging, as well). Mud facials are very pleasant at the proper time and place.


  4. mud is very important to the well being of the river bottoms. the mississippi would be much less than it is without the mississippi mud of fame and fortune. mudd was an excellent newscaster back in the 60’s, dr mudd was a good bad guy and heres mud in your eye is one of my favorite toasts. without mud baths the exotic massage therapy industry would need to swithch to hummas baths and that feels like a waste of hummas. i think mud is important to our overall well being kind of like thermos.


  5. It surprises me that MB is still harping on Islam when the Republican front runner belongs to a religious sect that isn’t really, in the strict sense of the word, even a Christian denomination. I wonder if she knows or understands the theological implications.


    1. I was going to try to tell her that Mormons are trying to infiltrate the government, too.
      Rode by kids going to summer school and am now worried that Moslems are trying to infiltrate Jefferson Elementary School.


  6. Of course Bachmann is not the type that would sling mud, right? It would mess up her hair. How can any one, including McCain, think that she would sink to getting involved in mud slinging, or am I mistaken? Maybe she is involved in mud slinging, but we can’t tell because she is coated with teflon, following the example of Ronald Ragan, and any mud that comes back at her just slides off.


  7. I’m so pro-mud that I think mud wrestling should be an olympic sport. Can’t imagine why it isn’t. They could have it in the vicinity of the beach volleyball. Speaking of beach volleyball, where on earth are they having the beach volleyball games in London? Hmmm!


  8. I would make so bold as to remind Congressman Beechly that while eschewing mud-slinging is all very fine and well (not to mention, Minnesota nice), there does come a time when silence tips over from politeness to something as sinister as consent.

    an oldie, but a goodie from They Might be Giants-hope I’ve got the embed right-got to dash-on aged Aunt duty.


    1. In keeping with today’s topic and our recent weather, a good easy dessert that could make anyone look like the best dessert maker—Mississippi Mud Ice Cream Pie Recipe.


    2. Clyde, I think it would be difficult to figure out who is the best dessert-maker in this group. I used to think I was an excellent dessert-maker, but from the few Baboon gatherings where I’ve been, I would guess I’m somewhere in the middle of the pack. When I taste one superb dessert, the next one is just as good or better. From the baboon desserts I’ve tasted, I would say that the baboons know one secret of good cooking: ingredients matter. That’s why there were 4 rhubarb desserts (or was it more?) at the May book club gathering – using fresh ingredients, in season, and other good quality ingredients (real butter and good chocolate as examples), and cooking with care and some imagination make for a lot of good food – including good desserts.


  9. A little mud never hurt anyone. I like teaching little kids the finer points of digging in the dirt with a little water added.

    Although, I do have memories of summer mud ball fights that turned ugly when some bigger bad boy would throw one packed with gravel—the little kids would scatter and the big boys would battle it out . Sorta like snowballs packed with ice chunks. Justice did not always prevail. Bachlady seems to have done away with the mud and is trying to incite a stoning, ugliness at its best/worst.

    Not really OT. Last night, Letterman had an amazing rant against fracking.


  10. Mud can be fun – in moderation and if you’re not too dressed up (or if you care about your clothes). Squelch, squelch, squelch – splashing in the puddles and mud was one of the delights of childhood.

    I’m hoping that the mud will have moderated when I go here next week:

    (and, yes, I will be staying in one of the houses in that picture.)


      1. I’m guessing the deck – that beautiful, glorious deck, where I liked to read – is trash now. Luckily, my sister moved next door – her neighbor is out of the country for a few more weeks – and that house did not sustain the damage that my sister’s house (bottom left of the photo) did – 8-10 inches of water in the house (no basement, no 2nd floor). I suspect that when I’m not helping my mom sort through her junk, er, I mean her belongings, that i will be helping my sister sort and pack stuff to move to a rental place. Not lots of time for reading…


        1. Yeah, I’m pretty sure many people who live along the banks of the lovely St. Louis River are not big fans of mud anymore.


  11. Mud

    Mud is Beauty in the making,
    Mud is melody awaking;
    Laughter, leafy whisperings,
    Butterflies with rainbow wings;
    Baby babble, lover’s sighs,
    Bobolink in lucent skies;
    Ardours of heroic blood
    All stem back to Matrix Mud.

    Mud is mankind in the moulding,
    Heaven’s mystery unfolding;
    Miracles of mighty men,
    Raphael’s brush and Shakespear’s pen;
    Sculpture, music, all we owe
    Mozart, Michael Angelo;
    Wonder, worship, dreaming spire,
    Issue out of primal mire.

    In the raw, red womb of Time
    Man evolved from cosmic slime;
    And our thaumaturgic day
    Had its source in ooze and clay . . .
    But I have not power to see
    Such stupendous alchemy:
    And in star-bright lily bud
    Lo! I worship Mother Mud.

    Robert William Service


  12. Poem to Mud

    Poem to mud –
    Poem to ooze –
    Patted in pies, or coating the shoes.

    Poem to slooze –
    Poem to crud –
    Fed by a leak, or spread by a flood.
    Wherever, whenever, whyever it goes,
    Stirred by your finger or strained by your toes,
    There’s nothing sloppier, slipperier, floppier,
    There’s nothing slickier, stickier, thickier,
    There’s nothing quickier to make grown-ups sickier,
    Trulier coolier,
    Than wonderful mud.

    Zilpha Keatley Snyder


  13. Mud is very nice to feel
    All squishy-squash between the toes!
    I’d rather wade in wiggly mud
    Than smell a yellow rose.

    Nobody else but the rosebush knows
    How nice mud feels
    Between the toes.

    by Polly Chase Boyden, from My little book of Poems, a little golden book I still have for some reason (and found!) .


  14. I have a confession to make (my muddy little secret): I’m the most prolific mud-slinging liberal on the Strib boards several hours a day! My mud ranges from eloquent, above-the-fray, rational and substantive all the way down to smelling like that which pigs produce. Day after day, I suffer under the delusion that my efforts to reveal the insanity of the fanatical wingers just may change a mind or two. Worse, that I’m “educating” the masses who, were it not for my tenacity, would be doomed to ignorance and reactivity. At least I’m aware that it’s a delusion. I usually post under the Opinion and Politics sections, using “Crystalbay”. Just lately, I’ve been signing off on each post with “OBAMA/BIDEN 2012” just to further incite the rabid right.

    It’s a marvelous waste of time of which I happen to have too much. It’s also a gutless way of feeling politically active while staying safely anonymous. I’m also an avid mud-watcher on Huffington Post and all four cable news channels. When an election season draws to end, I go through decompression depression. Yesterday’s mud, when viewed objectively, was amazing: Limburger shouted, “Obama hates America!!”, followed by that old dog Sununnu shouting, “Obama’s NOT an American!!”, and ultimately ending up with Runfromney declaring, ” Obama believes in foreign concepts, not American ones!” I learned from this chain-reaction of slander and racism that Rush is really the poisonous head of the Get Obama Party snake, not Mittens.

    The truly frightening thing about Shelly B. is that she genuinely believes every word out of her permanently grinning mouth! Her hysterical, there’s an unAmeican under every rock meme knows no bounds. What’s most alarming is that the Egyptians who pelted Hillary’s limo while shouting, “Monica, Monica, Monica” (thinking that would be the most insulting thing they could yell) were interviewed after the incident and found to have gotten their twisted information about America siding with the Muslim Brotherhood from – guess who -Bachmann and Glen Beck via the internet! Now then, when bat shit crazy Shelly’s attention-grubbing actions spark international rage, we have a real problem. Seriously. Perhaps the investigations she’s repeatedly demanded to detect unAmericans should be lazer-focused on HER?!

    I’d best take leave from this incredibly civilized, sane forum and resume my job of combating the forces of evil on the Strib board now🙂


    1. I’m a little envious, Cb – I don’t know enough, and am not articulate in any political arena, and lack vehemence. I think you’re providing a much needed service – keep it up.


      1. Today, I’m vehemently pushing back on: Romney’s refusal to be transparent; the photo ID amendment; the lie that “there’s no war on women”; and the anti-gay marriage amendment. And that’s just this morning’s servings. The clear “advantage” I possess is that my brain is overflowing with the superficial trash-talk of today’s media stream, therefore, I’ve grown skilled at meeting the wingers with substantive responses! I’m not proud of this skill, but I’m good at using it. By the way, I wouldn’t recommend that any of you waste your time and intelligence on such mindless efforts.


  15. Greetings! Just moved and have no internet, so I’m at the library checking in. I miss you all so much! Now that we’re moved I hope to have a little time to blog a bit. My time is nearly up and supper awaits at home. Ta-ta!


  16. The end of “The Creation”
    by James Weldon Johnson
    One of my favorite poems.

    Up from the bed of the river
    God scooped the clay;
    And by the bank of the river
    He kneeled Him down;
    And there the great God Almighty
    Who lit the sun and fixed it in the sky,
    Who flung the stars to the most far corner of the night,
    Who rounded the earth in the middle of His hand;
    This Great God,
    Like a mammy bending over her baby,
    Kneeled down in the dust
    Toiling over a lump of clay
    Till He shaped it in His own image;

    Then into it He blew the breath of life,
    And man became a living soul.
    Amen. Amen.


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