Today’s post comes from Ninth District Congressman Loomis Beechly, representing all the water surface area in Minnesota, which actually covers a lot of (wet) ground.
Representing all the water surface area is a perfect job for me. When I was a kid I stole my dad’s pontoon and went joyriding. The Lake Patrol came and got me and they pretended they were going to lock me in jail. I did them one better – I pretended I was excited about becoming a ward of the state, and they backed off.
I love debates because it’s so much like going out on the lake in a boat. There’s lots of wind and you circle for hours.
But one thing you have to be sure you’ve got down pat before you participate in a debate is a good Opening Statement. Experts call it your “Elevator Speech” – a one minute summary of who you are and what you’re about. They say you’d better give up running for office if you don’t have one of these ready to go. But I’ve never understood that because I managed to get elected without one! But I wrote something anyway.
Here it is.
Hi, I’m Loomis Beechly and I’m asking for your vote to represent the 9th district in Congress. I could tell you that I’m the best person in the world for this job, but we both know that’s not true. There are lots of nice folks who would be excellent Members of Congress, but they’re not running and I am.
I could tell you that I’m just like you, and that I will do what you would do if you went to Washington in my place. But that’s impossible. Only you can be you. I have to be me. Some days, I can barely pull that off, but I promise I will always, always try.
They say I should have clear talking points on every issue, but I just can’t remember what my positions are supposed to be and so I’ll always say whatever comes into my head. Some people argue that this makes me unfit for office, but I disagree. Yes, I’m inconsistent, but I’ve always been that way. It’s true that I sometimes have changeable policies, but that’s my way of fully representing every single person in my district. People’s views vary. It’s my goal to be in complete agreement with each of my constituents for at least one minute during the course of my service. Maybe the timing will work out and I’ll cast an important vote during the sixty seconds I totally agree with YOU!
I know it’s not the usual bio, but that’s who I am and I hope that’s good enough to convince you to give me your boat.
I mean your vote.
So that’s my speech. If we get caught in an elevator somewhere on the campaign trail over the next few weeks, now you already know what I’m going to say. Unless something else comes to mind!
See you on the campaign trail,
What’s YOUR opening statement?