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Not The Boss of Me!

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Today’s post comes from perennial sophomore Bubby Spamden.

Hey, Mr. C.!

I was thinking of you today in homeroom because Mr. Boozenporn forces us to talk about The News of the Day. Once each week every student in the room is supposed to get up and talk for five minutes about something they heard or read or saw in the media, so just like real journalists (you?), we have to put on our Serious Faces and Pretend We’re Interested.

Anyway, there’s this one kid, Ahmad, who always talks about stuff going on in other countries, and today he started going on about what’s happening in Egypt with the president there. I guess the country’s new leader, Mr. Morsi, just got up one day last week and announced that he’d decided something important about his decisions – that from now until sometime in the future nobody can un-decide him, not even the courts. Ahmad called it a power grab, and believe it or not, something about that just kind of clicked with me and I didn’t have to pretend to be interested anymore.

Because I didn’t know you could do that! That’s awesome!

I’ve been kind of pushing back against authority my whole life, but always in subtle, smart-alecky ways. And I think in a bid to turn me around, Ms. Flippen got me appointed a bus cop, so I have some responsibility now on the bus to enforce the rules and watch over the younger kids. And it is kind of cool to have some power and some status, but it bugs me that I’m still not the biggest boss on the bus. I have to obey Mr. Ralphs, the driver, and he’s a control freak. He’s always looking in the mirror! Isn’t he supposed to look forward sometimes?

What I’d really like to do is what Morsi did – just tell everybody how it’s going to be. Mr. Ralphs just drives the bus – I’m the only law that matters from the yellow “Don’t Cross This Line While the Bus Is Moving” line all the way back to the emergency exit. I’ll make all the calls, and I dare them to try to tell me otherwise.

Of course, Morsi’s got thousands of people marching around in the streets of Cairo, doing just that. But I figure if I’m sly about it and don’t come out with it as an announcement but just think the new rules and keep it inside my head, I’ll be able to get away with a total one-man revolution!

What do you think? Should I try it?

Your pal,
Bubby

I told Bubby the more power one grabs, the less easy one rests. Shakespeare wrote about that pretty much nonstop. But if he can keep the political insurrection inside his brain and not go blabbing to everybody about his superior powers, Bubby will probably just come off as smug and self-important, which doesn’t make a guy stand out in a crowd these days. Par for the course, as they say.

Thousands of people are in the streets, chanting that you’re a tyrant. What do you say (or do) to change their minds?

81 thoughts on “Not The Boss of Me!”

  1. I’d create nation-wide infrastructure projects and employ thousands. I’d establish research grants for discovering the cancer genome. I’d organize a movement to alleviate environmental crises and make the US the leader for addressing climate change. I’d provide funding for 100,000 new teachers and pass immigration reform. I’d completely reform and simplify the tax codes, making sure to eliminate those parts of the code which allow large corporations and wealthy individuals to evade taxes. I’d push for ACA to morph into single-payor health care. I’d immediately bring the troops home and quadruple mental health services and jobs programs for the veterans.

    If all of these progressive changes didn’t quiet the angry masses, I’d move to Denmark.

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    1. I like what you propose to do, but you better pick another country of refuge because you’re gonna need it. I hear it is hell to learn Danish.

      What’s wrong with your answer is that you give WAY too much credit to the public. You face a crisis in public relations, and wise governance doesn’t seem likely to fix that. Your proposed actions are all honorable and smart in the long run, which means that in the short run the opposition is going to eat your lunch. You are serving the public broccoli, when we all know they really want free pizza and beer.

      Your plan to simplify taxes could be popular, Free cable TV and high speed internet would be better. Make sure all those teachers are called the “Crystalbay teachers” (like the “Clinton cops”). The nation badly needs mass transit infrastructure, but what the masses want is sports stadia. And if all of that doesn’t make you popular, invent a beef against some small nation and send the troops in to kick butt. That usually works.

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      1. Don’t worry, Cb, no need to learn Danish; most Danes speak English.

        That said, I’m afraid Steve is right. For some reason that I can’t wrap this old brain around, some extremely rich and powerful people (and remember corporations are people!) in this country aren’t interested in the long-run. How else do we explain their exploitation and pollution of the planet? How else do we explain their opposition to just about everything that would improve the quality of life for millions of other people? It’s really too depressing to think about first thing in the morning. I think I’ll have another cup of tea and listen to Radio Heartland.

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        11. Didn’t quite succeed in that, tim. What you said was “look at that Barb.” I thought you were trying to say something else.

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        12. sometimes it loses something in translation. i remember hearing a speaker talking about how he was on stage in china and he made the comment that he go bent out of shape and the translator could not wrap their brain around the expression.

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        13. I get emails in Danish from family and friends in Denmark all the time. Ever service minded, Google offers a free translation of those emails to English which I sometime avail myself of, and the translations are more often than not very amusing.

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      1. I never said it was within the realm of possibility! Today’s question simply provided a launching pad for my pent up idealism and delusional hope for this country. I’m realistic enough to know that anything that interferes with greed (profits) is going to be fought tooth and toenail (where the hell did that expression come from??).

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        1. tooth and nail is the way i heard it like biting and scratching implied.
          i like your idealism cb. hope the essence of your wish list is the basis for the push forward. thats about the best we can hope for in boehner world

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  2. Good morning. So, people are in the street because they think I am a tyrant? I guess I am out of luck. The only really good way to end this is to quit. Maybe it would be good to do some negotiating before quitting. I would like safe passage and some money for retirement. I don’t think that would be too much to ask unless I have done something really terrible that provoked the demonstrations. They should be glad to do that for me if they believe they are getting rid of a tyrant. It would bring an end to a bad situation that no one wants. If they will not negotiate I think it would be time to leave by some secret route.

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  3. Morning all! Just got caught up on the last few days of Trail – Nonny and I were busy busy busy this past week. Thanks for all the suggestions on how to get her to move up here. Unfortunately Mother Nature walloped all our good intentions. The snow blowing straight sideways followed by the plummeting temperatures on Thanksgiving didn’t help the cause!

    Like Jim, I would probably throw in the towel quickly if the crowds were calling for my head. Turn over the great seal and the keys to the oval office to someone else and head for the lake!

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    1. VS, maybe Nonny is the wise one. When the cold weather really sets in, I know I will start wondering why I live here.

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  4. I have been a boss and a teacher; I know what it is to be called a tyrant. I’ve known a Bubby or two in my life, kind of got a kick out of them, not that I would let them know that I did. My junior and senior students used to watch me with my ninth grade students and ask why I was a tyrant with the ninth graders and quite the opposite with them. I used to tell the juniors and seniors to watch the ninth graders for awhile. After that they would always say 1) they got it and 2) they were glad they were not like that in ninth grade. Usually at least one of their classmates would start reminding them of their behavior.
    One very long doctor visit today. Hoping to get in some riding time around it. So nice to have the exercise room.

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    1. When I was working as a substitute teacher the ninth graders were included in the high school and middle school was made up of seventh and eighth graders. Eighth graders were the hardest to handle because they seemed to think they should be treated like adults while still often being very childish. They made a big improvement in their behavior when they moved up to high school as ninth graders because they were surrounded by older students who were not impressed by childish behavior.

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  5. i think the proclaimation to have one man rule is a good idea if the one man is the right guy. give it to dick cheny and you have a problem. i dont know how else you go forward in a stalemate. we have dems and republicans, other countries have 5 ,6,7 minority parties and the discussion on getting something done is like a getting a vegetarian menu put together for an nra banquet. no one cares at all about that topic they only want to discuss their stuff.i think you explain that you are wrong regularly and that these may not be the correct answers but that something has to be done. go with steves idea of pizza, cable tv and free internet for the masses and tell them we will straighten the rest out later but for now we need to go forward.
    if obama could just do it it would be interesting to see how the masses would react after it was done. if bush had been allowed to do what they wanted it would have been interesting to see what the reaction would have been. watch out what you wish for. in china they have 100 year plans not 2 year plans until the next election. there is something broken here in the good old u s of a and i hope we fix it soon

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    2. I understand that minor parties do play an important role in Germany. They have very little chance of winning enough votes to play a big role, but they are heard and what they say does get consideration. I don’t know a lot about this. I think the minor parties, such as the Green Party, should have been included in the Presidential debates.

      The secret memos released by Wikileaks revealed a lot of information that the public should have. Instead of admitting that information is being withheld and making some changes, the administration is going after people who leak information that shouldn’t be kept secret. Presidents in this country seem to want behave as if they are monarchs and that isn’t good.

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      1. Many European governments are often formed by two, sometimes three parties in coalition. If the party that won the election doesn’t have enough votes to give them a mandate they must chose another party with whom to co-govern that will allow them to reach the required majority. Sometimes this creates some rather strange coalitions. It’s a much more flexible (and some would argue unstable and chaotic) system, but somehow it works. It certainly assures that more voices are heard.

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        1. here we call it the gop. they have 1%-5% rich guys then add guns , god, anti gay andti mexican anti tax anti jew and muslem anti black and gay, anti anything other than old white guys and people who aspire to be old white guys.

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  6. Let them eat (zucchini) cake! My mom’s recipe to be exact. Chocolate chips and lots of cinnamon. I have found it to be an excellent bribe in the past, I’m sure it would appease the masses. And it probably would work decently with gluten-free flour of some stripe. A zucchini Bundt in every pot, er, cake plate!

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        2. If you don’t make it for us, we’re going to gather in the street and chant that you’re a tyrant. So watch out.

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  7. Our local police department has come up with a novel idea for placating the restless masses of oil workers in town who have exponentially increased the number of bar fights. The police department has determined that overcrowding in the bars is the reason people are fighting with each other so much, and if we only had more bars, there would be fewer bar fights. Brilliant deduction or specious logic?

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    1. Husband says that is the North Dakota solution to the world’s problems-drill another well, build another bar, play another polka.

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      2. Funny.
        I used to say that the excuse for a tiny town in Northern MN is bar. In southern MN it’s a church. In the Dakotas it’s a grain elevator.

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    3. does the local police chief have a brother looking for a liquor license? i think they could determine who gets it by decree and become the new big shots in the towns

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      1. Liquor licenses are available depending on the population. Population hasn’t increased so as to make for more licenses. Maybe we should just pay to enlarge the existing bars.

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        1. my guess is that they will do that themselves. just start charging 1000 a call for police intervention in fights and the bars will hire a few more bouncers and/or the town can win on this deal too with an extra 10 or 20 thousand per night per week on the drunk tank consession

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        2. Any fight that takes place inside the bar has to be dealt with by the bouncers. The parking lots are in police jurisdiction, and the bouncers won’t intervene.

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        3. Morning–
          A former Rochester cop who was on the force from the mid ’50’s – mid ’70’s said they took their time getting to the bar fights because that way it might be over before they got there. And when you did go in, you kept their head down and got in and out as quick as possible. And you left your hat in the car because the patrons would gang up on them if given a chance. And if your hat got knocked off you didn’t pick it up because that’s when they’d jump you.
          Times have changed.

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        4. A colleague and I were watching out his window after school as the buses were loading. We saw one of the nicest and sometimes-picked-on kids beating the daylights out of one of the meanest boys in school. It was an easy guess how it had started. We were very slow to get outside to stop it.

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  8. You say “I am the MOM, and when you grow up you can make your own decisions.” It will at least make them stop and think for a minute.

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  9. An observation from living in general and from the years of teaching and pastoring: those who spend their life denying that anyone will boss them are almost always bossed by their emotions.

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    1. i bet you have more interesting observations than you could shake a stick at. used to love robert fulgham and his observations put in bite size digestible ditties.

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  10. My son and husband have been calling me “Dr. Bossypants” lately. Things just make more sense of people do what I say! Isn’t that reasonable?

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    1. Edith,
      We’ve used that trick on the townboard / zoning board. The people making the most noise we approach about joining the board.
      Sometimes it doesn’t work… 🙂

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  12. OT – In response to your question yesterday, PJ: the flight I booked is literally the only one out of Mpls the day of the cruise & I can’t afford to fly in the night before because of hotel costs. Also, my daughter can barely eek out five days. I did, however, think of a way to save at least half an hour, thus insuring touchdown to the Port of Miami before the ship sails: skip checked in luggage and cram everything into carry-on bags!! As soon as I envisioned this, my anxiety diminished considerably 🙂

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    1. Good plan,Cb, just keep in mind the limited size of things like sun-tan lotion, etc. that you are allowed to have in your carry-on luggage. Here’s the handy dandy rule:

      3-1-1 For Carry-on
      Toiletries (and other liquids, gels, lotions, etc.) must each be in a 3-ounce container (or smaller);
      Pack these items together in a 1 quart-sized, clear, plastic, Zip-top bag;
      1 such bag per passenger is allowed, and must be removed from your carry-on bag and placed in a bin to go through the screening machine.

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      1. Thank you so much for this tip, PJ!!! I’ll email it to the girls right away. My one infamous trip to Cabo (time share story), I was about to go through customs with a little bag of baby powder (used in my shoes to prevent sticking). My travel mate saw this in my purse and demanded that I trash it immediately rather than risk having the agents suspecting it was cocaine. I swear, if anyone can screw things up, it’s me! One more question for you: the cruise allows each person to bring a small bottle of wine on board. How does this – or does this – work with a carry-on bag??

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        1. You have to buy the wine after you’ve gone through security. You can bring it on the plane but NOT through security.

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        2. And the ship probably has free toiletries so you don’t have to worry about packing shampoo and soap and stuff.

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  13. OT: Another very rough night last night but we managed to avoid the ER. Much better today. So good we went out and bought her Christmas present. A month ago we had to have her wedding ring cut off, not a small task since our matching bands are very wide and very thick. And ten years ago when we could afford such things I bought her a diamond. Today we arranged to have the ring resized (tricky business, deciding what size with her swollen knuckles which can change size) and the diamond set in it.

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