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Ask Dr. Babooner

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Ann_Landers baboon

Dear Dr. Babooner,

I confess that it is now less than a week before Christmas and I haven’t done any shopping. At all.

There is some small comfort in the news that millions of people wait until the last minute, but the stress of not having any gifts selected at this point in the swirling holiday maelstrom is eating me alive!

Things are moving too fast and there’s a real chance Christmas Day will arrive and when it comes time to exchange the presents, I will have nothing to give and will appear to be a selfish, thoughtless procrastinator.

But that’s not true! I think a lot!

I’m constantly flipping through the catalogs in my head, trying to match up appropriate items with important individuals. But it’s too late to order gifts online and there’s no guarantee that I’m going to find what I want when I finally get to a store. What if the colors and sizes I need are out of stock? What if the items themselves only exist in my imagination? They say it’s the thought that counts, but I can’t give people any of the frantic, desperate thoughts I’ve been having about Christmas giving – that would be cruel.

I can’t sleep, the colorful decorations seem bland and cheerless, and food has no taste. I worry that people will judge me harshly if my gift seems hastily chosen. And yet at this point, that’s the only kind of gift I can possibly buy.

I’m afraid I am bound to lose at the Game of Christmas.

Should I make a last ditch attempt to pull this one out, or just go to the bank now and ask for a wad of cash?

Ty M. Sup

I told Ty that he had already lost the moment he started to think of Christmas giving as a game. It’s not a game, it’s an obligation – like taking out the trash or paying your taxes. It is best to take this very, very seriously. At this point, the best strategy is to buy generic items from big stores where the items can be returned for something the recipient really wants. It’s almost the same as giving cash, but the fact that you chose something, lame as it is, provides a sufficient facade. The time to start planning for next year is NOW.

But that’s just one opinion. What do YOU think, Dr. Babooner?

104 thoughts on “Ask Dr. Babooner”

  1. Morning all. Perfect topic for me as I am completely committed to being ahead of the holiday game – I am usually done w/ all my holiday “chores” by the beginning of December so I can spend the month going to parties and eating cookies!

    I say instead of going to a big box store and getting generic gifts at this late date… make some coupons for your friends/family for outings with you that they would enjoy. “This coupon good for one trip to the Arborteatum” or “This coupon good for a long walk around the lake with a stop for ice cream”, “This coupon good for one tissue-filled chick flick”, etc. Then it’s all about your relationship and not about the big box label!

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    1. My parents went through a phase where they were too busy for last minute shopping and would cut out pictures of stuff they would get us but it never arrived in real life After a couple of years of this I gave my parents a picture of a rolls Royce and a pile of money for their anniversary . They got it. No more pictures of gifts that wouldn’t appear after that.

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  2. Good morning. Tell them that you are against the commercialism of Christmas. It is really the thought that counts and not the present. Give out hugs instead of presents. Can you do that? Probably not.

    There should still be a fairly good selection of books and recorded music available. In fact, you might have recordings and books that were given to you that you could wrap. Try to make sure you don’t give any of those books or recordings back to the person who gave it to you.

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  3. My wife has two methods. Life in general is best illustrated by her “I’m taking a shower method.” She announces “I am taking a shower” about three times. If she did it on the first two announcements, she would be on time. For Christmas it is her “I am done shopping method.” She first announces that in about the middle of October. Her twelfth announcement comes on 12/ 26. She is done every time she says it, proudly. It is only that she is such a giving person she cannot stop. She is the one person who maybe should start shopping about now, except she gets so much fun out of her 6 month Christmas.
    BTW: tell yim I am no longer speaking to him.

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      2. Does yim have the right to call you that if you ARE a fatass Clyde? Are you angry because his description is false . . . or because it is accurate? I ask this as a strictly neutral party who has never seen your pants or your ass.

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  4. Make donations in your loved ones’ names – go to a site like Heifer International and buy someone a share of a goat. Maybe give some pennies to a small theater company for Uncle Jim who likes to sing Rogers and Hammerstein tunes or pay for a few books to be purchased by your local library system for Sister Wilhemina who never travels without at least 2 paperbacks. If there are kiddies under 10, hit a locally owned toy store – the little ones will be less excited by a donation to the International Foundation for the Exploration of the Angle of the Hypotenuse than perhaps your big brother Ed – stuff the kids can build with is almost always a hit, and you’re bound to find something age appropriate for each one in that “build something” genre (who knows, they may grow up to be engineers who will give their own money to the IFEAH).

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      1. Well, the members of the IFEAH are all extremely introverted, so mostly when they meet, they sit in different corners of the room and only communicate by instant message/skype. I believe their next meeting will be on 1/7/13 (they also like prime numbers).

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  5. It’s hard to mandate being nice. For some even though that mandate cones every year with exactly the same expectations the surprise and poor response is an annual occurrence. My guess is that the sup family knows Ty has a problem and that he will play this little woe is me tune as long as it works. My suggestion for Ty is to stop lying to yourself saying you want to do it. If you did it would be done, truth is you get your presents and don’t have to do anything in return. The whole spirit of Christmas is lost on sorry whining echo chambers like you Ty. Go to the table grab a pencil and a sheet of paper and write down everyone that is looking forward to agift from you. Now write down a list of the people you are looking forward to receiving a gift from. If it feels ok you are set if you feel like maybe you are disappointed or disappointing deal with it. My guess is no one expects much from you. The sorry attempt at some lame last minute fill in has your name written all over it but why not just give everyone a subscription to national geographic. Make the world a place where when your name is mentioned national geographic comes to mind instead of gift cards to target that don’t come to mind. When I started working with my dad we would go out at Christmas to the buyers houses and drop off booze, bottle of chives regal bottle of crown royal. One buyer said in the middle of the summer when we called for an appointment, when i think of the jones’ i think of chivas regal and crown royal, not all bad…The buyers would invite you in for a drink! Meet the family an share good cheer, today that is bribery and you cant buy coffee without being accused of collusion. I used to find out some of the toughest old crusty buyers had nice lives out in the real world and having a coffee for 10 minutes a year made all the difference. The traditions of Christmas can make or bury your season. You choose.

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  6. While I have done very little to prepare the house for Christmas, I am ahead of the game for gifts, as we are having our main gift opening on the 29th, when son and DIL will arrive from Fargo. Daughter was very disappointed with me for forgetting to do anything for her for St. Nicholas day, so I plan to make that up to her on this weekend. It sure takes the stress off of having everything ready for the 25th if you celebrate St. Nicholas Day and give gifts on the 6th. I plan to give friends and coworkers homemade jelly and cookies next week, again after Christmas Day. I just try not to get too het up over having every thing ready for the 25th. After all, isn’t it the 12 days of Christmas, not just the 1 day of Chrismas?

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  7. I suppose a person could get out of all the busyness and hysteria of early December by observing the spirit of Advent, which is supposed to be a time of solemn reflection and contemplation of the end times. Why buy material goods when you are thinking about your death?

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  8. For our kids we celebrated every day of Advent with a gift to them or to a charity. My daughter now does St. Nicholas Day with her kids. She ordered chocolate coal for it.
    Our pastor told a story of a family that has the best tradition I have ever heard. Many years ago Grandma gave everyone $50 on 12/1 and said that on Christmas they were to tell how they had used the money to make someone’s life better. They have kept up the tradition, now each using their own money at their own amount. He said they do not open the presents until the stories are told and that over time people have made the giving more personal, they have not just given it to a third party to use.

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      1. As I have said before, my wife had a great childhood, celebrating two Christmases, Lutheran and Russian, for which, as a bonus, she often got out of school. the Russians also make a large issue of Epiphany. So her childhood Christmas lasted a long time. Unfortunately that included more chances for her drunk father to make things bad.

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    2. Excellent idea!

      At our house we have a “24 days to Solstice” advent calendar that I made several years ago. Each day is a little decorated container that you can tuck a coin or a candy into. This year, every thing that I can find that interests a teenager is bigger than the little tin, so every day now there is a post note saying “check the napkin drawer” or “look in the piano bench”. Advent calendar/scavenger hunt!

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      3. I’m glad that there are multiple ways to celebrate the holidays that are enjoyed by people of all kinds. My preference would be to keep it as simple as possible. Just one day and with one exchange of gifts. I do like to have a family gathering and that will always be at least a little complicated which is why I want to keep the rest of it uncomplicated.

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        1. Things can get complicated when you get married, Jim. My erstwife’s family always celebrated Christmas Eve, so when I married her I began experiencing lavish dinners and the whole gift thing on Christmas eve. My family had always celebrated Christmas morning, but it became useful to move that to the afternoon and evening of Christmas day. When my daughter was born and we began sharing our own family Christmas, that naturally took place on Christmas day morning. It all made for a full and exhausting sequence of holiday joy.

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        2. For me it becomes less fun when you have to worry about things getting out of control. I would like to head off problems by keeping the celebration as uncomplicated as possible. I know that will not happen and I will be able to look back on the holidays as having been a good time. I do think it would be better if the holidays could be more relaxed without so much tension.

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  9. My mom was insanely organized and had her holiday shopping finished in September (she also bought wrapping paper for next year during the post-New Year clearance sales). Last Saturday, I picked up a final pair of presents from Boneshaker Books that I’d ordered a week or two earlier, so all I have to do this weekend is wrap packages and make a vegan pie for Christmas Day dinner (we’re having dim sum, in that grand old Jewish tradition). Two atheist omnivores, one deist semivegetarian and one vegan Neopagan, hanging out eating Chinese food and watching an MST3K double-feature of “Santa Conquers the Martians” and “The Day the Earth Froze” on Christmas Day, does it get any better that that?

    If I were you, Ty, and thank Goddess I’m not, I’d go to odd local stores–Penzeys, Surdyk’s, Electric Fetus, Larue’s, Magers and Quinn, Homestead Pickin’ Parlor, whatever they might like–to get gift cards/certificates, and put the rest of my effort into wrapping them in interesting and attractive ways. Now is not the time to learn origami, necessarily, but a little fancy wrapping might disguise your complete lack of forethought. Or, get the families memberships to the Minneapolis Institute of Art, the Arboretum or a similar institution and give a beautiful card (from said institution’s gift shop) with an announcement of the membership inside. Then you’ll look both thoughtful and cultured in one easy step.

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    1. Penzy’s certificates are standard gift fare here. Easy to give to those on the west coast. my son once again ended up not far from one.

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  10. I’m a radical fundamentalist on Christmas giving, so my advice is bound to be strange. Dr. Babooner’s suggestion that Ty regard gift giving as an obligation like taking out the trash is the most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard from that usually sensible therapist.

    Christmas gift giving isn’t an obligation or anything like it. It is a holy and magical moment when we are allowed to give to each other in ways that suggest how intimately we know and value them. During most of the year it would be in poor taste to give gifts that are so extravagant–in terms of emotion if not always in terms of expense. Those limits are lifted on Christmas, and we can give a present from the heart, a present that hints at how deeply we care for that person. The joy of planning and then offering such a gift is the thrill of Christmas . . . never mind what our own haul might be. You are doing Christmas right, Ty, when you cannot wait for the moment your loved ones open your gifts.

    At one point in my life I found that I had two kinds of people on my Christmas list: those people I really knew and loved and then there were all those people who I was supposed to give to, although I might not like them much or know them well enough to give a sensitively chosen present. I fought a little campaign that didn’t make me popular with some people, a campaign to expunge from my list those folks who were just obligations. They wouldn’t miss my gifts. Or maybe I could offer them promises to do something with them in the year . . . and who knows, maybe they would become a person I would like to give to. What I could no longer do was to buy gifts that were merely a fulfillment of duty. I wanted to be free to concentrate on those people close to my heart, the ones I truly loved. Whittle your list down, Ty, until you are left giving to people you care about. And if you don’t have people you care about that way, I have nothing to say to you.

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    1. I am “left giving to people I care about” but that doesn’t make it any easier to buy for them. I’m just not on the same wavelength with 30ish men. So they give me lists (sometimes) and I have the unsatisfying job of finding said items and trying to feel as though I put more than a little shoe leather or a few clicks into selecting their gift,

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  11. What an amazing collection of wisdom this place is today! I love it here.

    Most of the really good ideas I would have thought of have been mentioned. But if you really MUST give to these people, have you never heard of gift cards?

    I am so fortunate, in that for Husbands large family, we now do just gag gifts. I can shop all year at thrift shops (and have learned that these must be assigned a drawer or they will get lost before Christmas), etc. Then you just need time for wrapping. The rest of my list is manageable.

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    1. My family does white elephant gifts too. I came across a great find in a thrift shop last week – a two-foot tall, candy-cane striped BABOON wearing a Santa hat and a pair of crossed candy canes on his red and white striped tummy. I wish I could post a picture! “Babs” is so wonderfully funny that I almost want to keep him!

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  12. Three years ago, I created a way to make Xmas shopping so much fun that since then, I’ve actually tried to buy gifts for a few people not even on the family list. Several Halloweens ago, I’d bought a “Ms Santa” costume: short red velvet one-piece dress trimmed in white fur; long red gloves to the elbow; Santa cap; red fishnet panty hose & white knee-high boots. For each of the last three years, I’ve donned this costume and gone shopping at the mall and Target. The reception is amazing (perhaps folks think I’m the photo Santa’s sidekick?)! Little kids scramble to tell me their wish list, older folks beam big smiles shouting, “Merry Xmas to YOU??”, and people are unilaterally pleased that someone would spread the holiday spirit. Of course, there surely are some who are thinking, “Crazy old woman!”, but I choose not to notice the skeptics.

    The first year I did this, I actually stood in a very long line with dozens of little kids to get my picture taken sitting on Santa’s lap. He loved it! I wish I knew how to post an image on here (if that’s even possible) as this is one of my all-time favorite images. All I can say is that I really did find a way to make shopping as much fun as it can be!

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  13. Combining the last two days’ topics: this is a season requiring lies. My grandkids have an aunt who is like Ralphie’s aunt in “Christmas Story,” the one who sends him footed sleepwear. This aunt wanted to see a video if them opening her presents. They did an excellent job of looking like they wanted a Candyland game, napkins, and place mats.

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  14. A secret I have to share: I just made a totally impulsive online purchase that I know will delight both Husband and Daughter. I know I shouldn’t have spent the money (going back to yesterday’s topic: the juicy rationalization is that the object in question is on sale for a very good price), but will be so totally worth it when I see their faces. Wish Christmas was today!

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    1. I suppose you can’t reveal what it is until after Christmas? I’m desperately trying to find a gift for Hans. Isn’t easy, he pretty much buys whatever he wants, and a bottle of Single Malt Whiskey just doesn’t cut it.

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      1. It may not be the thing for Hans – Daughter really really really wants to learn piano (and Husband would like to know how to play, too). We don’t really have room, even for an upright or spinet – but I found a good deal on a reasonable looking portable electric keyboard that should suit. It isn’t high-end, but at least it shouldn’t be tinny and missing 20 keys (the really cheap ones only have take out about 3 octaves of keys). Added bonus: it has a spot for headphones, so I can play after Daughter goes to bed and brush up my long dormant skills.

        Have you thought about making a donation to someplace cook for Hans? I’ve done that a couple times for my brother – small places like Leonardo’s Basement that is sort of an engineering and inventing studio for kids. Or a gift of an experience – like tickets to a show that you might otherwise decide is out of the budget (one of the touring shows at the Ordway or maybe tickets for a dance troupe you’ve never seen)?

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        1. I should also mention that I have been hesitant to buy anything electric mostly because I feel a piano should be a regular/acoustic/analog sort of instrument. But this was just too good a deal to pass up. And I know it would be a total, delightful, surprise.

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        2. Many electric pianos are great and the key action can be almost identical to that of an a traditional piano. We got one for our DIL for her birthday, and she loves it.

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        3. Thanks, Anna. Hans is very difficult to find gifts for. I have to drag him to most concerts, he thinks most of them are too noisy, and plays are out. He falls asleep! He isn’t interested in dance. We already own an electronic keyboard (a nice one, that has been used very little, and that I’d gladly part with if anyone is interested). We usually give each other an animal from Heifer International, because we don’t really need anything, but I’d really like to give him some small thing that he’d enjoy, just can’t figure out what it is. Perhaps the Single Malt Whiskey isn’t such a bad idea after all. For his birthday, I gave him a course in Portrait Photography from an accomplished local photographer, he really enjoyed that and learned quite a bit. Steve, you’re a photographer, do you have any ideas, I’m stumped?

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        4. This one doesn’t list the piano key weighting as a feature (those keyboards are, thus far, out of my price range), but it is touch-sensitive so you can at least get piano and forte based on key pressure. My big brother is picking it up for me so I don’t have to figure out hiding a giant box at my house for another 5 or so days.

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        5. PJ — yes, I’m a photographer, and I’ve been racking my brains on this one. The problem is each photographer has specific tastes and preferences. I’d love to play with some photo editing software, but I don’t think that stuff fits Hans’ style. If he really cares about something in photography, he has already bought it or will soon. I think that’s not a good place to look for a gift.

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        6. Thanks, Steve, I appreciate your input. And you’re absolutely right, if there’s something he really wants, related to photography or not, he buys it. That’s why it’s so hard to find anything that would really delight him. In a sense, it’s a nice problem to have, but on the other hand, it leaves me grappling for ideas. Maybe I should switch to tim’s idea of cutting out pictures of things that I’d like to give him but that I could never afford.

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        2. They offer some really intriguing classes of varying length and complexity. Given Hans’ interest in the north woods and also in furniture making, he would be likely to find something that piques his interest. Besides, Grand Marais is a fun place to spend some time. BiR already posted the link, so I wont duplicate that, but visit the site to get a sense of the flavor of the place. Closer to home, there are several studios that offer classes in glassblowing…

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        4. That’s it, a gift certificate to the North House for both of us, something that we can learn and enjoy together. Thanks for the suggestion, bill, and for the link, BiR. I’m so excited. This will be fun.

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  15. I am off to do the grocery shopping and I would like to find one more gift to finish up my list. I’m thinking it should be something alcoholic to drink. If this is what I buy I will get to drink some of it myself and I will need it by the time the holidays are over.

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  16. Last Christmas Liam was terrified by a department store Santa when he was 1 1/2 years old. Molly snapped a picture of him standing in the Santa set and looking absolutely forlorn, wondering what new horrors Christmas would subject him to. This year he was highly dubious but just barely willing to give this Santa guy a chance. With great nervousness, Liam settled on the old guy’s lap and conversed with him. Ever since then, Liam keeps telling my daughter, “Santa is actually a nice guy, Mama. He’s a good guy. Really. He’s okay.” Of course, the person he is reassuring is himself.

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    1. At least he’s giving it a shot. When Teenager was younger, she did not think sitting on Santa’s lap was a good idea, although she would stand within arm’s distance, in case there was any candy to be had. When she was four, we had been talking about good gifts in the car on the way to a “Supper w/ Santa” at the local park building. I had mentioned in passing that peace on earth would be splendid (along w/ several other things; she had talked about kittens and puppies. Imagine my surprise later after supper when Child told Santa she wanted “peace on earth”. She got two candy canes that year!

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    2. Daughter was also dubious of that Santa guy the first few times she saw him. We go to a neighborhood restaurant where Santa comes to you while you dine – it seems quite civilized. The first year she actually talked to him (and didn’t have me translate for her), she sat *under* the table while he sat on a chair – her request that year was a Groovy Girl doll and a bag of broccoli. I think she was four. No requests as unselfish as “peace on earth” yet.

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        2. What??? You’ve got a really strange kid, Anna. But I love that she likes to solve math problems, that’s great. 🙂

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        3. Math is her most favorite thing this year at school. She loves it. (And she’s really good at it.) She’s having a ton of fun learning long division and just turned in a project where she had to come up with symbols and document her own base number system – including showing how some simple computations would work in the system. She really has an engineer’s brain – but she insists that she wants to be a vet when she grows up.

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        4. Anna, I hope she has good teachers who can keep that spirit alive in her. My guess is that a lot of science and math is required to become a vet, and it certainly speaks to her love of animals. My initial enthusiasm for chemistry, physics, and math was squelched once I encountered teachers with the attitude that girls shouldn’t excel in these subjects. Thankfully a lot has changed in 60 years.

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      2. After that Santa meeting last week, Liam was somewhere else shopping with Molly when they encountered another Santa. Liam was really surprised, but he bravely greeted this Santa, “Well, HELLO there!” Of course, he expected Santa to remember him. Molly was frantically trying to signal to the second Santa that Liam had already had a Santa discussion about gifts, and this Santa better be damned careful with what he said!

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    4. I will not be playing Santa this year for the first time in many years. My granddaughter who is in the second grade is no longer impressed by my appearance dressed up as Santa. I don’t mind retiring from that role for now. Our other daughter might become a mother some day and that might bring the Santa suit out of retirement.

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  17. Have you noticed the Walmart commercial which does not show a man’s head. The ad keeps using the word “Big.” The man wants a BIG TV so all his friends can sit around watching it. The clerk tells him to buy the 56 inch version. The man says he is broke (his funds are low, I think are his words.). The clerk says to just put it on his Walmart charge card.
    Tell me adults don’t believe in Santa Claus.

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      2. I agree but I am not sure how different any other store is on that topic.
        Another ad I notice is for a new western movie with Jamie Fox and Leonardo Dicaprio. Much of the time of the ads is spent with the two stars playing with their guns: pointing them, pulling them, spinning them; in other words, as has often been pointed out many times, essentially masturbating them.

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      1. I want to remind everyone to read Truman Capote’s “A Christmas Memory.” My favorite Christmas story. I’ll be reading it for the next three days at local nursing homes. For me that’s the Christmas experience, bringing a little joy into someone else’s life.

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  21. Greetings! Such wonderful ideas. I know it’s too late for online shopping, but I had the most fun shopping on ThinkGeek.com, a wonderland of gifts, toys and goofy gadgets for the geek in your life. And that would be everyone in my house! Everything imaginable for the fans of science fiction, fantasy and gaming. Who wouldn’t love an inflatable Capt Kirk chair from the Enterprise, a Doctor Who Dalek robe or a Star Wars ice cube mold that looks like Hans Solo in carbonite? Plus, the ad copy alone is worth reading — hysterical, goofy and slightly smug.

    There isn’t much else I can add for Ty – except maybe feign sickness for the holiday gatherings.

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  22. Just want to note that similar to the article Tim linked, there is a wonderful worldwide celebration for the start of a new cycle. Not the end of the world, but the opportunity for a paradigm shift for spiritually conscious people. Please check out http://www.birth2012,com for an online webcast of global prayer, performance, music, dance and ceremonies, as well as a different perspective of the meaning of 12/21/2012 and the Mayan calendar.

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  23. I don’t do gifts well, when I do them at all. But I have a generous heart – I’d buy you what you wanted, if I knew what it was and you didn’t already have it. I would just like everyone to be happy.

    And while we’re on the subject…..happy humbug, Clyde.

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    3. Wait. I cannot be a fatass and Scrooge. He was really skinny, except when played by George C. Scott and not as bad but not really skinny when played by “that bald guy from Star Trek.”
      And who says it was my birthday.
      But it was a lousy birthday.
      And it’s a graceful snowfall out my window.
      But it’s going to blow tomorrow.

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