This is turning into “advances for women” week on Trail Baboon. On Wednesday, we opened the door for female Neanderthals to take their rightful place in 1960’s love songs, and now we discover modern human women will have the opportunity to take (and give) live fire on the battlefield.
I’ve never been in the military, so I can’t pretend to know anything about the possible effects of allowing women to have combat roles. As a rule, I run from conflict. My only fistfight happened in fourth grade, and it was against a girl.
Naturally, she beat me up.
In my (too late to help now!) defense, I have to say that we were 9 years old, and you know how kids develop. She had me beat on height, weight and reach. And I also suspect she had me on the killer instinct, which I still lack today.
That’s why I look forward to living in a society where women are permitted to freely express their kick-ass side. Maybe after a few decades of well-documented front line bravery by America’s women in uniform, my unfortunate childhood pummeling will seem less like a wimpy case of gender betrayal, and more like a typical rite of passage.
We’re in for years of discussion about who benefits and who loses in this new arrangement. It’s hard to measure the value of dignity, service and respect against the steep costs sure to be exacted by the battlefield. Who knows how this will play out? But I’m pretty sure the only guaranteed winners in all this are Hollywood’s female stars, by virtue of the sudden increase in potential movie roles.
And you KNOW there will be movies.
John Wayne … Sgt. John M. Stryker
John Agar … Pfc. Peter Conway
Adele Mara … Allison Bromley
Forrest Tucker … Pfc. Al Thomas
Wally Cassell … Pfc. Benny Regazzi
James Brown … Pfc. Charlie Bass
Richard Webb … Pfc. ‘Handsome’ Dan Shipley
Arthur Franz … Cpl. Robert Dunne / Narrator
Julie Bishop … Mary
James Holden … Pfc. Soames
Peter Coe … Pfc. George Hellenpolis
Richard Jaeckel … Pfc. Frank Flynn
William Murphy … Pfc. Eddie Flynn (as Bill Murphy)
George Tyne … fc. Harris
Hal Baylor … Pvt. ‘Sky’ Choynski (as Hal Fieberling)
Notice there are 13 men and 2 women. But with females now in the real trenches, movie soldier possibilities for young, middle aged and even “mature” female actors just improved. Do you doubt that Meryl Streep would have been amazing in the Jack Nicholson role in “A Few Good Men”? If so, then “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!”
Speaking of brutal truths, when the glamorous leading lady roles begin to disappear after age 35, smearing some mud and fake blood on your face and crawling underneath some barbed wire will compensate for a lot of wrinkled skin. So it’s a career-extender! An explosive future for America’s female actors begins today!
Nominate a Hollywood star to become the female John Wayne, or give us your title and/or plot synopsis for the first classic women-friendly Army film.