Dear Dr. Babooner,
Two years I wrote to you about some strange forebodings I had at work.
I was the CEO of a major company, riding high, full of power and ambition. I wanted to run the world and felt like I could do it!
But one of the little people at my firm, an employee named Sue Thayer, kept giving me cryptic warnings about the Ides of March.
“Beware the Ides of March,” she’d croak as I passed her in the hallway.
Her prominent bloodshot eyeballs creeped me out and I shrugged off the warnings. But as it turned out on March 15th that year I was called into a special meeting of the Board of Directors. All of my V.P’s were there – I thought they were going to give me some kind of honor. But one by one each member of my so-called “team” took a verbal swipe at me and I wound up being viciously and brutally sacked.
Afterwards everybody made a bunch of pretty speeches to the press about what happened – some supporting me and others saying I was a tyrant who deserved to be overthrown in whatever way necessary. It was very embarrassing and quite complicated. My demise captured the public’s imagination. It led to the creation of a cocktail that sounds so horrible, I’m sure drinking one would finish me off. Somebody’s even writing a play about it! Though some of it was sympathetic, that kind of attention creates a negative image, overall.
I’ve had trouble finding work ever since.
There’s plenty of help out there for people who operate at my level. I’ve taken to consulting with a seemingly endless string of employment coaches, resume fluffers, head hunters and job yentas with no tangible result except that I’ve spent a lot of money and received absolutely nothing in return except for meaningless advice and good wishes.
In desperation, I’m thinking of contacting Sue Thayer again. She seemed to be the only person who knew what was going to happen before I did and cared enough to warn me about it. If only I had listened to her! I’m wondering if Sue’s insights might help guide me through my next step.
One problem – her eyeballs still give me shudders, and she’s now the CEO of the company I used to lead. Should I contact her anyway, or keep my distance?
In Despair,
Dick Tator
I told Mr. Tator to stay away from this Sue Thayer and all Sue Thayers everywhere, no matter what. Someone who will give you a cryptic warning and not provide useful details cannot be your true friend. Since you were so full of yourself just before your calamity hit, she probably knew you would ignore her advice. Just like most self-important jerks, you went forward, confident that Sue Thayer was loony because you did not like her looks. She got deniability while others took the risk of deposing you. It does not surprise me that she eventually took your place at the head of the company. Instead, I suggest contacting the playwright who is dramatizing the story of your fall. Maybe you could use some of the funds you would otherwise spend on more job counseling to invest in his little pageant. After all – it’s about YOU. Maybe you could make a bit of money?.
But that’s just one opinion. What do YOU think, Dr. Babooner?
Trail Baboon 
Good morning. So now, Tom, you know what it is like to be the one that is under the thumb of those that do the hiring and not the one that has control over hiring. As a former head of a company you should have contacts that would make it easy for you to get another job. Apparently you don’t. I think you are out of luck if you hope to get a job like the one you had. How about trying for a greeter position at Walmart?
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Well, I don’t know what I was thinking when I wrote this first thing this morning. That should a comment to Dick, not Tom.
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(Very clever, DC.)
We had a leader in this state, Dick, who once pronounced, “It’s good to be king.” When people didn’t roll in the aisles laughing, he threw a hissy fit and stalked off because he felt everyone lacked a sense of humor. Actually, Dick, he was a stupid man and that was a stupid statement.
People don’t love kings or any other sort of dictator. They pretend to if they have no alternative, but then one day the knives come out. More and more, the fate of dictators is to be overthrown or worse. Your problem is not how to reclaim the role of dictator but how to find an alternative role that is so positive people will forgive your ugly past.
What you need to do is to wash the feet of so many lepers that even the gods will think well of you. Serve food in kitchens for the impoverished. Grab a hammer and whang together a new home for a homeless family. Teach an aggressive dog in a shelter that it can trust at least one human being. Go to the legislature to teach them how badly this society needs reasonably priced shelter. Give speeches in schools about the evils of being a bully . . . and admit that being a dictator is about the worst sort of bully anyone can be.
Pray for forgiveness for Sue Thayer, for she will probably need it soon, and you might find forgiveness for your own criminal history.
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Dear dick Cheney
I don’t think there is any chance you will get back in and I question whether you and rush will ever be given the reigns at fox let alone the reigns of the country again.
Me me me schmucks like you are not interested anything but the sound of your own gong (How is Karl) and so sue has a fairly easy time scoping out your comeuppance. As for the play I think you should give your buddy Hal a call for backing. Just have me burton overbill the next insider contract you award him and funnel that into the new play. Have that new up and coming female play write hired by your assistant julie and if she tries to get out of the contact and run away before its finished and named go have julie seize her. Good luck and good riddance dick
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It seems I am missing something here. Is the fictional character, Dick Tator, somehow a reference to Dick Cheney, and is there a Sue Thayer sort of person or a person with that name that did something that has not registered with me?
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Sue Thayer = soothsayer. That’s the piece I got.
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Funny Dale! I got the “Sue Thayer” the second time I read it. Reminds me of Jasper Fforde – I’m currently rereading one of the Thursday Next books and am enjoying the names of some of the minor characters. Two teams of Spec Ops agents in particular: Fodder and Cannon, Slaughter and Lamb.
I’m kinda with Steve on this one — go out and do some good and quit thinking about just yourself!!
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Sue Thayer the soothsayer might be a person to avoid as Dale suggested. She probably has an agenda and not a good one. Those that base their predictions on solid information that they have gathered usually do deserve some consideration. The rest of the people involved in making predictions are probably liars. This is true unless you think that there are certain sources of information that can be trusted which just pop into the heads of some individuals out of the blue.
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A propos absolutely nothing, I thought was funny. Thought I’d share on this drab and dreary day.
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I thought this was funny. Sheesh.
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This just made me snort tea up my nose!!!
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That’s a good one!
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Excellent thought. My iPad stays with me at all times and I never loan it to anyone headed to the Loo.
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How could we miss this–cleaver!
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Rise and Shine Baboons!
Dear DT:
Apparently I am on the list of future dictators. Recently I was contacted by a headhunter with my email recruiting me for “a Six Figure salary in a Major Corporation making Strategic Policy Decisions about the Future of a Company.” I deleted the email and bought an art course that I found advertised on a match book cover instead.
So DT, go find a mirror and look into your own eyes. Repeat after me: “I am just a guy, capable of doing good or doing evil. I chose evil some time ago. I can change.” Now, look up the address of your local food shelf, turn your pacemaker to “light activity”, then spend a month just serving others at the food shelf. While you bag food, think about those nasty little wars you thought were such a great idea. Write us another letter about what you saw and what you learned about life.
We will talk more then. ;-|
Meanwhile, I am now in Phoenix, a place I do not care for, after our trip to Savannah, which I dearly love. We are here for our oldest grandchild’s 13th birthday. So far we were assigned a rental car that reeked of cigarette smoke, so Lou is out trading it for a non-smoking car. The air here is as dirty as ever so I have a headache and I am GRUMPY. The high today is forecast to be 92 degrees. I loathe heat like this. I keep saying to myself through the heat and the haze headache, “Anything you do for a child is effort well spent.” She is only 13 once.
Achoo.
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And thank goodness; once is enough!
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At one time I thought I would like to be a middle school teacher. I did like being their substitute teacher. However, I don’t know if I could have done that full time. They can be very difficult at times as I am sure anyone knows who spent much time with a group 13 year olds.
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Dear DT: What goes up, must come down. Get over yourself. Walk a mile in my shoes. Get thee to an Evelyn Lundberg counseling session and get your high and mighty snot kicked out of you. Be humble. Be kind and generous. But mainly, FORGIVE.
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It’s so good to see you back on the trail, Joanne. Just hope it doesn’t mean that you’re once again “between jobs” shall we say? If that is indeed the case, do you have anything in the pipeline?
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My temp job was cut back to 20 hours/week, so I am feverishly looking for fulltime work again. But yes, I have a couple good interviews behind me and prospects in the pipeline.
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Glad to hear it, Joanne. It’s about time something pan out for you.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxYhQ062lWk
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Although I agree with several of the comments above, you could turn this experience around in a different way. You have unique information about what can happen to someone at the top – the betrayal, the predictions, the devastation that comes from being sacked. What is the saying: If you can’t be a role model, you’ll just have to be a horrible warning… (Catherine Aird). You can write a book telling other people in high positions what warning signs to watch for, how to quit when they’re ahead, when to give it all up, etc.
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Dear DT,
I’m surprised you were able to be caught unawares like that. Usually folks in your position have contracts. In my experience, unsatisfactory CEOs, no matter what their specific variety of incompetency, are difficult to dismiss. The usual procedure is to let them appear to leave on their own terms and with glowing recommendations, just as long as they leave. Then they go on to wreak their personal brand of hell on some other company. Your mistake, DT, was in failing to negotiate your CEO position with a contract that defined the circumstances under which you could be dismissed and the size of the golden parachute that your dismissal would incur. If you ever manage to climb back up to the top, don’t forget to pull the ladder up behind you.
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That sounds right to me, Bill. If Dick Tator was head of a firm on Wall Street, he would probably be in big demand to had up another company where he could continue to do a bad job and would fit right in.
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Brilliant!
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