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Wake Up and Rant

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Today’s post is by Bart the Bear, a hairy beast who found a smart phone in the woods. His comments have been translated from the original Ursus Textish.

He's got bars!
He’s got bars!

H’lo. Bart here.

I’m up. Been a long winter. Still is. Though I guess it’s just a game to you. As soon as I was alert enough to start surfing the Internet I saw this one article that picks “winners” and “losers” for the season. Looks like the losers are sheep and garden centers. The winners? Hot chocolate and apple trees.

Yup, I’ve got coverage up here in the woods but those aren’t the kind of “bars” I’d like to have. I’m just coming around and will be out looking for meals here in the next few days. Don’t know what I’m going to find, so if you wanted to toss some day-old bagels or bags of potato chips into the roadside ditches near my patch of the forest … maybe some Easter leftovers like the red Jello with mandarin orange slices suspended in it … I wouldn’t complain, y’know? Meal planning is hard, especially when the raw materials are still under two feet of crusty snow.

But that’s not what’s been bugging me.

What’s bugging me is the way people snoop on bears and share really private details about where we are and what we’re doing – all thanks to your “brilliant” invention – radio collars for animals. I laugh when I see how you worry about Google and Facebook sharing your “private” information, and smart phones tracking your whereabouts. These days a bear in the woods has no more privacy than a bear in a zoo.

That’s why I kinda get a kick out of your complaints that police are storing information about where your car was spotted around town.

You have a car? I’d love to have one of those – I keep trying to climb in one when people come touring up here in the summer, but there aren’t too many of them that are built for a guy my size.

You’d like some privacy? What makes you so special when a noble animal can’t climb out of his pajamas without triggering a worldwide alert? It’s true! I saw online that they’re all a-twitter in Banff because “Grizzly #122” is out of his hibernaculum.

Yup, I said “hibernaculum.” Think I’m stupid? Go look it up. Or what’s worse, try typing it out on the tiny keys of a smart phone. And then try doing it with paws that are four times the size of your itsy-bitsy hands. Paws with matted fur, and there might be some poop caked in there, too. And I haven’t had my nails trimmed either, so don’t complain about how hard it is to do some texting! You have no idea.

I wake up ornery, what of it? I won’t apologize for who I am.

Anyway, Grizzly #122 is out of his bed and the panic is on, like they know he’s been dreaming of raiding a passing school bus for morning snacks.

Oh, he’s dangerous. But you’d be dangerous too if sirens went off every morning when your feet hit the floor.

My favorite quote in the Grizzly #122 story is this one:

“Resource management specialist Ron LeBlanc said ‘Residents need to … dispose of empty beer cans left outside’.

In other words, “time to pick up the trash you’ve been tossing in the yard all winter.”

Now, I ask you. Who’s the animal?

Your pal, Bart

Bart definitely has an edge this Spring.   How’s your mood when you wake up?

52 thoughts on “Wake Up and Rant”

  1. it depends greatly on the blog for the day.
    i tend to wake and grab my device(nice to have the laptop back up and running) and enter the trail. i sometimes have the time to answer with some off the cuff reply and other times let it soak in for a while. getting up is a routine for sure. the dogs seem to adjust to the sun, daylight savings time and the weather and 6:01 is time for the doggie rise and shine. basset out the front door puppies out the garage door. go get the food set up in the garage for the puppies ( lots of it and protected from the vacuum like tendencies of the basset. then the basset gets her rationed bowl with water added, the cats get the morning howling and standing on theoir hind legs and the can gets split into halves in the two holer they share and the little dog yips and spins and goes into his shiverey breakfast seclusion where he protects his food form unseen thieves of past lives. the fish get lights turned on and the rounds are complete before i either hop in the tub or the shower (on a quick day) dress for the days appropriate activities (jeans for the warehouse shirt that doesnt look slept in for an appointment. off and running with ideas and to do lists buzzing before i am 3 steps out of bed. i tend to be rolling form the get go and the only thing that messes with me is my wifes temperament. she took a job almost a year ago as a band aid until something better cam along and it has been a test of her patience.working with difficult in acompany that is run buy an idiot is something i am accustomed to ( i work for myself) but it is new to her. she has a 2nd interview new monday and the prospect of a change to a positive work place has the sun shining in the window at our house ( i bet you wondered why spring was late in coming this year)
    i can sympathize with bart about those smart devices. while my laptop was down i tried an i pad ( i either lost or seriously misplaced the damn little @#$*!!@*$&& or my i phone (trying to read a thumbnail size post with pictures the size of a stamp embedded) the poop on my hands gets washed off before i do too much posting but little dog has to go somewhere and outside seems so dramatic. this nice off white carpet (didnt i used to be white) seem so easy and comfortable. i did a screen replacement and now have a duct tape version of my old sony laptop that will last another little while. the i pad must have been a chore because i havnt gotten my butt kicked too bad for pulling that little stunt. look at that 6 01 guess whos moving downstairs. see you on the trail.

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  2. Good morning.. Although I am always up early, I’m not fast paced like tim. Usually I lay in bed for a little while and think about my plans. I’ve found that good ways to get things done often pop into my mind first thing in the morning. Like tim, I do have things to do first thing in the morning and I take care those after laying in bed for a short time. I like to be up early and I am usually in a fairly good mood. I have been in an even better mood lately because I have stopped taking Benedril as a sleep aid. It didn’t help me very much and it left me feeling less alert in the morning. If I have a little extra time before breakfast, which is usually the case, I write an entry in this blog as you all know.

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  4. I’m usually very quiet and slow-moving when I get up. It isn’t until I’ve had some coffee that I can really even determine how I’m feeling. I’m not really a morning person. I know I’m getting ready when I can listen to music. I listen to bluegrass when I’m in a big hurry – it works as well for me as a huge mug of strong coffee! It always energizes me and puts a smile on my face!

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  5. Rise and Shine Baboons!

    Yo’ Bart. Nice to hear you are awake, dude.

    AFter hitting play on Holly’s selection for the day I feel really good. I am a morning person. This morning I was awake at 4 a.m. That makes me feel bearish to be sure. However, when I sleep until the crack of 6 a.m. I am ready to rise and shine.

    Don’t hit me please. I can’t help it. I was born with this Circadian Rhythm.

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  6. If I didn’t have to shepherd Daughter through the morning, I would probably not say a word until I had been up for at least an hour. I am like Bart – I move slowly when I wake up and I am not especially good company (and only slightly better groomed).

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  7. I like a cup opf really strong coffee and the paper and the Trail blog and Radio Heartland in the morning. My mood is usually pretty good. I have been dreaming of retirement and sleeping in until 8:00. What a luxury that would be! Husband has a hard time getting going in the morning (the impact of diabetes, he says) and while his mood is good, he really moves slow.Daughter is a crabby bear in the morning, but, to her credit, she gets herself up almost all mornings, even the Saturdays she has to be at her barista job by 6:00am.

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  8. Because my sleep patterns are so chaotic, on an average day/night i will “wake up” three or four times. Depending on how long and well I slept, plus depending on the whimsical god of arthritis, I won’t feel the same any two times in a row. I might feel wide awake (particularly when I wake up at 2 or 3 AM). Or I might feel like a tube of toothpaste that has been forcibly emptied and flattened. If sleep has affected me violently, I might groan a lot, and then I am glad I live alone. Sometimes I am hungry. Always I fear the oppressive weight of boredom with night dark all around me and nobody to talk to. And each time I wake up I get to (have to) plan some activity that will hold off the demons of insomnia for a while longer. If I am lucky, I’ll have a DVD of a good movie to run. And when I fall asleep partway through it, I face the challenge of figuring out how much I slept through when I wake up again. I might start and restart the same movie three times as I cycle in and out of sleep.Ultimately, the time comes when I feel truly rested and alert, and then I have coffee and prepare to face my day, usually beginning with the morning letter I write. And then comes Trail Baboon.

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    1. I’ve had some problems getting enough sleep and I am still not getting as much sleep as I would prefer. I tried a CPAP to deal with sleep apnea and it didn’t seem to help. Apparently I don’t have a big problem with sleep apnea and the CPAP seemed to be more trouble than it was worth. My doctor said that I did give the CPAP a good try and agreed that it might be suitable for me. I have become a little more regular in my sleep. I don’t have many nights when I am extremely short on sleep. I would like to get a little more than 6 hours of sleep which is all that I usually get these days.

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      2. It is my sense, Jim, that messy sleep patterns are one of those “rewards” we get for living long. The woman I write each morning, who is now 90, has far more trouble sleeping than I. I hope I’m wrong, but you might look back fondly some day on the time you could get a whole six hours of sleep in a night.

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        1. I hope that you are not completely right about old age and sleep, Steve. Being short on sleep is not a good thing.

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  9. Morning all! I’m a quintessential morning person and am generally in a good mood when I get up. However, the last few months have been more of a trial, as Kitten thinks that 4:45 a.m. is a good time to attack sleeping feet. Of course, since it’s my busy time of year at the office, as soon as she wakes me up, my brain runs off at full tilt and I find it impossible to go back to sleep.

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  10. While I’m not quite as exuberant as Holly, I love mornings, and am usually in a good mood. So is Hans. Doubt that I would ever have married someone who was grumpy in the morning; it just gets your day off to a bad start.

    I usually wake up pretty early, so I’ve checked my email and the Trail Baboon by the time Hans gets eyes. Weekday mornings are quiet at our house. No radio, no TV, and very little talking. Hans thrives on routines and get’s irritable if I’m in his way, so I stay in bed while he prepares himself breakfast, let’s Daisy out and feeds Martha. When he sits down to enjoy his breakfast, and read the news on his Kindle, I get up and let Daisy in and feed her. Then a grab myself a cup of tea and head back to bed with the morning newspaper. Once I’ve done the daily Sudoku and the NY Times crossword I’m ready to face the day.

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    1. PJ, you complete a Sudoku and a NY Times crossword before you start your day? I like doing Sudoku and I would not be able to finish any of the most difficult ones in much less than an hour on the average. You must be very good at doing Sudoko if you can complete one of those and a NY Times crossword before starting your day.

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      1. Jim, I was thinking the same thing… NYTimes before getting going? I wouldn’t get going until far too late!

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        1. Don’t forget, I’m a lady of leisure! 🙂 🙂 🙂 Most Sudoku puzzles take less than 15 minutes, the NY Times crossword early in the week, less than an hour. Thursday and Friday can get a little dicey. When I get stuck, I get up and take Daisy for a walk, and revisit it later in the day when I can look at it with fresh eyes. Some days are just too tough and I give up. On those days I save the paper to check the solution in the following day’s paper.

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  11. Morning– no surprise this is mostly a morning group.
    Thanks for letting me hang out with you all even though I’m not so much.
    Typically without an alarm I’d wake up about 7 or 7:30. Most weekdays I’m up about 6:30 to do breakfast and get daughter moving for school. And generally I’m OK in the mornings. Once I get the knee and foot working so I’m not hobbling so much then I’m good to go.
    Kelly is up before me but she doesn’t wake up grumpy. She lets me sleep! BaDumBum!!

    School days are packing my lunch and feeding daughter and I drop her off at school, then to a local Kwik Trip for hot water for my tea and I pick up a Strib and usually to my office about 8. An hour doing email is typical and I tell the students I don’t want to see them before 9.
    No crossword or puzzles for me thank you.
    On no school days, like today, back in bed with the laptop is a nice way to start the day.

    TTFN–

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      1. Can’t answer for Ben, but Mpls is on spring break this week. Teenager is sleeping in and then doing chores!

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  12. I’m the antithesis of a morning person, but I’ve always been able to wake up and move right away when I have to, and not entirely on autopilot, either. However, it’s not a good idea to make me talk or work on complex thoughts pre-coffee, and anyone who likes to chirp and chatter in the morning should go outside to do it with the other small annoying birds. When I don’t have to get ready for work, I like to take my time getting started: hang out in bed or in the den, drink coffee, listen to KFAI, and pet cats. “Justice League Unlimited” is currently playing on network TV, so I get to have Saturday morning superhero cartoons again, yay! Some pancakes or waffles, and the childhood experience is complete.

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  13. Generally a morning person here as well-up at around 5am at the latest to get the s&h up and moving by 5:30am. Working any shift but days is really messing with me.

    PJ, I don’t do Sudoku, but will spend all week chewing on the Sunday NYTimes puzzle. Am currently working on getting the s&h hooked on this bad habit as well. Will occasionally do the not NY Times puzzle right straight through, just to maintain some self-esteem.

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  15. Our cats wake up cranky, since they worry constantly that we will decide to stop feeing them canned food in the morning, and they cry and stare and mew and look anxious until we make the trip downstairs to feed them. After that, they come upstairs and stare at us contentedly.

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  16. With my brother’s patient direction, I finally learned how to post a video – yeah!!! It would appear that I’m going to bed close to the time many of you awaken? I watch cable movies and reruns of news shows until 3AM, then head upstairs to sleep exactly 7 hours. Since my surgery forces me to sleep on my back half upright (or risk the contents of my stomach aspirating!), I never change positions at all. My 12-year old bed buddy, Peanut, has a routine of walking up my body, pawing at the covers pulled up to my chin, and getting under them on my chest. Every night, the same thing. Every night when he lays on my chest with his head brushing my cheek, I say to him, “Mom loves you, Peanut. What a goooooooood boy you are!” I criticize myself for having such a limited repertoire regularly.

    The morning routine, starting at 10AM is coffee, this forum, Huff Po, Strib articles, emailing, and a teaspoon of tuna for both cats. Every day, I tell myself that I “should” mix it up – maybe play the piano so that a rare house guest might hear it without mistakes or actually clean the cottage, but set habits compel me to follow the well-worn path of least resistance.

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  18. I can be fairly peaceable in the morning as long as no one tries to carry on a lively conversation with me (or anywhere within my hearing) too soon after I get up. Then expect some bear-like grunts and growls and snarls. It takes a while for me to get going, both mentally and physically. Much as I loved TLGMS, its one big drawback for me was the fact that it aired in the morning. I’m sure Dale and Jim Ed would have seemed much more witty to me if I had been really awake.

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  19. Her birthday notwithstanding, Linda is keeping her usual low profile on the trail. Hope you’re having a grand day, Linda. Happy birthday!

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  20. Greetings! I don’t mind mornings — I was usually a morning person, but Jim is definitely not. It stinks that I have to get up to go to work most mornings, that’s the bummer. Otherwise, morning is my favorite time of day.

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  21. I have always disliked the morning, it is too responsible a time, with the daylight demanding that it be ‘faced’ and (usually when I wake for I wake late) with the sun already up and in charge of the world, with little hope of anyone usurping or challenging its authority. A shot of light in the face of a poor waking human being and another slave limps wounded into the light-occupied territory.
    – Janet Frame

    Thanks for the birthday wishes, all.

    I had a lovely day, mostly devoted to art, music and food. I did not venture out of the house till after ten, so there’s a good start.

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  22. I’m a morning person, but I can also be a night owl, so it’s nice being retired – husband and I loll around in bed till around 8:00, after 7 or 8 hours of sleep. Like Jim, I try to think about what I can accomplish today while I’m waking up. I am usually in a pretty good mood upon rising – make my tea while the computer is warming up, then check email and TBB, and post something if time allows. Husband makes the Breakfast Smoothie, then it’s off to whatever is on the day’s agenda – see my mom, volunteer at Highview, do errands, visits with friends, or maybe aerobics at the Y.

    I would really like to incorporate some yoga stretches into the morning ritual somewhere.

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