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Pirates and Their Preferences

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Today’s post was scrawled on a soggy boot that was fished out of a holding pond for parking lot runoff in Inver Grove Hights.  The lab analysis is incomplete, but apparently it comes from the outlaw commander  of the Muskellunge, Captain Billy.

Artists Approximation of Captain Billy
Artists Approximation of Captain Billy

Ahoy!

I is writin’ this here missive in an effort to clarify a few points regardin’ a new study of pirate behavior.  It simply ain’t correct that true pirates favors one African coast over another when it comes to choosin’ a location from which to plunder vessels an’ plague civilians.

The very idea that lawless fellas such as ourselves would take local ordinances an’ crime fightin’ techniques into account when establishin’ our bases of operation suggests that we recognizes th’ authority of shore-based entities t’ regulate our activities.

We don’t.

Bein’ lawless don’t mean simply bein’ in the habit of breakin’ laws!  Rather, we holds an abidin’ disdain fer th’ very activity of law makin’ an’ enforcement!  Now it may be th’ case that that certain rank amateurs has entered into pirate-like activities an’ favors a particular area as bein’ close t’ home.  So be it, but don’t confuse such characters with actual pirates, for whom the very concept of “home” is unfathomable.

Th’ entire world is our home, an it ain’t allowed by our Code of Conduct t’ foul it without good cause. Th’ outlines of our code is confidential only t’ us, in order t’ keep it from bein’ misinterpreted by unworthies. An’ them what would point out that havin’ a code of conduct runs counter t’ th’ very thing I just said about “disdain fer law makin'” is exactly the sort of individual I has in mind when I says “unworthies”.

Suffice it to say that stories of cruelty perpetrated by impostors claimin’ t’ be pirates is certainly regrettable.  Me and me boys would never be cruel t’ another human unless they truly deserved it!

Likewise, we shows no particular preference with regard to riches.  I sometimes overhears folks sayin’ “Oh, my booty’s too big,” or “nobody is interested in my booty on account of it ain’t sufficienly well rounded.”

Me and the boys says “hogwash”.   All booty is equal in our eyes, an’ equally subject t’ appropriation.

Let that be a warnin’ t’ ya’s, an’ a guarantee!

Yer humble swashbuckler,
Capt. Billy.

It appears the Captain sees himself as a moral man, as measured by secret standards of his own design.

What would be a principal tenet of your Code of Conduct?

33 thoughts on “Pirates and Their Preferences”

  1. Good morning. I think I’m close to being in line with the code of Captain Billy and the crew. Don’t foul the world if it isn’t necessary. No cruelty, except those that deserve it and a distain for law makers and laws. Well, I might a bit less lawless than the Captain, but I think I am more or less ready to join his crew.

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  2. Rise and Shine Baboons!

    I am sure I have a tenet sonewhere, but my brain will not unload one. I have a mild cold and seem sluggish this a.m.

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  3. i think the code of honor is thing you start out with and tweak as you go but the essence is locked in at birth.
    booty is a consideration that must be factored in. if we could figure out a way to life life with booty not in the equation i am sure it would be a better world but truth be known the booty call is like the song of the sirens to most.
    now there is booty that is loot and there is booty that is that physical attribute. those two add up to the pains and the joys of life like no other combination. the fact hat they share the same name of affection should come as no surprise.
    booty has been calling out to me since i was a boy and it continues to be a magnetic attraction that guides or alters my path in spite of my knowledge that it is not always leading me in the correct direction.
    the story of jeckle and hyde. the good doctor following his shoulds by day and his wants at night. it is a tale to be told of pursuit and lechery that can be discussed with the greatest aires of nobility but can be observed at the opposite end of the spectrum by those same fellows who were discussing so nobly just hours before.
    my code would be headed by the golden rule. do unto others and be nice. i think if you keep that in mind you cant go wrong. it makes for a very poor pirate but i think i may be past the pirating portion of my life. there are nights and moments when after a certain amount of rum i fell like bludgeoning a few coasts but when i wake up in the morning with booty of one sort or another evidenced in my recent past i wonder if my time and interests were well looked after while my pursuits were taking place.
    i believe we did include in yesterday discussion capt billies favorite brittish nobility…..
    aaaarrrgyle.

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  4. Only get worked up about something if you really need to. Best to stay calm and positive – you get more done. (I might be more profound later, but had to be up in the wee hours for work…need a nap…)

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    1. i have a co worker who claims he like to work in the wee hours of the morning to avoid distractions and work in complete solitude. i used to do a lot of communicating with china at the opposite end of the clock. you need to give yourself permission for that nap.

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  5. Once again.. just one? I can only have one super power and now I have to choose just one moral tenet? Bummer.

    I’m definitely in the camp with the baboons who have weighed in so far. Although it sounds pretty trite, since I live in Minnesota, I do gravitate toward “be nice”… although I like tim’s version…. do unto others and be nice.

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  6. I’m going to offer two – the one related to places is: Leave a place better than you find it, or at the very least, no worse than you find it.

    Related to people, it’s a tweak on the golden rule: instead of doing to others what you would want done to you, “Do unto others what they would have you do unto them.” Involves empathy, the ability to imagine how others are feeling. Not always possible, of course – then the regular Golden Rule would be fine.

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  7. The Final Analysis
    People are often unreasonable, illogical, 
and self-centered; 
Forgive them anyway.
    If you are kind, people may accuse you 
of selfish, ulterior motives; 
Be kind anyway.
    If you are successful, you will win some friends and some true enemies; 
Succeed anyway.
    If you are honest and frank, 
people may cheat you; 
Be honest and frank anyway.
    What you spend years building, someone 
may destroy overnight; 
Build anyway.
    If you have serenity and happiness, 
they may be jealous; 
Be happy anyway.
    The good you do today, 
people will often forget tomorrow; 
Do good anyway.
    Give the world the best you have, 
and it may never be enough; 
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.
    You see, in the final analysis, 
it is all between you and God; 
It was never between you and them anyway.

    I clipped this from the Argus Leader many years ago and stuck it on the fridge. It’s incorrectly signed, Mother Teresa of Calcutta. It was written by Dr. Kent M. Keith. Mother Teresa was a fan and stuck it on her fridge too.

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    1. Donna (and others) there is a lovely version of this poem sung by Maggie and Suzzy Roche (of the Roche sisters) on their excellent album “Zero Church.”

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  8. Don’t scholars agree that all ethical systems are based on the Golden Rule? So I’ll add a corollary that might sound more selfish or self-centered than it is: Know Yourself. I think one of life’s great challenges is knowing one’s self in depth and with brutal honesty. I think we all go through life lying and cheating and running little games that involve deceiving others and ourselves about our true intentions. You can’t do a really top rate job of following BiR’s excellent advice until you know yourself so well that you always have a clear understanding of your true intentions.I really respect people who know themselves so well that they are able to be good for others without fooling anybody about what they are up to.

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  10. Here is is what I think is the main rule for conduct on Trail Baboon following Dale’s lead – try to maintain a good sense of humor as much as possible.

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  11. We are sailing in deep waters today, I see.

    Cap’n Billy would be proud, there is a man climbing in the riggin’ of my castle at this moment to determine the whys and wherefores of unwanted water therein. I hope it doesn’t completely plunder my personal stash of booty to get that taken care of.

    I suppose my main tenet is “try not to be annoying” and the subclass of that,
    “don’t take what isn’t yours”.

    I’m not always able to manage that.

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  12. I worked at a place once where I was the ‘new guy’. When the day was over, the guy I was working with thanked me for not being a complete A-hole. I took that as a compliment; I wasn’t a COMPLETE A-hole! (The day had gone well. He said it with a smile). So that’s my code. More of a suggestion really…

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    1. Thanks for posting the news about the awards honoring KFAI, Lisa There is a lot of good stuff on KFAI and think Dale and KFAI are a good match. You also have my congratulations, Dale.

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    2. Thanks for the kind words, Lisa and Jim. The cool thing about KFAI is that the volunteers do the actual broadcasting and the real work. I was more of a spectator in this, but I did get a nice dinner out of the deal.

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