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Most Likely To Exceed

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Today’s post comes from Wally, proprietor of Wally’s Intimida, home of the Sherpa – the SUV that’s so large, it has its own gravity.

The Car Is A Butte
The Car Is A Butte

This is a great day to buy a Sherpa from Wally’s Intimida! Did I say great? I meant PERFECT!

But then I say that about every day. Too bad some people just don’t get it. Most people, actually. But the day will come when you will feel sorry that you didn’t buy a Sherpa when it was possible.

This car is mammoth. It can be seen from space. Not only does the Sherpa have its own gravity – it leaves a giant footprint. Park the Sherpa outside your house and it will begin to re-shape the landscape by changing wind and weather patterns. Set the parking brake and leave it for a million years, and you’ll have a butte in your back yard – guaranteed.

But one thing the Sherpa can’t do is make the list of the Most Frequently Stolen Cars in America. That top honor goes to the Ford F-250 four-wheel-drive crew cab. The Chevrolet Silverado came in second. The top ten targets of theft were all large or Very large pickup trucks or SUVs.

So why didn’t the Sherpa make the list?

Simple.

Thieves don’t know they can steal it because it registers as part of the landscape. It exceeds their expectations of what a car can be, and they simply cannot imagine themselves behind the wheel of something so gigantic. They can’t understand that it even has a wheel – the car looks like foothills to the uneducated observer.

And this mind-numbing-through-size happens to miscreants who regularly steal Ford F-250s. That’s got to tell you something!

Today is the day to get your own Sherpa from Wally’s Intimida. Bring it home and leave it unlocked. The car simply is too awesome for the criminal mind to comprehend.

I’ll see You In The Showroom,
Wally

I suppose on one level, having your product become the car-most-stolen IS a sign of success, since covetousness is what automobile marketing is all about.

What item would you steal if that was the only way to get it?

65 thoughts on “Most Likely To Exceed”

  1. Good morning. If you could only get ice cream by stealing it, I think I might resort to stealing. As a young kid I did steal a few things. As an adult I have never stolen anything. However, if someone left some ice cream where I could steal it and I couldn’t get it any other way, I am fairly certain I would become a thief.

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  2. We can have anything and no bad consequences? Gee, I’ll put in for an Audi A6 in Prestige trim with Band and Olaufsen speakers. I’m not too particular about color. Anything but black.

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    1. I don’t know about lack of consequences, Steve. The question doesn’t seem indicate wether or not there would be consequences if you are caught stealing the item that you choose to steal.

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        6. I don’t really know; my criminal expertise is in other areas. Better bring both so we are prepared for anything.

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        7. Carry a clipboard and act like you belong and you can get away with almost anything. Trust me.

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  4. a mountain of gold bars with a few giant bags of diamonds sitting on top. im pretty sure the only way would ever end up with these items would be by stealing them. i cant imagine buying them even if money was no option but on a wish list i can make good use of a mountain of gold bars. im thinking about the size of mt rushmore and those giant bags the size of bemidji. i figure out the rest of the details later.

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      2. Makes me think of Abby Hoffmann book ” steal this book” he had great ideas for doing stuff like switching peanut butter jar covers so you paid for the small one And took the big one with the small top
        Today he would have you put UPC codes on it and pay a nickel for a 40 dollar item .

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        1. This is hilarious – I picked up that book yesterday at a garage sale, have never read it. Now I will… maybe I’ll bring it to BBC at Sherrilee’s…

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        2. There was a copy of Steal this Book on sale in place where I thought it shouldn’t be on sale so I stole it. I don’t think was a very good thing to do. However, at that time I could very much relate to the alienated view of this country that Abby projected.

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  6. Shoes, if I were to find, at long last, the perfect, and I mean perfect pair for comfort and looks, that I could dance in. But like Steve, I don’t wanna play if there are consequences.

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  7. Funny, I thought I had one of the most-stolen cars but then I noticed that Dale’s list was only for recent (2010-2012) models. I found the list I’d seen. My 98 Civic is the second most-stolen per Bankrate.com (http://www.bankrate.com/finance/auto/10-vehicles-most-often-stolen-car-thieves.aspx#slide=3)
    It seems odd that my old starting-to-rust bucket would be among the most desirable. But maybe its desirability is part of what is making me drag my feet about replacing it.

    Since I don’t care about “things”, and I’m a goodie-two-shoes who can’t imagine breaking the law, it’s hard to figure out what I might steal. It would have to be something consumable like cookies or maybe air travel.

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    2. A friend of mine from grad school had the door of her Triumph TR7 sports car stolen When she had it parked in the underground parking garage of her apartment in Winnipeg. Just the door..

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    2. The only time I ever stole from a store, it was food. This was from a tiny corner grocery store, the size of a house, where the shelves were so high the grocer got food down with a “grabber.” He sold a confection called a “Dolly Madison.” It was a piece of yellow cake with a hollowed our area filled with cream, and then two big almonds on top and the whole thing covered with chocolate. One day when I had no money I took one. I was back the next day to pay him and apologize.

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  9. Raspberries and dark chocolate for me. I almost said books, but I would just make use of the public library even more than I do now.

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    1. feell free to come steal raspberries from my alley plants whenever you like. I figure, if I didn’t want people to grab a couple of berries while they are going by, I shouldn’t have planted them there. We’ve got more planted elsewhere, and still see to get enough for breakfast off those bushes.

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      1. Uh, thanks mig, but I now have two raspberry patches. Both are fall-bearing, so I will get two crops a year from both patches. The smaller patch is bearing for the first time this year, and it is earlier than the bigger, long-standing patch. I’ve picked a few from there already. The bushes are absolutely loaded this year, so I’m guessing I might be able to pick non-stop from now until November. By the time the second patch is done with the summer crop, the first patch may be starting the fall crop, and those fall crops go on and on until a hard freeze gets them.

        Right now I’m eating a bowl of raspberries from the back yard and strawberries from the farmers’ market with a bit of creme fraiche drizzled over and some grated valrhona dark chocolate sprinkled on top. Mmmmmmm.

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  10. Hey all. I’m torn. Like others, I don’t want consequences or guilt…. if I can be relieved of those, then I’ll also be choosing books and chocolate. Right now I’m thinking I’d like to steal college tuition for the Teenager – since that’s about the only way to get that as well!

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  11. Greetings! You guys are funny. Stealing gold bars and diamonds sounds like a good trick — then I could afford anything else I wanted. Except maybe college tuition. Although the one good thing about being ridiculously poor and having a ridiculously smart son — he got a full financial aid package to cover everything at the U of MN this fall with only $5K of it in loans. It costs a tad over $25,000 to send him to college for the year at the U of MN-Minneapolis and that includes room and board. What a relief that someone else is paying for it!

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  12. The question makes me think of bootlegged music. I don’t actually have any, but there’s a situation where you may have to “steal” it if you want it badly enough, because there isn’t a way to legally buy it from the artist.

    When I was a teenager the most famous bootleg would have been the Basement Tapes. I didn’t know how to go about finding a bootlegged copy, or I would probably have one today. As it is, I bought it the album when it was legally released in 1975, although it’s far from complete. I’d still like to hear all the other stuff that didn’t make it onto the 1975 album.

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    1. I hadn’t thought about music. I do own at least one bootleg. The one I am thinking of was an album of dance re-mixes that an acquaintance owned. It had one track in particular that I quite liked (a re-mix from Carmina Burana) and asked where he had gotten it. He had purchased it as a legal album, but then the record was pulled because one of the groups that had recorded the source music for the re-mixes claimed copyright infringement (re-mixes really get into a grey area there). If I wanted a copy, it wasn’t going to be legal. I have justified my illegal copy by buying other things from the re-mix artists and the source orchestra so everyone still gets a bit of my money. Juicy rationalization – but the Carmina Burana re-mix is awesome.

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  13. From what I hear on the news, it sounds like there may be Baboons who will need to steal boats so they don’t float away in the floods. Are you all ok out there?

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    1. I think some people got power knocked out again Friday night , and we had plenty of rain… southern suburbs had 4 “, is that right, tim?

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      1. 4+ at my house
        Dogs got real wet at 6am
        Was done by 630
        One basement room took on some water
        My house has issues when rain comes from sourh

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  14. Yeah, I’m fine. Our house is six blocks uphill from the river. Our backyard slopes down into what was once a pond so the water does collect back there on occasions such as this. We needed some rain and I was glad to wake up to it yesterday…. but then it just wouldn’t stop.

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