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Larger Than Life

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Today’s post comes from Bart, the bear who found a smart phone in the woods.

He promises to sit VERY still.
He promises to sit VERY still.

Yo, Bart here.

I know they call these the “dog days” of summer, but as a bear I can tell you that things are pretty darn quiet for us, too. I could nap all day! I guess Al Roker gets the same feeling sometimes. Sure, I know who Al Roker is. You think I was born in a barn?

When I’m not napping I waste hours and hours wandering around the internet. Pretty amazing how the time just melts away, but at least I’m not getting into trouble at campsites. I hear when the game wardens trap you or they shoot you with one of those tranquilizer darts, the first thing they do is take away your phone. Bummer.

Anyway, I got really excited when I found this video and the article that goes with it.

A huge bear was captured and released, and some guy who makes things out of concrete saw the video and wants to do a statue of him. But the bear is already gone, so he wrote to the naturalists to get the measurements so he could get the proportions right.

It would be awesome to have an enormous statue made of me, using concrete or anything! So here’s the deal – I’ll pose for anyone who wants to do a bear sculpture. The only conditions are:

  • No tickling
  • All the berries I can eat
  • My name goes on the plaque
  • I get to go home when it’s done

Deal? Honest, it’s kind of quiet now, and I just sit around all day anyway! Just remember, bear season hasn’t started yet.

Your pal,
Bart

What does the inscription say on the statue of you?

45 thoughts on “Larger Than Life”

    1. Really? “Let the good times roll?” I don’t actually see you as a party animal, Jim. “Let the good stuff grow” sounds better to me for your inscription. Your inscription should catch your patience and commitment to growing things.

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      1. It was the first thing that came to my mind, Steve. I have always liked rock and roll music, especially when sung by Ray Charles. I might not be a party animal. I do like good time music.

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        1. My point is not that you would be dull in a party but that your true beauty has to do with patience, discipline and caring about healthy growing things.

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  2. Maybe I’d go for Mother of Mini-sota Donut Ice Cream
    In case you missed yesterday’s note…..Baboons are invited to a Mini-sota Donut Ice Cream Social on Sunday at 2 at VS’ house

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  4. all experience hath shown that mankind will suffer evils while evils are sufferable rather than to right himself by abolishing the means to which he has become accustomed

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  6. Morning–
    See if WP and I get along today.

    Yesterday was a popular day for surgery I guess.
    PJ, hope husband is doing well with — or without– his gallbladder. Hope he’s recovering nice and quick.
    My dad had his out maybe 20 years ago, just before they started doing the laproscopic surgery for that. I still remember him climbing on a tractor about a month after the surgery. The climb onto the tractor hurt and bouncing around the field was worse. Stubborn old farmers.
    Yesterday, age 88, he had open heart surgery. Replaced one valve, did two bypasses (which we only learned he needed at the Monday pre-op) and, to simplify the explanation, the put a pleat in one artery.
    Amazing to say, but, fairly routine surgery it seems these days. Long day for the family but he’s up in a chair this morning and doing well.

    My inscription should just be an empty pedestal with the words ‘Out. Standing in his field’. Or ‘Stubborn Old Farmer’

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    2. Glad you dad is doing well, Ben. Hope he continues that way. Husband was doing alright when I visited him last evening, he had a terrible night however. This morning another ultrasound, and more testing; a catheter and an NG tube were inserted, and he’s once again reasonably comfortable, but obviously won’t be coming home today.

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      1. It’s not good to hear that your husband had a bad night, PJ. It is good to hear that he is doing better today.

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  8. OTT: Trial Balloon was about music, much of it folk music, so maybe people won’t be unhappy if I mention one of my new favorite groups: Over the Rhine. Odd name. Great group. If you are interested, Google their name and click on the top reply, which takes you to their home site. It is unusually good. Click on Media, and then on “The Song That Changed My Life.” It starts a film that is beautifully written, wonderfully musical, lovely to see and thoughtful. It isn’t for a little sneaky look during work, as it runs 25 minutes.

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  9. “Everything is better made from scratch”. I can’t decide if I want to be cast in bronze or chiselled out of marble.

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    1. I think I’d like to be chiselled out of marble, and if the sculptor chose to be generous in chiselling off a bit here and there, I would be good with that.

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  11. This is off-topic, but I can’t relate to today’s question, so…………….last night’s storm took out my power for over 10 hours, leaving me literally and figuratively in the dark all night. Without my computer, cable TV, and even a reading light, I’m a turtle on my back! It started at 7PM. I tried napping but the hail kept me awake. Eventually, I called a close friend and had a lovely 2-hour dialogue, but at midnight there was nothing to do so I went to bed. Since my routine includes exactly 7 hours of sleep, I awoke at 7AM. Getting up this early provides a whole extra half day.

    I pondered the fact that most normal people actually arise this early, then set about doing what I always do upon rising and have happily filled the whole morning with computer activities. This is actually kinda fun!

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  12. I fear I’m too Midwestern to be comfortable with either a statue or a lofty inscription. Garrison Keillor would understand. Ralph’s Grocery is not a “supermarket” but a “pretty good grocery.” That’s the culture from which I derive. Forgetting the statue for the moment, that leaves me sorting through inscriptions that would fit a thoroughly Midwestern guy. “He coulda been worse.” That seems pretty good. Or: “He meant well.” Or maybe, “Not such a bad guy.” But if I try harder, I come up with a different one that is probably more accurate (albeit too long): “He was all about sharing. Whether it was a good or bad idea, he was all about sharing.”

    For the statue, I turn to the photo of me I like best of all. And because I was an outdoor journalist, I had a LOT of photos taken of me. In my favorite picture, I am with Spook, my polite English setter, in his puppy year. Spook sits and I kneel in a giant field of South Dakota switchgrass. My hand is stroking his neck, and the tilt of my head shows how tightly I am relating to him. That seems right to me today. Kneeling, not standing up. With a dog, not alone. Relating to the dog. Yeah, that works.

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  13. Statue: “She was patient when she wanted to be.” Let’s just leave it at that for now.

    (Update – Stepson and kids are here till the 16th, with some time off (maybe this weekend?) to visit other family in Wisconsin. I just figured out the 16th is more than a week away! Uffda meg, we’re getting tired.)

    OTT – just catching up on reading last few days. A few things –
    PJ – hope Husband gets to come home today! and is feeling fine.
    mig – are you fostering two kittens now, Dolce and one other?
    Steve – love “unfronding” the weeks, going into my word stash…
    B-A & VS – hope to make it Sunday but don’t know yet.
    For who do I trust: back of Cheerios box the kids were eating from says: TRUSTED. Tried and true, Cheerios is the first finger food so many moms trust for their little ones. I guess it doesn’t get much better than that.

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  14. About the only inscription that holds true for me almost always: “She loved to feed people.” Others that I contemplated: “Frequently wrong, but never in doubt.” Or as husband would no doubt suggest: “Hun var god ved dyrene.”

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  15. Bart better not wish for too many berries. I heard on NPR the other day that grizzlies in Montana are getting fat because the increased wolf population has decreased the elk population, and, as there are fewer elk to eat berries, there are more berries for the bears and they are gaining weight as a result.

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  16. “There’s no place like homemade.” Don’t want to get too smarmy or anything.

    Like BiR, just caught up with the last few days. (Classic vacation was fun… more on that later.)
    Dale – love the phrase “face to frond”.
    MiG – will Dolce be permanent to keep Perma-Kitty company?
    PJ – any new? Everything go OK?
    CB – glad to hear you have power back.

    For the Ice Cream Social On Sunday, I’m checking w/ BethAnn to see if 1 p.m. is do-able. I have the ice cream. Anybody want to bring gingerale for floats? Or chocolate sauce? Or sprinkles? Just shout it out!

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  17. Ice Cream Social News. It’s official – the “Celebrate BethAnn” social will be at 1 p.m. at VS’s. (If you need address, let me know — shelikins at Hotmail.com. We’ll be having BethAnn’s Mini-Sota Donut ice cream!

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    1. Depending on husband’s progress, I may or may not make it. He’s still pretty sick. The NG tube keeps getting clogged with debris from who-knows-where, causing nausea and barfing. He’s feeling sick enough that they actually had him in a hospital gown when I visited this afternoon, something that he has refused to put on as “unmanly.”

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