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Time Stands Still

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Today’s post comes from perennial sophomore Bubby Spamden, who has been held back in his grade at Wendell Wilkie High School every year since 1983.

Public domain image, royalty free stock photo from www.public-domain-image.com

Hey, Mr. C.,

Well, school is about to begin again and I’m going to be a sophomore for, like, the 30th time!

Some people tell me I should move on, but when I ask them what part of their life they remember best, it usually turns out to be those crazy high school years. A lot of folks say they wish they could do it all over again, but everybody knows you can’t go back.

So I’m trying to find out if you can just refuse to leave.

Sometimes people ask if I’m bothered to be so much older than my classmates, and the answer is “No!” The other kids treat me like I’m Yoda, which is great! Every now and then I’ll pull someone aside and say something like “Very powerful with this one the Force is.” They eat that stuff up. In fact, there’s gaggle of freshmen following me around right now. They’re hoping I’ll teach them to levitate, but when stuff like that comes up I try to stay enigmatic. You’ve got to keep people guessing.

Especially when you don’t really know how to levitate. But I can throw around a five dollar word like “enigmatic.” That comes in handy. People are really easy to impress these days.

One thing that I’m sure works in my favor is standardized testing. Now that the scores the school puts up are such a big dang deal, the principal is kind of grateful to have someone around who knows the exams backwards and forwards. I’m really, really good at filling in those multiple-choice ovals, and I make sure everybody stays serious at test time!

You’re probably wondering how somebody who is so good at test-taking still manages to be kept back year after year. Here’s the deal – I take lots of days off. About two months all told, every year. A lot of times I only put in a three day week. I can get away with it pretty easy. It’s not my fault the administration cut Truancy Officers so they’d have enough money to serve fresh vegetables at lunch.

Me being a high school sophomore pretty much forever is kind of like the Jeff Bezos-funded 10,000 Year Clock, which is being built right now inside a mountain in Texas. People laugh about it but I think the idea is super cool! These clockmakers really take the long view. I heard from somebody that the movement is so slow, it ticks one year and tocks the next. And it gets its energy from temperature changes and the in-and-out movement of visitors who come to hear its chimes.

That’s just like me – I’m super relaxed and I never get upset, but every now and then I’ll put on a bit of a show just to remind people I’m still here. For the most part, people think I’m charming. Another 30 years and the girls will start to think I’m cute again. One thing for sure – I’ll be at Wilkie a long, long time. Probably not 10,000 years, but who knows? They say “time flies when you’re having fun,” but I’m having a blast, and time is going very, very slowly.

Your Pal,
Bubby

I do think of Bubby as living a life that is a work of art with an extended time horizon. He occasionally writes to me about various schemes that he hopes will support him “when he grows up”, but we both know being a Sophomore at Wendell Wilkie High is (and will always be) his real job.

Name a place you’ve been that you would be happy to never leave.

72 thoughts on “Time Stands Still”

  1. Good morning. New York. That city is full of stuff I like: music; cultural diversity; progressive thinkers; every kind of food; and much more. It wouldn’t seem to be the best place for gardening which is one of my favorite things. However, I have seen documentaries about groups of people who have projects promoting an increase in gardening there.

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    1. i have heard about roof top gardening in nyc and think that would be interesting to study hydroponics or something similar for getting the most out of small spaces. isreal is very good at gardening in the desert. ill bet the watering tips thry could offer would be good too. i remember one system they had was to offer a couple ounces of water every 15 minutes instead of a bunch of water for 15 minutes every day. they said if the roots dont have to search or wait they can be very fruitful. on my way to work this summer i noticed the newly completed hwy 12 west of 494 and 394 has a phenominal growth of freeway planting. it has only been there 2 years and the plants are all so healthy and full they were exploding form the planting spots where they were put. i made a ental note of how amazing it was to see the fullness of the plants in such a short time. evidentally the state hadn’t reckoned for the phenominal growth and decided it was too much too fast. they came in with ten guys and heavy equiptment last week and tore it all out. i would guess they were afraid it s going to grow out of the perscribed space and wreck the retaining walls they had it planted in. should be some way to make that go for tomato plants or apple trees dont you think but maybe the exhaust would screw that up . sounds like a job for seed man…

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      1. In a show I saw about gardening projects in New York city there were some people taking care of a garden in a small strip of land right in the middle of times square. I don’t know if that garden is still there.

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        1. Jim, vertical is your friend.

          The beans are over my head and doing well (to be honest, I let this first batch go too long-oops).

          Next year (famous last words) we are going to trellis more. Grapes, squashes, beans. Anything that we can convince to grow “up” does pretty well on our little 40′ estate. There are even better gardens on either side of me.

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        2. MIG, I also like to grow pole beans including runner beans, pole lima beans, and yard long beans as well as the usual kind of pole beans. Most of mine are seeds I hame in my seed collection and I would be glad to share some of my seeds with you.

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  2. Gee Bubby, so “enigmatic” is a “five dollar word?” Although I was a professional writer for decades, I never got more than a buck for it. That goes a long way toward explaining my present day finances.

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  3. ireland, the canadian rockies and mary scrupes bed
    ireland held a magic aura over me the entire month i was there, it felt like home where the people the attitude the vibe was right and the scenery the next turn and the one after that were things to appreciate and enjoy. gotta get back.
    the canadian rockies are the place where you wonder why you would ever leave. everything is right. people surroundings opportunities. it all falls into place and is better than you expect. the swiss alps are beautiful but the people are cold the people of italy are wonderful but their words are not sincere. in canada and ireland the people are right. i guess that the key, and the most beautiful landscape in the world is a plus too. alaska is beautiful but their clock is to messed up for me,
    and mary scrupes bed is a thing to behold. if i stayed there forever maybe i’d get tired of it but i’d be willing to give it a try. the vibe was wonderful, the company ideal, the discussions marvelous, the dreams and visions were inspirational. bring me an easel a stack of lps a plate of grapes a bottle of wine and stop back in a couple of lifetimes to see how it went. i’ll bet the report would be good.

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  4. I can usually interpret tim, but “mary scrupes bed” has me defeated. Maybe after another cuppa coffee.

    Only one place ever affected me by making me hate leaving it. When I was a kid growing up (or not growing up, if you take a certain point of view) in central Iowa we would take two-week family vacations in Park Rapids, MN. The northwoods lake environment was so magical to me I never wanted to leave. Iowa was the drab infinity of cornfields stretching out to the horizon and the smell of pigs on the muggy air. Minnesota was cool air, pines, exciting fish, northern lights, loons and the froggy fascination of lily pad bays. When we finally had to turn our family car south and drive seven hours back to the boring world of home, I would sit in the back seat in mourning, my bladder about to burst because that was Minnesota water and I wanted to hoard that little bit of Minnesota as long as I could.

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  5. I’m pretty happy here in Owatonna for the past 14 years (twice as long as any other abode in my adult life), and would be happy spending the rest of my days here. But for choosing in THE ONE PLACE (my choices are between Bandon Dunes Golf Resort; Banff, Alberta; and Grand Marais. All those places have a firm grip on my psyche.

    Chris in Owatonna

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      1. All things Canada west of Calgary is about as good as it gets natural beauty-wise. British Columbia has some gorgeous national parks and other wild places, too. Only visited Jasper once but liked it immensely. I agree about it comparing to Hibbing vs. Twin Cities

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  6. Clad to hear that Bubby isn’t fretting about being a sophomore once again. Son will start working at his college counselling job next week with the added perk of on-campus housing for virtually no rent. Later this week we are helping him and his wife move into their new digs-a one bedroom apartment in a brand-new freshman dorm! They plan to be remote and distant with the other occupants. The two minute walk to work is pretty appealing. Both our children will move into freshman dorms this month.

    I wold have been happy to never leave Montreal. It has the same appeal as New York but not quite as huge.

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  7. I’ve always had a desire to travel, to see new places, and meet new people, so leaving someplace has never been difficult for me; I was always looking for the new experience. It has been hard saying goodbye to people, in some cases knowing that I’d never see them again. Interestingly enough, there are a few places that I don’t associate with any particular person or people where I think I could live quite happily. Marin County in California is such a place, as is Provence in France, both places incredibly beautiful, though I think Provence would have the edge climate-wise. Although I’m quite content living in St. Paul, I would have been happy to have never left Provence.

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  8. Up North. More a state of mind than an actual place. More like a pointon time-space continuum.

    Steve expresses it well.

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  9. Such wonderful places you’ve all mentioned. I’m not sure there is a place that I would never want to leave – does that mean I could never go anywhere else?

    Places that I’ve been mesmerized by:
    Safari camp in South Africa
    Brussels
    Coast of Maine
    Sedona
    Up north, of course

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    1. I was thinking the part about never leaving too, vs. While I enjoy living in St. Paul, I love being able to get out of here for the month of February, and I love Kino Bay in Mexico, but I know I’d not want to be there during the hottest summer months.
      I have never lived in a climate that’s mild year round, but I think I’d miss the seasons. The crisp, cold air of winter, the landscape covered with snow or hoar frost, the colorful foliage of autumn, you know the drill. But as tim alluded to in his first entry, the people you’re surrounded by wherever you are make a huge difference.

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  10. OTT: My daughter is in a bad place. She will make up her mind in the next day or two about putting her cat down. And the cat’s problems are difficult to describe. In this case, there is no unambiguous bad medical problem that would simplify the decision. Lord, I wish I had words that could help her.

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    1. So sorry she has a tough decision – those ambiguous scenarios are the worst. Keep us in the loop so we can send some positive thoughts/energy her way!

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    6. Making decisions about a companion animal are always hard – when there isn’t a clear decision, it can be heart wrenching. Sending good thoughts to your daughter.

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  11. I sometimes have fantasies of living again in Half Moon Bay area, south of San Francisco on Hwy. 1, but I’d want it to be the way it was in 1973, and not overbuilt and overpopulated, as it is now. El Granada still had some dirt roads on the outskirts, I lived on The Alameda which had a boulevard of eucalyptus trees in the middle of two parts to the street. The scent from that coupled with the way the fog rolled in mornings, burned off about noon to a sunny pleasant afternoon, the sound of the foghorns on days when we were totally socked in…

    Another place is a state of mind – when you wake refreshed and rested, and everything on your plate for the day is something you feel competent to do and will enjoy. Hard work can be part of that, and any number of things that maybe not everyone would enjoy. But knowing you can deal with the whole day is a good feeling. (I may be thinking of this partly because my mom is having a day when she’s calling every hour with a question or problem that I cannot answer or solve.)

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  12. I’ve not been anywhere that I wouldn’t want to leave eventually. Or at least intermittently. Bubby reminds us we can never go back. Sometimes I think of Our Town and how Emily returned to Grover’s Corners, and how I’d like that … to go back and see the farm I grew up on, the way it was then; my grandparents, our old dog, Smo; Dad in his fishing boat; school friends and favorite teachers; my children when they were little. That would be my idea of a livable afterlife. Sigh.

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  14. My parent’s front sun room. It gets wonderful afternoon sun, has lots of fabulous memories (Christmases, sitting with my feet up on the picture window ledge next to my pal Andrea eating pints of ice cream solving the problems of the world, visiting with friends and relatives, discovering how truly fabulous Shakespeare could be when I read Macbeth and Hamlet in once day, weeks long games of Monopoly with my brother left up on a card table, just sitting and chatting with my mom about “not much”…). The rest of the house is cozy and also pretty cool, being a Craftsman style bungalow – but that front room, if I could move that room to my house, I would faster than you can say “Sawzall.”

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    1. oh yeah, Grandma’s front porch, drinking red Kool-Aid out of beer glasses. Very fancy we were too.

      That house is long gone, and I used to go back and at least see where it was. Last time I drove down that street, somebody had put up a sort of McMansion there, and there has been all sorts of weird stuff going on with the landscape so that this is now almost lakefront property.

      I think next time, I’ll just pay my respects at the cemetery on the edge of town and then come home.

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  15. Reading today’s posts it struck me what an incredibly privileged group of people we are. Collectively we have seen and experienced so much of the world.

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  16. The only place I could think of was Cabo san Lucas – not that I’d really want to live there, but the sheer beauty and decadence was like a fantasy. And, like all fantasies, it was pretty short-lived. I agreed to spend a week there with a friend who owned 2 timeshares. She new precisely how to bargain with the Mexicans, get good deals on meals, drinks, etc. by attending timeshare meetings, and how to navigate in general.

    At our first timeshare meeting, they served Margaritas for FREE! I’d never had one before, so of course I had two. Within minutes, I signed a contract to buy a time share in Cabo. It was the most expensive Margarita in history, I think.

    What ensued was an implosion of the friendship after I loaned my friend $600 and she refused to pay it back. Without a sophisticated traveler and girlfriend to share a vacation with, I never returned. Adding to this was that my divorce soon after exacted a six-figure payout to wasband. The airfare to Cabo alone was $800 round trip, so needless to say, using my timeshare was off-limits.

    I continued to pay the $600 per year “maintenance fee” even though I couldn’t afford to use the place. After five years of trying to sell it, I finally found a buyer – at a five grand loss. I swear the timeshare sellers saw me coming all the way from Minnesota as they convinced me that there were “only 700 units left on the Baja peninsula” and that I could sell it at a profit since no one could ever go there unless they owned a timeshare.

    I don’t know that I’ve EVER done anything more impulsive or stupid. I guess we’re all allowed at least one major transgression from practicality once in a lifetime, though?

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      1. Geesh, Tim – did you have to mention this?! At least the piano remains an attractive piece of furniture in my living room and hasn’t depreciated. Cabo was a disgraceful loss.

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        1. the lady who writes for the star and trib as the whistleblower quit a couple weeks ago. i never read her stuff while she was a columnist but i read her swan song. her parting words in her final column were repeated 3 times. never under any circumstances buy or even accepat a free time share, the maintanance will kill you and you cant give them away. i have disney points and am going to look into unloading them asap after reading that. i was feeling bad because i could only get 50% but it is time i believe.

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  17. My aunt Mary and uncle Frank were in the lumber business primarily down working with the Navajos in New Mexico and Arizona but he had a short stint in Hawaii lived on the big Island and when he moved into his house he thought he had been screwed because the house had no heater no air conditioner and someone had stolen all the screens from their windows it turns out that the climate in Hawaii is such that you don’t need a heater you don’t

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    1. got cut off. … you dont need a a/c either or screens. indonesia was kinda like that witht he ideal temperature. they used to say in indonesia be careful where you spit your seeds. they would grow where they would land. no fooling.

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