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Take and Give

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Today’s post comes from Bart, the Bear Who Found a Smart Phone in the Woods. His words have been translated from the original Ursus Textish.

Bart Blackberry2

H’lo. Bart here.

It’s been a while since I’ve written because I’ve been keeping a low profile. Bear Hunting Season is still underway.

Not that anybody talks about it much. If there was a hunting season for YOU, it’d be all over the news but since it’s only legal to shoot me, all you hear about is the government shutdown.

I don’t care much about whether the government is operating or not unless it means all the bear hunting licenses got revoked, which of course they haven’t been because there are still bullets whizzing past my head. For me, fewer people at work means there are more people in the woods – and that’s not good.

Please get it fixed soon! I have to admit I resent it a little bit that I have to be afraid for my life for six weeks every year. People can be pretty cruel.

So until then I’m kinda on personal lockdown. I’ve turned off all the ringtones on my phone. I can’t even afford to have it vibrate because there are some people out here who shoot first at sounds and ask questions later. If you’ve sent me a text lately I haven’t been able to pick it up – sorry. One more week and I’ll be able to relax a bit.

And I’m kinda fasting. Staying away from food is important during bear hunting season, cause that’s where they expect you to be – near the tasty morsels. And when you’re being hunted, hunger is a weakness!

But after October 13th, I’ll be able to chow down. Then it’s a race to put as much fat on as possible before the weather turns really bad. Lucky for me Halloween comes in there a few weeks later. Do you know how many Milk Duds I can score with this bear costume? Plenty! And I love it that you really don’t have to say anything. Oh, people try to make me say “Trick or Treat,” but I just look at them and let a little drool spill out of the end of my snout and they hand over the candy pretty quick. As I walk away I’ve heard some people say “Man, that kid has bad breath.”

So that’s the thing. You humans take away my freedom and my security, and then you hand over exactly what I need to survive. You sure are funny that way. Kinda contradictory. I’m not complaining but you sure do keep me guessing.

Anyway, let this be a reminder to you. Bear season is almost over. Time to stock up on candy!

Stay calm and aim high,
Your Pal,
Bart

What’s your most profound contradiction?

35 thoughts on “Take and Give”

  1. wow, this is a first for me – i am first responder on the Trail!

    my contradiction – not very profound – today is that even though i am exhausted from staying up with the twins so the mom could get some sleep (and one of them was SO fussy) – i stop and look at the Trail on my way to bed at 3:18am. how dumb is that?

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  2. I used to make my students sick of hearing this, I think:
    “Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes. ” Walt Whitman
    That was one of Asimov’s favorite quotes.

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      1. Whitman might have been reading R W Emerson when he penned that line. Emerson’s most widely repeated quote is, “Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.”

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    2. Single-mindedness is all very well in cows or baboons; in an animal claiming to belong to the same species as Shakespeare it is simply disgraceful.
      — Aldous Huxley

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  4. Good morning. The first thing that comes to mine regarding contradictions is the animal that is begging me to play with him while I try to write this comment. My relationship to dogs has it’s contradictions. I suppose the contradictions involved are not too profound. If you are a heavy duty pet fan you might think that I shouldn’t have these contradictions. I like dogs. I just wonder if they are worth the trouble.

    For one thing they are a drain on my pocket book. Vets seem to think they should be as wealthy as some of our better paid doctors. They charge way too much for medicine and for other things. But I do like my dog and wouldn’t fail to take care of his medical needs. That’s just one of the contradictions for me associated with owning a dog. I have a number of others I could mention if I had more time this morning.

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  5. Rise and Shine Baboons!

    I am living one of these today via our state government. To practice the kind of therapy I do, I am required to have my specialty credentialled by our State Department of Human Service. There is a long, complicated application to submit for this. I did it. I did it ALL then entered it into the required format which ate it and will not save it. Three times it won’t save it.

    The contradiction is that “they” are coming for the site visit today to ensure that I do my job well. I is required that all of this information about how I do my job, be entered on their website program which does not work. So I cannot meet the requirements which “they” have set up because someone there does not do his job very well, so now maybe I can’t do my job at all.

    Doing my job can be hard. Trying to deal with this website is un-do-able. I may threaten to get an attorney before agreeing to enter all this again in a website that won’t take the info.

    GRRRRRR (Quoting Bart)

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  6. I’m not entirely comfortable claiming there is anything profound about me. But after reflection, I admit to a profound contradiction between my basic nature and the actual circumstances of my life. I’m not unhappy, and yet the life I’m leading is essentially wrong for “who I am.”

    On a lighter note, some baboons must have noticed that little promotional quote by Roy Blount that MPR often plays. I’ll mention it today in honor of Bart the Bear. At a wedding, a cute little boy goes down the aisle growling. When someone asks why, he says, “I’m the ring bear!”

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  7. Morning all. I’m pretty sure you could pick anything about me at random and find a contradiction. The big glaring one is that I’ve been a vegetarian for 40+ years, but I wear Birkenstocks (leather). I have struggled with that inconsistency for many years, but here we are and I’m clearly not changing.

    OT – I’m thinking of a field trip to see Joanne get her black belt on Saturday. Anybody else thinking about it?

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  8. A big contradiction in my life is how to square my understanding of the many things going badly in the world with the way I lead my life. There are times when I think I should be heavily involved in participating in efforts to change the world. I never seem to find much time to work on these things. This is a big contradiction for me because I know that a lot of work is needed to bring about changes in many areas where our government and other groups are taking us in the wrong direction.

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  9. There’s a pretty profound contradiction demonstrated by my lifestyle. Although I’m a FLAMING extrovert and gain so much energy from socializing with people, I spend 90% of my waking hours by myself. Laziness explains some of this. My clients come here for sessions, so I often go days without leaving the cottage. Other than occasional errands, a rare date with a friend for lunch, a doctor appointment, one evening of dancing, or getting groceries a couple of times a month, there’s no reason to motor out of the cottage.

    I adore human interaction, from light to heavy. Dancing is “light”; doing therapy rather “heavy”. What tells me that I’ve made it to “advanced evolution” emotionally, however, is that until not that many years ago, being by myself felt like being alone. Most of my life was spent almost desperately seeking the company and validation of others. This need continued into the decade following my divorce in 2003, especially aimed at meeting men. It was only after a painful, abrupt ending of the only time I’d ever experienced being in love six years ago that I surrendered the delusion of romance for good.

    For the first time in my life, I ceased straining to find people to be around. It was to be the beginning of discovering that I wasn’t really ever “alone” because I finally had my own company. Slowly but steadily, it dawned on me that my own company was engaging, entertaining, challenging, delightful, and occasionally exasperating. Being me, in other words, was not only fun, but a full-time job! My world and the days in it are now filled with contentment. Whereas most of my former life compelled me toward drama, seeing one or two clients each day more than fulfills this need. Beyond this, just reading about the news or watching it unfold on TV, then passionately posting informed opinions on one forum or another is just about all the drama I can handle. My life is small yet oh so big at times. There’s a sweet balance to it.

    All these words just to say that I’ve ultimately found the best roommate possible: myself.

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  10. my contradiciton is simple. i feel different ways about different things and go on without checking them until they are pointed out.
    i used to get a lot of raised eyebrows because i am a strict vegetarian who drinks too much and smoked like a chimney. quitting smoking has made me feel better about that and my drinking is getting a swift stare on a regular business from jiminy on my shoulder too.
    i loved that bill clinton held a view, stated it and then had a discussion and was just fine with changing his stance after he had more information. too many are afraid to do that. i am wrong on a regular basis so its not a big deal for me.

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  11. How can a person be both impatient and very stubborn at the same time? Makes no sense to me, but when it comes to solving problems or puzzles I’m very tenacious, but patience is not one of my strong suits otherwise.

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    1. Said she who just got off the phone with BCBS after being on hold for five minutes only to be told that they don’t have an oral authorization of file to discuss husband’s medical bills with me. Aaargh!

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  12. This isn’t you, PJ, but I’ve known people who were impatient and stubborn. A woman I knew briefly liked to say she “had little patience with a fool.” Well, yes and no. Her patience was enormous when she was the fool in question. Again, this is not you!

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  13. Let me count the ways… that I love the outdoors and find it so healing, yet remain indoors most of the time (even when I could be out); that I know WHAT to do to get exercise, eat better, meditate, etc., but continue to NOT do those things; that I want more quiet time but keep myself very busy; to name a few.

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  18. If you missed it, it’s worth going to end of Clyde’s post yesterday for Linda’s ode to gluten…

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