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Coma Bear

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Today’s post comes from Bart, the bear who found a smartphone in the woods.

Bart Blackberry2

Yo, Bart here.

It’s getting colder and pretty soon it’ll be time to hibernate. Can’t wait. Turning the lights out and going dormant for a while is a great feeling – something certain people should do. I look at a lot of social media on my phone so I know what I’m talking about.

Facebook for example. Lots of stuff going on there. Blah blah blah all the time – there’s no end to it. Makes me think good thoughts about being comatose.

So while I’m waiting to fall asleep I follow the news. Pretty cool that the people at Snapchat turned down a 3 billion dollar offer from Facebook. Rumor is they might be able to get 4 billion from somebody in China for a company run by a handful of people that doesn’t make a profit. And the main thing Snapchat does it that it gives people a way to take pictures that are guaranteed not to last very long. They disappear after a few seconds so the photographers won’t be embarrassed later.

Three billion dollars for a money-losing company that produces things that are designed not to last.

I got me thinking (I have a lot of time to think now that Bear Season is over), and I came up with an even newer form of temporary social media that also doesn’t make money – it’s called “ComaChat”. If you sign up for “ComaChat”, you can send detailed personal messages to someone who is in a coma (me). I will not really see it, and will then immediately forget that it came in and that I didn’t even look at it. It’s a totally safe way to say something so private you don’t really want anyone to know, but you have to say it anyway.

No statement or confession is wrong on ComaChat. You’ll feel better for having gotten it off your chest, and there are no consequences. Unless what you have to say is “I left our fully stocked meat freezer unlocked in a clearing in the woods, and here are the coordinates.”

There might be some fall out from that one. Or should I say “pig out”?

Your pal,
Bart

Can you keep a secret?

50 thoughts on “Coma Bear”

    1. Obviously, I hope, two JOBS.
      One of the fun moments in teaching is when a student turns 18, declares self an adult but parent then wants a conference or information. In my time they did not handle the no response well. I got in some awkward situations when parents attacked me but I would have to just stand and take it.
      I would have the children of elderly parishioners call from another state and ask me questions or tell me how to run their parents life.
      OT: it is a sign of a pathetic life when you sit outside Panera at 5:55 waiting for it to open.

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      2. what is the attraction at panera? i have had the egg sandwich and its ok but expensive. the bread is good the chairs are hard the atmosphere is very new millennium. that tangerine orange lime green and wall treatment and the guys over behind the counter making espresso noises.
        is it just the most convenient or is it worth checking into further? i have been to a panera 3 or 4 times just to kill an hour or tow but never considered it as a hangout.

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        1. 1. Coffee–I can mix decaf and light roast with hot water (all coffee house coffee is too strong for me) and all the refills you want. I cannot drink Caribou and others and they do not provide hot water to cut it. I do not like tea before noon. After that, fine.
          2. Convenient–open at 6 a.m. and one mile from our apartment, but so are other coffee houses. (We have no Starbucks right now except B & N, which is fine with me, don’t like their coffee. But we are getting one back they say. I think one block from our apartment.)
          3. Not full of college kids. Nothing wrong with college kids but not my crowd.Has very few folks I know so I can sit in a corner and do stuff, like today get ready for meeting with agent about health insurance. (My BC/BS premiums went up 56%.)
          4. Has good wifi, but so does everyone. Noticed yesterday in first walk through the mall in months that there are many places to recharge for free in the mall, like food court and coffee places.
          5. The baked goods are okay, not great, but okay. A couple, I must admit, I do like a lot, such as the scones, not really scones, and 2-3 of the fake bagels. Do not like the cafe food.
          I might be at B & N for the atmosphere if they opened that early, except the battery acid Starbucks coffee. Our B & N is falling apart. Very poor service in cafe and worse in store. Book selection gets smaller by the month. Bought a cheese pretzel there Monday afternoon that was stale and they refused to take it back. The next day (I am in there a lot waiting for Sandy as she walks the mall with her stroller).they refunded my money and gave me free tea; offered my a free pretzel, on which I passed. I was in the Eden Prairie two weeks ago and was then struck by how poor ours is. The EP one was clean and the servers were polite.
          I just killed 20 minutes and will now go meet agent, very nice agent. This agency, quite large one, is the opposite of all cliches about insurance agents. They handled our insurance for our company. They still treat me with such respect. Will be fun to catch up with three people there.

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        3. if i were b&n i would be scared to death, the book readers are like scotch drinkers. dying without being replaced. the beauty of a book store is only obvios to people who go there. i noticed at the b&n near ridgedale they have taken away the easy chairs. i noticed on prior visits that they fill early and stay full of the same couple of people for long long periods of time. good that thery realized their mistake on the stale pretzel, i always like to think people are not horrible just not paying attention all the time. its sort of like faith in your fellow less than perfect time traveler

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        4. I’m sure B&N is worried, especially since their version of the Kindle isn’t doing very well. I’m just happy that I will probably have shuffled off before libraries bite the big one. If I didn’t have my local library, I would be in a world of hurt.

          Gotta run… meeting someone in this very, warm humid place. Shall I give hints? Saw howler monkeys yesterday.

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  3. Good morning. Can I keep a secret? Of course I can. I don’t want to land in jail for life like Chelsea Manning. I will keep my mouth shut. You never know who might have bugged your house or put you under surveillance. Do I know any government secret that would get me put in jail? I have nothing to say.

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  5. Talking about secrets, I have a question for our three professional psychologists, or anyone else who feels like offering suggestions.

    I’m the coordinator of a local writing group, and my phone number was listed in a newsletter for anyone interested in joining the group. Yesterday I got a phone call at 8:30 AM from a woman interested in joining the group. I was on the phone with her for well over an hour with her. She told me her qualifications for joining the group (there are none required other than the desire to write), complete with what degrees she has and where and when she obtained them. By the time I got off the phone with her I learned that she’s 72 years old, was diagnosed as bi-polar in the early 80s, has been hospitalized several times, is currently seeing a psychiatrist and is on medication. Her sister, who is four years younger and lives in Dallas, has twice tried to interfere in her life by calling the therapist. This woman’s speech was slow and deliberate, and although she was coherent enough, she expressed some rather paranoid sentiments. When I finally could get a word in edgewise to indicate that I needed to go, she ended the conversation by asking me what I think of the current situation with the Catholic church. She then proceeded to tell me that she last week had called every single person listed on the Star Tribune’s list of contacts, left messages that said she wanted to complain about their lack of coverage of the scandal, and not a single one had called her back. On and on it went.

    Clearly this woman has significant mental health issues, and I feel great compassion for her. It’s also obvious to me that she’d be a disaster in our writing group. Any advice or suggestions for how to handle this request to join the writing group? I sidestepped the issue temporarily by telling her that group only has two meetings left for this year. I likened it to getting into a college class at the tail end of the semester. She expects me to call her back when the group reconvenes next spring.

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    1. Don’t call back
      Tell her the group is all set for now and you’ll put her on a list for future consideration
      She needs special kid glove care. Maybe you should tell her to snap chat her outlines to you and then tell her you got it thanks.
      If she doesn’t like that response maybe she should start her own group.
      By the way I have a few thoughts on the Catholic Church…

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      1. She doesn’t have computer; I was hoping that I’d be able to communicate with her in writing, but no such luck. About the Catholic church, who doesn’t have a few thoughts on that whole mess? But, thanks for your response, tim.

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        1. theres your answer. she doesnt have a computer. tell her its an internet course. its all done form google plus meeting room (by the way google + meeting room is fantastic and free)

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        2. i was struck by pat conroys response to the catholic church the other night that as a recovering catholic myself i like this new guy. he seems to be on the right track finally. maybe he can let them know they are not the only ones on the planet who dont need to apoligize and can go on with archaic lording over the masses on issues that force people to be hypocritical and deceptive in telling half truths about their beliefs and the like. sex offenders? abortions? gays? comon father lets have coffee and talk a little bit about life in the new milenium. whod of thunk it

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        1. I rather like Tim’s suggestion: inform her that only computer-users are welcomed into this particular group (make up some technical reasons for this?). She does sound like a very needy and difficult lady, PJ. She’s simply lacking boundaries to call someone so early, then keep them on the phone for an hour. I’d also suspect that she’d take over the group with her own stories of woe. Another suggestion here was to ignore her. That only works if you can monitor (identify) incoming calls. Either way, this woman is clearly unfit for your group (or maybe any other unless it’s a therapy group). Over my 30 years in this field, I’ve come to sense within five minutes that I’m sitting with the type of client who would be “trouble” and not be amenable to therapy in addition. When this happens, I openly say that I don’t think I have the right background or skill set to help her, then gently refer her on.
          Bottom line: good luck!

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  6. Snap chat is the way we all lived until the Internet. You went out and lived your life and of you screwed something up on your daily qwest that was too bad, hopefully you learned from it and went on with your life making better decisions forward. If my misstatements and errant proclamations of youth were on anyone’s radar I may be contemating what I would do when my parole finally went through.
    I participate in a blog with a smallish group of fellow documented Internet historians who say things that if put in front of the Carl rove American loyalty committee may not pass the muster
    I was very concerned during the w years when the laws regarding listening in we’re tweaked to assure access ability to everyone’s inner most thoughts. I dropped out of a couple of radical blogs where finger pointing and name calling began to take shapes the rove committee would have run before the McCarthy hearings to prove how quantonimo could be expanded to facilitate liberal security risks
    Snap chat screwed up, 3 billion is close enough for a good idea even if 4 is possible. Just spend the rest of your life figuring out how many additional lattes you could have bought. Waaaaah.
    What would I do with 3 billion?….. It’s a secret.

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  7. Similarly: Amazon offered local book sellers a deal: a % for sale of readers and ebooks through their stores. Their association said no, boldly and with offense. You have to admire the grit, but it seems to me their last best shot for survival. Just read that the largest selling category of books, romance, is now sold more as ebooks than print books.

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  8. My husband suggests that you could ask her to submit a sample of her writing, or perhaps invite her to make a presentation as a guest. If she is too disorganized nothing will materialize for her to submit or present. Even groups without formal membership criteria have expectations for how long meetings last and how much time a person can spend talking during a meeting, and perhaps she needs to be advised about group expectations for behavior during meetings. If the group meets in private homes, it is a much more awkward situation than if the group meets in a public venue for a specified amount of time.

    Since she told you about her psychiatric history, I think it is fair game, if she pursues this, to tell her about behavior that is making you uncomfortable. This is a really tough situation for all concerned.

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    1. That’s about what I was going to suggest. You are too kind to want to hurt her feelings, but your concerns about the impact she would have seem quite real. I’m not good at being blunt, but I think maybe you should take a chance with her by saying no and protecting the group from a person who seems sure to make discussions negative. Can you communicate with her via email? She doesn’t recognize the usual conventions of polite conversation on the phone. Asking for something in writing seems like a good idea. Good luck!

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    2. Other thoughts: If you take Tim’s advice and don’t phone her back, please don’t feel guilty. It is not your fault that the woman has a psychiatric disorder. This situation just punctuates the terrible issues that can arise with psychiatric issues that none of us can really do much about. I suspect that if you don’t phone back in the spring, she may not even remember that you were supposed to phone.

      On the other hand, husband advises that if this situation evolves further, ask her to bring a friend with her to the meeting. Such as person could help her monitor her own behavior and keep her mindful of group expectations.

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      1. I keep thinking new thoughts about this problem. I would put the onus on the woman in question to follow up with you. Give her a deadline when she is to contact you, and give her the responsibility to follow through with whatever you request. . If she is organized and functional you will hear from her. If she isn’t, you won’t. .

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      2. at my recent reunion one of the organizers was a guy who reached out a ehile back and asked to friend me on facebook. i agreed and had a few conversations with him but his comments were quirkey and strange so i stopped. at the reunion i was helping him contact people (good thing because 40% of the group was there at my invite) and he befriended me and began telling me about his realizing his connection with god made him kind of a socail outcast but god speaks directly to him through the codes of the numbers 17 47 and 55. he searches the address, phone numbers dates and other number based aspects of a life and finds reason to be ready for god to strike you down. i tried asking him why god wanted to strike everybody down, doesnt god kind of enjoy the good people are trying to do and cut you a little slack at the missed stepsa long the way and he would return to his examples of how he predicted the firing of the president of his college and the discovery of a new spiecies of big cat in the jungles of indonesia. he has a website to illuminate his prediciton and writes to many people about his ability to predict eternal damnation.. nice guy and he knows he walks on thin ice in a social level as he is shunned by virtually everyone. i told him id check his thought stuff in the self published book he sent me with his rambling sotries about how he bacame the sage visionary and i feel for the guy. i dont want him in my book club though. whats the phone number for the group pj maybe you could put these two together and help them form their own sub group.

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        1. Oh lord, tim, there are some weird people out there.

          I really appreciate everyone’s thoughts on this, thanks. If anyone has any additional thoughts on this, feel free to email me so as not to fill the blog with it.

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        2. I have cut way back on facebook and dropped my friend list way down, including all Babooners, because a person with an emotional issue, whom i dare not cut, goes after my friends.
          Very tough issue. Renee and her husband are giving you, I think sound advice. I had some parents like this as a teacher. Problem is that you will use rational approaches with an irrational person. Like Renee says, feel no guilt to be harsh in separating from her.

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      1. The rainy season is just ending here. (Did you see the howler monkey clue — it was a reply to something else farther up.) Of course, rainy season could be anywhere… how about this? Second oldest democracy in this part of the world.

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  10. Two things:
    If it’s a good juicy secret, once I tell my wife it’s sealed between the two of us!
    If it’s only a mediocre secret I’ll probably forget before I get home so that’s as good as in the vault!

    I’m in a situation where a part time co-worker has started confiding things to me. I like this person and it’s always nice to see them… but if I don’t keep moving I’ll be trapped in what I call ‘Sessions with _____’. If they catch me in my office it’s a ‘session’. If I hear them coming and I can get out of my office it’s easier to keep working while they talk.
    But only half of it is interesting so it sort of goes in one ear and out the other.

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        1. No Ms Crow Girl got it. I just looked it up. Fawlty Towers is exactly the kind of comedy I do not find funny. My wife and daughter did a bus tour in Europe. The whole time the bus was moving it showed Fawlty Towers. Up until then my daughter loved it.

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  12. Of course I can keep a secret, except under threat of torture. Then I’ll sing like the Mormon Tabernacle Choir welcoming God himself to Salt Lake City.

    Chris In Owatonna

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  13. I want to be honest here: I have had problems with secret-keeping, mostly with my kids. For example, as each son
    planned a wonderful proposal scenario for their future bride-to-be, my daughter and some of their friends got heavily involved in the plans. As the event approached, each son told me the night before what he was going to pull off. When I later learned that their sister had spent weeks helping each one set it up, I asked, “Why didn’t you tell ME?? Why was I the last one to hear this???” Ten guesses as to what the response was (your first one will be correct!)?

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  14. Off-topic check out the man alone if your sky is the same as mine he looks like Roosevelt on the dime up there to me at the nose running from 1230 down towards 7 o’clock at the eyes there till 1 o’clock to get the mouth there right above 7 o’clock and Roosevelt on the dime iswhat he’s always right of me

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