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Ask Dr. Babooner

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We are ALL Dr. Babooner
We are ALL Dr. Babooner

Dear Dr. Babooner,

Last week, people at my office became very upset over figure skating.

My cubicle-mate started a petition demanding that the United Nations, NATO, Interpol, the Red Cross and the International Monetary Fund look into the judging of the Women’s Figure Skating final at the Olympics. I didn’t sign it because I could see how potentially dangerous all this talk might become.

On Friday morning I was proven right when the receptionist got into an argument with a visitor about technical versus artistic scoring protocols and she hurled a stapler at the guest. I don’t know all the details but a witness says the guy who made the unfortunate remark did three full rotations and a somersault while jumping out of the way, which impressed everyone even though he crashed into the water cooler, which cost some points.

After that, our office manager sent around a decree that figure skating talk is not safe for work. He warned that anyone caught violating this new policy would be dismissed.

I was relieved to hear it because I think figure skating on the Olympic level amounts to child abuse. Extremely young people are relentlessly driven to give up what we consider ordinary lives to strive for some unobtainable “perfect” ideal, and then are forced by stern coaches to perform under incredible stress for cheating judges in front of a voracious, unsympathetic media.

This, I argued, exposes young, still-developing brains to a level of pressure and instant judgment that goes well beyond the trials and tribulations of holding an adult job, which is something the 14 and 15 year-olds out there on the ice are not even allowed to do.

Of course my cube-mate told the office manager what I said and I was fired immediately for breaking the ice conversation rule even though I did get credit for the originality of my comments and the dress I was wearing that day, which had a few sequins and just the right number of ruffles to be expressive and flirty without crossing the line into trashiness.

Dr. Babooner, I’m not denying that I made a technical error – I knew the rules. I’m proud that I gave it everything I had and didn’t hold back. But I’m not sure I want to re-enter the job market again, knowing how arbitrary and heartbreaking it can be even when you are very nearly perfect in everything you do. Friends have suggested that I was mistreated and should sue for every penny I can get, but I’m hesitant.

Should I complain, or carry on?

Yours truly,
Harshly Judged

I told Harshly that people who complain about unfair dismissal are often justified and sometimes vindicated but they almost always get labeled as whiners. Rather than sue on an employment claim, I suggested that she return to the office as a visitor and while waiting, try saying something that will set off that unstable receptionist. It might sting a bit to let the stapler hit its mark, but an assault charge is more winnable than a job discrimination claim.

But that’s just one opinion. What do YOU think, Dr. Babooner?

50 thoughts on “Ask Dr. Babooner”

  1. Hold your head high and go on the pro circuit. You can make a ton of money doing it your way without having to worry about being judged by unfair and capricious rules. On the pro circuit you could wear something trashy if you like or go over the top with sequins because it’s that sort of day. Heck, on the pro circuit you could even do a back flip or any “illegal” move that you like because there are no illegal moves on the pro circuit (hmm…this is beginning to sound like working on Wall Street – have you though about a job in the financial industry?…).

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  2. Good morning. I think you are right regarding the exploitation of young people who should not be brought into that kind of a competition at such an early age. Why should you loose your job because you said that? I guess fair treatment at work and fair treatment of young athletes are both not very important these days. Good luck finding a better place to work. Don’t burn any bridges at that place that fired you because they could do something that would go against you when you try to find another job. Tell your former boss you are sorry about your violation of his or her rule. Maybe you could get a job at a competitor and help the competitor put your old boss out of business.

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        3. the first trail play scenario in the birthing stage. i can see this coming to be.
          what ice skating through yonder window breaks
          it is the eastern block and sotnikova the sun
          …whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
          the slings and arrows of outrageous judging
          or to take make cracks against a sea of troubles,
          and by opposing end them?

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  4. Well, I think it is great that office managers are finally getting around to enforcing Really Important stuff, like bans on chatter about ice skating. I sure hope that ban includes any mention of ice skater’s costumes, which are designed to appeal to sex-starved prudes in the judge’s box (that is, skate outfits should use faux nudity to make outfits look erotic without any chance of a nip slip or other shocking accident).

    But this is a just a start. Think of all the cubicle banter that insults or intimidates workers every day! It is a wonder we get any work done when there are so many ways to humiliate and offend each other. I’m especially incensed by clueless men who make female coworkers feel fat with devastating comments like “You look like someone who would love a doughnut.” (Grounds for firing!) And when a guy asks a female associate “When’s the baby due?” and she isn’t pregnant, well those are grounds for instant dismissal, if not worse. I’m sure that if you did the math, you’d find that over half the comments by male employees to female employees are demeaning and objectifying. It’s time someone got around to policing this stuff. I actually heard a guy recently tell an executive assistant (what we used to call a “secretary”) that “You look good today,” implying she looks like hell most days.

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    2. Steve, you make me think a vow of silence might be a good workplace strategy. At least it would keep the meetings from going on too long.

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    3. That’s one good thing about not getting fat until later in life. there is absolutely no way that anyone would think i might be pregnant instead of just fat.

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  6. I can’t recall if I’ve written about my most recent diagnosis: “Nonverbal Learning Disability”, but, after a whole lifetime, I’ve been handed a brand new prism through which to review certain problems I’ve encountered throughout time. The “symptoms” include being lousy at math, getting lost when driving in unfamiliar territory, being prone to depression and anxiety, etc. The most significant and irksome item on this list is not being able to read “cues” other normal people exhibit (mostly facial expressions and body language). In effect, I tend to verbalize things that most others only think and don’t say out loud. This has gotten me into trouble countless times. One example is using an essay exam in grad school to argue against the professor’s pet theory. She vilified me for this (she espoused theories of the subconscious; I took them apart with theories of behaviorism). I guess you don’t question the prof who wrote the book?

    I’m a danger to myself and others in any office setting, too. My inadequate skills in discerning what’s politically correct in a given situation begin to stand out. One example here is a job involving crisis insurance calls when I was about 50. Day after day, most everyone complained about one of the supervisors. One day he wasn’t there at all – he’d been fired. My response was to say out loud, “Great! Now we won’t have to put up with _________anymore!!” Everyone looked at me like I’d just committed a great sin of some sort. I simply didn’t know that when someone gets fired, everyone starts speaking well of him or, at the very least, feels sorry for him. I missed the nature of office politics completely. Oops.

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    2. Crystalbay, let’s start a class called Facial Attitude Reading Training. Then if someone gives you grief about your inability to discern their meaning, you could say “I’m sorry I didn’t pick up your cues. I’ll be sure to picture the face you just made the next time I go to F.A.R.T.”
      That should keep you from getting into trouble with the boss! 🙂

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      1. Interesting thoughts, Dale. Perhaps someone could create a stack of “facial cue cards” and I could learn by memorizing them along with assigned meanings? It’s a bit disconcerting to put “tack, back, and sack” in a single
        string of life patterns I’ve experienced! One other sign of my “invisible” learning disability it being pathetically gullible and naive. This leads to taking everything literally, even when people are joking or being sarcastic. After learning “why” I’ve missed common cues, I’ve ended up thinking that I live in two dimensions in a three dimensional world.

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        1. Agreed, Crystalbay. I’ve noticed this when I’ve been drawn into deep political discussions – others seem to be perceiving things on an extra level that I don’t quite get. My strategy is to smile and nod.

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  7. Greetings Baboons! Back from the wilds of SW Minnesota. I watched very little of the Olympics. I was conversationally limited to topics my parents and their friends were interested in, which consisted mainly of people and who was related to whom, and who had died recently. Both my parents have tip of the tongue issues when it comes to names, so talking to them about people is sort of frustrating. I would have welcomed office banter and the throwing of staplers. Dad thought the US skaters were whiners, but also thought they may have had a legitimate gripe.

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  8. Renee, I talked to a guy today who said he was in SW Minnesota over the weekend and had to spend a night in the armory at Olivia because there were “… rivers of snow blowing across the road.” True?

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    1. My daughter lives south of there and talks to colleagues all over that area. Yes the Olivia armory and others took in stranded drivers. My son-in-law was out for a bit on a hospital visit very early Friday. His biggest problem was knowing where the road was because of the rivers of snow blowing over it.

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  9. True, especially on Thursday night. My dad and I drove to Ellsworth to see my mom in the Home late on Thursday afternoon and we drove back to Luverne in blizzard conditions.

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  10. I taught one “child prodigy,” a reed player. Last of five children with parents that tried to push the older four into the arts, mostly visual arts, with eventually much resistance from each, because they just were not any good and got frustrated. But she the last lived to practice and play from a very early age. The mother told me she tried to get her to practice less. I had a friend who was close to the Olympic ski jumping team in the late 60’s. His father introduced him to jumping at 10 and he could never get enough of it and missed it for years after he quit (ski jumping you do seriously or you don’t). I believe to reach the level of people like the Olympic skaters you must simply want to from an early age. Great athletic skill and I bet other skills is a such a rare combination of more than just the talent, also the drive and a certain intelligence. Michael Jordan practiced relentlessly even though he was told he lacked the talent.
    The one thing that bothers me the most about the Olympics is that only Gold really counts and 4th best in the world is complete failure. The idiot sportscasters and networks need to lower their elitist attidue about success
    BTW, one of my ex-students was there as an associate producer for NBC. What an experience she had.

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      1. It seemed to me that the snowboard competitors had the sunniest attitude about all this. The ones I saw celebrating at the bottom of the run appeared delighted to be there and enjoying themselves, regardless of the outcome. Not a lot of tears.

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        2. Middle daughter says that the snowboarders are all potheads. That could be another explanation of their high spirits.

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  11. A faculty room conversation story. (I will not tell all the ugly tales of bullying and rudeness and gross sexism and rudeness.) One day the 60-year-old athletic director sat down at the table with four of us 30-something guys rather than the table of those his age. Two of us were coaches. We were exchanging recipes. He finally got up and went over to the old guys group.

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      3. My daughter did a family cookbook to welcome my son’s wife to the family. The joke was that my wife had one recipe in it and I had about 20. It’s not a good idea for a fund raiser but you can do it so easily on Shutterfly that it is a fun and not very expensive gift.

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        1. My daughter is the Shutterfly master. She finds all sorts of odd items you can make. For Christmas she gave me an Ipad cover with pix of the grand kids on it.

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  12. RECIPES? that is hilarious. i cannot imagine any of the coaches in my high school exchanging recipes, not even the girls’ gym teacher.

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  13. We hardly say any Olympics because for some reason we don’t get Channel 11 (and no cable). Anyone have ideas on why this would be? TV is in an upstairs bedroom…

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