Today’s post comes from living and loving correspondent B. Marty Barry.
First, a word of assurance to all the people out there – although I’ve never met you, I do care about each and every one of you very, very much.
That’s why I can sense a problem – namely that some people are feeling really delighted and emotionally validated by the decision yesterday from NFL owners to send the Super Bowl to Minneapolis in 2018. Of course it makes me happy to see people happy and it’s always wonderful to feel good about yourself.
But I’m concerned that we have loaded too many eggs into our basket of civic self esteem.
Some people are saying this single event will make Minneapolis a world-class city that will finally be recognized as being “on the map” in the eyes of those who apparently don’t spend much time gazing at maps – otherwise they would have found us by now!
I seem to remember the very same result was promised in connection with the Super Bowl Minneapolis hosted in 1992 at the then-fabulous Metrodome. Didn’t that create a sufficient level of on-the-mapiness? Apparently not! The Metrodome is now a dirty hole in the ground and we’re still longing for someone (anyone) to award us that elusive “world-class” status.
Every day as part of my mission to bring happiness and self-sufficiency to distressed people, I hear these wounded souls talk about a burning hunger to see approval in the eyes of their fellow beings – especially the kind of approval that comes from others they have never met in far away places they have never seen.
It is because of this urge that I sit in a chair back behind my clients while they talk to me. I have found that not being visible to those I try to help makes me much smarter (in their eyes) and it raises the value of my favorable opinion by about 20 points.
To be so needy is very human, I think. But if I’m being completely honest, it’s also a little tiresome and somewhat pathetic. But I’m not thinking of anyone in particular when I say that, and of course I’m not here to judge. It’s just that I don’t understand why we are suddenly so giddy to have a Big Date with the NFL – an organization that counts its conquests in Roman numerals (XLVIII so far) and readily admits to having “franchisees” in 26 cities around the country! Franchisees! How cold! And yes, we’ll be in the spotlight on February 4th, 2018, but so what? What happens next?
I’ll tell you! The very next year that same significant occasion will be held at some other franchisee’s place and we will be forgotten!
Yes, it’s nice to be chosen. Our date will leave lots of money here, but we will also spend a pretty penny on new infrastructure – primping and improving and getting ourselves ready. Maybe too much? Time will tell, but already I can see that we are quite eager to please!
Let’s re-visit this next time. Until then, why don’t you set aside a morning and spend it locating yourself on as many maps as you can find! The more often you hear yourself say “I’m already there,” the healthier your perspective will be when it comes time for the Big Date.
Whose opinion matters?
Trail Baboon 
Good morning. My own opinion is the one that matters the most to me and that isn’t always a good thing. Do I show enough respect for the opinions of others? Would you believe me if I told you I am just like B. Marty Barry, I care very much about you and your opinion even if I haven’t met you.
As B Marty has said, don’t worry about being on the map, you are on it,
When I asked my Dad if he was worried about what people would think about him, he said he didn’t care, they could think what they wanted to think. I guess my Dad wasn’t worried about being on the map.
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Some opinions smatter and some don’t!
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If an opinions matters, do not step I in it.
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words to live by
clyde and jackson pollack
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I discovered about 10 years ago you never have to say in my opinion. It came out of your mouth, obviously it’s your opinion. You only need to clarify if you have other peoples opinions coming out of your mouth “see john mc cain” I hear the tea party is getting beat because of the bad opinions communions out of their mouths. It will be interesting to see who they choose. karl rove, dick cheney, bush 87, the choices are endless as to whose opinion you should take if it is supposed to help win over the target audience, I’ll bet the Vikings didn’t mention the wilfs tax evasion, the high difference between black and white education and employment here in minnesota the fact that marijuana can be consumed in pill oil or vapor form (vapor huh)
You need to be careful about opinions in my opinion
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I taught kids to never say “I think” or “in my opinion.” A few times parents would tell me I should not teach that. Quite a few kids were told in college to say such phrases. I am still with you, Tim.
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I disagree, tim and Clyde. To me stating that something is my opinion acknowledges that I’m aware that whatever I have just said isn’t an indisputable fact.
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That’s srong
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Your opinion doesn’t smatter, tim. At least not to me.
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I like to be different, so I’d like to be able to say that I have no opinion but that wouldn’t be true. Everyone has opinions. My opinion is important to me but worthless to someone else. (To most people, actually… )
My mother has strong and well-developed opinions. She will tell you that she has no opinions. This is passive-aggressive, in my opinion. I spend a lot of time with my mother, not talking about the opinions which she says she does not have. Not even thinking about my own opinions… I wish my mother would not drive but that’s just my opinion and I do not mention it to my mother.
Everyone’s opinion matters, Billy Marty! It’s just working together to find the compromises that makes our lives better.
Don’t the Vikings have to win to have the Super Bowl here? Does this mean they will win for at least the next four years? I thought hosting the Super Bowl had something to do with sportsmanship but now I see that it only has to do with funding and the right people having strong opinions and clapping one another on the back in agreement. Am I cynical? Possibly. But that’s just my opinion.
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I am often asked for my professional opinion in court. Is a professional opinion different than a non-professional opinion? Sometimes I would love to say “So and So is dumber than a sack of hammers and should never be allowed within 10 feet of their children”. Instead, I respond with “The children in question need to be in a stable, non-violent environment with adults who are sober and nurturing”.
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50 years ago you had to establish your bona fide to have your opinion reach public attention, except for letters to the editor, which were only really read seriously by other idiots. You acquired bona fide on certain topics, by the way Renee has to opine in court or the way Steve describes. Now bona fide is seemingly dismissed, that expertise is bad, that being a political rookie somehow makes your more appealing.And we used to scrutinize opinions for personal intent (which is what I think a professional opinion is among other things). For instance the Kochs opinion would have been dismissed as personally motivated.
Now having spent 40 years smiling inanely on one of the most vapid hollow shows in TV history–and acting on that show exactly the opposite of what you really are–somehow seems to make a person think his opinion carries weight on scientific issues, well, how did we come to this. Opinions often now only count if there is a bias or no bases for the opinion. I quit watching Almanac on TPT TV years ago when the every member of their political panel was a spin doctor who hacked for other people. Silly. And this is held up with pride today. Eric Severaid was appalled before he died. What would he think now? But no one would care because his bona fide was solid and came as Steve describes.
People like to blame social media, but this was all happening long before that, when journalism quit separating straight reportage from commentary/analysis from opinion.
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See, I just smattered all over the place.
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You sure did.
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I think you are on safe ground with that opinion, as in my opinion, all children need to be in a stable, non-violent environment with adults who are sober and nurturing.
I think it must get very dicey when there is a difference of opinion on the definition of words like “stable” and “nurturing”.
Blessings on your head for doing such a tough job.
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Does anyone ask the children for their opinion? It seems to me that their opinion should matter.
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My wife was an abused child. She would have sworn in court or to anyone anywhere that she was not abused. Abused children see their own best interest served by protecting the abusive parent. Am I right, Renee?
Her high school friends do not believe she was abused because her father was so nice and handsome and if she was abused she would have told her friends back then.
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Some of her US friends; a few have gradually gotten it, remembering things.
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You are correct, Clyde. It is the rare child who will doggedly pursue his or her personal interests over a parent’s.
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Well, if you know the adults in your world are going to return you to an environment where you’re going to have the living daylight beat out of you if you squeal, it’s better not to speak up. Been there, done that.
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My point was only to ask the child for his or her opinion, not necessarily to abide by it. I think everyone will agree that a child will side with an abusive parent – my point was to let him or her talk about it and express their wishes if they want to. It’s about validation.
My family entered chemical dependency counseling together when I was a senior in high school. I was asked to express my feelings directly to my father about his verbal and emotional abuse. I was instructed to be specific. It was terrifying and at first I wanted to avoid the whole thing but the result was good for me. I had never felt validated before. I always felt like the things he did and said to me up to that point were my own fault. Being there, face to face, with him and giving my side of the story was the most validating thing that had ever happened to me up to that point. I finally knew that I had been in a situation that was out of my control and that my responses were a result of that situation. I knew I could learn a new way to be.
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Krista, I sure hope that the children in question are given the opportunity to express their opinion. I’m glad your experience was validating and a positive one for you. I merely wanted to make the point, speaking from my own experience, that a child may not admit to anyone that they want to be removed from the home for fear of retribution. I was too afraid that the minute we were behind closed doors, and there was no one there to protect me, I’d really get a beating. I was 15 years old before I finally got the courage to tell anyone I was being abused regularly, although in retrospect, I think all kinds of people knew it. When I did tell, I had been picked up by the police after running away from home. The policeman was lecturing me on how bad it was to run away from home just because my mother had disciplined me, and that I’d be put in a home for delinquents if I did it again. I proceeded to pul up my pant legs and the sleeves of my sweater to show him the bloody welts up and down my arms and legs, and told him that any home other than my own would be preferable to going back to my mother. She got a stern talking to when I was brought home, and that was it.
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Krista – glad that you had the chance to speak up, and that it gave you a new perspective of what had happened before.
PJ – It’s appalling that the officer sent you back into the lion’s den after seeing your injuries.
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I’m sure it happens all the time, BiR.
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Opinion seems the same… but the first wording is more to the point (and more fun).
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This format stinks, in my opinion. I can’t for the life of me figure out which response vs’s comment relates to.
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Once again I am out of line with the spirit of the times. We are being encouraged to think our opinions are worth something (presumably because they are ours). But it isn’t WHOSE opinion that matters. We all have opinions on all sorts of things. Some of those opinions represent years of thoughtful debate and soul-searching. Some are as worthless as my opinion of sushi . . . which I hate but have never tried it, nor would I even if you put a gun to my head.
An opinion matters when an observant and thoughtful person makes an effort to develop an opinion forged with care and respect for truth. An opinion isn’t more valuable than a Kleenex full of boogers if it is a reflexive reaction to something that isn’t formed with reference to reality.
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I am usually pretty suspicious when the opinions of people who are legitimate experts in one area are subsequently given credence on unrelated topics. I may know more than most people about mental health, but that doesn’t mean people should takeseriously what I think about tax reform or literary criticism.
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True enough, that, although I suspect that you generally think before forming an opinion about something. Husband is currently carrying on a discussion via email with his oldest brother about whether or not foie gras is the result of mistreatment of geese. It’s very clear that they disagree vehemently on the subject, and it’s equally obvious that his brother thinks husband’s viewpoint has no merit whatsoever because he isn’t in the restaurant business. Furthermore, because he lives in the US he should direct his attention to all the issues with American agriculture instead. So there.
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I had a supervisor from Watertown WI whose chore as a youngster was to “noodle the goose”, meaning he had to force the goose to eat noodles to enlarge the liver. The goose got pretty ticked off and my supervisor hated having to do it. He told me that Watertown was noted for the production of foie gras.
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Where did you meet my brother-in-law?
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Perhaps your bil has an evil twin named David who is a psychologist in Iowa?
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funny
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Can’t find it now, but there was a Facebook funny something like:
I wonder if clouds look down at us and say “That one looks like an Idiot.”
One kind of opinion.
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I’ve seen that one – very funny.
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And here’s how out of sync I am with what’s going on in the world around me. I didn’t evern realize that we were on a short list for the Super Bowl much less that a decision was made yesterday. And while I understand that it’s good for Minneapolis, I don’t much care one way or the other!
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Those of use from the Arrowhead are used to not being on the map. It is usually in a small box down in a corner at a much smaller scale. Sometimes on the back.
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It’s always good to hear from B. Marty. An enlightening piece – didn’t realize this before: “I sit in a chair back behind my clients while they talk to me. “
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Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves; vanity, to what we would have others think of us.
– Jane Austen
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