Polar Vortex Redux

Image – NOAA Climate Prediction Center

Today’s post comes from Unreliable Journalist Bud Buck.

Meteorologists and paranormalists are watching with great interest as conditions conspire to raise some serious questions about the true nature of the mysterious forces that propel our weather.

Although I have talked to at least two people and maybe three about this topic, no one has yet been able to convince me that there is not something spooky and ominous afoot!

In a bit of timing worthy of a vengeful and nefarious supervillain, the dreaded weather phenomenon known as the Polar Vortex is coming back at exactly the right moment to make Minneapolis’ All-Star summertime a bummertime.

Starting off what is normally one of the warmest weeks of the year, this Monday will see a high temperature of only 65 degrees with 25 mile per hour wind gusts driving a cold rain into the faces of Important Visitors From Afar – those cherished opinion leaders congregating in Minneapolis for Major League Baseball’s annual All Star Game Tuesday night.

Unseasonably cool conditions are also certain to mar the beginning of a seven day stretch that the city’s mayor has identified as Bragging Week.

Coincidence? I put that question to TV meteorologist Gust Hailstone, who said “What are you talking about?”

I proceeded to explain to the clueless Hailstone that some people are saying the Polar Vortex is actually more than a weather system. These individuals believe the Vortex is actually a sentient being – a roiling stew of temperature differentials and moisture, brought into consciousness by the electricity in lightning, and configured just perfectly to have a vendetta against the city of Minneapolis!

“That’s ridiculous,” Hailstone spluttered. “I’ve never heard anybody say that.”

“You’re a liar,” I replied, “because I just said it, and you heard me.”

The real question is – why is the Polar Vortex trying to ruin our reputation by making all of America and the rest of the world see Minneapolis as a place that is too cold to visit, even in the summertime?

I put that question to paranormalist Jade Seance.

“That’s already our reputation,” she said. “Through the thick mists that separate this life from the next one, I can sense that even the dead people shudder when Minneapolis is mentioned.”

The moment she said “Minneapolis,” I felt a deep, clean chill, almost as if a door had been left open, or a ghost had walked through my physical body. I quickly spun around, expecting to see the Vortex standing before me in the form of a living, breathing arch-fiend!

But no! It was an open door. Her receptionist had quit the day before and Seance propped a chair against the entryway so passers-by could see us gathered around the table, holding hands.

“People will pay you good money and put up with a lot of malarkey if you’ll just hold their hand for an hour,” she said. “Some folks are really desperate to make any kind of human contact.”

Still, I had to ask. “What does the Polar Vortex want with us?”

At that very moment, the lights came back on, the wind blew the door shut and Seance said “Time’s up! If you want more answers it will be another hundred dollars.”

Indignant, I marched into the street, found a cop, and complained that I had been bamboozled by a paranormalist. But as soon as the officer found out I was a local person, she detained me on charges of raising the stress level when company’s coming and violating the promotional ethos of Bragging Week.

The Polar Vortex strikes again!

This is Bud Buck!

Naturally, Bud is trying to make this as dramatic as possible so he can draw attention to himself. But I think he imagined this entire episode, or at least embellished it. I’m confident that weather does not have needs or desires when it comes to complimenting or ruining our events.

Or does it?

When has the weather undermined your plans?

30 thoughts on “Polar Vortex Redux”

  1. I am hopeful that the weather will hold and we won’t have rain, as we currently have no downspouts or gutters. It may be a few weeks before we can get them . I also found out today that the cement contractor can’t get to our sidewalk and front steps replacement until December. Ishta.

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    1. give it to your son and duaghter in fargo as a project. its not a difficult job heck your husbands getting ready to retire have him google putting in concrete steps on youtube. it would make him think twice about retirement.

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  2. Rise and Shine Baboons! This morning earlier there was not a comment section. Now we are off and running.

    Living in Minnesota the weather chronically undermines my plans for drying clothes on the clothesline, baseball game in the sunshine, traveling back and forth from work in the winter. The list is long.

    I believe it simply keeps me on my toes, creating cognitive flexibility.

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  3. [All righty then – we DO have a space to reply…Dale just fixed something behind the scenes. ]

    Today, for one – I was planning on a warm sunny day to wheel my mom out for a walk – heck, she’ll need her wool cape!

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  4. It’s 10:00, do you know where your Baboons are??

    Back in ’73 or so, I was heading home to Connecticut for my first Christmas since moving to Minnesota. Flying in a huge snowstorm, I had to change planes at O’Hare (enormous mistake). We didn’t make our connection, of course. Back in those days the airline took better care of displaced customers and they put me in quite a grand hotel with a glass elevator and a fantastic atrium. As a wide eyed 23 year old, I found it quite the experience and I didn’t really suffer much. However back at the Connecticut ranch, when I was incommunicado before getting off the plane, my father was calling the airline, wanting to know what had happened to his darling daughter.
    I am told that he was put on hold but he was convinced that they had merely set the receiver on the counter (he could hear voices in the background) and he kept screaming into the phone, “I know you’re there, pick up the phone!” (and the like and probably NOT the like). Knowing him, he made use of his amateur actor’s ability to project his voice, big time. Had I been there, I would have been frightened by his anger, no doubt, but it’s a funny picture now.

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    1. Then there was the time a couple of years ago when the east coast had a Snowmageddon and it took my son and DIL until Thursday to get here for Christmas when they were supposed to have arrived on Monday. That wasn’t quite a entertaining.

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  5. Afternoon all. Have returned from the land of the hot & humid (no, compared to there, it is NOT humid here). What did I miss?

    I can’t think of anything huge that has been an issue due to the weather, although I’m sure there are lots of little ones. I remember riding all day in the rain on one of the “Ride Across Minnesota” bike rides and there was the one time that Child and I did Holidazzle when one more degree less and they would have called the parade for the night.

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    1. Out here, you wait for the contractors you trust, and this is one of those instances. I am still waiting on my plumber, hoping beyond hope the electric stove doesn’t lose anymore burners before Darrel the cautious and experienced plumber can install a gas line to the kitchen.

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  6. i get so caught up in multi takisng i loose lots of blog entries to the vapors.
    todays had to do with the camping trip to ely when i first took my bride to be camping. i discvered that rain and kids in a closed space made it fun rather than a chore and had high hopes for a life of camping joy in the great outdoors
    yellowstones story about camping rain and projectile vomiting slowed the enthusiam and today if there a tent in the equation i am on my own except for my boys who need me to ight the camp fire seeing as i never got a chance to teach them on family outings.
    the hurricane in hong kong on my first solo trip overseas doing company stuff was interesting. check into the 40th floor and look at the 138 mph wind blowing the 100 degree rain sideways. you could literally go outside the hotel and walk to the edge of the building where you could put you hand out into hot horizontal rain and pull it back in. it was interesting. the next day the news showed how it was a big deal. i had my meeting and that was the beginning of me and china.
    plane trips with storms and blizzards in big ones and puddle jumpers
    tornados in the distance on the montana horizon.
    driving through 16 inches of rain where i parked on high gorund and swam home. and a few mempries i will simply smile to myseldf on and thank bud buck for reminding me of. ah memories are sweet. sometimes sweeter than the reality at the time. if i only would have realized what a moment i was having while i was having it i could have savored it a bit more

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      1. i am working with a poet who i am trying toi help get published. one of my favorite poems she has written recalls the red velvet coat she wore when she was 8. we are tweaking the manuscript and adding some images i copied this one to sned to her and it ended up here on the trail because i am multi tasking challanged at times.
        ill see if i can find the poem and post it too

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        1. A Red Wool; Coat Speaks of Love

          You think you know everything there is
          to know about a winter coat, plain

          And practical, felted black or navy blue, one like that
          will do just fine until the red wool coat speaks

          Its crimson words of love and you think: If i had that bright
          red coat with the real rabbit fur collar wrapped warm
          around my neck I could be anything I want,

          Lara in Dr. Zhivago or Maria von Trapp,

          Or an ecstatic whirling, giving praise to love’s

          Mute joy, spinning soundlessly down the aisle
          of J.C.Penny, Lake Streetand HiawathaAvenue,

          eight years old.

          Liked by 1 person

  7. Blizzards other and other types of bad weather caused us to stay home many times when we lived in Clarks Grove and would have liked to have gone to an event of some kind in the Twin Cities. There were a few times when we went ahead and made the trip between Clarks Grove and The Cities when the weather was bad. Those were scary trips creeping along on icy roads or moving very slowly in near white out conditions. Most of the time we just decided to stay home if the weather was bad. There were some winters when it seemed that most of the trips we wanted to make to the Cities were canceled due to severe weather.

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  8. Well, there was the Halloween blizzard of… was it ’91?… that undermined trick-or-treating a bit. Nephew Vin was visiting for the weekend, and the roads closed, school was called off, and he got to stay an extra day or two. He was only Joel’s favorite person in the world (and also one of mine), so it was good times all around.

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  9. I have a friend who has a band. A couple of years ago he produced a CD and lined up a venue to do a CD release party, and we got a heavy snow and attendance was a bit thin. This past winter he had another CD release party scheduled but had to cancel due to blizzard conditions. A couple of other shows he’s done happened to be on days when the temp didn’t get above zero. It’s begun to be a standing joke – “Batten down the hatches, Mike’s got a gig!” We’re speculating what he could possibly have done to bring the weather gods’ curse on his musical efforts.

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