Barge Traffic

Last fall we were enthralled by the news that Google had floated two mysterious barges on the east and west coasts of the United States, for what purpose the fevered minds of conspiracy theorists everywhere could only guess.

And there were many guesses. The least exciting ones had to do with the barges being mobile showrooms for Google’s “Glass” product – basically a head-mounted computer that projects a screen image on the lens of a pair of glasses. It is a device so extremely powerful, it can make anyone, even some of the world’s most gorgeous models, look like a complete dork.

But Google being Google, it has incredible resources at its disposal and no shortage of imagination, therefore there is no limit to what secret purpose the barges might be hiding.

One of my favorite guesses came from tim during a discussion of this issue on Trail Baboon’s companion blog, The Baboondocks.

Screen Shot 2014-08-03 at 1.51.30 PM

To this I say “Yes”. Clearly tim had already been in the transporter and his head had been turned (possibly all the way around) by the mind-scrambling potential of this secret, barge-borne technology.

And it makes sense that the labs would be floating in San Francisco Bay and off the coast of Maine – this was Google’s way to create safe, mobile and discreet places to work on a device that teleports items (and someday, people) from coast to coast, or planet to planet.

They are safe because barges are islands that can be detached from shore to discourage intruders and curious, snoopy competitors. Mobile so the technology can be moved to a better location if reception is weak. And discreet so the horrible disfiguring, non-survivable teleporter accidents that are bound to occur can be quietly dumped into the sea.

It all makes a weird kind of Google-ish sense.

But now we will have to re-imagine what Google is up to, because the company has started to sell off its mysterious barges.

Or at least the barge in Maine has been sold. But to whom? And how did the buyer know it was for sale since no one understands what the barges are for to begin with? Is there a mystery structure realty firm that cuts secret deals for enigmatic properties?

And why sell now? Is the experiment complete? And if so, was it a complete success, or an utter failure? So many questions!

What does this mean?

27 thoughts on “Barge Traffic”

  1. Really? Remember in Contact when our early tv signals alerted the aliens to our presence? You thought Carl Sagan just made that up, didn’t you? Obviously the transporter work has given away our position in the universe — and aliens are now purchasing the barges. The more important question is actually what they are using as currency/

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  2. i suspect that google realized what kind of libility it had put it self out there with when the break ins on the other end of the transporter began to happen. we can protect the islands on this end but how in the google galaxy do you set up watchdogs to discourage transportation of illleagal aliens to earth.
    the tea party is upset about the central american children well how about the inquizitive intruders from 4000 light years away. they were all young time travelers when they left but now they are 400 years old have been reading books on the google ebook list about ther new destination on the trip and have an odd idea of what they are comng to. when they get here no one can explain any of what they see because of the language barrier and the tea party is a bit rude about asking them to leave. when asked to leave the tt’s respond with

    What light through yonder window breaks?
    It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
    Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
    Who is already sick and pale with grief,
    That thou, her maid, art far more fair than she.
    Be not her maid since she is envious.
    Her vestal livery is but sick and green,
    And none but fools do wear it. Cast it off!
    It is my lady. Oh, it is my love.
    Oh, that she knew she were!
    She speaks, yet she says nothing. What of that?
    Her eye discourses. I will answer it.—
    I am too bold. ‘Tis not to me she speaks.
    Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,
    Having some business, do entreat her eyes
    To twinkle in their spheres till they return.
    What if her eyes were there, they in her head?
    The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars
    As daylight doth a lamp. Her eye in heaven
    Would through the airy region stream so bright
    That birds would sing and think it were not night.
    See how she leans her cheek upon her hand.
    Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand
    That I might touch that cheek!

    and they get told to forgetaboutit and get the hell back to where they came from. but for now presidents bush and the law he set up rewuire that we take them in for a few years to discover how to send them back, its not as easy and quick as the people form nicaragua. hopefullt chris christy and mitch mcconnell can figure it out.
    help me obie wan mcconnell youre our only hope

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  3. Just went onto Google and the artwork was birthday cakes and other goodies. When I rolled my mouse over it to see what the occasion was, it said “Happy Birthday, Sherrilee”. Yikes… the aliens know that I’m onto them and are monitoring me. Should I be worried????

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  4. Good morning. It is Monday morning. I don’t how some people, tim and Dale, can come up with such mind boggling stuff at the start of the week. Also, those Google barges are certainly odd and mind boggling.

    II have no idea what this means. Perhaps the barges are in some way tied to National Security Agency spying. Maybe Google set up those barges to be used by NSA. Now NSA has to be more careful about what it does after Edward Snowden released information about their activities and NSA doesn’t have a use for the barges.

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  5. Happy B Day, Sherrilee! I think those barges are where Google had The Cloud. Something went wrong, and now they are looking for another place for The Cloud. Perhaps under the sea?

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    1. Yup. The barges are wall-to-wall servers… and that is where alllll our birthdays are kept..and our cats’ birthdays, andcyour maternal grandmother’s maiden name…

      They had to decomission the one in Maine because lobsters were hacking it.

      They ain’t red for nothing….

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  6. Maybe Google’s basement was flooded and those barges are really storage units holding all the $#!+ they never got around to going through since their start up. That’s what happened to my mom in June and ever since there’s been a barge sitting in her driveway the size of a refrigerator truck.

    Happy Birthday Sherrilee!

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  7. I think we should ask Captain Billy and the boys to check out the google barges. Google might be keeping a lot of loot on those barges. They probably are selling off those barges as part of a scheme to hide their money and avoid paying taxes. I’m sure the captain and the boys would have no trouble boarding those barges and doing some pillaging. I think there is a good chance they will find some hidden Google treasure.

    Happy birthday Sherrilee.

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  8. Yes, Happy Birthday, Sherrilee! Hope you are enjoying your day. I checked to see whether Google alerted the general public to your birthday but my Google doodle was for John Venn’s 180th birthday. I would diagram something in his honor if I had any idea how to do it.

    Google is just a mystery to me.

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    1. Ravelry (sort of facebook for fiber fanatics, only better coding) actually has a code you can use to create Venn diagrams of its database of members, so you could see the intersection between say, Harry Potter fans, people who primarily knit for charity, and far right-wing conservatives. You can waste ridiculous amounts of time with that.

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  9. Glorious birthday… just the way I like it. Things to do on a list that I could check off. Meal and movie with Teenager (although movie was awful, I wouldn’t recommend it). Some baking and the birthday song sang by one of my best friends over the phone… voila.. perfect birthday! Thanks to all my baboon friends for their good wishes.

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