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Slush Rush

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DISCLAIMER

Because the Trail Baboon blog is not, on its own, a financially sustainable venture, it is sometimes necessary to kick ethical behavior to the curb and yield the space to some unscrupulous lowlife with cash to burn.

Having a bit of space on the world-wide internet, even an obscure location like this one, fills some minds with visions of a vast, global audience that exists only theoretically.

I’m not about to discourage that line of thinking when there’s money on the line. Reaching the right audience in today’s complicated media marketplace is a dicey proposition, and with so many choices it’s inevitable that some messages will miss the mark completely.

And sometimes that’s the very best outcome for everyone concerned.

I’m not saying that’s what’s happening here today. But it’s also true that I can’t fully endorse the following message.

Hello SUV shoppers!

Car buyers don’t really need a reasonable reason to purchase a new sport utility vehicle. When it’s time, it’s just TIME! And that’s the only explanation you’ll need to justify today’s purchase of a new slush-beating Sherpa from Wally’s Intimida!

I’m especially talking to all you Tibetan Soccer Moms out there!

And don’t tell me you don’t exist! I did a Google search and found out you have your own line of “parking only” shirts and hoodies! If it’s happening on the internet, it must be real, right?

So pardon me ladies, if I don’t know much about Tibet, but I just read that the glaciers there are warmer right now than they’ve been at any time in the last 2,000 years! And you know what happens when a glacier starts to melt – slush!

I’m certain any Tibetan woman can handle ice and snow, but shlepping those soccer squirts through the slushy discharge from a softening glacier can sure slow down a speedy squad! That’s why it’s important that you have a chance to make the trip from Lhasa to Apso in a Sherpa from Intimida.

I’m not talking about a real Sherpa, which is something I know you have in Tibet.

I mean the car that’s as tough and versatile as a real Sherpa. Plus, it’s the biggest car on the planet – plenty big enough to make an impression at the foot of the world’s biggest mountain – Everest!

Some killjoys out there will claim greenhouse gasses from cars like the Sherpa are the very reason your glaciers are melting in the first place.

Maybe so!

But why should you be denied the privilege of plowing through a sliding section of glacial shrinkage just so the soccer moms of Shakopee can continue sit on the sidelines and watch their offspring play from the comfort and solitude of their air conditioned crow’s nests – relaxing at altitude behind the wheel of an idling suburban Sherpa?

Let the rest of the world rough it for a while. No one deserves a Sherpa more than a real Sherpa. You’ve earned a break!

Come on, Tibetan soccer moms (and dads)! Make the Intimida Sherpa your last line of defense against the increasingly hot glaciers that we’ve forced you to face! Find us online at Wally’s Intimida – we can handle the purchase digitally and we’ll swiftly ship a Sherpa to your location, just in time for the squishy season!

Your hopeful pal,
Wally

I don’t think any actual Tibetan Soccer Moms read Trail Baboon, nor are they inclined to buy a mammoth SUV. But you have to be impressed with Wally’s optimism. Or his audacity!

How are you at making the hard sell?

48 thoughts on “Slush Rush”

  1. Ach. This German Lutheran cross-country/fencing/math geek mom can’t sell anything.

    I suspect that is why I will always have work “harder”.

    And why I don’t have my own parking sign.

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    2. You know the number of people who will buy your parking sign go down dramatically each time you add a new sub group, German Lutheran ( a problem but fairly plentiful in these parts) add cross country and the numbers are limited but still reasonable… Fencing ( big dip in the inclusive list…math geek.. We’ll I think all fencers are math geeks but it’s still gonna trim out. A few more, I think the list is now you and two others worldwide. Makes for expensive limited run costs on the parking sign.

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  2. Rise and Shine Baboons!

    The Hard Sell would take far more attention span than I ever have when I am not interested in what I am selling or discussing. Selling a massive car that has little practical use? Boring.

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  3. I tend to soft sell the hard sell, it’s the only way it works for me. I do sell and sell some more and if you buy I’m encouraged and if you don’t I’m persistent. Started out trading baseball cards as a kid sold frozen koolaid on a toothpick just sitting in the shade on a hot summer say licking a red Popsicle is a better sales technique than all the words in the book. Lick lick lick ahhhhh…. 2 cents for your own lick lick lick….. Sounds like Popsicle selling weather is coming up tomorrow for a week of so. The liquid sales folk at the fair will be swimming in the dough. Hurry hurry step right up. She walks.she talks she wiggles on her belly like a reptile. Line up for your ice cold frozen taste treat right this way hurry hurry hurry!

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  4. I have worked in sales and found that I only work well in sales when I don’t actually have to do much – I learned working at a booth at Renaissance Festival that people will only buy your wares if they are at least interested before they even start looking at your stuff. Very few folks will decide right then that your trinket is just what they need if they weren’t already pondering a purchase of your type of trinket (you can’t get a pottery fiend to buy a leather mug and a soul in search of a leather mug is not likely to buy your jewelry…unless that purchase is under $30 or the person in question has been to the beer booth a few times…). The same sort of instinct that said, “this person will play” when I worked as a street character worked well to tell me, “this person might buy” vs “this person is only browsing, but will listen to a bit of patter anyway…”

    (P.S. Elinor, if you read this blog, I hope all went well yesterday.)

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    1. Elinor A Scott
      8 mins ·
      Thank you for all the thoughts, prayers, kind words, and whatever you had to offer!!! By the time I got to the doctor, I was confident my platelets were way up, which tests confirmed. Unfortunately my white blood cell count was also up, though this did not stop the researchers from putting my data together for the deciding organization. I’m almost there but continue to count on your support until I know for a fact that I’ll be receiving the drug Minnelide. Thanks again for everything.

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  5. Good morning. It seems we are continually being subjugated to sales pitches that are more or less hard sells. TV and radio commercials, ads in papers, even people coming to our doors. Most of the time I would prefer not to do any hard selling myself. However, I have found that I am willing to make strong sales pitches as a fund raiser for causes or organization that I support. Although I might not be good at doing a hard sell, I will do it if I am convinced that I am doing it for the right reason.

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  6. I have studied this issue in the past. Because I have a fierce aversion to hard sales, believing it to be an evil and indefensible way of using other human beings, I am incapable of even trying to do it. Subjecting others to hard sale pitches is a form of objectifying people and abusing the normal trust that exists between fellow human beings, all done for personal gain. That is close to being purely evil.

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      1. That involves, I think, changing the meaning of “sales.” We have to grant that people are free to persuade each other. Gee, that’s what Jesus and Gandhi and ML King did. But “hard sales” involves a kind of intellectual bullying that I will oppose always.

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        1. Some people have said that to get ahead you need to be a good salesman who does a good job of selling whatever you have to offer. I don’t know if that is the same as making a hard sales pitch. I don’t like that approach to getting ahead myself.

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        2. And what if that were true? If one has to be a great salesman “to get ahead,” maybe getting ahead is not an honorable goal. Our culture rewards and approves of many behaviors that are considered mentally ill and dangerous in other cultures. I see no great virtue in the will to advance one’s own interests at the expense of others. That is dysfunctional and unbalanced.

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  8. Sales of any kind is not my strong suit. I’d have a hard times selling ice cream cones in the Mojave. I’m much better at Freecycling, but it would be hard making a living doing that. Husband is in sales, and he considers it helping people. Helping them get exactly what it is they need to get the job done. He calls himself expectations manager.

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  9. I had an ugly experience just last week due to my gullibility. I sales call came through offering “free carpet cleaning”, saying that the business was new to our area and they’re seeking to create a proflie for future repeat business. I bit, but not before making it clear that if this came along with ANY sales pitch, I did’t want it. The lady reassured me that this wasn’t the case.

    A few days later, a rather large, boistrous man showed up at my door with a logo on his shirt: KIRBY. In a nano second, I was angry. I let him in, pointed at the carpets he could clean, then told him I was on an important phone call. He insisted that I hang up and talk to him “for a few minutes”. We sat down and I said, “I was told there’d be no sales pitch and I’ll NEVER buy a Kirby so don’t even go there”. He said, “I just want to tell you about it so you can appreciate seeing how it works on your carpet”. I said again and again “I will not buy a Kirby so you’re wasting your time”. He said, “You don’t have to be disrespectful!” I told him that I felt trapped in my own living room and did’t like it at all, and that I’d bought a Kirby 20 years ago and deeply regretted it. “Why?
    What was wrong with it? Tell me!!”. Me: ” I don’t remember why”. He:”Yes you do! Was it too heavy?” Me:”As a matter of fact, YES”. He: “See, I told you you remembered. Why did you lie about it??”

    I said again, “I will never ever ever buy a Kirby” so either clean the carpets or go. Again, he accused me of being disrespectul and that he was the state’s top salesman (In other words, how could I possibly have the nerve to turn him away?). The tenth time I said “I will NOT buy a Kirby”, he got up and angrily stormed out the door, still complaiing about how disrespectful I’d been.

    This whole scenario infuriated me, but, usually being a wimp, I had to cogratulate myself for being so disrespectful! And, of course, taught me that nothing is for free, especially when offered over the phone.

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    1. Atta way CB!
      We had something like that happen once too. The guy refused to leave and when I finally got him out the door his car wouldn’t start. I can’t remember anymore if I had to help him jump start it or what.

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    2. Excellent! I wish I’d been there. After that first exchange, I would’ve let the guy go through his entire sales pitch, thinking he had me, and then when I wouldn’t buy and he would ask why, I’d say, “Because I lie…you said so yourself.”

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    4. I’ve been given the business by the state/district/nation/company’s “top salesman” before. They usually proclaim that with a great deal of pride. My response is usually, “Geez, that’s too bad.”

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  10. Having been an inside (telephone) sales person, I learned that I am a customer service person…not a sales person. I watched my office mates basically screw their long-standing customers and I just couldn’t do it…much to my commission paycheck’s suffering.

    Having done this, I (probably incorrectly) feel somewhat entitled to play with hardball sales people. Especially when I tell them what I want or don’t want and they ignore me.

    I got a call once from a company that wanted to sell me a new roof. Dinner was cooking, so I had a little time to kill. After an introduction and some small talk to ‘warm me up,’ the exchange went something like this:
    Them: So, have you had any work done on your roof lately?
    Me: Yes, we sure did.
    Them: When was that?
    Me: Last summer.
    Them: What did you have done?
    Me: I couldn’t really tell you.
    Them: …uhhhh…you don’t know what you had done?
    Me: Nope.
    (Confused Pause)
    Them: Did they re-shingle?
    Me: Yeah, I think I saw some shingling done.
    Them: Did they do anything else?
    Me: I have no idea.
    (Confusion Mounting Pause)
    Them: Well…um…did they replace the decking?
    Me: Couldn’t say.
    (Still Confused but Close the Deal Pause)
    Them: Well…um…well, ok. Can we come out to give you a quote?
    Me: Sure! I’m in apartment 156. Want me to invite the building owners too?
    Them [disgusted]: Thank you. (click.)

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      1. Long after my dad died, I continued to get phone calls from solicitors. They’s ask for George Grooms and I’d say, “He died” Worked every time/

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    1. I could dig that. Pretty sure I couldn’t sell anything else, especially now that I’m trying to get rid of anything that’s superfluous. So far, I’ve cut down my books from close to 2,000 to 700, but not sure I will get much lower than that. Unless I move to Port Angeles.

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  13. All of this is leading me to ponder which I detest more, selling or being sold to.

    I think I can safely say it is almost impossible to sell me something I did not intend to buy in the first place.

    I appreciate the assistance of an informed salesperson, especially when buying something I know little about (thank you Run’n’Fun)-and believe me, if I need something, I’ll let you know, but otherwise, don’t bother me. And internet ads? I don’t even see you.

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  14. I’ll sometimes sign up for something that I know comes with a sales pitch and then endure the sales pitch just to get the free thing.

    There was a company that used to offer you a $50 Visa gift card to listen to their sales pitch for vacation timeshares. I did that one twice. Sure, I’ll spend a couple of hours with you for $50. I was kind of surprised that they invited me back a second time, but they did, so okay! Give it your best shot! Thank you, no. Got some free coffee and cookies in the deal as well.

    I also fill out the “Win free windows” entry blanks at the state fair and every home show where they have drawings. This results in a lot of phone calls, but it usually doesn’t take too long to ascertain that I have not won anything, and then I’ll usually tell them I’m unemployed to get them off the phone.

    I’m not much of a salesperson, myself, unless maybe you’re open to the idea of sending flowers with a sock monkey attached.

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