Today’s post comes from idea man and dealmaker Spin Williams, who is always in residence at The Meeting That Never Ends.
I’m really excited to be alive today and grateful that I’ve never had a concussion!
I work primarily with my brain and my mouth. If either one becomes damaged or disabled, even for a little while, I’m out of business for sure. It’s a good thing I’ve managed to stay healthy, and an even better thing that people in corporate meetings who want to have the attention of the whole group typically don’t run at the person who’s talking, grab at the microphone with their fingernails and with pounding biceps and flailing elbows do everything in their power to claw away the PowerPoint clicker.
But of course for N.F.L. players that scenario describes what is simply another day on the job. And sometimes they pay the price for it with terribly jangled brains.
At The Meeting That Never Ends, we found these new concussion statistics appalling – and we responded by immediately doubling our bets on last Sunday’s games because it all suddenly became crystal clear what is about to happen. The key signs are there and it all adds up.
- The cost of providing the product is outpacing the ability of customers to pay for it.
- Yet fans are showing an inexplicable appreciation of on and off-field mayhem and an unshakeable loyalty to certain nicknames and color schemes.
- Technology is quickly developing new capabilities lead us to wonder why it’s necessary to use human labor at all.
That’s why we believe the day is drawing near when all N.F.L. games will be played by robots!
Don’t believe me? It took 10 seconds to find this compelling bit of evidence on You Tube.
Once there is a robot model that can run, jump, throw, catch, spit, swear, and pat the behinds of the other robots on the sidelines, people will be completely removed from the equation and the machines will be sent in to battle it out. In fact, we predict the N.F.L. will dress the robots in throwback gear and old-style helmets, just to humanize them a bit.
Thats why our group just bought a leather hat manufacturer!
Now we realize that some fans will resist this advance, arguing that the physiological and mental differences between individuals is what keeps the game interesting. But don’t you worry – in the world we envision, each mechanized player will still have a human operator on the sideline, or in a Star Box or someplace where we can watch them push buttons and twiddle joysticks to control their alter ego out on the field.
That way we’re convinced the N.F.L. will be able to maintain professional football’s reputation as a game played by human jackasses!
In my business, you win by figuring out how things will change just a little bit before everyone else gets it. In this case, we at The Meeting That Never Ends were so sure we called this one correctly, we sent our mechanized avatars out on the town to have a drunken celebration!
A few of them did get arrested, but what a party!
Your foresighted fanboy,
When have you correctly predicted the future?