Stand Up Guy

With yet another new research fragment drawing us toward the conclusion that sitting is a hazard, I urged Trail Baboon Poet Laureate Schuyler Tyler Wyler to take up his pen to write an anti-sitting poem.

STW wrote back immediately to say that he was “offended.” As a Serious Poet, he does not produce doggerel on newsy topics for the purpose of entertainment. He argued that he finds nothing inspirational in sports medicine research, and besides, if the latest data is correct my request that he write a poem is essentially a demand that he shorten his life, since creating poetry is one of the sitting professions.

I told him to try writing standing up, but he answered with a firm declaration that such a thing is simply impossible. “It takes intense concentration and focus to create a work of genius.” He said “Having to remember to keep my balance will dull the edge of inspiration.”

STW noted that great poets, like Billy Collins and Charles Wright, have already written on the topic, and their work is unabashedly pro-sitting. How could he contradict people he respects and maintain his integrity?

I answered with an assurance that the audience for this blog is very close to zero, so his reputation will not suffer. And “a work of genius” is never required for a mere blog post. I suggested that if he felt stuck, he could give himself a head start by stealing the work of someone else, like the wooden-legged Welsh poet W.H. Davies.

Then I offered him $50 to drop the complaints and get me something within the hour. He thanked me and got to work.

A person can stay trim and fit,
As long as they can’t stand to sit.
So learn a lesson from the cows.
Take to your field in stately rows
to watch the world before you pass.
and never plop down on your grass.
Your buns will become firm and tight.
Your frame will thin, your face will light
With other benefits. Perchance –
much longer-lasting seats of pants.
And if you’re standing like a crop,
when death arrives, there’s room to drop.
But have them stand you up again,
for vertical internment‘s in.
Upon your narrow tombstone fit
these words: “He couldn’t stand to sit.”

What’s your favorite type of chair?

32 thoughts on “Stand Up Guy”

  1. I developed sciatic pain a couple of years ago and also found that I have lumbar scoliosis, so Queen Anne style chairs with firm seat cushions and nice straight backs are just the thing for me. I love overstuffed chairs you can sink into and read in for hours, but I can’t tolerate the results when I stand up.


  2. Rise and Sit Baboons!

    A straight firm chair for the same condition Renee sites: Sciatica. Yoga, which is done in all positions, sitting, standing, lying down, also helps a lot.

    It is a gorgeous day–the Jehovah’s Witnesses think so too, as they have already been by my house. I threw my chair at them! Well, OK, not really, but I did send them away.

    Off to the dog park where I will not sit. I will hike.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I like the big, comfy chairs where I can curl up and read or watch a movie. I have one now that is big enough to fit two not-very-big people. It’s not terribly comfortable that way, but by myself it’s perfect. It’s soft enough, but not too soft. It’s comfortable to sit upright or in all kinds of other positions. Last year I would cuddle up in there at 2 am with one of my twin grandsons. The kid doesn’t cuddle much now but I still like the chair.


  4. I consider myself a minor expert in sitting, as it is one of the few things I can do these days. If anyone wants to buy the most comfortable chair (and ottoman) I ever met, I can guide you to a place where the price is marked down by $360. Meanwhile, enjoy the day, Baboons. It is a splendid day out here in Happy Valley.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Today, for the first time in far, far too many years, l’m getting up OFF my chair (actually a loveseat) and moving!!! That commercial finally got to me: “Bodies in motion tend to stay in motion”. After shoulding myself daily forever, l finally joined a small fitness club five minutes down the road. They have a new, wonderful offering – a computer screen on which l can choose my very favorite style of dance video, then a large screen lowers down, complete with instructors and the music! This will be my aerobic part of the workout, with free weights being the conditioning part. l still have perfect “muscle memory” for the way free weights are used from 30 years ago when my daughter taught me.

    When l signed on last week, l pulled out a photo of my daughter winning the Miss Minnesota Natural Bodybuilding competition and said, “l want to look just like this in a year!” Got a big laugh anyway. Combining free weights with dancing, five minutes from home, and a free lifetime membership due to being so old got me over the inertia hurdle – at least l hope it has!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Morning–
    My feet hurt. I sit often.
    Walking is OK, but standing in one place makes my foot hurt. (So I didn’t get tickets for Brandi Carlile as they were ‘Main Floor, Standing’. Sucks to get old.)
    I have a drafting table for a desk at the college. So I have a high chair to sit on. And the lighting console is also tall (just because of the design of the room) so I have a tall chair there too. They are both nice.
    Home we have a very comfy sofa and love seat; they’re perfect napping places.
    And when I go other places to work on shows / design lights, I will bring my own chair if necessary. Nothing makes the day worse than sitting on a wooden stool — or worse, a road case!
    But if I could find a folding, rolling, padded, office type chair, that would be my favorite.


  7. Something big and squishy that allows me to put my feet up is good. Having short legs means that life is better with a foot stool or other object for getting my feet up off the floor (I have one at work as having my office chair at the right height for computer work means that my feet, hips and legs are happier when feet are up a bit off the floor).


    1. Happy birthday, Anna. Hope you’re having a great day.

      OT – Anyone going to the street dance/ meatloaf dinner for the season opener of the PHS? Perfect weather for it.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. A bit of poetry for your birthday, inspired by your post. I confess, this poem alone has made me long for an ottoman, which is just the thing for getting the feet up:

      Teddy Bear
      By A. A. Milne 1882–1956
      A bear, however hard he tries,
      Grows tubby without exercise.
      Our Teddy Bear is short and fat
      Which is not to be wondered at;
      He gets what exercise he can
      By falling off the ottoman,
      But generally seems to lack
      The energy to clamber back.

      (there’s much more, but this seemed to be the pertinent part)

      Liked by 2 people

    3. Many happy returns of the day, Anna!

      I heard a rumor that it is also Robin’s birthday. (Am I right?) If you are on here, Robin, a very happy day to you.


  8. Just got back from my very first workout of any kind in over 30 years and found out that l’ve so little stamina l could only last 10 minutes before feeling down right faint. lt’s worse than starting at ground zero, it’s more like ground subzero!


  9. I have very little actual “sitting” tolerance, having spent most of my life on my feet, racing around a table.

    I do however have a beat up old mission style rocker that I bought while in college and have dragged back and forth across the country. I did my baby rocking in it and spend most of my at home evenings in it as well.

    While not much of a sitter, I am a first class lounger, and for that I rely on Big Pink, the tattered and disreputable couch bought in greater Washington, DC. It is far too huge for anyplace I have ever lived and is nigh unto impossible to move because it is so long.

    We would retire Pink to the basement and replace it with something more presentable, but I think we would have to carry it around the outside of the house and remove the stair railing to get it down there.

    Tossing Pink is, of course, out of the question.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I cannot merely “like” on this computer, so I shall have to actually make a post to say how perfect that clip is for today’s topic.


  10. lost post. rats.
    it was kinda wordy anyway
    chairs are a big deal.
    we spend wayyyyyy too much time sitting, in the cr in the office in front of the tv in the kitchen and we have chairs that we use because they are theyre. if you wore shoes on the same basis your body would hurt. my body does hurt because of hairs. the volvos i drove for year helped the ford and chevy products before that were ot good vw was functional but not thraputic. the honda i have a couple hundred thousand miles in the saddle of is ok not great. a seat that allows the adjustment of support pressure angle of the dangle and widhth and contour of the important stuff that touches your butt back shoulders and lumbar should nopt be brain surgery. office chairs… the herman miller areon chair is magic but stupid expensive. adjusts everywhere and has a mesh seating are to allow breathing instead of mashed foam that was good the first year of hte chairs time on earth and starts the death spirtal as the materials breakdown as a result of sitting on it.
    i have stool height kitchen seating and there is sucha a limited choice it is mind boggeling. i have worked to try to make a massage chair that can be used as an easy chair (they are not too comfortable to sit in when not kneading and rolling) and also to make couch easy chair that are more comfortable.
    i have a hard time sitting for an extended period and when i am sitting it is helpful to have the seating be body friendly rather than whatever the criteria is that is used when deciding how to make a chair. i am guilty of bad posture. sitting on whatever is there rather than making intelligent choices, i would love to have the stand up desk i have heard about stand up airline seats ,
    one of my next big projects involves seating and comfort so i am there in my mind already. stay tuned.


  11. Due to a very bad lower back, I can’t stand long. And due to nerve injury in my right thigh, I can’t sit in certain chairs without getting nasty cramps. Fortunately my wood and leather recliner (if memory serves, it’s the same model as Steve’s) suits me just fine. I’m sorry to admit that I sit way more than I should, and, of course, the less I stand and am active, the worse it gets.

    Jacque’s comment above about the Jehovah’s Witnesses reminded of A.J. Jacobs’ book “A Year of Living Biblically.” He was so into his religious experience and loved discussing with them, they ended up having to make an excuse to get away from him.


    1. i got kicked out of bible class when i coplained to the leader he was going too slow and covering the key points oddly. he said if i could do it better i should take over the class. i did and it was the last one i was invited to. they all want their version of the deal.


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