Do The Locomotion

Today’s post comes from marketing wizard and dealmaker Spin Williams, who is always in residence at The Meeting That Never Ends.

Because we’re interested in collecting piles of money, we’re always on the lookout for the next big weight loss fad!

Telling other people how to drop pounds off their frame is one of the great growth industries of our time, which is both true and ironic!

And there are thousands of ways to (supposedly) do it. You can use mechanical devices or take pills or buy a CD or watch a show or adopt a diet with ready-made food in carefully measured helpings.

Fortunes have been won with each of these.

But at The Meeting That Never Ends, we took on what I think is the most difficult weight loss / marketing challenge out there – figuring out how to make money off of simple walking. Because if you don’t sell high-end shoes (and we don’t), there isn’t a lot of equipment needed to go out for a stroll.

At first we thought we’d buy a company that sells electronic step-counters. This works especially well on people who have  bought in to the idea that taking 10,000 steps a day is all you need to do to become thin and sexy.

The problem is there’s very little sexy-time left in your schedule when you have to walk 10,000 steps a day, especially if you’ve spent all that time counting quietly in your head. Sex requires a lot of imagination and the fanciful part of your brain takes a bit of a holiday when you have to count up to 10,000.

But that’s where the step-counting devices come in!

And the sky’s the limit on price point – because people will pay a lot for a thing if they think it will dramatically improve their chances of getting lucky.

We were all set to go but then a bunch of killjoy researchers came along and said 10,000 steps is too much and you can get the same effect with only 6,000 steps. Suddenly our Pricey Love Pedometers were looking less necessary! And then some other prudish lab rats weighed in with the idea that walking won’t help you lose weight at all. All it does is improve your strength, mobility, mood, sleep and overall health.

But what good is that if there’s nothing to sell as part of the bargain?

Fortunately, a lightning bolt struck and I think we’ve stumbled on the next big exercise fad! It happened when I read this article about prehistoric kangaroos. It turns out ancient kangaroos walked around on two legs pretty much like we do. They were big, and the bigger they got, the less hopping they did until they got so huge they had to give up hopping completely!

So in the kangaroo world, walking is what biggies do and hopping is for little cuties. See?

But hopping is complicated. That’s why we’re just about to go to market with wearable kangaroo tails that will provide a counter-weight and balance for body-conscious people who are going to start jumping their way to work, or to the store, or just around the neighborhood for recreation!

Look for it. It’s going to happen! We think getting smaller through hopping is going to be huge.

Again, ironic.

Yours in marketing,

What makes you jump?

43 thoughts on “Do The Locomotion”

  1. Good morning. I do a little jumping around on a dance floor on rare occasions. I never really learned to dance. I usually only dance when I am in a big crowd where my not so good style of dancing might not be noticed.

    When I was young I was a high jumper on the high school track team. I don’t do that these days. I would probably strain something or break something if I tried high jumping at my advanced age.


  2. Rise and Jump Baboons!

    A jump rope. This has me thinking about all those childhood jump rope chants:

    Bill and Suzy sitting in a tree
    First comes love
    Then come marriage
    Then you get a baby carriage

    (please note this order has now changed!)

    We had many, many more chants, with double-stuff (2 ropes), double-time, and fancy footwork.


    1. Not last night, but the night before
      24 robbers came a knockin’ on my door
      As I ran out, ____ ran in
      This is what I heard them say:
      Little Orphan Annie jump on one foot one foot
      Little Orphan Annie jump on two feet two feet
      Little Orphan Annie jump on out

      (and now that rhyme will rattle around in my brain, reminding me of my playground days for hours and hours…not that that’s a bad thing.)


        1. Teddy bear, teddy bear touch the ground
          Teddy bear, teddy bear turn all around
          Something , something , something, something
          Don’t forget the salt.and.pepper (at which point you jump as fast as the rope can be twirled)

          Liked by 1 person

        2. 3rd line: Teddy bear, teddy bear, go upstairs
          Teddy bear, teddy bear, say your prayers
          Teddy bear, teddy bear, turn out the light
          Teddy bear, teddy bear, say good night.

          Then there was:
          Donald duck was a 1-legged 1-legged 1-legged duck.
          Donald duck was a 2-legged 2-legged 2-legged duck… (this was the easiest), etc.
          … For 5-legged, you would have to also have your head on the ground, so this only happened once.

          Liked by 2 people

  3. The “new” car I bought in July has a lot of bells and whistles. One thing I would change if I could is that it beeps at me loudly when the gas tank is getting low. There is also an instrument panel light that comes on. I don’t mind the light, but I always jump when it beeps. I try to put gas in it before it gets low enough to trigger that.


  4. Sudden small darting movements caught out of the corner of my eye. I’m not in fact afraid of mice or bugs, but I give a squeak and a jump when I see something zipping about at first.

    Slightly OT- s&h and I attended Simchat Torah service at Mount Zion last night. It is a festival that celebrates the joy of the Torah and involves dancing with the Torah scrolls and then completely unwinding of one of them and finding various passages . We ended up holding up the part containing the story of Noah.

    Taught the s&h a sort of grapevine step and to my surprise he loved it.

    Next year, I need to wear more flexible shoes. The stiff clog soles did not do a thing for my congenitally bad knees.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Honestly, nothing much causes me to jump . . . maybe because my jumping days are now in the past. I’m just not very jumpy. The other morning I was at my computer when I saw movement in my apartment. A small grey cat was looking at me from the doorway to my bedroom. I thought, “But I don’t have a cat!” And then I thought, “Well, at this moment I do.” The cat soon exited by the open door it had used to come in.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Would you like a cat, Steve?
      We are currently cat-less, and have been lamenting the fact as all kind of critters have free rein in the gardens. Lately there have been a couple of very handsome cats patrolling – I feel like feeding them to entice them to stay, but I guess then they wouldn’t be hungry for chipmunks.


  6. When I’m walking or biking down a relatively quiet street, usually daydreaming or thinking quiet thoughts about how delightful it is to be out and about on such a pleasant day, and a passing driver blasts his/her car horn as loudly as possible, with no warning and about two feet away from me. As long as I have ears to hear and legs to walk or pedal, that will always make me jump.


    1. Three days ago I was biking down a sidewalk near here and my mind wandered off. I normally keep an eye in the rear view mirror to see if any car might turn into any streets or driveways I am going to cross. It is amazing how people will just turn right in front of you, across your path on the sidewalk. Apparently they think a) bikers have no right or right-of-way on the sidewalk, b) they have the right-of-way by superior mass, c) bikers are there for the killing.
      Any way, I was biking down the sidewalk past a driveway going into a real estate office. A huge pickup took a right turn 6-8 feet in front of me across my path. I hit the brakes and would have been fine except my fm balance issues kicked in and I went down hard. I did not get hurt. Just shook. As I got up the driver of the pickup was getting out of the truck. he waved at me in a friendly manner, as if to say “Oh, I try to kill bike riders all the time.” He was talking on a phone, so I guess maybe he was on the phone as he dumped me.
      I have been stumbling and bumping into things and dropping things a lot lately, a condition of fm. So I biked right home and have not gone out since. I have reached that time.
      I will use the exercise bike upstairs some, except it is hard on my back.
      Old age sucks.


      1. Glad you weren’t hurt, but is it even legal for bicycles to be riding on the sidewalks, Clyde? I know how vulnerable bicyclists are, and I’m always very careful when I see one. I appreciate riders that obey the rules of the road, unfortunately so many bicyclists seem to think they are exempt from them. Personally, I’m too scared to ride my bicycle on city streets, too many distracted drivers and not enough accommodations for bicycles.


        1. Nutshell summary of MN laws re bikes:
          It is legal to ride a bike on all sidewalks in MN. But the biker always yields to a pedestrian. If a bike collides with a pedestrian, it will be presumed it was the fault of the biker.
          Exception one: illegal to ride in a high commerce area, such as a classic downtown setting. This is vague, but again the onus is on the rider.
          Exception two: any posted as illegal to ride a bike. BUT the city cannot post without getting specific permission from MNDOT, I mean for a specific place. MNDOT only rarely grants this. Every now and then a city will ban bike riding in their town. They will hear from MNDOT very quickly and from the Atty Gen’l. soon after.
          This law exists primarily for children. We certainly want children to ride on sidewalks, don’t we? A law that says you have to be under a certain age to ride on a sidewalk would be tricky.
          Many sidewalks, especially here in Mankato, are actually designated as recreational trails as well.
          I live a half mile from the mall. I ride the sidewalks around here all the time, in a big loop (2.7 miles) around our apartment building. I meet a pedestrian on those sidewalks (near the mall, mind you) about once in every four five miles I ride. When I meet a pedestrian, I on rare occasion stop. usually I ride off in to the grass (not anyone’s lawn).
          I sometimes get told that it is illegal to ride on a sidewalk, rarely from a pedestrian I meet. Usually someone in a car at an intersection. I had a cop here pull over and tell me that. I told him to call in and ask. He did. He was a nice young man, new to the job. He was a nice young man who was surprised to get the above answer.


      2. Those 3 wheel bikes with the basket to carry stuff are popular among the old crowd for a reason
        You may wonder what people will think of you only to discover not too many think of you at all


  7. Nutshell summary of MN laws re bikes:
    Sidewalks–I forgot to say above that a driver shall consider a biker on the sidewalk the same as a pedestrian. In my fall the other day the driver would have been at fault. Common sense says I should have been more careful, which, as I age I fail to do too often, one of the reasons I am stopping. But for heavens sake, where was human decency in that driver?
    Also, there are states where bike riding on sidewalks is illegal in lots of situations. Bike accidents are higher in those states.
    Streets and Roads
    It is legal to ride a bike on any street or road in MN except limited access highways, such as freeways. No local government can supersede this law, though they try every now and then.
    A biker has all the rights and responsibilities of a driver. All drivers shall consider a biker the same as any other vehicle. Bikes are not require to ride off to the side of the road.
    It is illegal to drive within three feet of a biker.
    Oregon, the champion biking state, and some other states have what is called “The Oregon Law.” The law says that a biker does not have to stop at a stop sign or a stop light on a side street when no traffic (from either direction) is present. A tricky issue for bike riders is that a bike cannot trigger the signal to tell the signal you are present (the signal is triggeedr by electric impulses in an engine which give off a small radio signal).
    In my lifetime of biking I have been told many times by people it is illegal to ride on the road and by others it is illegal to ride on a sidewalk. I ignore people when they say these things.
    So who is more often at fault on the road: bikers or drivers? Almost all reported accidents are driver fault. But I think bikers are worse, not necessarily in the legal sense,well that too, but just from common sense. By the law of mass and energy, bikes are going to get hurt. A few bikers do not seem to get that fact. A few drivers try to scare bikers by coming close to them, cutting them off, honking their horn right beside them, or shouting at them. I had a small number of incidents where I think the driver was willing to kill me.
    Every accident I have ever had on a bike was in order of incidents 1) my fault, by far the most common (95% I would guess), but never with a another biker or a person or a vehicle 2) fault of another biker on a recreation trail (lots of trails in this area) 3) fault of a walker (never a jogger) on a rec trail. My two worst accidents were not my fault, were the the Sakatah State Trail. One was caused by a family on the trail with a dog on a leash held by the mother on a bike and three very small children on bikes. I should have just stopped until they were well past me. I slowed to a crawl keeping an eye on the children. The dog suddenly darted in front of me so the tight leash was across my path. I stopped jut fine. But it was over a railroad crossing (the most dangerous place on roads for bikers and motorcyclists). The dog pulled the leash into my front tire, which turned and and dropped my front wheel into the grove beside the track. I went down hard on my left arm, jamming my shoulder and wrenching my thumb. The mother and father chewed me out for endangering their children with my recklessness and left. Dog walkers on rec trails are wicked to bikers. Dogs on long leashes are very dangerous. I learned to just stop and let them pass. That incident led to traumatic arthritis in my left hand (I am left-handed), one of the five issues I have with my hands. I also was supposed to have rotater cuff surgery. But a specialist looked at the MRI and said I had a genetic defect in my cuffs that would require heavy surgery on both shoulders to fix it, and he did not think it was worth it.
    The second bad accident was caused when a bike racing team on the Red Jacket Trail was training as a group and just out-and-out drove me off the trail (and hollered at me to stay off the trail if I could not get out of their way). I went down a ten-foot high slope and went over my handle bars and caused more shoulder issues and wrenched my back. One woman on the team came back to help me and apologized. I could not ride for a month and had over $100 damage to my bike.


    1. My god, Clyde, I wish people didn’t have to be so nasty. Thanks for the info – I ride on sidewalks when the traffic is scary and I don’t see any walkers. Good to know it’s legal. The bike paths help some, but there are some areas where I still don’t trust the motorists.


  8. You really want to know what makes me jump? My cat does! Whenever he bites my toes, whenever he displays a headless mouse, and whenever I accidentally step on him. That’s when I jump the highest because he makes a frightful noise in addition to throwing me off balance. He’s a real nut.


    1. Better be careful, Donna. A lot of older people’s falls are a result of tripping over their pets. And I, for one, can attest to the fact that an older person falling, can be a major pain – and not just in the posterior.

      Liked by 1 person

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