We are ALL Dr. Babooner
Dear Dr. Babooner,
I’m the chief executive of a northeastern state and I recently made the difficult decision to impose a quarantine on all people entering my state from Canada out of fear that they might unwittingly be carrying a dread disease – the Bola-Eh Virus.
There’s a group of folks that went up there to provide care and comfort for the unfortunate infected population, and though some say they’re heroes and should be treated with respect, I have to manage a growing level of hysteria on my side of the line.
I can’t afford to have people think I was in any way casual about the Bola-Eh menace!
Sufferers appear normal at first, but gradually begin to develop a pronounced monosyllabic, sentence-ending vocal tic that won’t go away, and it gets worse until they are unable to speak without expressing it.
A fondness for hockey is another symptom.
As you might expect, the people in my state are mortified. I hear from dozens of folks every day who are afraid they have contracted Bola-Eh, even though the experts say it is exceptionally difficult to catch.
In fact, you can pitch a tent in the hospital parking lot and hang around in there for three days with an infected Canadian and you won’t catch anything but a raging case of disgust.
Because there is no scientific vaccine, I had to do something showy to protect myself (and the great people of my state) from Bola-Eh. And I know my radical action worked, because imposing the quarantine has inoculated me against the kind of criticism I fear the most – a wild and withering conservative strain that quickly gets out of control. I still came down with a mild case of brickbats, but it’s a liberal variety that fades fast and leaves no mark.
Right now I’m feeling pretty good about my decision, but it’s too bad about those do-gooding border-crossers who have to cool their jets for three weeks in the Tent of Shame.
But at least they can catch up on their reading, eh?
OH MY GOD, I’ve GOT IT!
AC/CC
I told AC/CC it is an extremely dicey business to try to protect one’s self against criticism. There isn’t a drug, action, attitude or isolation suit that has been proven 100% effective. Some people choose another route and actively seek out criticism because they think getting disparaged will make them stronger. But in the end we all succumb, and it’s nice when there are a few left who are willing to say good things about us at our funerals.
But that’s just one opinion. What do YOU think, Dr. Babooner?
Trail Baboon 
l’d suggest that you make some popcorn, pour yourself a gin and tonic, then immerse yourself watching Andromeda Strain and Virus. Since you’re obsessed with fear, you might as well overdose on it.
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A binge weekend… add Outbreak, Omega Man and my favorite The Earth Abides, although I’m not sure they ever made a movie from it.
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good morning. AC/CC, I think the only thing you are trying to protect is your chances of getting reelected. I hope you have learned that what stunts, such as quarantine people, can backfire on you, eh?
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I HATE being criticized and have probably made some pretty foolish moves just to avoid it.
Our high school band director hated timid, mistake avoiding plating and we were advised to go ahead and blatt that wrong note full out, then look accusingly at the person next to us.
IIRC, Weston Noble haa the aame feeling as he claimed Martin Luther once said,” sin boldly, love God” (well, he would have said it auf Deutsch, but you get the idea).
Sadly, I was brought up in the “sei recht” (be right) tradition-which has made mr cautious where boldness could lead to wrongness.
My advice to AA/CC? Get behind the idea that the best way to deal with an incurable is to provide the best possible care to the infected so they can beat the thing and develop antibodies the rest of the world can use.
Fear is a losing game. Trust me on this one.
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“Let Your Sins Be Strong.” A Letter From Luther to Melanchthon Letter no. 99, 1 August 1521, From the Wartburg (Segment) Translated by Erika Bullmann Flores.
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Knew I could count on you!
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It is an insidious disease that is difficult to cure. I contracted it in Canada in 1980 and I still have symptoms. I never developed a love of hockey, though.
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Rise and Scare Everyone Silly Baboons!
You have an alternative to just taking the criticism. Your other option is to deflect everything and create a media scare with political overtones prior to an election. Then in 2 years, during a presidential election year, you can point to your skilled response to the Crisis That Never Really Was. You Can Be a Presidential Candidate!
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just a tip, Dr. Babooner- you don’t get Bola-Eh from breathing the air, so your mask will do you no good.
What you need are earplugs 😉
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I take considerable pride in having a steady, optimistic frame of mind. But that is probably bogus. Just let someone criticize me and I go into a defensive funk and I look for ways to prove the criticism is not fair. As someone who criticizes myself endlessly, you might think I could be relaxed about negative comments from others. But . . . no. I even go nuts when someone unreasonably criticizes me when the real problem is that they are being unfair. Based on a stupid misunderstanding, in 1990 a guy slammed me for having poor ethics, and I probably think of that about once a week, flinching with pain. People who know him know that he is a hothead who gets things wrong. Even so, I cringe to think he might be telling others that I am a bad person. I would have been a terrible politician because of my thin skin.
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2 things that might make you feel better, or at least not like the Lone Ranger. I too have stuff that I cannot get shed of from long, long ago, even though rationally I know “this is not about me”.
second thing- I just spent the entire morning cleaning and decluttering trying to find part of a project I was sure was in a bag in a box. It was hanging on the back of the closet door right where I put it weeks ago. Had I just owned up and contacted the person who passed it on to me, I would have been reminded to look for a hanger hours ago. As it was, the minute I had emailed her, I stumbled across it. ach.
at least the house is marginally cleaner….
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Somebody put up “Me Like Hockey” by the Arrogant Worms. A LGMS standard.
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Here you go, Clyde:
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Oh my! How did I miss this before now?
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Some of the Lyrics to “Blame Canada” from South Park
Time’s have changed
Our kids are getting worse
They won’t obey their parents
They just want to fart and curse
Should we blame the government?
Or blame society?
Or should we blame the images on TV?
No, blame Canada, blame Canada
With all their beady little eyes
And flappin’ heads so full of lies
Blame Canada, blame Canada
We need to form a full assault
It’s Canada’s fault
. . .
Well, blame Canada, blame Canada
It seems that everything’s gone wrong
Since Canada came along
Blame Canada, blame Canada
They’re not even a real country anyway
. . .
Blame Canada, blame Canada
With all their hockey hullabaloo
And that ***** Anne Murray too
Blame Canada, shame on Canada
The smut we must stop, the trash we must smash
Laughter and fun must all be undone
We must blame them and cause a fuss
Before someone thinks of blaming us
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I think the Baboons are all out looking for surgical masks with Maple Leaves on them. I still maintain that zed is a nicer word for the last letter of the alphabet than zeee.
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Well, I wonder if some people in Canada are worried about catching the “Ya, you betcha” disease?
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You betcha.
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I probably remember every reprimand I’ve ever received, just not as long as I used to when I was little.
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One of the (very few) mercies of age.
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when the author of winnie the pooh came to visit north america he did get a change to visit toronto and being a creature of habbit he wanted to go to the alcoholics anonymous meets on friday night as was his pattern so he rented a car and drove off to the meeting. on the way there the car broke and he had to call for a tow truck he had his card in the wallet in his pocket but he wanst sure it would work so he asked if it applied. lets see …. you have some brittish credit card and a brittish auuto club card i dont think it does apply . her let me ask you a few questions. who is ths ? a. a.. milne
whare are you going . to my alcholic anonyous meeting
and you dont have your auto club card? i have mine but i dont know if it applies’
so a.a. you are heading for a.a and you forgot the a a a eh
he enjoyed his visit to canada.
he felt like he was part of the eh team eh?
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Ai yi yi.
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