We are ALL Dr. Babooner
Dear Dr. Babooner,
I’m the chief executive of a northeastern state and I recently made the difficult decision to impose a quarantine on all people entering my state from Canada out of fear that they might unwittingly be carrying a dread disease – the Bola-Eh Virus.
There’s a group of folks that went up there to provide care and comfort for the unfortunate infected population, and though some say they’re heroes and should be treated with respect, I have to manage a growing level of hysteria on my side of the line.
I can’t afford to have people think I was in any way casual about the Bola-Eh menace!
Sufferers appear normal at first, but gradually begin to develop a pronounced monosyllabic, sentence-ending vocal tic that won’t go away, and it gets worse until they are unable to speak without expressing it.
A fondness for hockey is another symptom.
As you might expect, the people in my state are mortified. I hear from dozens of folks every day who are afraid they have contracted Bola-Eh, even though the experts say it is exceptionally difficult to catch.
In fact, you can pitch a tent in the hospital parking lot and hang around in there for three days with an infected Canadian and you won’t catch anything but a raging case of disgust.
Because there is no scientific vaccine, I had to do something showy to protect myself (and the great people of my state) from Bola-Eh. And I know my radical action worked, because imposing the quarantine has inoculated me against the kind of criticism I fear the most – a wild and withering conservative strain that quickly gets out of control. I still came down with a mild case of brickbats, but it’s a liberal variety that fades fast and leaves no mark.
Right now I’m feeling pretty good about my decision, but it’s too bad about those do-gooding border-crossers who have to cool their jets for three weeks in the Tent of Shame.
But at least they can catch up on their reading, eh?
OH MY GOD, I’ve GOT IT!
I told AC/CC it is an extremely dicey business to try to protect one’s self against criticism. There isn’t a drug, action, attitude or isolation suit that has been proven 100% effective. Some people choose another route and actively seek out criticism because they think getting disparaged will make them stronger. But in the end we all succumb, and it’s nice when there are a few left who are willing to say good things about us at our funerals.
But that’s just one opinion. What do YOU think, Dr. Babooner?