Storm Porn!

Today’s post comes from Bart, the bear who found a smart phone in the woods.

Having the Internet through this phone is good, but there’s a lot of stuff I can see on it that doesn’t interest me much.

Like all that human porn.

He Found a Smart Phone in the Woods
He Found a Smart Phone in the Woods

What I see there is animals without much hair, making faces and wriggling around. What’s that about? I mean, I get what it’s about, but when you live in the woods like I do, you can see that kind of thing going on right in front of you with all the deer, raccoon, muskrat, chipmunks, etc. Don’t get me started on those chipmunks. If they spent more time looking for food or sleeping, there wouldn’t be so darn many chipmunks!

But when it comes to reproduction, it’s just not that interesting. The only time I watched for more than a few seconds was when I saw a couple of porcupines getting together because, you just have to wonder about that, y’know?

All the porn on the Internet just says to me you people aren’t really connected in any real way to nature. If you were, basic stuff like that wouldn’t be so fascinating. Maybe you need to get out more. Then it wouldn’t be so simple to get you to look.

But the thing that really gets my attention on the Internet is when there’s a storm coming! Now THAT’s exciting.

When a big snowstorm is building up, I can’t turn away. I mean literally, I can’t turn away because I LIVE IN THE WOODS!

And the worse it’s expected to be, the more I wanna watch, especially if I’m hibernating. Then it’s really fun to snuggle down into my hidey hole so I can see it come in on the radar, looking all mean and colorful and blotchy.

If I’m not hibernating, I go looking for a place to hang out until the worst is over. Note to all you folks who spent yesterday working in the yard – don’t forget to leave your tool sheds unlocked!

Your pal,
Bart

How do you prepare for a snowstorm?

88 thoughts on “Storm Porn!”

  1. Dig out the shovel and car brush broom, stock up on food and wine, latch all the windows, confirm the plow guy, and settle down with one of a hundred books not yet read.

    l heard that the average November temp is 45 degrees – what the hell’s happening? 14″ for our first snowfall????

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  2. Good morning. I’m preparing for this storm by crossing my fingers and hoping there won’t be any problems associated with it. I know I should be better prepared. I even bought a gas powered electric generator to use in case of power failure last year. I should have that generator ready to go. I don’t. The gas cans that contain the fuel for running the generator are not full and I haven’t tried out the generator to make sure it runs.

    The nice weather we have been having this fall seems to have given me a false hope that the weather would not turn bad. I have been slowly getting the garden ready for winter. Yesterday I did manage to do some of the last things needed to take care of the garden. I guess I haven’t completely ignored the storm warning.

    We usually stock up on extra food when a bad storm is on the way and we didn’t do that this time. However, our food stocks are never too low so we really didn’t need to go out and get extra food. Somehow, we seem to not be taking the storm warning very seriously which could be a mistake.

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  3. A lot of people prepare by cancelling events. When I was a child, there were a lot fewer events and in the wilds of the western Iowa plains, we lived far enough apart that gathering together was a real treat.

    Now, in the City, I find being told I must stay home to be a real treat. The habit of having a pantry full of food and plenty of toilet paper (seriously-who are those people panic buying TP?).

    I did get the shovel out and put it on the porch last night.

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  4. Darling Husband finished clearing the garage of the summer stuff this weekend so I can park in it. (Bikes tucked away, hoses moved to the basement, the Tetris of boxes containing trampoline parts created…) Nice to know that I can head out this morning to a snow-free car. Maybe not such a big deal to the average 2-car garage household, but for us tiny single-car garage owners, it is a challenge and a treat to make room for the car. Good thing I drive a smallish car.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I finally was able to make space in our small garage for our car. It just barely fits. I had planned on making more room for the car. However, that was another one of those things I put off because I didn’t seem to understand that it was time to get my winter preparations completed.

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  5. I turn off the weather channels and go about my business. 😉

    Seriously, I did clean the garage, mow the lawn, and composted the last of the leaves and grass.More a function of golf season being over than an imminent storm, though.

    Chris in Owatonna

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  6. Since we seem to be embarking on a second straight colder than average winter (and I concede that it’s way too early to predict that with certainty), wouldn’t it be a bizarrely twisted joke by Mother Nature if the global warming crisis somehow produced a mini ice age? (Remember the 1970s and early 1980s? All I remember is lots of super cold temps and tons of snow.)

    Just wondering.

    C in O-town

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    1. I read something in Scientific American this past year that says global warming will actually lead to more of these bigger snowfalls because there is more moisture in the atmosphere. Hmmm…..

      I actually took the shovels out of the garage last week when I did my big autumn clean-up fur I did hurry home yesterday (after I went to a Downton Abbey Tea) to finish all the raking.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I was just listening to a Bill McKibben audiobook, Oil and Honey, in which he talks about huge rainfall amounts that dropped on Vermont in 2011. Yes, global climate change has put more moisture in the atmosphere, resulting in more extreme weather events. Unfortunately, we can’t send the moisture where it’s needed. It just drops where it will.

        The Bill McKibben book was suggested by Jim for BBC. I got it from the library – could not locate Tribes.

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        1. The Mckibben book is the most recent one by him and covers his latest work on educating the public about the great need for action to deal with climate change. As a person who is very concerned about climate change, I think that it is a book that everyone should read or listen to the audio version.

          I have a copy of Tribes that I haven’t started to read. It isn’t a long book. I might be able to lend that book to you to read before the next meeting of the book club after I get done with it, Linda.

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        2. I have a friend in Vermont who experienced that rainfall and flooding that year. Then the next summer she was in Duluth during that flood in June. I saw her in duluth in 2012; I left for mpls. the day before the flood, but her flight home was scheduled for a couple days after I left. You have to wonder about the chances of one person experiencing the “flood of the century” in two different states, just a few months apart.

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    2. Just a gentle reminder that “global” extends beyond the great Middle Kingdom of the Upper Midwest, with Minnesota at its center.

      I believe part of our extreme winters has to do with the melting of the ice caps. All that water has to go someplace, it can’t all result in immediate coastal flooding.

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  7. I prepare for a storm by reducing everything in the storm warning by 50-75%. Our local most congenial meteorologist, who lives in thsi building, doubts we will get an inch. But some freezing rain is likely.

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  8. I make sure I am at home. We cut our trip to Luverne short by a day since I saw a storm was coming and would hit our town half a day before we were to get back. I confess that I neurotically check weather and road conditions as I hate driving in bad weather. The grocery stores are packed at the first mention of a storm coming. Our newer residents from warmer climates are horrified and amazed by our snow storms.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Over the years of living alone and becoming weaker, l’ve instituted a process to deal with heavy snow. l go out almost every hour while it’s still coming down and shovel a path around my car and down the steps. A hired plow guy takes care of my 200′ driveway eventually. lf l waited until the snow stops, then tried to shovel, l simply wouldn’t be at all able to move it.

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    2. oh ill bet thats a kick. all those big tough cowboys afraid of the wind ands the snow. what a bunch of weenies. a foot of snow, 40 mile an hour winds for months on end and temperatures 50 degrees colder than a month ago. sleeping in the car won’t be near as much fun as it was in september and october. wait until winter sets in. the wimps will be whining that the oil fields are not all they’re cracked up to be.

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  9. I know I am too literal about these things, but Dale, how does Bart recharge his phone? And by now isn’t it hopelessly out-of-date? Where does he live that he is that close to a cell? Hasn’t the account on the phone he found long been closed by now, after all these years? Won’t snuggling up with the phone upset his hibernation?

    Too many worries and questions in this scenario.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. In the words of the Mystery Science theme song:

      If you’re wondering how he eats and breathes
      And other science facts,
      Just repeat to yourself “It’s just a show,
      I should really just relax…”

      🙂

      Liked by 4 people

      1. Yes, BiR, I believe you are correct. He used to only have a cell, now he has a smartphone.

        Doubtless some camper has also mislaid a solar charger.

        As for the account, this is probably a “friends and family” account and the person who lost the phone is too embarassed or afraid to admit it to the person paying the bill.

        Does that cover it all?

        Liked by 3 people

    2. write your own story clyde where the bear finds an phone and it doesn’t work. this blog has its slow moments but not that slow.
      a bear found a phone in the woods. the end

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  10. As you drive north of Brookings, SD you find yourself on top of and then descending the Buffalo Ridge, aka the Coteau des Prairies, which has to be the windiest place I know of. It is not a place to be when it is snowing and blowing. We did that once last January and I will not do it again.

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  11. My daughter tells me that in most winters Portland does not get a snowstorm that leaves snow on the ground. That happens maybe one year in three. When it does happen, of course, such a snow will shut the city down for one to three days. The city only owns a handful of snowplow, and it doesn’t try to clear the streets . . . just a handful of major streets.

    I live near the top of Mount Scott. Molly tells me that if a storm is forecast that will leave snow on the ground, I will not be able to leave home. The only road out of here goes down a hill steep enough that even an all-wheel-drive vehicle like my Outback will not be able to go up or down the hill. So I’m supposed to keep a wary eye on forecasts. If a snowstorm is likely, I need to lay in a supply of groceries and prescription pills to see me through several days until the snow melts.

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    1. i know for a fact your car will make it up and down the hill with no problem. you can show molly how wrong she is when you drive over with a rear cargo area full of snowballs

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      1. portland is famous for the ice storms that takes out the telephone lines. you would think they had amnesia. they act like it never happened before then you research it and find it was within the last couple of years i used to be that way when i smoked a lot of weed too. i like portland

        Liked by 1 person

  12. This time around, we fled town. Actually, we’re in Chicago for a 100th birthday celebration yesterday. No snow here as yet, and still pretty mild temperatures. Today we’re headed for Fort Wayne, Indiana, and from there to Mansfield, Ohio. Presumably, at some point we’ll realize that there’s no escaping snow and head back home. As of right now, hopefully our neighbors are dealing with it. How much is on the ground in St. Paul

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Not that much on the ground here. Mostly slush. It’s the kind of snow you need to shovel because if you don’t it’ll freeze in a slippery layer on the walks and defy removal after a cold night.

      The deep snow seems to be going north of here.

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  13. Morning-
    Poking my head up for a moment. Don’t think I’m not keeping an eye on all of you even if I’m not saying anything.

    Corn went out last week and I finished chisel plowing all the corn ground Saturday night about 6:30. Threats of a pending storm pushed me to work a little longer, harder and faster.

    Sunday morning I filled all the tractors with fuel, added diesel supplement or fuel stabilizer as needed, mowed roadsides, got the driveway markers in and moved the snowblower into the shed.

    This morning I picked up the last outside hoses, put the pressure washer in the well house and moved the remote thermometer to the floor to monitor freezing temps in the well house.

    The neighbors took their cattle back to their place from my pastures and the guy with the two miniature horses at my place is getting them set up with hay and water in the pole barn.

    The chickens just go about their business. I did give them some new straw bedding.

    I haven’t got the snow fence up yet but that always seems to be a Thanksgiving Weekend job. I think after this first cold spell it will warm up again giving me a chance to do the snow fence… knock on wood, fingers crossed.

    Course I won’t really be set until I pick up another bottle of Caramel Baileys Irish Cream and another of Honey Whiskey.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Reading your chores, l’m worrying about my daughter’s situation. She cares for 93 horses daily, 60 of whom are pasture horses, the rest stall horses. She’s up every day by 3:30AM to pick stalls, fill water buckets, spread manure and let the horses out of stalls

      When there’s a snow dump, she also has to use her little bobcat (3′ wide bucket) to plow for at least 8 hours. This is in addition to the other daily tasks!

      And, would you believe, she just began full-time nursing school two months ago? This 50-year old woman is amazing (and exhausted). l forgot to mention that she’s also a single mom to five.

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    2. Among my clearest childhood memories are that rush before freeze up: to get all the root crops hauled in, in early years across the kitchen and down the ladder into the cellar. All the water line and temperature tracking issues Ben names.
      The feeling of coming into the warm kitchen rushing to get stuff done out in the first cold evening.

      Liked by 2 people

    3. It reads like more than it really is.
      Plus I’ve got it easy compared to the days I was milking cows.

      Most pasture animals can survive outside with out too much trouble as long as they can get out of the wind and they have access to water. A heavy winter coat helps but it still takes a lot of energy to stay warm so water and food are important.

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        1. Barb says they are prepared physically but not emotionally. About 7 inches at 5 p.m. and still coming down. She says the good news is that they don’t have to go anywhere except the barn!

          Liked by 1 person

    4. as long as the ground doesn’t freeze too bad so sinking the poles for the snow fence is a chore or do you have a thing on the back of the tractor that pounds them in? i have one of this pole pounders and love it.

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  14. I should also mention that the other key preparation made yesterday (along with ensuring that Daughter had boots that fit) was the purchase of a new snow saucer. Dollars to donuts Miss S will want to be out on it tonight or tomorrow evening at the latest. Husband is already fretting about how to get the back yard ice rink started – another sign we are in winter. But the real preparation is ensuring that Daughter has a way to slide down a hill in the snow in the manner she prefers. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  15. There – got interrupted by first round of snow removal and the things that we hadn’t done yet:
    – storm window on attic window
    – winterizing the screen porch, which consists of putting waterproof cover on the futon, and bringing in all other fabric items, then installing the winter door to the “indoor porch”
    Still to do :
    – bringing rest of the lawn furniture and potting supplies in the shed
    – more raking and removal of dead stuff, though I guess that will keep till spring
    Good thing Husband got the rest of the potatoes from the garden… Ha ha, critters, we DID get something you didn’t.

    Query – if the geranium out on the front stoop still worth bring into the basement, or do I just let that one go?

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  16. My preferred method of dealing with snowstorms is to hibernate.

    Unfortunately, my body is not set up to sleep weeks at a time, so I do other things that make me feel cozy: naps with a kitty by my feet, read books, visit bookstores or libraries, hot drinks (I got some bailey’s last week, so I can make homemade hot cocoa with a splash of bailey’s – until the cocoa runs out), make soups and homemade bread. Gingerbread sounds awfully good, too.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Only because I bought the Bailey’s just a few days ago and I was low on cocoa already and haven’t bought more. I used up a fair amount last week when I made browned butter cocoa brownies.

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  17. Oh frabjous day! When the roads are bad outside of town, it means that the plumber has to stay in town and has time to come to my house and fix/replace 4 faucets! He has been here all afternoon!

    Liked by 3 people

  18. I am also proud to report that we successfully loaded, transported , unloaded, and set up my parents’ grandfather clock in our dining room. it is chiming the correct time and nothing got busted, bent, or scratched.

    Liked by 5 people

  19. I had an event scheduled for this evening that was canceled, so I did not have to devote any time to preparing for my participation in it. I am able to put that off till next week. Also tomorrow morning’s meeting has been canceled, so all the pressure is off.

    The unexpected gift of time prompted me to put new tires on the car today. It cost $28 bucks extra because I did not have a wheel lock key. The seller of the car didn’t give me one and I had no idea there was such a thing until the mechanic explained it to me. Ah, brave new world, in which you cannot have your tires replaced without unlocking your wheels first.

    I’m slightly embarrassed to say I waited till yesterday to remove the bedroom air conditioner upstairs and close all the storm windows and (hastily) plant the last of the tulip and narcissus bulbs.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. There are videos available online of porcupines mating. I am surprised Dale missed that link. And contrary to what the Russ believes, the male is waits for a yes.

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  21. l spent a long spent a lot of time today calling all over trying to find snow plowing for my daughter only to learn that it’d cost a minimum of $200 per snowfall. l was going to surprise her and cover the winter’s problem, but that’d take more money (along with SS) than l’m living on. l’d do anything for Mary, but food comes first!

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