Many babooners will remember in Arlo Guthrie’s Alice’s Restaurant Massacree from the late 1960s. One detail that always tickled me was that The Police located them after finding one of their names on an envelope at the bottom of the pile of garbage they’ve thrown over a cliff.
Well, laugh all we want: I found this recently in the Police Blotter from the Winona Post (our twice-weekly rag also called “The Shopper”):
- At 6:21 p.m. deputies received a report of garbage dumped illegally on McArthur Ravine Road. Deputies located a shipping address in the trash, and made multiple attempts to reach M___ A___ of Plainview, MN, without success. M. A. was mailed a citation for illegal dumping.”
Husband and I have been reading the Police Blotter lately, mainly for comic relief from the grim and alarming news that we encounter elsewhere. Here are some gems (italics are my own reactions):
- At 10:07 a.m. an adult male moved furniture from a vehicle and dumped it on his lawn… (More shades of Alice’s Restaurant)
- At 3 p.m. an adult male reported that the key to the trunk of his vehicle had been stolen from his keyring inside the vehicle, parked on the 650 block of W. Sarnia St. (Remind me to not leave my keyring IN the car…)
- At 8:46 a.m. officers received a report from an adult female that her car had been scratched on the hood and door while parked near County Road 12. (Must have been a slow day.)
- At 7:30 p.m. deputies received a report of the theft of a goat from an adult female in Altura. The woman reported that one juvenile presented the goat to another juvenile, and when the two ended a relationship, the first juvenile requested the return of the goat, but the second party would not comply. Deputies recommended that the parties involved resolve the matter civilly. (If this solution works, maybe we can do away with courts, jails, etc.)
And my personal favorite:
- At 5:03 p.m. an adult male on the 200 block of E. Garvin Heights Road reported that 40 goats with pink spots were in a field near his home. The reporting party believed the goats had been fired on with a paintball pistol. (I am speechless; for the entire story: )
Anything fun or interesting in your paper’s Police Blotter report?
When have you noticed that life imitates art?