2025, animals, home, Uncategorized

Bully

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The Mourning Dove in the header photo built a nest on the light next to our front door. She is a sweet little thing who has been sitting on successive eggs all summer. She never leaves messes on the deck, and sits on the nest even when we sit out on the front deck. We consider her our spirit animal.

One of the first real estate agents who showed our house told our real estate agent that we needed to get rid of that nest. Our agent, a real animal lover, reluctantly relayed the information to us, and said she didn’t agree that the nest had to go. She is just ethically bound to let us know comments from other agents. We told her that as long as we own the house the bird stays. She was quite happy with that news.

Ever since we have had our house on the market we have scrupulously cleaned, patched, dusted, vacuumed, scrubbed and tried to make the place look really good. I admit the kitchen and bathroom cupboard fronts need a good cleaning, but it isn’t all that noticeable, and we are having some nice women in later this week to do that as well as scrub the kitchen ceiling above the stove to get rid of grease stains. The agent who complained about the bird showed our house a second time, and then told our agent that our house needed a really good “deep cleaning”.

Our agent relayed this to us, but stated that she didn’t agree, and thought we were immaculate housekeepers. She added that she was never going to allow the complainer into her house. Our agent then told us the complaining agent lived just a few houses from us across the street, and that the complainer had also told our agent that she wanted to make sure that the people who bought our house were people she would want as neighbors. Her house, a new build, is always perfectly landscaped and pristine. There are children, but we never see them.

Well! I don’t know this person and have never met her, but since all the agents who show the house leave their business cards, I know her name. I asked some work colleagues if they knew her. Their responses were really fascinating. One of my coworkers had actually worked in the same long term care facility with the agent several years ago, and knew her sister in law really well, and described her as a terrible bully both at work and in her family. Another coworker stated she had heard awful things about the agent, all related to being a bossy, judgemental bully. Living in a small town has its benefits.

I admit I feel bullied by this person, but I am not taking her criticisms to heart, and I hope that whoever buys our house are even more radical gardeners than we are, and set up bird feeders and bird houses all over the property!

Who have been the bullies in your life? How did you deal with them?

29 thoughts on “Bully”

  1. Chester. He had been “held back” in elementary school. Big kid. He ruled the school playground and gave me a nickname that I won’t share. We lived just a block from the school and Chester lived right next door to the playground ground. One day my sisters came running home crying after being pushed off the playground by Chester. It was his territory. I went ballistic and ran down the block screaming and he began to flee. He made it up the steps to his place but I grabbed his shirt and hanked him to the ground. His mother came out yelling at me. She saved MY life. Chester would have slaughtered me easily. The good thing was that we were never bothered by him again. Much later, I read that Chester V ended up in the North Dakota State prison.

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  2. A kid named George (last name withheld to protect my ass in case he reads this blog). Junior high. He always seemed to be mad at everybody and ready for a fight. I don’t remember what I ever did to antagonize him, but one day he pushed me over the bench in the locker room onto the floor and challenged me to a fight. Of course he was bigger and tougher than me, so I didn’t get up and try to fight. I think he left me with some sort of warning about not messing with him again. End of story. I always wondered why, and now I wonder whatever became of him. Wouldn’t surprise me if he ended up in a similar situation as Chester V.

    All I can figure is a 13 y.o. kid who’s that pissed off at the world must have had a lousy home life, like his dad beating him regularly. Or worse.

    Chris in Owatonna

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    2. When I was a kid my parents had an album by Connie Francis and Hank Williams Jr. The record company paired them up to sing some country/pop duets. One of the songs was Mule Skinner Blues – the first time I ever heard that song. My recollection is that Connie Francis quite nailed it.

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  4. This will be an interesting day – I’m thinking, and cannot recall anyone bullying me. Challenged in a discussion during a college class, I guess, but… Will see if anything else surfaces.

    I wonder if the women will have fewer bullying memories than the men.

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  5. In junior high school I was part of a “popular” clique with about 8 other girls. Three of those girls decided they didn’t really like me and made hurtful comments. I even received an “anonymous” letter saying I should change my hair, wear different clothes, etc. so people would like me better. That was soul crushing to a 13 year old. I stopped hanging around with that group (though I remained friends with a couple of them) and started hanging out with a different set of classmates who were much nicer. I am still friends with most of them and will see them soon at our 55th class reunion.

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  6. There was a girl in grade school in Owatonna who started her own little “kicking club,” a group of some of the more popular girls in our class. When we were all out on the playground, they would try to kick some of the girls like me who were a little nerdy. A friend and I went down the hill to a big tree and played in the shade down there so that we could avoid being kicked. We both were truly scared of this girl – not so much her little clique, but the girl herself.

    The worst bully in my life, though, was my supervisor in Waterville. I think he was a malignant narcissist like someone else we all know. I never had met anyone more self-absorbed before I met this man, and I hope I never do again. He was cruel when he didn’t get his way. He expected me to do things for him that he had no right to expect. Last I heard, he got deported back to Canada and can never return to the US, even for a brief stay.

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  7. The neighborhood bully when I was young was Jerry. He was a year or two older than my cohort and didn’t interact with any of us except to terrorize. To the best of my memory, I was the only one to stand up to him ( and I got pounded). Inspired by earlier comments, I researched him a little to see if he served time or anything. That doesn’t seem to be the case but I ran across other interesting information, such as the 1950 census that shows him with his mother and sister and father, whose name was Carlson, but his birth certificate lists another man as his father. Carlson didn’t die until well into the 2000s and I found no evidence of a divorce but that must have happened. The man on his birth certificate became his mother’s second husband and I suppose he might have adopted his wife’s son but would the birth certificate (which would have been filed years earlier)reflect that?
    At any rate it sounds like an irregular and possibly unhappy home life which may explain a few things.

    At my last corporate job, the CFO was a bully, in that he would wait until he had an audience, as in a meeting, to berate an employee. At the time, I was manager of a small group of people. Whenever that CFO would go after one of my staff, I would claim responsibility for the problem. He knew, I think, that my claim was perfunctory, but he couldn’t do anything about it.

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  8. The only thing I remember close to bullying was Tom H. in 3rd-4th grade who teased me a lot on our way to/from school, called me British Redcoats (my last name was Britson). One time when we were standing in line, he grabbed at my crotch. I moved to a different school after 4th grade.

    I was teased by a kid in 6th grade, when we’d moved to a new town, but I think it was because he “liked” me. Ran into him again at Iowa State with no incident.

    I also can’t think of any bosses who were bullies – just incompetent…

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  9. In my experience girls are just a likely to be bullies as boys, and during my childhood I experienced both.

    The worst was my first year in middle school. I had returned to Stubbekøbing public school after three years at the boarding school in Nykøbing. Two of the girls in my class had gotten it into their heads that I was stuck up and needed a comeuppance because I had gone to a private school.

    Because I had skipped a grade, was a year younger than my classmates, and didn’t know any of them, I was quite shy and kept to myself. For months these two girls would lie in wait for me on my way home from school and physically attack me. I defended myself as best I could, but lived in constant fear of those two girls; their attacks were an almost daily occurrence. To make matters worse, mom would beat me when I got home because my dress would be torn or dirty. This went on for months and didn’t stop until my parents sold our house and we moved to Lyngby.

    Three years later, I spent my summer vacation with an aunt and uncle in Stubbekøbing. My uncle, Leo, was as a house painter/wallpaper hanger who worked for a small local firm with whom he had also served his four-year apprenticeship. His boss and mentor was the father of one of the two girls who had tormented me earlier. Neither Leo nor his boss knew about this.

    I’ll never forget Leo coming home for lunch one day and reporting that his bosses daughter had been killed that morning riding her bicycle. She had swerved into the path of a car overtaking her and her friend on a slight incline. I drew a secret sigh of relief, and had a hard time pretending that I was devastated by this tragic accident.

    To this day I struggle with the realization that my fear and hatred of this girl had such a lasting impact on me that I did not feel sad or sorry for her untimely demise.

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  11. If I’ve told this before, apologies.

    In 8th grade I decided I wanted to be called Sherri Lee (my first and middle names). This was not an easy change for anybody and as a result, I did correct folks. Probably a lot. One day I corrected the gym teacher and apparently it was a bit much for a cadre of girls of which I was not a part. As we were all leaving the gym, I felt a good-sized slug in the middle of my back and as these girls skipped by me, the biggest one said “oh, sorry… Sherri Leeeeeeeee”. Unfortunately my first reaction was to hit her back, exactly the same way/force she hit me and say “no problem, Betteeeeeeee”. Not my smartest move. She went ballistic, throwing her books down, swinging at me and practically frothing at the mouth. She threatened to beat the tar out of me after school. I was terrified but after thinking about it for the last two hours of school, I decided just to walk home and take what came. That was the longest walk home ever. She never came near me or spoke to me again. Phew!!!

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    1. I had one of that type of setup as a high-school junior. Somehow it got around that Mike and I were going to have a fight. I have no idea why. Mike had a cleft lip and got a lot of abuse for that but NEVER from me. I suspect jealousy because before that time I’d accompanied the hottest gal to the prom (a story I’ve told before).
      I just kept my head down and waited things out. Nothing ever happened. I don’t know if Mike was even aware that we were to be fighters. I cannot imagine what that would have been like with access to social media instead of simple word of mouth gossip.

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  12. I remember a couple bullies from Jr High. Roger was the worst.
    I tended to mouth off in high school. While in band, during a football game I mouthed off to Bob. Bob made some threats, I think we were both in 10 or 11 grade. Dennis, a senior, stood up and told Bob to sit down and shut up.
    Who was the bully in that case?

    40 some Years later, There was Dennis as the Emercency Dept doc on one of my visits. I told him how he saved me way back when. The nurses loved hearing that story. Dennis is still just as nice.

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  13. i grew up in the rebel without a cause era and tough was cool. i hung out with kids 3 or 4 years older because i was an exceptional gang member who offered stimulating insights. if another gang wanted fo offer up a challenge i was the one they wanted to throw down the gauntlet to. tire irons chains and steel toed boots were the rumors but it always turned out to be fistfights. i got a rep as a tough guy even though usually it turned out to be a no show or if fists did fly it was a two minute brawl. i think it was michael spinks who said everyone has a plan until you get hit in the nose and see stars. i was lucky and had good enough after stars response that i didnt end up fighting much. bullies were around but my friends looked after me and i dealt with what i needed to when it came around. those tire irons and chains and steel toed shoes always concerned me but never showed up.

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  15. GORILLA

    Since I brought my gorilla to school,

    Everyone’s nicer to me.

    The teacher’s more pleasant,

    The kids bring me presents,

    The principal serves me

    Bran muffins and tea.

    If I’m tardy, they say, “Oh, don’t worry.”

    If I’m absent, they don’t give me a hoot.

    If my desk is a mess or I’m sloppily dressed

    Or I snooze on my desk,

    Or I cheat on a test, they say,

    “Isn’t that cute.”

    If I don’t know my lessons,

    I just take a guess and whatever I guess,

    Teacher screams out, “That’s right!”

    And big bully Slick

    Has been stayin’ home sick,

    Afraid that I’ll trick him right into a fight.

    I’m welcome to munch upon anyone’s lunch,

    And I was just voted “Most clever and cool.”

    Though I chew gum and play,

    My report card’s all As

    Since the day I first brought

    My gorilla to school.

    – Shel Silverstein

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