Category Archives: Mysteries

Let’s Speculate!

The first bookstore that I worked in was teeny.  Teeny tiny.  Because we were so small, we did not have any subsections of Fiction.  Romance and science fiction and mystery were all filed together by author with the “regular fiction”.  I don’t ever remember this being a problem.  My next store was larger; Romance and Science Fiction got their own shelves but Mystery was still mixed in with Fiction.  By the time I got the store #1 at Southdale, even Mystery had a neighborhood of its own.

I remember when Fantasy started being differentiated from SciFic (although it never had its own section when I was in stores).  And I also remember when I first started hearing folks use Literary Fiction as a subgenre.  (This one always bothers me because it sounds kind of snooty.)  And although I’ve never seen it listed anywhere officially (although I’m sure it’s out there), I’ve used Dystopian Fiction myself for books like Station Eleven and Red Rising.

Last week when I was in Barnes & Noble I turned a corner and found two big tables of “Speculative Fiction”.  This is a new one on me.  The signs said “the perfect mash-up of your supernatural, fantastical, magical and futuristic dreams.”  Doesn’t this encompass fantasy and science fiction and maybe even dystopian?  Fellowship of the Ring was on the table – I would clearly call that Fantasy.   Both of Andy Weir’s books (The Martian and The Hail Mary Project (both excellent by the way)) were piled up.  I would absolutely call both of those Science Fiction.  Station Eleven was on the other table.  I would put that in Dystopian since it’s not supernatural, fantastical or magical.  Wouldn’t Mystery fall into Speculative?  I was thinking that just about every fiction title might qualify for Speculative.  Except the romances – as they pretty much always end the way we think they will.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not actually against putting books together by fairly specific genres; it does help folks find books they might like.  But Speculative seems to be a more expansive genre rather than a whittled down category.  Not sure it will help, but it was a nice sign.

Do you have a title that you think qualifies for the Speculative Fiction section?

Alternative Histories

The holidays brought me a nice cache of giftcards so yesterday I had a “gift card day”.  Dunkin for breakfast on the way to knee therapy.  Blicks Art Supply.  Barnes & Noble.  Taco Bell.  A great day.

I spent about an hour wandering around Barnes & Noble.  As a dedicated library patron, I have to admit that I haven’t been inside a bookstore since last year when Jacque’s sister was signing her latest book at Once Upon a Crime.  Nothing against bookstores but my pocketbook prefers the library system.

Anyway…  as I was checking everything out, I found two tables that had various history books piled up.  I’m assuming that B&N stores get table recommendations from headquarters with a few title suggestions but that most of the books are picked for display by store employees.  (That’s how it was back in my day in the bookstore.)  The history tables had the look of employees having a bunch of fun.  History of the World in Twelve Shipwrecks, History of America in Ten Expeditions, History of the World in Six Glasses.   Clearly this is a trend and it reminded me of a couple of titles I’ve read – A History of the World in 100 Objects and Orchid Muse: History of Obsession in Fifteen Flowers100 Objects started as a BBC radio series – I stumbled upon in once it was published in book form.  It looks at objects from all over the world, from as long ago as 2 million years.  It was absolutely fascinating.  Orchid Muse was a book I read last year as part of my Rivers & Ridges Book Festival experience.  The author was at the festival so I got to hear her speak – a lot of extra little details that weren’t in the book. 

I didn’t realize that history in a set number of lessons was a thing but if you do a quick internet search, you can find a glut of these books.  47 Borders, 50 Books, 50 Failures, 12 Maps, 500 Walks, 50 Lies.  I could go on but this is enough and it makes me wonder if authors are starting out to do a “number of things” or if they have an area of interest and publishers/agents push them in that direction?

Any other suggestions for “History of the World in”…….?

A Good Thing After All…

One Good Thing.  That’s the name of my journal – short and sweet – one good thing a day.  Every now and then if I just can’t whittle it down, then two.  Doesn’t have to be earth-shaking. 

Every now and then, like yesterday, I am just not feeling it.  Gray and cold.  No good news in the world. Found out my supplement program has stopped doing the $50 of pharmacy freebies.  My checks haven’t come in yet.  The mail didn’t arrive.  I started three different books and none of them lit any kind of spark.  Just a crumby day.  What in heaven’s name was going to be my one good thing?

Back in December I went to get my hearing aids checked before my 3-year warranty was up.  It was pretty cursory but when “Opal” (name changed to protect the innocent) asked me if I had downloaded the app, I remembered when Jacque was helping Lou with his hearing aid once at a Blevin’s meeting using his phone.  Opal and I discussed it for a bit, what it could do for me and if it would fit my needs.  And then she said the magic words…. “do you ever listen to audio books?”  You all know I perked up immediately.  Turns out that even without the app, I can have audiobooks (and also my phone) stream through my hearing aids!  Who knew.

My phone does have the Libby app on it already but it hasn’t too useful.  If I had it too loud, YA would comment.  During the summer, when windows were open, traffic made it hard to hear sometimes.  If I would get up and leave the room, I’d have to remember to grab the phone.  I didn’t use this feature often.  But through my hearing aids, it’s a whole `nother world!  No irritating YA, no traffic noise, no having to remember to take the phone.  I can walk all over each floor of my house before I get out of range.  It’s amazing.

This has been life-changing for me and I’m trying not to regret that I spent three years not knowing about this.  Oh well.  Even though Opal clued me into this in December, since one of my “meh” books today was listened to via my hearing aids, I’m gonna take it!

One good thing for anybody else yesterday?

Biting Remarks….

My dental exam was Friday.  Like most folks, I don’t spring out of bed on dentist day, singing with joy and sprinkling my path with rose petals.  Honestly, if I could take a pill and never have to worry about my teeth or go to the dentist again, I’d take that pill every darn day. 

My dental history isn’t all that happy.  I have a small mouth to start with, not really enough room for all my teeth and then when my adult teeth started coming in, we discovered that I had some duplicates.  That meant tarting at the age of 9, I got the first set pulled, then wore retainers.  Then when the second set descended, those got pulled as well.  More retainers.  Then, the eventual braces, followed by more retainers.  During that time, I had another adult tooth that wasn’t breaking through the gum so had to deal with that.  5 years total.

Before marriage to wasband #1, I had my last dental exam while still on my folks’ insurance.  Dentist said all four of my wisdom teeth were there but didn’t appear to be doing anything.  Since my mom’s wisdom teeth never came in, the decision was made to leave them be.  Literally six months later (after wedding and without any dental insurance) all four came in.  They had to come out (small mouth, no room) and three of the four were impacted.

I’ll stop there, but suffice it to say I’ve had plenty more drama – broken tooth, crowns, bridge, more gum issues.  And this is all for a person who brushes and flosses every single night.  For decades.  Did I mention that my dentist growing up was my uncle?  So there was no sloughing off where the teeth were concerned.

Anyway Friday was just a cleaning but as I was laying back, I had to “un-tense” constantly.  It didn’t hurt but every few minutes I would realize that I was tensing up and have to force myself to relax.  At one point the hygienist knocked the tray with her elbow and I just about jumped out of my skin.  She said “it’s OK, you can relax” and I laughed so suddenly that I snorted.  Luckily she didn’t have any implements of destruction in my mouth at the time.  During a little break in the action, I asked her if anyone ever relaxes in the chair, she said “about half”.  That surprised me, I would have thought that most folks can’t relax.  I prefer not to be the outlier in this area.  We’ll see if that desire helps me relax next time around!  Snort.

What do dentists call the x-rays they take of your teeth?

The Early Bird… is just early.

Guesstimating how long a task will take is not one of my long suits. 

Bad estimates happen often when I’m trying to give myself enough time to get somewhere.  Don’t get me wrong – when I’m going from one place straight to another, then I’m pretty accurate.  I like to arrive with a few minutes to spare and this usually works out.  It’s when I add errands to a trip; the more errands, the worse I guess.  Two weeks ago, I had a knee therapy appointment at 7:30 a.m.  At that time of day I know it takes about 15 minutes to go straight there.  I added stopping for gas and estimated 10 minutes for that, then 5 minutes to swing by the post office, 10 minutes for Dunkin Donuts.  Figuring 10 minutes to check in and cough up my co-pay, I decided I should leave the house at 6:30.

Got all my errands done and showed up at my therapy place at 6:50.  My car was warmed up at that point so I sat in the parking lot for 20 minutes listening to my book on CD.  That still left me 20 minutes (of which the check-in/co-pay took 3 minutes…sigh). Good thing I’m a morning person.

The other time this problem rears its ugly head is when I have some chore that I’m not too excited about.  A 10-minute job becomes an hour in my mind, a 20-minute chore becomes an afternoon.  Then the procrastination kicks in.  I found this meme last year on Facebook; I even printed it out and pasted it in my journal.  Whenever I’m putting something off, I TRY to remind myself of this silliness in my nature.  Occasionally it helps

I’m hoping that showing up 40 minutes early for my therapy will be a learning experience but I’m not exactly holding my breath.  You know – that old dog/new tricks problem.

Do you have a good relationship with time-keeping?  Any procrastination problems?

Artificial What?

(Header photo by Word Press’ Artificial Intelligence, version 3 !)

My summer Padawan is always telling me “I asked Chat GPT about…”

I just can’t get over that. He’s asking a computer for relationship advice. I guess it’s faster than asking Ann Landers… And then he tells me he likes it because it’s giving him the answers he wants to hear. Well of course it is! I am just so astounded that he’s taking relationship advice from this thing…and because he’s asking it ‘why doesn’t she love me’ questions, of course it gives him reasons she’ll come back. I told him to ask it ‘Why won’t this girl leave me alone’ and see what it says? I get the typical teenage “Yeah, but!” answers from him. 

Man, am I glad I’m not 19 anymore! Mostly.  

So I asked Chat GPT to write a blog and I gave it some pretty general guidelines; farming, theater, and teenage love. 

It did pretty good! I had to laugh, it wasn’t at all like I write, because why would it be, but it was a very nice short story of “…slipping into a classroom still smelling faintly of hay and diesel that makes you feel both out of place and perfectly rooted at the same time.” 

Then boy meets girl, they go to a show, and, “ We slipped into seats near the front, shoulders brushing, her laughter lighting up the dim room like a sparkler. I couldn’t tell you much about the plot of the play—something about family, love, mistakes—but I remember how she leaned in during the quiet moments and how the stage lights reflected in her eyes.” 

Oh my gosh. I’m gonna start asking this for sweet nothings to whisper in Kelly’s ears! 

So I refined the request a few more times. I asked for more humor and less metaphors. I hate metaphors like a hole in my head. 

It gave me this: 

Being nineteen and in a relationship during winter in Southeast Minnesota is a test that should earn college credit. The farm turns into a frozen obstacle course, the wind rearranges your face, and every chore takes twice as long because everything metal turns into a hand-freezing punishment device. Romance does not thrive in these conditions.

My girlfriend says we need to “communicate more,” which is hard to do when the chickens start yelling at dawn and demand full attention. She thinks the chickens respond better to her voice, which is true only because she gives them treats and I hand them feed like a government-issued ration. She insists this is evidence of my lack of warmth. I insist it is evidence that chickens are extortionists.

The grain farm does not help our relationship. Every time we plan a date, something breaks. This week it was the old tractor. The tractor has the personality of a stubborn old man who refuses to stand up without complaining first. I spent three hours crawling under it, dropping tools, and discovering new ways to swear. She sat nearby on a bale of straw, scrolling through her phone, occasionally offering advice that made sense only if the tractor responded to positive energy.

The real villain of December is Christmas music. The month starts, and suddenly every speaker in existence blasts nonstop jingles. She says it “puts her in the spirit.” It puts me in a state of irritation that could power the whole farm. The worst part is that she sings along. She sings loudly. She sings off-key. She claims my dislike of holiday music is a sign of emotional instability. I claim her playlist is a threat to public safety. This topic has caused more arguments than the chickens, the tractor, and the weather combined.

But we’re nineteen, so we keep trying. Some evenings we sit in the shop, surrounded by tools, feathers drifting around, both of us exhausted. She talks about her day. I talk about which piece of machinery betrayed me. Sometimes she laughs at my tractor stories. Sometimes I almost tolerate her humming.

Our relationship may not be smooth, but we are still standing, even in January temperatures, even with demanding chickens, even with that cursed playlist. And honestly, surviving December together might be proof we’re tougher than we thought.

Not bad. But I want to know why there are feathers in the shop?? Are the chickens living in the shop or did I drag that many feathers in there on my clothing?? Sometimes walking around the college and I’ll find a dry chunk of “dirt” in the hallway with a chicken feather sticking out of it. Yeah, that’s probably mine. But how did the computer know that?

THINK ABOUT AUTOMATION IN YOUR LIFE. WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE NEVER EXPECTED? 

ASK AI (OR ANN LANDERS), TO WRITE SOMETHING. 

How Did This Happen?

Holiday movies are a staple for me.  I wait (sometimes patiently, sometimes not) for the day after Thanksgiving and then I cut loose – holiday movies galore for the weeks.  I prefer older movies although it seems every year or so something pops up that gets added to be stable of favorites.  Last year was Red One.  Three years ago it was The Christmas Chronicles.  Four years ago it was Klaus.  I’ll try any Christmas Carol at least once although Alistair Sims is the top of my list, followed shortly thereafter by Patrick Stewart.  And I simply cannot stay away from White Christmas despite its drecky and implausible plot.

The Bishop’s Wife, Miracle on 34th Street (the original only please) and, of course, It’s a Wonderful Life are still my top contenders; I usually watch these more than once a season.  I had Wonderful Life on last night when YA wandered in.  I was about ¾ of the way through and she said “when does he go to his weird world”?  What?  What?  So I tried to succinctly explain that Clarence the angel was showing George a world in which he had never been born.  This took a bit of explaining.  Anyway, YA stayed for the rest of the movie and asked MANY questions as we went along.  Zuzu’s petals were particularly hard to explain. 

Then we got to the scene in which Harry shows up after flying through a snowstorm (questions about where had Harry been, where did the movie take place).  I’ve probably seen this movie 100 times and I still choke up a bit when Harry says “To my big brother George – the richest man in town”.  YA looked at me in surprise, as if tearing up at a movie you’ve seen before is just too weird to understand.  I suppose we shouldn’t discuss the last line of Princess Bride, should we?

How can YA, at the age of 30 and having lived her entire life under the same roof with me, not know this movie?  Or get a little verklempt at the end?  I feel like a complete failure as a parent!

Watched any holiday movies this year? And do not list Die Hard as a holiday movie.  Just don’t.

Steve Slew a Dragon

Thanksgiving will always be a day during which I stop at least once to think about Steve, who we lost in 2021.  Steve was the first baboon that I met in person; I’ve read all his books; I remember his horror when he realized he had fed me something with chicken stock.  I still miss him on the trail.  Here is another of his posts, one of my favorites from April of 2021.

A friend and I used to discuss troublesome issues in our lives. We called them our “dragons.” Dragons are problems can only be dispatched with exceptional effort and resolve.

Few problems qualify as dragons, which is good. Most of us handle routine problems with routine efficiency.  Alas, some problems are a lot nastier or complicated than others.  Some of us have anxieties that prevent us from addressing certain issues forthrightly. Sometimes problems become entangled with side issues. Throw some procrastination into the mix, and what could have been a baby problem might grow up and begin belching enough fire to qualify as a dragon.

Examples? You don’t gain street cred as a dragon killer for beating a head cold, but beating cancer will earn you respect with anyone. Overcoming any addiction would surely count. The friend referenced in my opening paragraph slew a dangerous dragon when she escaped a marriage that was destroying her soul. From what I’ve read, the nastiest dragon Barack Obama faced down in his two terms as president might have been nicotine.

My most recent dragon should have been no big deal. Last September my computer emitted an electronic scream, seized and died. I had expected that. Computers typically remain healthy and functional for five to ten years. My fifteen-year-old computer was clearly living on borrowed time. I had prepared by backing my data files, although I could not back my applications.

I bought a replacement computer loaded with Microsoft’s Office, a choice forced on me because that is the only way I could get Word, the word processing app I’ve used for thirty-four years. Office costs $70. That is probably reasonable, although it irked me to pay for a suite of ten programs just to get the one program I use. But Microsoft enjoys something like a total monopoly on basic Windows business software.

Microsoft inserts a feature in the Office software that causes it to shut down unless users can prove that they have paid for it. To validate my purchase, I peeled back a piece of tape that covered the confirmation code. The tape ripped the cardboard beneath it, destroying the middle six numbers of a code of about twenty numbers. As it was designed to do, my software soon froze rock solid. I could not create new documents nor could I edit the many files already on my hard drive. Every time I turned on my computer, a niggling message from Microsoft reminded me I had not validated the purchase. As if I could forget!

Worse, there was no way I could contact Microsoft. The company recently eliminated its customer service office. Microsoft now directs customers with problems to some internet data banks that supposedly answer all questions. Of course, the data banks say nothing about what to do when the company’s own security tape destroys a validation number. I learned there are many businesses claiming they can help customers struggling with Microsoft apps. Those businesses didn’t want to talk to me until I shared my contact information or subscribed to their services. Then I’d learn again that my particular problem could not be resolved by anyone outside Microsoft. And nobody inside Microsoft would speak to me.

Over a span of seven months I spent many wretched hours dialing numbers and writing email pleas for help. The shop that sold the computer to me clucked sympathetically but told me to take my complaints to Microsoft. Members of a group called “the Microsoft community” kept telling me it would be easy to fix this issue, but none of them could provide a phone number that worked. While I could have purchased the software again for another $70, the rank injustice of that was more than I could bear.

I finally learned about a set of business applications called LibreOffice, the top-rated free alternative to Office. It is open source software, free to everyone. But people who put their faith in free software often get burned, for “free” often just means that the true price is hidden. I worried that this software would not allow me to edit all the documents I’ve created over thirty-four years of writing with Word. And—silly, silly me—I kept hoping I could find one friendly person in Microsoft who would thaw my frozen software. So I dithered for weeks.

Last week I took a deep breath and downloaded LibreOffice. It loaded like a dream. LibreOffice’s word processor, “Writer,” is friendly and intuitive. Ironically, I like it quite a bit better than Word. With it I can edit all my old Word documents, and I used the new software to write this post.

That particular dragon is dead, kaput and forever out of my life. Other dragons await my attention, malodorous tendrils of smoke curling up out their nostrils. I did not triumph over Microsoft, as that smug firm never even knew it had a conflict with me. Still, I celebrate the way this all ended. When we slay a dragon, the most significant accomplishment might be that we, however briefly, have triumphed over our personal limitations.

Any dragons in your past that you wouldn’t mind mentioning?

What She Said…

At a funeral in September, the father of my deceased friend came over to talk to the rest of us from her book club.  He was proud of how intelligent she had been and how much she had loved reading.  He surprised us by asking us each if we had a favorite book and what character would we like to be in that book.  At the time I answered A Christmas Carol, which I read every December and that I would like to be Mrs. Cratchit.  She was considered a good person but wasn’t a doormat.  This is my favorite quote from her “I wish I had him here.  I’d give him a piece of my mind to feast upon, and I hope he’d have a good appetite for it.”

But I’ve had a couple of months and I have a couple more.  I always admired Helen Burns, the little friend of Jane Eyre who dies from mistreatment at the “school”.  “It is not violence that best overcomes hate – nor vengeance that most certainly heals injury.”  Good words for our current times.

While The Martian is one of my favorite books of all time, I wouldn’t want to be Mark (the main character).  A little too distressing for me.  I want to be Melissa Lewis, the captain of the mission, who turns around when they’re almost back to Earth when they find out that Mark is still alive.  “All right team, stay in sight of each other.  Let’s make NASA proud today..”   Even though I’m sure she got court-martialed when they all got back home, even after saving Mark. 

I’m not sure which character in Wrinkle in Time I would want to be but my favorite quote is early on in the book when Meg’s mother says “But you see, Meg, just because we don’t understand doesn’t mean that the explanation doesn’t exist.”  My hero Neil deGrasse Tyson has said something very similar.

Do you have a character you’d like to be?  Or a good quote from a book you like?

Chop Chop

There has been a karate school a few blocks from my house all the time I have lived here (think going on 3+ decades).  I’ve really never paid attention to it at all.

Well, I got invited there to watch Marie (little girl who used to next door to me) take part in her karate class.  If I had any assumptions before going, they were almost all wrong.

The karate school is woman-owned (not Japanese karate master-owned) with primarily women instructors (not Japanese karate masters).   I saw a bit of three classes – the one before Marie’s, then Marie’s and then the very beginning of the class after.  It was approximately 2/3 girls (not a bunch of Asian little boys).   I actually only saw one Asian kid the whole night.  So much for all my assumptions.  To be fair, all I knew about karate before this was what I learned from watching James Bond movies.

Marie’s class is about 40 minutes long and the very first class was half instruction about when and when NOT to use their karate skills.  Marie is the smallest in her class but pretty feisty.  Another little girl had the karate yell down pat and one of the little boys could hardly wait for the instructor to give the go-ahead for the next move.  They were all very cute.

I did a little searching on the internet and the history/etymology of karate is WAY too extensive for me to even try to parse it.  You’ll thank me for that!

Have you ever learned any karate / judo / taekwondo / sumo??